This is my first fanfiction ever, and my first attempt to write in English. I did this because Series 8 left me with a sour taste, so I wanted to get fixed. I fear that I'm not going to be very original in my plot, but is not my intention to copy anyone. The thing is that I'm addicted to this site and I read my favorite stories several times, so there are in my mind just like the tv show plot. I really hope you like this story, please let me know. Either if there are major errors, don't be kind, I want to learn. Enjoy!

Chapter one

The last word on Series 8 is the first word of this story.

"Martin!"

"What!"

"Ohh…. Nothing, it's useless." Louisa said in a huff. They remained quiet for the rest of the ride to the surgery.

They eaten, cleaned the kitchen and prepared for bed while chated a little about James and superficial matters, and went to sleep. In the middle of the night, Martin was awake by a loud cry from Louisa: "Don't leave!" She seemed to have a bad dream, she was moving and groaning in her sleep. Martin touched her shoulder softly, but again she cried "please, don't leave me". Her words were soft and sad, and Martin tried to wake her, this time more firmly. "Louisa? Louisa! Wake up! You're dreaming!"

Louisa woke confused, and realized that she was crying. She dried her eyes with her hand, and looked to Martin with a sigh: "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you"

"Louisa, are you ok? Martin said quietly.

"ehh.. mm.. yeah.. I think so. I'm sorry, let's back to sleep"

"mmm.. ok" He said. She turned on her side and went back to sleep, but Martin stayed awake, like other times when he was so confused, so sad, so insecure about them, about his phobia, about almost everything. He couldn't stop thinking about Louisa's words in her dream. Was she thinking that he would leave her? Why? They were ok after all, they were living together, trying to create a good household for James, for their family. He could not understand what just happened.

At 4.30 he decided to go downstairs, he couldn't sleep anyway. He was sitting in his office, looking at nothing, lost in confusion, when Louisa appeared at the doorway, weary eyes and wearing her dressing gown.

"Martin, what are you doing here?"

He startled, touching his chest and looking at her. "Uhh nothing".

"You couldn't sleep?".

"No".

"Do you want some warm milk?".

"No thanks" He said in a cold tone.

Louisa was surprised about the tone, It reminded her their worst times, when Martin didn't seemed to know how talk with her. Was they back to that? Again? She couldn't bear it, she needed to know what he was thinking.

"Martin? Talk to me please. What's the matter? And don't be evasive!" She admonished him.

Martin stared at her with his big, sad eyes. "I don't know"

"Martin!" she said angrily "I asked you to answer sincerely!"

"Louisa, I'm not lying to you. What do you want from me?" he said in a harsh manner.

"I want you to talk about why you are not sleeping at five in the morning, Martin. I want you explain to me what happened yesterday, why you don't want to talk about your phobia, why you don't let me help you. That's what I want, Martin."

With that words she sat on the chair in front of him and waited. Martin remined silent for a while. That was so unnerving, she couldn't stand it, she was back in that time when she was trying to share breakfast with him, in that very chair, trying to get close to him, and he rejected her attempt with silence. It was that silence that she feared the most. It made her fear that he may not to want her anymore. A few minutes passed and Martin remained quiet, so Louisa told him

"Martin, I feared that you don't want to cure your phobia, because if you do that you will be able to return to be a surgeon and you will leave. I think is that what keeps you here. It's like you need the phobia to be here. Here in Portwenn, I mean".

"What?!" Martin said, surprised. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"What I'm saying is that if you didn't have the phobia you would leave to London, to your life, to the job of your dreams. And you think that I don't want to go to London, so we must stay here, and the phobia is your excuse to be here. That's what I think."

Martin looked at her like if she was mad, his brow frown, and keep quiet a few seconds. "Louisa…" he said calmly "You're tired. Go to bed."

"No Martin, I can´t sleep either, so this moment is good enough. We need to clear this. Do you want to cure your phobia? Can you stay here with us if you're fine? Or do you want us to go to London? If is that you want we can think about it. But you can't continue denying the matter Martin, you can't keep going like this. Someday you could hurt yourself if you keep fainting, even you could hurt James or a patient. Did you think about that? Do you want to vomit every day? It doesn't look a healthy choice, if you ask me."

Martin was shocked by her words. Several emotions were passing through his head: angriness at the intrusion, sadness at Louisa's fear, and a certain sensation that he couldn't put in words, but were about something that she said that made sense. He didn't want to admit it, anyway, so he let the angriness win and say with that harsh tone of his "My phobia is none of your business!" And with that he got up from the chair.

But Louisa wasn't in the mood to be fooled and stopped him with a very measured voice. "Martin, please, don't walk away from me again"

The sadness that was bubbling inside her suddenly broke the gates and she started to cry softly. With her head down to her chest and her hand covering her eyes.

Martin turn around and looked at her. He realized that that wasn't to stop. It was a torture. First the hearing, now this. It was so annoying. He went to her side and putting a hand in her shoulder stood there for a moment, without saying a word. He couldn't talk, he couldn't eve tidy up his mind. Thoughts was now running freely in his head. Was she right? Was he in deny of his current situation? "Please don't cry" He said to her in a soft voice.

But she continued crying, even worse than a minute ago. Still sobbing, she raised her head and told him a little angry and very sad "But you don't understand? IT IS my business! I love you Martin! I can't bear seeing you suffer! I want you to be happy and healthy! But you never let me help! It will always be like this with you and me, isn't it? And with that she got up and ran away upstairs.

Martin couldn't do anything. He stayed awake until morning. At six he went upstairs to check James and found him stood in his cot, ready to start the day. Martin took him and greeted him, and James rewarded him with a cute smile. At least somebody in the house was content.

The two of them went downstairs to prepare breakfast. Louisa didn't appear until 6.30. Her eyes were swollen, her hair disheveled. She didn't look at Martin. She greeted James combing his soft hair with her hair and took a box of cereal.

Martin looked at her and reminded her with his best lecture tone "Louisa, that's full of sugar, you don't need to eat it. Take an egg instead"

Louisa still didn't look at him. In a very low voice she said "I'll eat what I want. My diet is anybody's bloody business", and started to eat. But she took just a few mouthfuls and left the bowl. "I'm going to shower. Please watch James" And left the room dragging her feet, completely defeated. Martin said nothing.