8th June 2015
by Katie Wood
Damaged Goods
I knew what I had done as soon as the door closed. And the scary thing was I would have done it again. I was so in love with this woman that even though I knew she'd lied to me about what the money was actually for, I would still give her the money. Not my money, but my brother's. It was his money I had stolen and although I felt guilty about what I was doing it did not stop me from stealing it.
Yet, as soon as I heard the door click into place the full realisation of what I had done come tumbling down and I sunk to the floor. Ever since we were kids, I was always the selfish one. I was always thinking about myself and not caring about the consequences. I never thought about anyone else but, me. My brother, on the other hand, was the opposite. He was kind, caring and thought about everyone else before himself. He'd always done that. Always thought about how it would impact others before thinking about what would happen to him. That what made him a good doctor, a better one than I was or would ever be.
As I sat on the floor a silent sob escaped from my lips. I knew this time my brother would never be able to forgive me. He had forgiven me on so many occasions that I felt like this was the last straw. I didn't blame him though. I knew I didn't deserve to be forgiven after what I had done and wouldn't want to be. Lost in my own thoughts I hadn't noticed that Ethan had walked in from the kitchen and had noticed me in my current position.
"Cal?" Ethan's voice broke the silence.
I looked up to face my brother. I could see that there was concern written on his face. Even though he knew what I had done to him he was still worried about me. He still cared about me.
"I'm so sorry, Ethan." I replied.
Ethan stood there.
"I know."
His tone sounded as if he just said it. Like he was used to saying it and used to hearing me say I was sorry.
"No, really Ethan. I am sorry." I emphasised.
"So you have said. On countless occasions. But, honestly Cal how could you have been so stupid?"
I looked up at my brother. True, he had a point. How could I have been so stupid even when the signs were there? The answer I told myself was because I loved her and I wanted to help her. It was the only answer I could come up with to make what I was doing seem excusable. I rubbed my forehead.
"I know I haven't been a good person and I know I have made some stupid decisions in my life. But, I never meant to hurt you. I was going to give you your money back, Eth. You have to believe me."
"How can I believe you, Cal? This is what you do. You act before thinking, before thinking about others. I know what you are like."
Again, true.
"Look, Ethan I'm not proud of what I have done or who I am. But, I will try to change. I promise."
Ethan sat down next to me. I could sense that in his heart he really wanted to believe what I had said, but couldn't. I heard him sigh.
"I don't know what else to say." I told him.
"There's nothing else to say." Was his reply.