A/N: Two things before we begin. One, That Gamer has never read The Vinyl Scratch Tapes in my life and he probably never will. Why? I dunno. He might get jealous. Second, the following is an edit done on March 4th, 2014, a year and a bit after the original story's release. So with that in mind, enjoy.
The Lost Vinyl Scratch Tape
Hosted by DJ P0N-3 and Octavia Melody
Featuring special guest Lyra Heartstrings
Recorded in DJ P0N-3 and Octavia's basement February 2nd, 2012
DJ P0N-3: Hello Equestria! Welcome to my show! Yes, it still doesn't have a name, go figure. And here with me is Octavia Melody!... 'Tavia?
[a door can be heard slamming in upstairs]
DJ P0N-3: Oh, it seems she just left. [forced laugh] But that's OK. I'm still here! [poor singing] The show must go on! [normally] Anyways, today, I'm going to have Lyra with me and I'm... [short pause] Going to interview her since Twilight says she's busy. Funny how she's always said that. Anyways, please enjoy my mixes while I go get Lyra.
[a mixtape is put on, with the sounds of DJ P0N-3 going off being only barely audible. DJ P0N-3 and Lyra arguing is audible, but it can't be made out. About a minute or two later, the tape is shut off abruptly]
DJ P0N-3: And here I am, back with Lyra!... Lyra, why are you standing on your hind legs?
Lyra: [in the background] Why aren't you?
DJ P0N-3: Because I'm normal! Now get over here!
Lyra: [mutters something]
[crash]
DJ P0N-3: What was that for?
Lyra: For insulting the way I walk. Anyways, let's get this interview over with.
DJ P0N-3: OK, um... [paper shuffles] How long have you been in PonyVille.
Lyra: Since 2010, like most ponies.
DJ P0N-3: You sound less excited than normal. What's... Uh, the deal?
Lyra: You, alright? If you can't let me be the way I wanna be, then why be here?
DJ P0N-3: [laughter] 'Cause I'm paying you? Why else?
Lyra: You owe me 5 bits.
DJ P0N-3: Yes, yes... Anyways, lighten up. Our listeners wouldn't want to here somepony as depressing as you.
Lyra: ...We're in your basement talking to a tape recorder.
DJ P0N-3: You're ruining the illusion! But anyways, next question... Do you really want to be human?
Lyra: W-wha? No! How did you even find out about that?
DJ P0N-3: Everypony in PonyVille knows that! Besides, I have photos.
Lyra: You don't.
DJ P0N-3: Yes I do!
Lyra: Give them!
DJ P0N-3: I don't wanna!
[crash(es)]
DJ P0N-3: There, now you have your stupid photos! Now can we please continue?
Lyra: Sure. [rip] But first, I have a question for you. Why did you write my name as Lyra Vynn?
DJ P0N-3: Hey, I ask the questions around here! But, since you're wondering, does anypony here remember Vera Lynn?
[beat, interrupted by a cassette clicking on and a cricket sound effect playing]
DJ P0N-3: What, just me?
Lyra: Yeah, just you.
[a door can be heard slamming from upstairs]
DJ P0N-3: I think Octavia's back. Let me go fetch her. [can be heard going off]
Lyra: Wait, what about... [sigh] Fine, I'll take on the host duties. [beat, DJ P0N-3 and Octavia arguing being audible] So I heard something about Princess Celestia... Uh, abandoning her duties to play with an X-Box... Weird, huh?.. [pause, followed by drinking] I didn't know she had so many straws down here. And... [beat] Root beer. And pie. Vinyl's weird.
[DJ P0N-3 comes back]
DJ P0N-3: Octavia quit the show. Hey, gimme my mic back!
Lyra: I didn't touch it.
DJ P0N-3: You're touching my root beer.
Lyra: Hey! I wasn't finished with that!
DJ P0N-3: You can have it after the question. [clinking] Aw, I spilled it. But that's not- My rug! No!
Lyra: It's not important. I thought your motto was "Nothing is real".
DJ P0N-3: Except for the rug! It was really real! It was real as the seventh Element Of Harmony!
Lyra: There is no seventh Element Of Harmony. [can is heard opening, following by drinking]
DJ P0N-3: Nothing is real! If the seventh element is unreal, it makes my carpet real since, if it's unreal, my motto makes it real!
Octavia: [from upstairs] That has no logical reasoning behind it!
DJ P0N-3: Hey, you shut up! You're not even a part of this anymore! Ugh... [bottle is opened, drinking follows] I love P0M Wonderful. All the pomegranate I've come to except from a drink like this.
Lyra: Stop advertising. Remember, the interview?
DJ P0N-3: Right... [papers shuffle around] Uh, let me just skip a couple... Have you always been friends with Bonbon?
Lyra: Since ever. In fact, she's right here.
DJ P0N-3: What the- [cry of surprise] How did Y0U get in here?
Bonbon: Um...
DJ P0N-3: On second thought, never mind. Just stay there and be quiet. If you don't, I'm gonna call up Derpy and get Screwball on yah.
Lyra: Don't you dare threaten my best friend with that weirdo!
DJ P0N-3: [mutters] This is going nowhere. [normal voice] Um, that's all the time we have for you, Lyra... You can leave now.
Lyra: Thank Faust. C'mon, Bonbon. [both leave]
DJ P0N-3: [sigh of relief] OK, so, uh, next on my show, we're going to, um, give you a weather update! [quickly runs upstairs, then back down] It is raining. Over just my place. That is so weird.
Octavia: [from upstairs] If you'd actually look, you'd see that it's raining all over PonyVille.
DJ P0N-3: You're not part of this! Anyways, after these songs, we're going live to street... Once it stops raining, that is... Uh... [awkward pause] I'm a born level puller!
[mixtape, followed by rough cut to DJ P0N-3 outside, which is made obvious by the wind]
DJ P0N-3: OK, now it's time for my street report... It's stopped raining, which is weird, 'cause everywhere else looks dry. Really dry. But, anyways let's, uh, go find somepony to talk to. Like this one! Hey, you, get over here!
Random pony: What, what do you want?
DJ P0N-3: I'm DJ P0N-3 and I'm part of a... Show. Right now I'm doing my street portion!
Random pony: OK. Why are you talking to me?
DJ P0N-3: Oh, right. In my street portion, I um... [tch] Ask ponies my question of the recording!
Random pony: Do I have to?
DJ P0N-3: C'mon! Please?
Random pony: [sigh] Fine, what's the question?
DJ P0N-3: Who were The Rutles?
Random pony: The Rutles?
DJ P0N-3: Yeah, I said The Rutles. [Derpy can be heard faintly in the background] Who were they?
Random pony: I don't know!
DJ P0N-3: You sure? You must know something!
Random pony: No, I don't!
DJ P0N-3: [grunt] Spoilsport.
Random pony: [goes off, muttering under breath]
DJ P0N-3: Well that was weird. Now to find somebody else to ask!
[long silence]
DJ P0N-3: Hey, there's Rainbow Dash! I don't know what she's doing walking, but need somepony to ask! [hoof steps] Hey, Rainbow, can I ask you something?
Rainbow: Not now, OK?
DJ P0N-3: PLEASE? This'll only take a second!
Rainbow: No. Now go away.
DJ P0N-3: Why? What's wrong?
Rainbow: [mutters] I don't want to talk about it.
DJ P0N-3: ...Have you always been wingless?
Rainbow: Uh... [runs off in a hurry]
DJ P0N-3: I was just asking! Bother. Well, I still need to talk to one more pony. [pause] I'm bored. I'm going back to my studio.
[rough cut back to DJ P0N-3's "studio"]
DJ P0N-3: Next up on my show we will- Bonbon, why are you still here?
Bonbon: [with a full mouth] I'm in your basement, eating your pies.
DJ P0N-3: Well no duh! Get outta here!
Bonbon: [swallows] Fine, I'll eat 'em up stairs. [goes upstairs]
Octavia: That vas odd.
DJ P0N-3: I know, right? Anyways, next on our show, Octavia will give us her weekly book review. Now, what book do you have for us?
Octavia: [mutters] I'm still not sure hov you convinced me to come back... [clears throat, normal voice] Vell, regardless, I recently read a book that I'm sure vas trying to rival the Daring Do series and, vhile it wasn't bad, I can't say it vas perfect.
DJ P0N-3: If you're talking about the book I think you're talking about, I loved it! Like, there was this part with the fridge and then there was this explosion! It was like [makes an explosion sound] and the-
Octavia: Vell, personally, I think it's statistically impossible. An explosion vould destroy a fridge, regardless of hov it's made.
[door can be heard opening quietly upstairs, followed by hoof steps]
DJ P0N-3: But it was awesome!
Octavia: Just because it's quote-unquote "avesome" doesn't mean it's good in any relative vay. And aside from that utterly ridiculous moment, the book was sloppily vritten, there vas no flov vhatsoever, and there vere a ton of plotholes. I just couldn't get into it. Overall, it gets two hooves dovn.
DJ P0N-3: Well, I give it... Whatever the opposite of down is! Which is "up". I'm not stupid.
Octavia: If you're not stupid, then Rainbow Dash really is a lesbian.
DJ P0N-3: If she's a lesbian, then Pinkie Pie has wings!
Octavia: Actually, I did see then vhen I vent out earlier, but that-
DJ P0N-3: What's Equestria coming to?!
[somepony is heard coming downstairs, with Bonbon being somewhat audible]
Lyra: [in the background] ...dunno, but I forgot my root beer down here!
DJ P0N-3: Your root beer?! It's mine!
Lyra: [moves closer to the recorder] Yeah, but I opened it.
DJ P0N-3: So?
Lyra: I drank from it.
DJ P0N-3: So?
Lyra: My name is on it!
DJ P0N-3: So?
Lyra: So? It's mine!
DJ P0N-3: 0K. You can have it for ten bits.
Lyra: What the- You owe me five!
DJ P0N-3: Great! Now give me the other five!
Lyra: I don't owe you anything! You owe me!
DJ P0N-3: [laugh] [in a mock British accent] Surely you jest.
Lyra: No, I'm not.
DJ P0N-3: And stop standing on your hind legs!
Lyra: I will walk on my hind legs as long as I want to!
DJ P0N-3/Lyra: [start arguing over each other]
Octavia: Ve'll be right back...
[another rough cut; struggling can be heard in the background]
Octavia: Vell, it seems that Vinyl and Lyra are fighting over that can. Honestly, those two can be so immature sometimes... So, uhm, for nov-
[crash]
Octavia: Uh... So, for nov, I'll be taking hold of this. [mutters] Why am I doing this? Nopony's going to listen this and nopony ever vill! [normally] Um, anyvays-
[crash]
Octavia: Anyvays, I-
[crash, followed by a phone ringing]
Octavia: Vhat in the vorld...? Oh, Vinyl has a phone. I vonder vhen she got that. [presses a button] You're on speaker. Octavia speaking.
Twilight: Hey, Octavia, this is Twilight. Look, I'm having a bit of an-
[crash]
Twilight: Uh, what's going on back there?
Octavia: Nothing. You were saying?
Twilight: Right. So, uhm, I'm having a bit of a problem over here... I... I may have kind of accidentally swapped me and my friend's horns and wings.
Octavia: Hov in-
[crash]
Octavia: Hov in Equestria did you do that?
Twilight: Uhm… Magic does a lot of weird things.
Octavia: One of these days, that excuse isn't going to vork. Regardless though, I hope this is all sorted out soon.
[crash]
Twilight: I wouldn't be using that word... "Soon"... [hangs up]
Octavia: [presses another button] [awkwardly] And that vas Tvilight.
[struggling dies down]
DJ P0N-3: Fine! Y-you can- You can have your stupid root beer! Just get out of my basement!
Lyra: Thanks. [goes upstairs and out the door]
DJ P0N-3: [mutters under breath] That lousy unicorn... Why I oughta-
Octavia: [clears throat]
DJ P0N-3: Oh, right. Next up-
[abruptly cuts out]
Octavia shut off the tape player and gave Vinyl a disapproving glare.
"And how long did you go on for after that?" Octavia asked her house-mate slowly.
"Two hours," Vinyl muttered in reply.
Octavia nodded. "And vhy did you play this on live radio?"
"Because I felt like it," Vinyl muttered.
"Nov you know why I put "Lost" on the front," Octavia told Vinyl, taking the tape out and putting on a box. "Because it vas supposed to be. Never let anypony listen to these ever again, you hear me?"
"Yes, but I can't make any promises," Vinyl laughed quietly.
"Vhat vas that?" Octavia snapped.
"Um... I, uh..." Vinyl stammered. "I, um... You see... I... Sold your cello again?"
Octavia's eye twitched.
A/N: And there's yah go… Yeah. Well, as That Gamer would say, "Bonum nocte et fortuna."