Welcome to my life.
Xxxxxxxx
"Do you ever feel like breaking down?"
The pain in his limbs was insufferable, but it wasn't the worst of it. Their laughs were tearing his skin like sharp needles, and there's nothing he could do to stop that intolerable sound.
Unbearable.
He was, like so many years ago, at their mercy. However, this time the reason was different. His weakness which resumed him during his childhood and was the root of his brothers' mockery and bullying gave way to a strength, a power for which he had work hard. He had surpassed himself, overcome his body's and spirit's boundaries, surpassing himself every day more than the precedent. If He wanted it, He could easily make disappear their smug and despicable smile like he wishes it right now. Of it, He was sure. No, the reason for which he curbed his envy to make them choke with those laughs and swallow their damn smile wasn't of this order. It was in a way much crueller.
"When nothing feels alright"
What should he do? This sentence was stuck in his head. Risk the life of his mentor, the one who saved his life, the only one in the world he could ever qualify as Dad? How many times was he on the verge of saying this word to Zeff, before deciding against it at the last second? He didn't count them anymore. He was certain that the head chef knows what he feels about it and himself feels that the door swings both ways, but nothing could relieve him as much than saying that to him, at least one little time. Only his damn pride, always it, was preventing him from doing so. That unspoken truth weighted on him like a burden more than he would like to admit. He was constantly arguing with the old man, yet nothing could take away the love, admiration and recognition he felt about him. And now, here he was, stuck in a deadlock that his strategist's mind hadn't find a way to go through yet.
What should he do?
Zeff or his dream? If he stayed here, his dream will sink into nothingness without possibility of backtracking. All the thing he had ever fought for would have been for naught. But on the other hand, All Blue wouldn't have the expected flavour if the old cook wasn't here to savour the achievement of their common dream. Both choice were leading to a future that he had no intention of seeing. He was desperate about the idea that he has to choose. Zeff or his friend and his dream. In addition to all of that, he knew that the old man would kick his ass till Raftel if he knew the fact that he could give up everything to save his life. Red-Leg Zeff won't tolerate it. He knew him enough to guess that.
"Do you ever feel out of place?"
Having left this place full of pain had been one of the best decision he had ever take. This one and the one when he chose to join his Captain's crew. This place represented all the thing he hated the most. The pretentiousness that took place in his brothers' attitude; Ichiji, Niji and Yonji, from their earliest years. Their violence and disregard. His father's hatred and disappointment that he could see in his eyes each time the King deigned to look at him. That glimmer, he had wished to make it disappear for so many years before recognising that it was in vain. He had wanted, had tried with all his kid's strength to draw his attention. To make him proud at least one little time. Only one little time would have been enough for his kid's heart. But no. That glimmer had stayed, persistent, tough. His father had told him so many times, as did his brothers. He was just a liability, the shame of the family and the black sheep who continued to cling on to that family who didn't want him anymore. His effort had been negligible compare to the exploits of his dear siblings who didn't stop widening the gap between them. The genetic modification hadn't work on him and he was, to the dismay of Judge, his father and King, a human that was nothing more than normal, ordinary. Like he was an insult to him. He had been stomped on and his heart had been crushed, mercilessly.
"Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you?"
His passion for the art that's the cuisine didn't fix things up, on the contrary. How not to be fascinated by this noble art who permitted to living beings to live in good health, by this smile who emerged after the tasting of a new culinary creation who lived up to the expectations off the cook and so much more, by this mixture of flavour sometimes atypical, by the delightful faces of ones eating a dish lovingly cooked? His family had been nothing of the sort and had made it known by many ways. His father had thrown a mouse he had been feeding through a window. His brothers had hit him when they had found him while feeding a few needy. It wasn't a task for a Prince, they said. A Prince doesn't lower himself by serving lesser beings. It wasn't what he felt. To him, it wasn't a chore, but a pleasure, an honour, a duty to feed he ones who needed it and to introduce to others people new plates to see a happy smile coming on their face. He had nothing in common with his brothers and father, they said. Nothing more than curly eyebrows and the same blood running through their veins. That's all, and for him, that was already more than enough and too much at a time.
"Do you wanna be somebody else?"
How many times had he dream of another life? One where he would have an ordinary family. Not royal, not genetically modified, not murderers. Just a normal and loving family. One who wouldn't demand things he couldn't accomplish, even with the best will of the world. One who would be happy for him no matter the choice he would make and without making his pick for him for a path he felt nothing but fear and hate. He thought he had that with his mother, Sora, the Queen of the Germa 66. She loved him profoundly despite his weakness and shortcomings. She encouraged him in his passion, smiling at him with kindness. She was the light of his darkness. But the light had slowly changed in a glimmer before fading and disappear definitively from his life. Her death had been a shock, an earthquake in his world who sank a little more each day more in the dark.
"Are you sick of everyone around? With their big fakes smiles and stupid lies."
His brothers were gone and doctors were coming to heal him, before getting thrown away by his sister. Reiju. He didn't how she had make it this far, how she did it. Staying in this moving kingdom and put up with all of that when she had to attend to his nightmare. She cured him. She helped him to hold on. And more important, she helped him to flee from this miserable life. She cried his departure, desperate that things had gone this way. Yet, she was here in this castle, a fake smile on her face, seemingly indifferent to what happened. Why did she not react when Niji had hit Cosette? When his brothers were bullying him until he couldn't move? She was scared, that's all. On one side, he understood her. If she had stood between them, they would have gone after her and he wouldn't have want that. One the other side, he would have want to be supported, that someone speak on his behalf against his father, to take his side against his brothers. He didn't want to be alone against the rest of the world. He was just a kid after all. All of this had given way to resentment toward her in his heart and this feeling was fighting for the place with another one, recognition.
"And no one's there to save you."
What should he do? Where were in this moment the Straw-hats, his crew, his lifeline who enabled him to desperately hold on while facing the storm raging on in his life? Were they on their way to bring him back? Or were they sailing to their new destination, Wano Kuni, thinking he'll handle all this mess and succeed to get out of this without a scratch? Would they still want him when he'd get back to them? If he got back to them one day. Have they heard stories of his family and of their…profession? What did they think of it? Did that disgust them? He felt ridiculous, stupid. He knew that they weren't like that, Straw-hats Pirates were the opposite of that way of thinking. Just, he couldn't forget this possibility. It haunted him. What did they think of him? Would they reject him when they'll know that he'd been genetically modified when he was still in his mother's womb? To him it was impossible. He trusted them more than he could ever imagine doing so for someone else, apart from Zeff.
And now, what should he do? The darkness which covered his past had tracked him down and threatened at each instant to overwhelm him.
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
He reviewed in his memory what his life had been worth living for, what he had to fight for. His captain, Luffy, for who his loyalty was acquired a long time ago, since this unforgettable moment where he had accepted his request, that he had already repeatedly refused. He had never regretted his decision. Never. He wanted to follow this elastic pirate with a bottomless stomach at world's end, in this life and the next. Whether it had to be a new one or in the afterlife. Zeff, his mentor, his Dad who saved his life et taught him to cook. An old man He loved and with who he shared a dream: All Blue. That dream which gave him the force to move forward each day in order to see this mythic ocean. The first mate. The damn Marimo. The head of seaweed named Zoro gave him the envy to surpass himself to become the best. Despite their obvious rivalry, their mutual respect grew with each passed with each other. His two mellorines, Nami-San and Robin-Chan. Two of the smartest and most beautiful women he ever had the pleasure to meet and who illuminate his days. Their reindeer and doctor, Chopper. That adorable cervid that he considered his little brother. Their coward sniper. The enthusiasm with which Usopp told him his fibs always made him smile. Their carpenter exhibitionist. The infatuation with which he showed him his inventions always made him feel special and made him laugh when the experimentation didn't go the way it should have been. Their musician and pervert skeleton. Hearing his music while cooking would inevitably put him in a good mood.
Then, Sanji Vinsmoke, Black-Leg, the cook of the Straw-Hats' crew, the son and disciple of Zeff also known as Red-Leg, the knight in shining armour of his ladies, the pervert cook and the survivor of the Transvestites' Island of Emporio Ivankov sat up, he stood up and lifted his head, then lit a cigarette that he stuck on the commissure of his mouth. The companion of Straw-Hat Luffy, the future Pirate King, started to walk, ready to face any obstacle that will cross his path, because he had taken a decision. He'll find All Blue, save Zeff and get back to his nakamas.
Sanji Vinsmoke won't make any concession.
Xxxx
Hi!
I hope you like it. : )
I wrote it approximately a year ago and posted it on fanfiction . net and later on Archive of Our Own. I am French, it's been a while I wanted to translate it so … I've finally done it! :D
Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought about it and if you have advices, well, I would be glad to hear them! :D
The lyrics were from the song "Welcome to my life'' of Simple Plan and the last one was a sentence from the TV show Teen Wolf.
Bye!