Aftermath of a Kiss

By

Michelle Naylor

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just want to play with 'em.

Rating: PG

Warnings: None

I kissed her!

Christ, what was I thinking?

I wasn't, that's what the problem is. The second her lips came near me I turned into an empty headed idiot who had no control over his own will.

I'm still amazed at how simple it was, how easily I could claim her mouth for my own. If I hadn't of stopped when I did…I don't even want to think about it. I'm sure I scared her enough without letting the rest of my body betray me like that.

Not that I would do anything to hurt her. I'd rather hurt myself first. But I wouldn't want her to think, to believe that I'm the kind of man who would take advantage of a girl her age. I would never take anything from her that she would not give to me freely.

She did give her lips to me. Sure, my traitorous mouth initiated the whole thing, but I felt her respond, could feel her lips move against mine. She opened for me. I could taste her warmth, her sweetness.

Damn it! I can't stand this! I never thought of myself as so weak willed, but my God, when you have the only woman you've been dreaming of for months in your arms, when you can feel her, smell her, taste her…what the hell should I have done?

I nearly called her back after I told her to leave. I was so afraid I would take her back in my arms though, that I let her leave. I let her run back to the safety of her home, her family, that damned boyfriend of hers.

He's no good for her. I'm not saying that simply because I love her. It's the truth. I've seen him in that record store. There is nothing about him that I like. I know people like him. People who think that they're above it all, that their opinions are the only ones that matter, and if you don't agree with them then obviously you must have less intelligence then they do. How can she stand it, the way he acts sometimes?

I've bitten my tongue about him. I wouldn't dare badmouth him to her. She's the kind of girl who would go out with him just because people might tell her she couldn't. She has a rebellious streak, that one.

The first time she came to the studio, she did so under the direct opposition of her father. That took guts. She is so much stronger then she gives herself credit for.

I just let her go! I denied everything my heart was telling me and let her go! Would she have left if I didn't tell her too? Or would she have stayed?

As unbelievable as it seems, I think she would have stayed. But what then? Even if she might feel for me only half of what I do for her, there are still the issues of her still being in school, and the difference in our ages.

I can imagine what her father would say! He'd most likely go nuts if he found me anywhere near his daughter. It wouldn't matter that I would never hurt her, never try to take advantage of her. It is a father's right to protect his daughter.

Maybe I should talk to him, explain myself and assure him that my feelings for her are completely honorable.

Yeah, right, that would work! I'd come out of it with a black eye and she would be denied to my forever. No, I can't risk that.

Lord, I want her! I want her in so many different ways. I want her as a friend and companion, a lover, a wife, and a mother to my children. I can not imagine my future without her.

And now that I've held her, kissed her, felt what it was like, I want her all the more.

I need to get rid of this pain I'm in right now. I need to go home, put that piano that I spent 3 months worth of paychecks on to good use and create. I need to play. I need to play and sing to the heavens about my love. For the time being, that's the only way I'll be able to express it.