Disclaimer: Death Note does not belong to me, if it did there would be a lot more slash in it and Mello x Near definitely would've happened.

Author's Note: Near has always been one of my favorite characters in the series and I really dislike that he gets so much hate. He was the first character I could really relate to, since I kind of act like him in real life. I feel like I can really understand him to an extent.

I personally think there's a lot more to him than the writers showed us. Hopefully this fic will manage to clear up some things about him to other fans. If not, then I bet the Mello x Near fans will like this, since it has hints of the pairing here and there.

Dear Mello…

I'm not entirely sure where to start with this letter, since expressing my feelings has never been easy for me.

So I suppose I'll just try the best that I can. I want to start this off by clarifying one thing. I never hated you. I know that at times it might've seemed like it due to our rivalry but that was never the impression I wanted to make. In all honesty I'd always just wanted to be your friend.

But we had so many differences that I felt it wasn't worth it to try. You probably wouldn't have accepted a friendship with someone like me. All because of our little race to see who would be the next L. However...to be honest, I never cared at all about becoming L's next successor. I would've honestly given up that position if it meant I could make you happy. You'd always been more passionate about being L's successor anyways.

However, what really made it difficult to keep striving to be the next L is that the more I succeeded in it the more you hated me. Though sometimes I wonder if it had more to do with my attitude towards the world around me than it did about my position as L's successor. That's another thing I would like to explain about myself. It wasn't that I didn't care about anything..it was that I didn't know how to care.

You'll probably be scoffing as you read this -assuming that I'll ever send it- but I am not the type who lies for no reason. In spite of my intelligence, emotions are something that I've never understood. No matter how hard I avoided doing so, I'd always end up hurting people that I cared about because I lacked emotional human values. So I suppose after awhile I gave up and just resorted to detaching myself from others.

But it did not make things any better, as I later realized. It only made things a lot worse for me. One thing that I regret most of all about the actions I've made in the past though is what I said about L. On the day we discovered that our mentor had been killed, I did not mean to say the words I'd said. I'm not really sure what I had meant but I know that was definitely not it.

Sometimes I find myself wondering if things would've turned out differently if I had just changed that one thing that I said. But I have accepted that some things just happen even if we don't want them to. That does not mean that I am happy with how things turned out between us however. That is why I want to apologize to you in this letter somehow, so that things won't end on a completely bad note. This is the first time I've ever done something like making an apology, so I hope it's acceptable.

I'm sorry for being the way that I am. It's nothing personal. I'm just a little broken, so I don't really know how to work correctly anymore.

I know that no matter how many times I apologize for it, it will never be enough for you though. You'll probably continue to hate me even after reading this. But I've come to accept that's just the kind of person you are. You may not want to accept it, but I've always wished we could work together. L and I have never really been on the best terms but I agreed with him on one thing; I'd never be able to defeat Kira without you.

Only...

That's not really the reason why I want to work with you. I…I don't want to do it alone. I've spent my whole life by myself, all that I really want is for us to be on the same side for once. Why is it you in particular that I want to work with? Because you're the first person who reminded me that I am still a human being, even if I didn't always remember how to act like one. For that reason, I can't bring myself to hate you no matter how you treat me. In fact, I thank you for that.

Maybe in some other life, we could've been friends. Or something more. Either way, I hope that where ever you've gone now, that you'll always be safe.

Love, Near