ALIVE AND KICKING
chapter 1: the fake unplanned pregnancy plan
He kissed me and I just stood there like an idiot. Someone should have slapped me upside of the head, because really, when a boy you like kisses you, you ought to actually respond somehow. Like kiss him back or kick him in the shin. But no, I just stood there. Kind of like a stunned mullet.
You know what that is? Oh me neither. I thought you knew. I think it's something to do with a fish statue.
As he pulled away, I looked directly into his eyes, and I could see nothing but disappointment. Perhaps he wanted to take it further. I wasn't so prepared to mention that just yet.
One thing's for sure. I never apologize even if I'm totally in the wrong. I'll never admit defeat because that's a weak move. I am not weak, nor will I ever be. I don't apologize. I'm still partially in shock.
"You kissed me," I stated, blankly.
I wanted to ask him why, but I couldn't muster up enough guts for that. So I just stared at him, until he shifted uncomfortably. As he always does.
"I thought you wanted to be kissed."
That just deserved a kick.
So that's exactly what I did, kicked his shins and he collapsed with a growl. He was in pain and he couldn't even hide it very well. I laughed and turned on my heel, walking away from him.
Of course I wanted to be kissed! Just, not yet and not by him, anyway.
Freddie was still on the floor and far away from chasing me, like he'd so often do. Perhaps I kicked him a little too hard. I wondered this, while walking over to where my best friend was standing, with hands on her hips and a disapproving look. She reminds me so much of a mother, it's not funny.
Well it kind of is.
Last night, I slept over her house. We had a lot of fun. At one stage we were laughing, the next we were tickling… before you knew it, we were wrapped up in each other's arms, sleeping.
"What did I say about hurting our friends?" Carly questions for like the hundredth time that day.
"To not to," I reply, pretending to feel ashamed. Really, I'm not, because he deserved it, kissing me like that, and in the middle of everyone. The nerd had it coming. Freddie Benson and I will never be a couple. Never!
Why? Because I don't feel that way about the boy, never have and never will. I'm not in denial I'm just saying the truth.
"Exactly. Now go help him up, and say you're sorry."
"Aww, hell no! Carly-"
She says nothing else, but points in the direction of where Freddie still is, on the floor and looking just as pathetic as he always does. I obey this time. Maybe later, I can persuade her to make it up to me – if you know what I mean.
Wink wink, nudge nudge.
Yeah, I like my best friend a little more than what you would call 'normal'. Yeah, some say it's a phase which I'll grow out of. Until that said time comes… I'm most content with how it all is.
I lift Freddie up to his feet and brush him down roughly.
"Stupid nerd," I mutter. "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't love Carly so much."
"What was that?" Freddie asked.
"Nothing."
I refuse to let him get involved with this crazy little game between Carly and I. So we kiss each other and sleep together… so what? Does it mean everyone in the world has to know about us? Heck. No!
Nope.
"Sam!"
That was Carly, calling out for me. I stomp over to her, and she flings her arms around my neck tightly.
"Hey cupcake," I whisper. "Mama's ready for tonight."
Okay, so that could have sounded a little bit creepy, but really, Carly loves me calling her 'cupcake', and honestly, I love calling myself 'Mama'.
"Can't wait."
She pecks my check and let go of me, as Freddie approaches us. God! Why does he have to be in the way of everything? This always makes me mad. But the worst thing is… his trailing after Carly like some lost puppy dog. To make me even madder, he acts like he owns her, in some pathetic, lonely old man kind of way. You know what I mean? Just. No.
I growl and pull the girl away from his clutches. Jealous much? I won't say it aloud, of course.
Carly looks between me and Freddie, and shrinks back a little. Immediately I feel ashamed of my territorial behavior. But it's in her best interest. She would never date him… especially while she's involved with me.
That's modesty for you.
"Hey, Carls. Remember that project for school? I was thinking maybe we should work on it tonight."
"Sure, Freddie."
What!
Hold on. Rewind!
No pausing, no reflecting, no nothing! That was it. She said "sure", and sure enough, something was going to happen, that was NOT related to school, I'm SURE. I really thought that tonight was for us, but okay! Just fuck me and call me stupid, why don't you.
Okay.
Calm down, Puckett. They need to do their project, because it's due soon. Not that I would care.
Nothing would happen, because Carly is a good girl, and good girls don't cheat on their boyfriends… erm… girlfriends. Even though we're not official… and haven't spoken much about it… and…
Oh who am I kidding!
This is scaring me beyond anything else I've encountered before. Freddie's actually decent… but I hate him. Oh so much hate, and for what, some jealousy and an overreaction to one small night working on a school project? Just them, alone, in his room… I've heard that scenario before. How? That scenario was me, about a month ago.
One thing led to another and…. Bam! We were in his bed… doing the wild thing, or whatever you call it.
The poor girl will not stand a chance. I have to do something.
Since when did Freddie become such a badass guy? I thought nerds were supposed to be kind, gentle and… loving. Not that one. He used to be though, which drove me insane. He still drives me insane.
That's it!
I pull Freddie aside and lower my voice, so Carly doesn't hear. Now it's time to reign some chaos before anything worse could happen. Unplanned pregnancy plan, unleashed! Does that make sense?
"You need to know something," I say, very seriously.
"Okay."
How do I put this delicately… Oh fuck it. I just blurt it out, like it's no big deal.
"Carly's pregnant."
Erm, what? No, that's not right, I was meant to say that I was pregnant… Oh crap! This is not good. Now he's gone ghostly white. I keep cool and calm. Like I wouldn't be freaked out that my best friend is pregnant, at the age of seventeen.
"What?" Freddie shouts, people stop and watch. I wave them away. They leave.
I immediately clasp my hands over his mouth and growl at him to keep it down. We wouldn't want to cause a big scene about a very fake unplanned pregnant girl right here in the school. Fortunately he obeys. Unfortunately, I have to go through with this, because it's not April Fool's Day.
This is bad. This is very bad. What do I do, now? Explain.
"I think she doesn't want anyone to know. In fact she hasn't even told me. I just found a test in her bathroom trash can. You CANNOT tell her I told you or I will have to kill you. Understood?"
That oughta do it. He looks scared enough. My job, is done.
"G-got it."
He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly and I just stare at the boy, until he manages to say something kind of weird. Knowing Benson, it could be really lame or really smart and lame. Why are smart people such losers? The boy is… granted… good looking in some way. Some may even say 'cute'. But I wouldn't be that carried away.
"You know, I really was worried. For a second there, I thought you were going to tell me that you were pregnant."
I just laugh awkwardly as we walk down the hallway, joining the very not pregnant Carly and remind myself to kick him hard in the groin, later for even suggesting such a thing.