Nightmares
By rockofmarduk
It was the soft whimpers that woke him up. They always did.
Johann Schmidt sighed as he rolled over to look at his partner lying beside him in bed. He wished more than anything that he hadn't.
It was always the same when the nightmares came. It stated with the whimpers first, then turned into murmurs of words that only Steve Rogers, the man having those nightmares could understand. Then his hands would tighten into fists around the sheets or pillow under his head as sweat began pouring from his brow staining the cloth. Sometimes, depending on the nightmare, his entire body would be covered in sweat, his hair matted against his forehead as his body shook and his teeth gnashed together. And sometimes when the nightmares were really bad he would fight some invisible enemy in his sleep, punching and kicking in the air so much that the Skull had to grab Steven and fight him in an effort to wake him up.
It was on nights like that, that the Skull found himself with a black eye or a split lip for his troubles and coming up with an explanation for them to everyone who saw them.
Thankfully tonight wasn't one of those nights as Steve continued to whimper and twist a little in bed. Johann wasn't sure what started tonight's nightmare. Something someone said or did most likely, that was always the case with the others. Steven had seen one of Shield's shrinks before when the dreams first started. She had told him that the stress of the war, the loss of friends and family, his comrades in arms, plus the fact that he had lost about seventy years of his life do to his being frozen was the cause of his dreams.
"Post-traumatic stress disorder.", she called it, "It happens to many soldiers during war time", she said.
But Steve wasn't just any soldier. He was a super soldier, Captain "Bloody" America, he was the Red Skull's soldier.
And it was his fault that Steve suffered so much.
He was the cause of Steve's nightmares..,well, most of them anyway. While he hadn't actually started World War Two and Steve had been originally created to fight against the Nazis, it was because of him and his creation of Hydra that brought Steven Rogers to his doorstep. That and killing Dr. Erskine who was like a father to Steven, capturing his best friend Bucky and turning him into the Winter Soldier (which technically was Zola's fault since he wasn't there), and then getting Steven frozen in ice for seventy years while everyone and everything he loved grew up, grew old and died. Not to mention all of the horrible things he did in-between to Steven which still made him wonder.
Why would Steven want to be with a monster like him after everything he put him through?
Another whimper came from Steven, only this time it was much louder and what sounded like words mixed in with the whimper.
"Ok here we go." Skull knew the routine well by now and knew what to expect. Reaching out he took hold of Steven's hand and held it tight.
"It's ok Steven, I'm right here." he whispered softly hoping his words would calm the super soldier down. Instead of calming down, Steven started to cry and shake a little as sweat began to drip from his forehead and body.
"Bucky..I'm sorry...so sorry.." Steve cried softly as his body began twitching under the covers of their bed.
"It's the Bucky dream again." Out of all the nightmares that Steven had this one was the worst. The 'Bucky Dream' as the Skull called it involved what happened to Bucky that lead to him becoming the Winter Soldier. It was always the same, Cap and Bucky on the train trying to capture Zola, it was a trap, they get separated, they defeat the bad-guys only to have another ambush them and knock Steve down. Bucky try's to protect Steve and is knocked out of the train for his valiant effort. Steve trying to save Bucky but his hand never reaches him in time and he falls from the speeding train into the icy ravine below, his screams the last he hears of Bucky's voice for the next seventy years until they met up again only this time as enemy's.
Steve blamed himself for Bucky's death before and after he was defrosted from the ice and later after he found out Bucky was alive, blamed himself for Bucky's transformation into the Winter Soldier. He even told Bucky himself that it was his fault, that he should have searched harder for him, that he allowed this to happen to his best friend.
But Bucky never blamed Steve for what happened to him. Never, not even once. He blamed Zola of course and Hydra, the red room and Pierce but never did he blame Cap for what happened.
"It wasn't your fault. You did everything you could for me. Hydra did this to me not you. Get that through your thick head will yea punk."
Bucky's words had made Steve smile that day, but it still wasn't enough to erase the memory's and nightmares that still remained.
Steve's body began to shuffle and twist about in bed as his hands tightened into fists and his teeth started grinding together. Johann gripped Stevens hand with his own while the other hand reached out and rubbed his hair affectionately, trying to sooth his troubled lover.
"Why don't you blame me?" The Skull thought to himself as Steve started to whimper again. "I started Hydra, I ordered Zola to attack you, I'm the real reason Bucky became the Winter Soldier, I'm the one who made you lose everything that you held dear, me, me ME! Why don't you.."
"NO!"
The sudden shout startled both Steve and Johann as Steve jolted upright out of bed, his eyes wide, his body shaking, his mouth wide opened like he wanted to scream but nothing came out. He sat there for a moment shivering, whispering no, no, no over again as he struggled to get his bearings and figure out where he was. A hand gently touched his arm, making Steve jump until he felt the warmth of the touch and recognized it. Only one person he knew put out that much heat.
Turning he saw Johann looking at him with concerned eyes, something very few people ever saw from the Red Skull. Steve threw himself into Johann's arms and wrapped his own around Johann's midsection, buried his face into his shoulder and started to cry. Schmidt hugged Steven close to him and whispered"Shhhh, it's ok, it's ok I'm here." over and over again as he comforted him.
Slowly, as Steve's tears started to dry up and his body started to relax, the Skull decided to ask the question that had been plaguing him since the nightmares began.
"Why?"
Steven lifted his head slowly to look at the Skull. "Why what?" he asked as he wiped the remaining tears from his eyes.
"Why don't you blame me? I'm responsible for your nightmares. Hell, I'm responsible for the state your in now. Look at you, your crying and shaking because of me. Why don't you blame me, why don't you hate me?"
Steven looked up at Johann and smiled as new tears began to form. "Because I love you, you idiot. It's because of you and your actions that led me to become Captain America, the way I was meant to be, not some dancing monkey for the army. Because of you, where both here in a time that excepts us, that allows us to love without trying to hide it from others."
"But Bucky,..the whole Winter Soldier thing was.."
"It wasn't your fault." Steve interrupted Schmidt. "You didn't know about Zola's plans, you where too busy with the Valkyrie to notice. That, and the fact you got sucked up by the Tesseract so there was nothing you could do."
Schmidt opened his mouth to retort but was stopped by Steven's finger being placed gently against his lips silencing him.
"Listen to me. I love you, I need you. Yes I do have nightmares, but the doctor says they'll lessen over time. And you help make them go away by being here. With me. Your my anchor in this crazy world and I love you. Don't you ever forget that."
Johann smiled as his hand cupped Rogers by the chin and brought him into a loving kiss. "I love you too my eagle." he spoke against Steven's soft lips as they slowly parted. Steven couldn't help but blush at the nickname that the Skull had given to him back during the war when they had first started realizing that they had feelings for each other. Johann smiled as he started to lay back down and softly tugged Rogers down with him until they were both back in bed with Steven laying against the Skull's red chest with both their arms wrapped around each other.
Johann kissed the top of Steven's sweaty head. "Now go to sleep my eagle and no more nightmares ok?"
"Ok." Steven let out a soft yawn before falling back to sleep against the Red Skull's chest. Johann smiled again before he too drifted off to sleep, happy in the knowledge that Steven didn't blame him but loved him and promised that he would be by Steven's side to fight off his nightmares for the rest of his life.
Steven had no more bad dreams for the rest of the night.
FIN