*Note: Takes place after the Geth dreadnought, but shortly before Priority: Rannoch

The only sound in the room was that of Garrus tapping his talons on the table, and of Legion trying to clean the soot of his plating. Tali let out another woe-begotten sigh, and Javik simply sat silently, hands in his lap, his top set of eyes closed as he contemplated how they got into this ridiculous mess.

He simply thought; blame it on the Turian. Meanwhile, Tali wondered if there was anything she could have done to avoid the concussion she now had. Garrus quietly ticked down the seconds to the moment where Shepard would strangle all of them. Many of Legion's runtimes were focused on the action of cleaning, but others still concluded that, as the platform already looked like a walking pile of scrap, cleaning didn't really do much good, while yet other runtimes were monitoring the vitals of the organics next to him.

All heads shot up and looked around as the door opened, and Commander Bailey limped in, still recovering from the attack from over a week ago.

"Alright, I know the Normandy crew have gotten into trouble before." He said as he shut the door to the interrogation room. He pointed at Legion. "Don't think I forgot about that little air duct 'adventure' from last year, I still got grime on my hands. That time when your Krogan started a bar fight over a shrimp plate, and don't even get me started on that one."

He waved his hand accusingly in Javik's direction, and the prothean glared at him. "I was not aware that I broke any of your overtly sensitive laws."

"Disruption of the peace with expletives I'm certain your mother would've bashed you over the head for uttering, purposefully causing an elcor stampede- and did I mention grand arson?" the C-Sec Commander narrowed his eyes, taking in Javik's soot-blasted appearance. He looked to Garrus. "And you- I thought you were supposed to be 'the good one'. What've you got to say for yourself?"

"Ummm... it's Legion's fault?" he jerked his thumb in the direction of the Geth, who sat up, eye plates flapping in something that looked very similar to indignation. Tali scoffed.

"You know perfectly well that he did absolutely nothing!" she gave him a solid whack in the back of the head.

"Was our assistance in the situation inadequate?" Legion asked, and though Geth technically couldn't be 'offended' per say, it sounded awefully offended to Bailey.

"No, I didn't mean it like that!" the young quarian hastily corrected.

"Oh, causing mass hysteria, just being an illegal AI, and, really, the part I don't get; assault of a cabbage dealer. I say you did plenty." Bailey listed.

"We acted under the assumption that the merchant was part of a hostile mercenary cell." Legion explained, shifting in it's seat. It still had bits of plant matter stuck between some joins, presumably from being thrown into a cabbage cart. "Allies were being actively threatened."

"Yeah, and I would just love to know why Garrus Vakarian committed grand theft auto and started multiple firefights." the Human was getting impatient.

"Um... is, Shepard behind that glass?" the Turian asked, pointing at the one-way mirror. A loud, angry rapping from the other side of the glass answered him. He flinched slightly, the ceiling light barely able to reveal the colony markings beneath the dried blood of the cuts on his face, presumably caused by the shattering crockery of an antique shop in Zakara Ward. "Right, um, so you see, the thing here is... I dunno."

"Javik, yank on his fringe for me." Tali, who was separated from the turian by Legion, growled, glowing eyes still managing to shine through the blackened mask of her suit. Someone had drawn a smiley face in the black powder, and Bailey suspected she hadn't noticed yet, somehow. The last prothean obliged he request, almost eager to punish the turian, and Garrus yelped as his head was jerked back forcibly.

"Hey! Just because you got a concussion doesn't mean you have to order one on me, too!" he hissed.

"Hey, settle down all of you. You're all in deep Thresher spit here, you're each going to cooperate with me." Bailey snapped. "Otherwise... Shepard's told me that she'll throw each and every one of you out the nearest airlock, starting fossil face here."

"Her sense of irony is fascinating, but not amusing..." Javik muttered under his breath.

"Alright, since you're supposedly a delegate, let's start with you, Miss Zorah." Bailey turned on his data pad's recording device. "When and how the heck did all this start?

"Well, for me..." Tali reflected. "It all started when I met an insufferably charming idiot named Garrus Vakarian."

I was bored in class and had a sudden, strange idea for a fic. I wasn't really feeling it for the next chapter of my Destiny series, so I just decided to post this and see where things go. I am, by no means, abandoning the Dysfunctional Fireteam series, I'm just throwing some crumbs out to another fandom. I've done a few cheesy one-shots for ME, but never a full fic, and I don't know if I'll even continue this.

*shrugs* I guess I'll just see how well it's received and go on from there.

Next Time: Tali gets thrown into a situation right out of a cheap action vid, and Garrus faces a ghost from his past...

Cheers!^^