Summary: Legolas and Gimli babysit a cunning Eldarion
Disclaimer: I do not own them for their sanity
A/N: Any reviews will be welcomed, flames will not
Legolas and Gimli wondered why Estel had left so suddenly. He had asked them to come to Imladris, saying he had important business to discuss with them. When they had arrived they had found that Estel wanted to go away for a couple days, and he wished to know if they would look after Eldarion.
"How much trouble could one five year old be Estel?" Legolas had asked. That had been his first mistake, thinking Eldarion innocent.
"He eats, sleeps, and is only three feet tall. I am sure we can handle him." Gimli had offered.
Estel had grabbed his sword, and hugged his friends good-bye. He and Elrond were going away, and even Erestor said he would be leaving. Legolas thought it was odd that Erestor had complained he needed solitude, that perhaps time with orcs would be better.
When they had asked Glorfindel if he were staying he had scoffed at them, and told them he would rather jump into the fires of Mouth Doom naked. He too had gotten atop his horse, and left with the others.
Legolas was beginning to worry, but as he looked at the smiling face of Eldarion, he could not see past the innocent look. If he had he would have seen the twinkle of mischief in his eyes. As it was already close to dinner Legolas ushered Eldarion inside to eat.
Twenty minutes later Legolas walked into the dining hall to find Eldarion already seated and waiting. "I see you are as swift as an elf little one. Where is Gimli, do you know?"
"He should be here soon, I guess," Eldarion said smiling as he piled the ham onto his plate. Legolas sat down and grabbed the ladle for the soup. He ladled his bowl full and asked if Eldarion would like any. Eldarion had shook his head, politely refusing.
Gimli came rushing in breathless minutes later looking very wet. "Excuse my lateness, but someone soaped my floor, and I ended up head first in the tub. Gimli looked warily at Eldarion, but he was cutting his ham into neat, small slices.
"I would like to thank this person, for a dwarf can never be too clean," Legolas said spooning some of the soup to his mouth. The taste was different from what he remembered last time, but he was hungry after his long trip, and he could have been eating a goat for all he cared. After a few grumbles from Gimli he settled in and ate two plates of ham, and a bowl of the soup himself. Eldarion had asked to be excused, but before he could make it to the door both Legolas and Gimli started to turn green.
Eldarion watched from the other side of the room as both of them ran, one trying to knock the other out of the way to be first into the washroom. He saw Legolas push Gimli to the side and rush in, closing the door behind him, and then he heard noises most unbecoming a prince from within. Gimli who stood at the door banging to get in finally relented.
"Be that way elf!" he said as he rushed outside, and into the trees surrounding the courtyard.
Eldarion giggled, and went outside to play. He took his wooden sword his father had carved for him and pretended to battle fierce orcs, until he saw Gimli emerge from the tree line.
"Where have you been for so long Uncle Gimli?" he asked
Gimli who looked rather bad spoke. "I have been one with nature so to speak, giving back to the soil. How about we go for a swim in the river. I wished to be refreshed."
Eldarion squealed at the thought of it, and dropped his sword, following Gimli to the river. Both of them went in, and Eldarion snickered as he watched Gimli ease his backside into the water, sighing with relief. He splashed the dwarf, and Gimli tossed him into the air a few times.
"I am going to see if Uncle Legolas wishes to join us," Eldarion said walking out onto the shore. Gimli humphed, and went back to lying on his back in the warmth of the sun. As the minutes turned into an hour, he wondered what had become of the boy, and knew Aragorn would have his head if he came to harm. Gimli went back to the shore to collect his clothes and found them gone. Shock came over him, but being a bold dwarf he strode out of the water. He noticed the looks from the she elves as he stomped through the courtyard, helmet covering his nether regions, but he was intent on finding Eldarion.
Eldarion saw the dwarf walking into the house from the balcony in his room, and he could not keep in the giggles. Soon he was laughing and rolling around on the floor. "Ada said they cut down many foes in battle, but they must have been small foes," Eldarion thought wiping the tears from his eyes as he laughed.
Dinner was a quiet affair, no one speaking, and Legolas only eating the fruit brought out. His hair was messy, something that had not happened often. "Eldarion, how about a story in the Hall of Fire before bed?" he asked hoping for a quiet night. Never would he admit to being tired out by a mere child, but he had just spent the better part of the day in the bathroom, and the second half trying to console outraged elves whose daughters had seen the naked dwarf stalk through the courtyard.
Legolas and Gimli closed the door to what they thought was a sleeping Eldarion and went down the hall towards their rooms.
"He is a crafty devil, just like Estel," Legolas said to the dwarf.
"Aye, that he is and my thoughts are we better get a good nights sleep for tomorrow."
Both of them closed their doors, not noticing the one down the hall opening, the small head peeking out. Eldarion waited for over an hour in his room, making sure they had time to fall asleep before he crept out. Walking first to Gimli's room he carefully eased the door open.
The dwarf was asleep, facing the wall. Eldarion took the glue and outlined his shape on the bed, and then scattered the feathers along the floor. Smiling in satisfaction he closed the door, and went to Legolas' room.
Eldarion had to admit his Ada was right about Legolas being the fairest elf. His face shown like a thousand stars lighting up the night, and Eldarion stopped to think of what he was about to do. "I wish him to be the fairest of them all," he thought and proceeded to paint Legolas' toenails with the red paint made from berries.
When he was done he laid pair of his naneth's undergarments across Legolas' chest. He was sure his naneth would give him a weeks time in his room to think about what he had done, but Eldarion only snickered at the sight of it. Admiring his work for a minute, he carefully shut the door, and walked back down the hall to his room. Closing the door he laid down on his bed, covering himself up, and splashing some water on his face from the basin next to the bed. Then he let out a bloodcurdling scream he knew would send all the help, and Legolas and Gimli running.
Gimli rolled over, trying to jump from his bed. When he did he found he was dragging the sheets behind him, and soon his feet became entangled and he fell face first into the pile of feathers. With a gurgle he spit out the feathers in his mouth, and dragging the sheet behind him ran down the hall.
Legolas, had woken to the scream, and jumped from his bed. His nimble feet hit the floor, and he was off running, never looking down to his chest or his feet.
Both of them ran past many others in the hall. Shrieks were heard from the cooks, and gasps from the others. Neither of them paid them any heed. Flinging open the door they found Eldarion in what seemed like the remnants of a nightmare, sweat on his brow.
"Eldarion, wake now it was but a dream," Legolas said sitting down on the bed. He watched as the boy woke from what he thought was sleep, and placed a comforting hand on his face. He was about to ask if Eldarion was all right when the door burst open and the head cook walked in carrying a rolling pin.
"How dare you parade down the hall in the middle of the night like that!" She yelled.
Legolas was about to ask what in Arda she was talking about when he noticed Gimli covered in feathers. He assumed he was speaking of him, when he happened to glance down and see the feminine article of clothing across his chest.
"Just what were you doing Legolas Thrandulion?"
"Nothing... honest, I do not know whose this is, or how it got on me."
The cook was stalking toward both of them, her rolling pin raised. "How Lord Estel could have left his sweet little thing with the two of you is beyond me, but he shall not be tainted with your wicked ways. Get out! Both of you, now!"
Legolas and Gimli bolted for the door, fearing the cook's wrath, but what awaited them in the hall was worse. Many of the fathers of Imladris were outside the room, all looking ready to kill.
One spoke to the cowering elf. "Just which of our daughters did you have in your room tonight?"
Gimli knew a good chance at getting away when he saw it, and he ran to his room, and straight to the bath to scrub feathers off. Legolas after narrowly escaping the outraged fathers, flew to his room. Only after he sat down on his bed did he notice his bright red toenails. He shook his head wondering how hey could have gotten that way, but he was too tired to even think about it for now. Laying down on his bed, his eyes glazed over in sleep before his head hit the pillow. Down the hall Eldarion was sleeping peacefully, an angelic smile on his face, and the cook sitting guard over him, rolling pin still in hand.
The next morning brought two groggy, and sleep deprived people to the table. When Legolas and Gimli arrived they found Eldarion waiting for them. He asked them how they slept, and both gave snorts for a reply.
"How about a day on the archery field Eldarion?"
"Ada says I am not allowed to learn yet? He says I am an accident waiting to happen," Eldarion told Legolas.
"Nonsense, I will instruct you on how to properly hold a bow, and how to notch an arrow."
Eldarion smiled at Legolas and finished up his breakfast, and left to collect one of the smaller bows from his Ada's old room.
"Do you think it wise to give him a weapon? He is an adan, and a small one at that." Gimli asked.
Legolas rolled his eyes. "You have no concept of bloodlines do you? Estel has elven blood, and Arwen is three fourths elven; therefore Eldarion is more elf than adan." Legolas did not know if he had made any sense at all, but having little to no sleep was making him cranky.
Once the three had arrived on the archery field Legolas showed Eldarion how he should hold a bow, how to draw back to release the arrow he had notched, and to make it fly true to its mark. After many attempts Eldarion hit the bottom of the target and jumped with excitement.
I did it Uncle Legolas! I hit the target, Wait till I tell Ada."
Legolas was not so sure he wanted Estel to know he had given his five year old son training with a bow, but as it was too late he just smiled. He was getting tired and went to sit down on the grass and watch the child. Gimli was talking about how an axe was a far better weapon compared to a bow with Legolas.
Eldarion was preoccupied by the rabbit he had seen jump past the arguing two. He wanted to see if he could hit it, and they could make rabbit stew for dinner. Pulling back the arrow, he took aim. As was about to let loose the arrow, when Legolas caught sight of his aim.
"Dartho Eldarion!" he screamed, but that only startled the boy, and he jerked as the arrow soared from the bow.
The loud dwarvish curses coming from Gimli told of the arrows mark, and when they turned they could see it protruding from his arse. The dwarf was jumping up and down holding onto his backside, screaming about the irony of the world.
Legolas rushed over with the ashen Eldarion. "Calm down, you will live. It is not as if it was a poisoned orc arrow."
Gimli did not seem to be consoled. "I believe I have an arrow hanging from my arse as we speak."
Legolas did not want to laugh, but he could not contain it any longer. "You will need to be looked at by the healer, to have that cleaned out."
Grumbling they walked back toward the house, when Gimli flinched. It seemed a bird had landed on the arrow shaft. "For the love of Mandos, I am not a bird perch, get off of me!" the dwarf spat, shooing the bird away.
After six stitches, and thirty minutes of snickering healers Gimli was released to return to his room. He did not wish to lay down right now, his backside still hurt. Walking into the Hall of Fire, he found Legolas and Eldarion. Legolas was reading a book to the boy, but the elf looked ready to fall asleep. Gimli laid down sideways on the chaise.
"Perhaps Eldarion can impress us and tell us a story tonight."
Eldarion's eyes lit up like it was Solstice morning. " I know a story!" he squealed.
"Well by all means tell us. We shall sit here and not dare to interrupt your story." Legolas said between yawns. He sat down next to Gimli on the floor and waited for the story to begin. It started out nice, Eldarion telling them of the mighty gerbil Piddy, but soon the story turned afoul. Soon they were both staring mouths gaped open in shock as Eldarion went on about Piddy's adventures in the dark and evil cavern. His special powers of blasting his foes down with his lethal gas, being demonstrated by Eldarion.
The room was now full of an aroma not wanted by either, but they had promised not to interrupt. Legolas had to ask where this boy learned such awful things when he was done. He wanted to gag, to bolt from the room, his own mind never even thinking such things. Legolas was glad when the tale ended and Eldarion was rolling on the floor, laughing at his own story.
"I think it is time for children to go to bed."
"It is not even dark outside yet!" Eldarion protested.
"Well Uncle Gimli and I are tired, and so should you be. It will be that much faster that you shall awake. Your Ada will be home tomorrow around noon. Do you not wish to be refreshed when he arrives?"
"Oh all right." Eldarion relented and bade them both a good night, hugging them, and going off to his room.
Neither dwarf nor elf saw him with his door cracked open as they walked down the hall.
"I think I will slip into unconsciousness tonight, I am so tired." Gimli said.
"Aye, I too am so tired not even a legion of orcs will be able to wake me before first light. Good night Gimli." Legolas said before he closed his door.
Eldarion wasted no time. Slipping from his room, he went down the hall to gather the things he would need.
Eldarion sat at breakfast alone, Gimli and Legolas not having woken up yet. As he took another bite of eggs though he heard two screams coming from upstairs. Legolas came running through the kitchen wearing one of Arwen's old dresses, a pair of underwear on his head. Gimli was not far behind.
The dwarf stomped through the kitchen screaming about revenge. His once long lush beard was now gone. In its place were only two small curly strands died blue and silver, tied in a bow.
Legolas who had run outside, did not know why the squirrels and birds seemed to be following him as he ran. Eldarion did though. He had smeared a special paste that his Ada used to lure deer out into the open all over the elf's clothing, and now he was being chased by no less than three elves, and fourteen animals.
It was not long before even Legolas' elven reflexes failed him, and he was pushed to the ground as the dogs pounced on him licking his back, and sitting on him, while he was being questioned by the three elven fathers as to why he was again caught with female undergarments on him.
"Which elf maiden have you befouled Prince Legolas? I will have your head if it is my daughter!" one of them shouted.
Legolas wanted to reply but every time he lifted his head to explain the squirrel tried to stick its paw into his nose, and licked his eyebrow.
Estel found the two days away very relaxing, and he was refreshed as he rode through the gates with the others. As he approached the Last Homely Home he found no one there to greet him, and wondered if all had gone well. Through the house he and Elrond searched, while Erestor searched the kitchen. They all met up again and Estel was about to become frantic when he heard the shouts coming from the garden.
All three of them ran outside to the strange sight. Gimli was trying to help Legolas up, but he was being attacked by the birds who were pecking him about the hands and neck. Legolas was still laying on the ground, blue dress on, the pair of undies having been snatched from his head.
"What is the meaning of this!" roared Lord Elrond.
All became quiet, and that gave Gimli and Legolas time to stand up to meet their friends.
"You all will return to your homes, and I will deal with your concerns later," Elrond said to the other elves, then turning to Gimli and Legolas he bit back the chuckle forming.
"Explain yourselves." he said eyebrows raised.
"Well... you see Lord Elrond I have no idea what happened. We have been poisoned it seems, and Gimli was shot in the arse, and I have been manhandled in my sleep by some she elf, and Gimli had to stroll through the courtyard in nothing but his helmet, and glued to his bed. We have had many bad things happen to us, but fear not Eldarion is well."
Eldarion stood to the side with the most innocent smile on his face that his five year old self could muster. When his father opened his arms he ran into them. "Ada! We have had so much fun. Can we do this more often?"
Gimli rubbed his still sore arse, and stared at Estel, and then at Elrond and Erestor. "Your son Aragorn is a spy sent by Mordor. He is more cunning than that creature Gollum, swifter than any elf, and more deadly than all the uruk hai I have come in contact with. I did not survive two battles with Sauron's foes to lose life and limb to a five year old. I bid you farewell my friend, for another few years, for my arse is sore, my beard gone, and the animals here are a wee bit too friendly now."
Estel and the others watched as Gimli sitting on a pillow and Legolas rode back through the gates of Imladris. He wished they had stayed longer but the naked she elf running through the courtyard reminded him he was home, and that he needed to find his son.