A Present for John Constantine
Disclaimer: I don't own anything not even Chas (sob)
Rating: T for a lot of swearing.
AN: I got this idea from cptn-jacks-bonnie-lass whilst at her house trying to study maths! I know it's really crap! It's supposed to be humorous but I'm not so good at that! Well review anyways and tell me how bad I was!
John Constantine was having one shit ass day! He'd been to three messy exorcisms and to top it all off Chas had disappeared with the car forcing him to walk the 10 or 11 blocks home. He hated the stairs to his apartment they really knocked him for six. His health wasn't all that great these days but what could he do it was an occupational hazard you can't expect him to fight demons and not have a fag after it can you!
"Chas you little shit you better have a god damn good reason…" He stopped halfway through upon entering his small run down apartment.
There Chas was right smack bang in the middle of the room, sitting on the floor, legs crossed in front of him but he wasn't alone.
"Chas what the FUCK is that and why the Hell is it in my living room?" He asked with a scowl on his face.
"Hey John!" His young apprentice said standing up to greet him.
"Stay away from me kid do NOT come any where near me with that thing!" He cried backing away from the teen.
"John don't be that way." Chas pleased with his puppy dog eye's inching closer and closer to the demon hunter.
"Chas I'm fucking warning you if you come one step closer to me with that I WILL kill you!"
Chas couldn't understand John's reaction. He thought he would be pleased and thank him for once in his life.
"You're such an asshole John." Chas said giving up.
He dropped back onto the floor re-crossing his legs and continuing as if nothing had happened.
"CHAS! Get that fucking thing out of here! " John shouted getting very red in the face.
"Shit John I didn't think guy's got PMS" Chas said taking whatever it was John was so afraid of into the kitchen.
"CHAS! Have you gone fucking insane? That is my kitchen! It might not be clean but you are on the verge of contaminating my whole god damn apartment"
"How can you be scared of a little hamster John? I got him for you." Chas said sounding slightly hurt.
John raised his eyebrow at the young boy.
"You got me a fucking rodent? Well, why didn't you just go out into the street and pick up a bloody rat CHAS?" John mocked his voice thick with sarcasm.
"Hey don't shout your upsetting John." Chas said rather tearfully holding the small furry creature to his breast as if to protect it from the noise.
"You named that after me? Well, gee Chas what can I do to repay you?" He asked sarcastically again this time adding a little more anger.
"John! Take a chill pill he's cute you should be honoured!" The kid laughed shaking his chestnut curls from his face.
John shook his head. Wondering what he had done to deserve having such an insane kid living with him.
"Chas please just get it out. Okay"
"No! C'mon John have a heart I like the lil fella!" Chas said sweetly to the new John he was holding in his hands.
"Whatever kid just keep it away from me…" John finally said making his way passed Chas and the ball of fur in his hands.
"I need a drink." He said to himself pouring a large whiskey into a nearby glass.
He gulped it down in one swift motion replacing the glass and refilling it adding a little more this time.
Meanwhile, Chas was making a strange purring noise… Or was that John? Now he was confusing himself he was John… But he was taking about the hamster.
Why the FUCK did Chas buy a bloody hamster? He had finally lost his mind.
"Chas. Chas, Chas, CHAS!" John screamed trying to get his attention.
"What"
"Stop bloody purring!" He shouted taking another large gulp.
Chas began to giggle as the furry critter began to climb along his arm.
"Hey John ain't he cute? You wanna hold him"
"Fuck you." John replied. He had given up.
"I'm going for a bath kid. You let that thing anywhere near me I'll stamp on it then make you peel it off my floor is that clear"
Chas' big brown eyes widened as he got a nasty visual of the poor creature on the bottom of John's shoe.
"Asshole." He muttered under his breath as John made his way into the bathroom.
"Don't worry Johnny I won't let him touch you." He cooed soothingly.
It looked like Chas Kramer had found his calling in life after all they were both very alike. Big brown eyes, cute and fluffy…
After a while of playing with his new friend Chas began reading 'How to take care of a hamster in 10 easy steps'
"Oh this looks interesting Johnny… Says you don't sleep at night…" Chas looked up trying to find what he was talking to.
"John? John"
"CCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!" John screamed from the bathroom evidently he had found what Chas had not.
(Just try and imagine the big goofy grin on Chas' face right now! and you will know EXACTLY whyI wrote this. Hope you liked it! R&R!)