Hey there, this is my second fic, still a total n00b to this but I'm trying. :') Personally I found Fred's death to be one of the most upsetting, so it felt right to write about. The ending isn't too good, so I might redo it in the foreseeable future, but until then, it'll have to stay as it is. Fic is an attempt at angst, George's POV.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all it's wonderful characters do not belong to me, they belong to Queen Rowling.
Also, I apologise for grammar mistakes, I have the tendency to misuse or overuse it sometimes, so do let me know where I've gone wrong, as it'd be greatly appreciated!
The battle is over. It's done.
It's a bittersweet victory.
We've won, and yet the only thing I can see in my mind is my own face.
The face of my brother.
The face of my partner in crime.
The face of my sidekick.
The face of my twin.
And nothing seems real.
I slump to the floor and bury my head in my knees.
I can't control myself anymore, I can't do this.
I'm being swallowed up by a ferocious tide, and I'm screaming, but nobody can hear me.
The only person that would ever fully understand isn't here anymore.
How will I ever look in the mirror again?
How will I get through each day without the one person I was closest to?
How will I survive knowing I was the twin who lived?
The guilt tears through me like thousands of knives each one stabbing a painful lump in my throat. I was the one who lived. You'd think I'd be grateful, but honestly, I'm so angry. I'm so fucking angry that he's not here. I'm so angry that this whole war has taken my brother away. I'm so angry that it had to be him; anyone but him.
Even being here, in my own house feels unnatural and wrong without him here next to me, whispering some mad idea for some farting fancies or whatever else his brilliant mind would come up with.
I can't comprehend this.
My mother walks in.
God, anything but this, please.
I stand up, and try to compose myself because I know she's feeling how I do, if not worse.
She takes one look at me and her lips tremble, her eyes fill up and she doesn't know what to do.
I know what she sees.
I see it too.
I see my own reflection, and I see Fred's face.
I can't even look at myself.
It's a constant reminder, and I can't do anything about it.
There's this knot in my throat and in my chest and I can't breathe properly.
I can't even imagine life without him.
All I can see is grey.
Clouds of faces and ripped pieces of conversation
Memories are running through my head:
Stealing that bewitched map in our first year
Winding up Ronniekins in his first year.
Accidentally growing matching beards in fifth year
Leaving Hogwarts on our broomsticks
Opening our shop.
Our shop.
Every memory I have is with him, and now he's gone, and I'm just supposed to live without him, but I can't. I just can't.
He's everything I've achieved, everything I love, everything I know, and everything I am.
You never think it'll happen to you
Ever.
It's always somebody else, somebody else's family.
Yet here I am, and I'm lost and I don't know how to think or how to feel, or what to say to anybody.
Everything is a blur, and it's moving too fast for me to catch up.
I can't feel anything at all. There's just this ache, and I want to cry, but I can't. I can't cry, not even if I tried. It's like I've been punched in the stomach and I can't quite figure out what exactly is happening.
We were always 'The twins'.
Now what are we?
They say that time makes everything better, but all I can see is the last expression on my brother's face, I can feel the his body against my skin as I try in vain to resuscitate him, I can hear the weeping of my mother, my father, my brothers and my little sister. I don't know how time can heal when the memory is always there, my face will always be there. My birthday-
Our birthday
He won't be there to blow out half of the candles with me anymore.
He won't be the best man at my wedding.
He won't be here to run Weasley's Wizard Wheezes with me.
Why am I talking like this? He wouldn't want this. He'd want us to go and celebrate that Voldemort's gone. He'd want us to be happy.
How can I be happy without you?
I miss you, Fred.