Life of Xun as Mulan

by RebelWright7

A remake of a classic Disney movie: Lu Xun as Mulan, Lu Meng as Shang, Tong as Mushu, might as well take a look

Before anyone goes crazy and says that the characters are in the wrong spots and so-and-so should actually be someone else: this was planned with the possibility of doing the same twisted insanities to the second mulan.

Disclaimer: We own nothing. Period.

Start: (and yes, Xun is a girl in this fic. Deal with it.)

A soldier was standing at his post on a cold, cloudy night. It was the kind of night that just felt like something bad was going to happen. A single hawk circled unseen in the sky above, circling, until it swooped down to rake it's talon's on the Wu soldier's shoulder. The man let out a choked yell and his partner came running, just as arrow's rained upon the base. The gate fell to shreds as hordes of Wei soldiers charged in.

"We're under attack! Light the signal!"

The signal fire was lit. The hawk alighted on the arm of Lu Bu who was smirking at the trembling soldiers, even as signal fires alighted in the distance.

"Now all of Wu knows that you are here!" a soldier said with his last collection of courage.

Lu Bu picked up a banner from its stand and held it over the signal fire. The fabric caught flame immediately and was soon not but dust.

"Perfect." Lu Bu smirked.

---

In an extravagent palace not too far away, the emperor was waiting for an important message from one of his highest ranking generals. The general entered the long room with quick bow.

"Your majesty, Lu Bu and his army have crossed our Northern border." the general informed.

"Impossible! Nobody can get through the Great Wall!" Lu Su countered.

The emperor silenced his advisor with a small lift of his hand. Lu Su bowed and stepped back to let the general finish.

"Lu Bu is planning to kill you, we will set up a defenses around your palace immediately." The general said.

"No!" the emperor stood, speaking in a commanding voice. "You must send your troops to defend my people! Lu Su!"

"Yes, your Highness?" Lu Su asked.

"Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible." The emperor ordered.

"Forgive me, your majesty, but I believe my army can stop him." the general reasoned.

"I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale, and one man may mean the difference between victory and defeat." The emperor said wisely.

---

Lu Xun was sitting on her bed, thoughtfully reading over a scroll as she ate a mouthful of rice.

"Quiet and demure...graceful, polite, delicate, refined, poised..."

Xun picked up a brush and dipped it in ink to finish writing the notes on her arm.

"...punctual!" she sighed in relief at having finished.

A rooster crowed on the roof. An alarmed Xun jumped from the bed and scrambled to jump off the bed without entangling herself as she ran for the door blowing on her still drying arm as she ran.

"Taishi Ci! Taishi Ci! Taish- oh! There you are!" Xun spotted the family dog, Taishi Ci, sprawled sleeping on the warm floor.

The dog's ears perked up, jumping to it's feet it looked at Xun excitedly.

"I'm running late so can you help me with my chores?" Xun asked.

Not expecting an answer, Xun tied a stick to Taishi Ci's collar and a bone to the end of that. The dog barked in anticipation as Xun tied a corn sack behind the dog then let the dog loose out the door. The result was better than Xun hoped it would be. With Taishi Ci chasing blindly after the bone, the chicken's were fed by the bits dropped from the bag.

In the small family temple Xun's father, Lu Yu, was praying to the family ancestors.

"Honorable Ancestors ... please help Xun impress the Matchmaker today." Lu Yu prayed.

Taishi Ci burst into the temple, scattering grain all throughout the sacred building. He left and the chickens followed. Lu Yu looked about him and sighed.

"Please, please help her." Lu Yu almost begged.

Hearing fast appraoching footsteps, Lu Yu slowly rose to his feet and wobbled toward the entrance with his cane supporting most of his weight. Xun had stopped at the top of the stairs to untie to bone for Taishi Ci with a quick thank you. The chore was finished and Taishi Ci rushed off to go bury the bone somewhere. Xun turned back to the temple.

"Father! Father I-"

Xun hadn't noticed that her father was standing behind her and clumsily dropped the tray. She scrambled to catch the cup as her father easily balanced the kettle on his cane. The cup shattered on the ground despite her efforts.

"Xun-" Lu Yu began.

"I brought a spare!" Xun produced a cup from her pocket.

"Xun-"

"Remember, the doctor said three cups in the morning."

"Xun-"

"And three at night."

"Xun, you should be in town already. Remember, we are counting on you-"

"To uphold the family honour. Don't worry, father, I won't let you down! Wish me luck!"

Xun left the tea cup and kettle in her father's care as she ran back down the stairs with a small wave. Lu Yu sighed.

"I think...I will pray some more." Lu Yu concluded.

---

"Lu Mei! Where is your daughter? The matchmaker is not a patient woman!" a woman warned.

Lu Mei looked up the street with a desperate expression. "Of all the days to be late... I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck."

"How lucky could they be? They're dead! Besides, I have all the luck we'll need." Granny Lu chuckled then spoke quietly to a cricket, named Sun Quan, within a cage she held. "This is your chance to prove yourself!"

Granny Lu closed her eyes and stepped into the busy road.

"Grandma! No!" Lu Mei panicked.

Carts, horses, vendors and everyone on the road swerved to avoid hitting Granny Lu. Dust and debris flew everywhere everything crashed together. Somehow, Granny Lu was still in one piece when she reached the far side of the road, as was her cricket. Although the cricket, saner than his captor, was shaking at the knees and wide eyed in fear. She turned back to her daughter across the street.

"Yup! This is a lucky one!" Granny Lu announced.

Lu Mei shook her head sadly. A loud whiney brought her attention back to the road where Zhou Tai, Xun's horse, leapt across the rubble and Xun gracefully dismounted before her mother.

"I'm here!" Xun smiled, then took on a guilty expression at her mother's stare. "What? But, mother, I had to-"

"I won't hear any of your excuses! Now, let's get you cleaned up." Lu Mei said.

Lu Mei led Xun into a building where she was promptly grabbed by the forearm as a rather large woman inspected her tangled hair with loose bits of hay from Zhou Tai's stable. The woman turned up her nose in disgust.

"This is what you give me to work with? Well, honey, I've seen worse." the woman shrugged as she pulled Xun behind a dressing curtain.

Xun's dress was removed and she was tossed unceremoniously into a tub of what might have been warm water as some point.

"I-I-it's f-freezing!" Xun's teeth chattered.

"You shouldn't have been late." Lu Mei scolded.

Lu Mei spotted the ink on Xun's arm and raised an eyebrow.

"And what is this?"

"Just notes..in case I forget something..." Xun said sheepishly.

"Hold this, we're going to need more luck than I thought." Granny Lu handed Lu Mei the still caged Sun Quan.

After washing and dressing, Xun was sat and her hair was being yanked in all directions by two women. She bit her lip and winced at the tugs and pulls till finally they settled her her hair in a bun with a red ribbon. Xun then followed her mother outside and across the town square. She stopped halfway to take a peek at a strategy game being played y two old men. One of the men had a cocky grin, knowing he had won. Lu Mei called for Xun too keep up. She quickly moved one of the pieces, changing the advantage from the spindly looking man to the other.

Xun was placed on a stool as different fabrics were thrown about her. She became dizzy from all the twirling colours as even her own mother flittered about.

"Remember, men like girls with good taste." one woman reminded.

"Calm." the second chimed in.

"Obediant." Lu Mei added.

"And a tiny waist!" the first woman pulled a knot so tight around Xun's stomach that hindered her breathing.

Lu Mei led Xun across the town square again. This time she spotted two little boys stealing a crying girl's doll. She snatched it back with a disapproving glare before returning it to the girl. The boys shrugged and ran off to play with their fake swords.

Xun sat on a mat as a woman powdered her face white. It was only a short time later that Xun reopened her eyes to look at the small mirror. She was surprised by how she could hardly recognize herself. She hid her frown when she saw her mother's adoring expression. Her mother opened a small cloth parcel and pulled out a small comb with a red and gold flower. Xun bowed her head as her mother put the clip in her hair.

"There, you're ready." Lu Mei said ecouragingly.

"Not yet shes not!" Granny Lu strode over, stuffing an apple in Xun's mouth. "An apple for serenity, a pendant for balance, beads of jade for beauty, and a cricket for luck! Now not even you can blow this!"

Xun looked at the cricket Granny Lu had clipped onto the ribbon about her waist. It looked relieved to be out of her grandmother's hands. She carefully walked down the steps, taking her red umbrella from her mother as she went. Walking across the town square toward the matchmaker's house, anxiety began to set in as she glanced back momentarily at hr mother and grandmother proudly watching her.

"Ancestors, please hear my plea: Please help me not to make a fool of me." Xun prayed silently.

The line of girls walking toward the matchmaker's house was far ahead. Xun clumsily lifted the bottom of her dress so she could catch up. She glanced ahead and tried to copy their posture perfectly. Chin up, hands delicately holding the umbrella before her. She hoped she wouldn't trip on her dress. The girl's all aligned and bowed behind their fans as the matchmaker stepped out of the house. Xun stayed still, listening to her own heart beating erratically.

"Lu Xun?" The matchmaker drawled.

"Present!" Xun called out cheerfully.

The matchmaker scowled and wrote on her paper. "Speaking without permission."

Xun cringed. How cold she have made that mistake?! Xun followed the matchmaker inside the house, mentally revising her notes from this morning.

"Who spit in her bean curd?" Granny Lu stuck her tongue out at the matchmaker's retreating figure.

Inside, Xun was practically cowering as the matchmaker looked her up and down. Her chin was forcefully tilted up, then to the side. The lady then circled Xun.

"Too skinny, and what a strange eyes." the matchmaker scowled.

Quan was tired of hiding within his cage. He easily opened the cage and leapt out. Xun grabbed him but he wormed away and before Xun could take another snatch, she became aware of the matchmaker watching her.

"Recite the Final Admonition." the lady ordered.

Xun hurridly pulled out a fan as if that had been the intention of her little spaztic dance.

"Well?" the matchmaker tapped her foot impatiently.

"Fulfill your duties calmly and..." Xun pulled his sleeve back slightly, he bit his lip to silence a gasp when he realized how smudged they had become. "...respectivly. Um...reflect before you...snack. Act! This shall bring you honour and...glory!"

The matchmaker snatched Xun's fan away, searching for notes. When she found none, she slapped it back in Xun's hand and dragged her over to a low table by her wrist. Xun was startled to see that when the matchmaker pulled her hand away, all the ink was smeared on her palm.

"Now, pour the tea. To please you future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity-" the matchmaker accidentaly wiped the ink over her mouth in what looked like a mustache. "-and refinement. You must also be poised."

Xun had been staring incredulously at the matchmaker and missed pouring the tea into the cup entirely and now a steaming puddle was forming on the wooden table surface. She quickly filled the cup when she heard what sounded like a content sigh from within the cup. Quan the cricket was lounging in the cup but the matchmaker took it without glancing once at the cups contents.

"Um, pardon me-" Xun said quietly.

"And silent!" the matchmaker sniffed the tea.

"Could I take that back for just a moment?" Xun reached for the cup.

The matchmaker refused to hand the cup over despite Xun's persistance. They both pulled at the cup till it slipped and the tea spilled on the startled lady just as Quan fell down the front of her dress.

"Why you clumsy-!" the matchmaker glared, when suddenly she stopped.

With a shriek the matchmaker danced about, trying to shake out the cricket as Xun watched in horrer. The woman tripped, falling back and knocking over the coal tea warmer. She fell on the hot coals and her dress burnt. She screamed, leaYi to her feet and running in circles. Thinking quick, Xun grabbed her fan and tried to fan the burns, but then it burst into a growing flame. Xun watched helplessly, as the screams grew louder as she ran out the door.

"Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT!" the matchmaker screamed.

Xun followed and dumped the tea over the matchmaker and thankfully, the fire was doused. Althouh the lady's makeup was running horribly. Embarrassed, Xun handed the teapot back and hurried to where her mother and grandmother were waiting. The matchmaker stormed over.

"You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring honour to your family!" the matchmaker yelled.

---

Xun walked slowly in the family gates. She was leading Zhou Tai but her head was down, ashamed. Looking up, she saw her father standing on the porch, smiling warmly at her. Xun lowered her head, hiding her face behind Zhou Tai's head. She took off Zhou Tai's bridle and looked back to the house, where her mother was speaking quietly to her father as they walked into the house. She looked back into the water trough.

'I will never be the perfect bride...or daughter...Now I see, to be myself, would break my family's heart...' Xun thought sadly.

Xun walked to the family temple, to pray and ask forgivness. On the stones, she saw her reflection. But was it really her? WiYi the makeup off with her sleeves, she removed the ribbon from her hair then held the comb in her hands. She stood, walking to sit under the blossoming tree, letting Quan go free in the grass.

The sound of breaking twigs brought her attention to her father limYi toward her. She turned her head away, afraid to look him in the face. She nervously played with her hair as her father sat next to her with a small groan. It was quiet for a time.

"My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year." Lu Yu commented. "But look, this ones late."

Xun looked curiously at the flower her father was looking at.

"I bet when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful," Lu Yu took the comb from Xun's lap and tucked it in her hair "of all."

Xun smiled up at her father. At least it sounded like he forgave her. There was the sound of drums in the distance and Lu Yu looked over sharply.

"Whats that?" Xun asked.

Lu Yu stood and limped for the gate outside. Xun followed but he held his hand out.

"Xun, stay inside." Lu Mei said gently yet firmly to Xun.

Xun nodded, stepYi back. Granny Lu cleared her throat and thumbed over at some crates lined against the wall. Xun hurried over and climbed up ontop of the crates and looked over the wall to see a messenger from the emperor.

"Citizens! I bring a proclamation from the Imperial City! Lu Bu has invaded Wu! By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army!" Li Ru opened a scroll. "The Chow family!"

A man stepped forward and took a scroll.

"The Yee family!" Li Ru called.

A boy just a few years older than Xun stepped forward.

"I will serve the emperor in my father's place." the boy said.

"The Lu family!"

"No!" Xun gasped as her father dropped his cane and tried to walk strongly without it.

"I am ready to serve the Emperor." Lu Yu bowed.

Xun ran out the gate, pushing past the other spectators.

"Father, you can't go!" Xun cried.

"Xun-!" Lu Yu was surprised.

"Please, sir, my father has already fought for-" Xun tried to reason with Lu Su.

"Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence." Li Ru scoffed.

Xun looked back to her father helplessly.

"Xun, you dishonour me." Lu Yu turned away from Xun.

Xun dropped his gaze to the ground and Granny Lu led Xun back into the crowd.

"Report to the Jiang Dong camp tomorrow." Li Ru said.

After taking his scroll, Lu Yu walked back to the Lu family home. The crowd parted respectfully as he passed. Lu Mei offered the cane to Lu Yu but he ignored it. He limped through the gate and the messenger continued to read off names. Xun let her head hang in shame as Granny Lu led her back to her mother and the family gate. Her father strode proudly ahead, trying his best to hide the gimp in his step.

Lu Xun crept silently down the hallway. She held her hand before the flame to hide it's flickering brightness as she reached her destination. Peeking around the doorframe, she gasp to see her father holding his old sword. The scroll he had received earlier was tucked into his belt as the sword cut gracefully throught he year. For a moment, he looked younger than she had ever seen him-

Then his bad leg collapsed. Xun resisted the urge to run to her father's aide. He crawled to a pillar and leaned heavily on it, wincing. He plucked the scroll up and looked at it, a determined spark in his old eyes. Xun leaned back against the wall and tears threatened to fall. He would die!

Dinner was silent. Xun poured tea first for her father, then her mother and her grandmother and finally her own. The silence was oppresive but no one had sared to break it. She glanced hopefully at Granny Lu, willing her to say something, but the old women bowed her head in sorrow. Neither of her parents would do anything either.

Slamming down her cup, Xun stood. The up clattered aside and the hot liquid spilled onto the table.

"You shouldn't have to go!" Xun cried

"Mulan!" Lu Mei gasped. "There are plenty of young men to fight for China!" Xun pointed out.

"It is an honor to protect my country and my family." Lu Yu recited calmly.

"So you'll die for honor." Xun spat.

"I will die doing what's right." Lu Yu stood to face his daughter.

"But if you-"

"I know my place. It is time you learned yours."

Xun looked at her father in shock. Her eyes filled with unshed tears as she ran from the room. She threw open the doors to the courtyard, clining to a column for support as she sobbed. Thick clouds rained heavily and thunder boomed in the distance. Filled with sadness, she wandered the property till eventually she came to a large stone dragon statue. She huddled under the statue's powerful chest for protection from the cold rain.

She didn't know how much time had passed but eventually her tears ran dry. Crawling foreward she gazed at a puddle at the foot of the statue. She still didn't know who was looking back at her...

Through the window, Xun saw her parents talking. Her mother was obviously crying. Lu Yu blew out the candle and Xun didn't miss the slouch in his posture. She knew he would leave tomorrow morning...

Her brow's came together as a plan unfurled itself within her mind. She stood, running through the rain to the family shrine. Her tears were dried now and a calm numbness made it seem almost like a dream as she lit some insence and prayed. With a final deep breath she turned and left. Quan had been watching her. Curious, he followed her through the stormy night and into the house.

Xun's soft footsteps made no sound on the floor. She spotted the dreaded scroll on the bedside table. Taking it, she laid her flowered comb in it's place. From there, she fetched her father's old armour and sword. She took the sword and ran it through her light brown hair, afriad to look at the fallen locks of hair for fear her resolve would falter. Dressing in the armour, she stuffed pillows in the torso, arms, and legs to hide her thin figure.

Opening the door to the stable, Xun found Zhou Tai. The horse was startled and whinied but Xun calmed him with quiet words. He relaxed and Xun mounted. They charged out into the stormy night.

Granny Lu startled awake. Where the feeling had come from, she didn't know. But somehow she knew that something was off. It didn't take long for her to discover Xun's absence. She rushed into Lu Yu and Lu Mei's room.

"Mulan is gone!" Granny Lu awakened the sleeping couple.

"What?" Lu Yu caught sight of the comb. "It can't be..."

He rushed to his chest and flings open the door, seeing that the armour is missing and a few strands of Xun's hair had yet to blow out the open window. He stumbled to the front door, scrambling down the stairs.

"Mulan!" He fell into the mud. "Noo!" Lu Mei ran to her husbands side. "You must go after her! She could be killed!"

"If I reveal her, she will be." Lu Yu said sadly.

Granny Lu looked into the darkness at the gate which swung wildly in the storm. She bowed her head in prayer. "Ancestors, hear our prayer: Watch over Mulan." Granny Lu asked.

In the family shrine, the characters on the tablets began to glow softly. They grew steadily brighter. The Great Ancestors took form as a whispy glowing ghost within the shrine.

"Awaken, Ling Tong." The Great Ancestor bellowed. The insence bowl's dragon statue came to life, poofing into a ball of smoke. The small dragon named Tong sat up from the smoke with a poor zombie impersonation:

"I live!" Tong cried as he held his hands out like the walking dead. He then jumped up energetically and began rambling excitedly: "So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor? You just say the word, and I'm there!"

"Mushu..."the Great Ancestor rubbed his temples as if warding off an incoming headache.

"And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten OUR family, vengeance will be MINE!" Tong followed this statement with a rather pathetic attempt at a growl.

"Mushu! These are the family guardians." The Great Ancestor gestured dramatically to the various statues sitting on pedestals" They...?

"Protect the family." Tong finished sullenly.

"And you, O Demoted One...?"

"I ring the gong."

"That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors."

"One family reunion coming right up." Tong forced some cheer into his voice, refusing to be beaten down. "Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's go, c'mon, get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing, trust me!"

The ancestors awoke one by one. They were all the ancestors of the Lu family, and hopefully not the last.

"I knew it, I knew it! That Mulan was a troublemaker from the start!" a squinty eyed bird-like woman pointed her crutch at the man next to her.

"Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family!" the bearded spirit retorted.

"She's just trying to help her father!" a stumpy little spirit reasoned.

"But if she's discovered, Lu Yu will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate!" a stick-armed spirit said, twitching anxiously as if he had had too much caffine.

"Not to mention they'll lose the farm!" a bald man with a pitchfork added.

"My children never caused such trouble; they all became acupuncturists!" The bird-lady boasted.

Tong rolled his eyes, flipping his newspaper to the comics.

"Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!" the bearded man spat.

"No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a CROSS-DRESSER!" a woman with large ears accused.

A full scale argument broke out. Tong started edging toward the door.

"Let a guardian bring her back!" a large man with a frech mustache recommended.

"Yes! Awaken the most cunning!" the bearded man snatched up Tong and held him before a statue of a snarling fox.

"No! The swiftest!" the ancestor who drank too much mountain dew held Tong up to rabbit's statue.

Tong was snatched once again and held this time before a monkey's statue. "No, send the wisest!"

"SILENCE!" the Great Ancestor shouted then waiting for complete and total quiet. "We will send the most powerful of all."

"Okay, okay, I get the hint. I'll go." Tong posed dramatically. The ancenstors broke out into hysterical laughter. Tong scowled. "What? Y'all don't think I can do it?! Watch this here!"

Tong puffed a small spark.

"Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. Don't make me singe nobody to prove no point."

"You had your chance to protect the Lu Family." The Great Ancestor reminded Tong.

"Your misguidance led Lu Yi to disaster!" The bird-woman accused.

"Yeah, thanks a lot." the headless spirit name Lu Yi said sarcastically.

"And your point is?" Tong asked.

"The point is, we will be sending a REAL dragon to retrieve Xun."

"WHAT?! I'm a real dragon!" Tong argued.

"You're not even worthy of this thought! Now, awaken the Great Stone Dragon!" The Great Ancestor commanded.

"So you'll get back to me on the job thing?" Tong asked hopefully.

Tong's gong was thrown at him and it hit him in his face. He was knocked back to roll painfully down the stairs to the feet of the stone dragon statue Xun had sat under earlier.

"Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill you." Tong muttered to himself then looked at the statue. "Yo, Rocky, wake up! You gotta go fetch Xun! C'mon, boy! Go get her! Go on! C'mon!"

Tong climbed up the statue, dragging the heavy gong behind him. He stared the statue in the eye.
"Grr. Hello? Helloooo? HELLO!" Tong smacked the statue with his gong and an ear fell off. "Uh-oh..."

The entire statue crumbled into little pieces except for the head which rested regally on the pile of rubble.
"Uh ... Stoney? Stoney ... Oh, man, they're gonna kill me!" Tong panicked.
"Great Stone Dragon! Have you awakened?" The Great Ancestor called from the shrine.

Tong picked up the head of the statue and held it up over the bushes and tried to disguise his voice: "Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um, I am the Great Stone Dragon! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Xun! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Stone Dragon?!"

"Go! The fate of the Fa family rests in your claws." The Great Ancestor replied.

"Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face!" Tong tripped on one of the small stone and fell backwards down the rest of the hill.

The dragon head bounce along on it's own but landed on him when he finally came to a stop.

"Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something." At this point Tong pulled himself from beneath the heavy head. "That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Miss Man decided to take her little drag show on the road."

Quan had been watching Tong and decided to give his advice. The unfortunate lizard looked like he needed it.

"Chirp!" Quan bounded over.

"Go GET her?! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring her back with a medal to get back in the Temple!" Tong souted incredulously. "Wait a minute! That's it! I make Xun a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work! That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man!"

"Chirp!"

"And what makes you think you're coming?" Tong asked.

"Chirp."

"You're LUCKY?! Do I look like a sucker to you?"

"Chirp."

"What do you mean, a loser? What if I pop one of you antennae of and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser?"

"Chirp."

The duo ran down the path and off of the Lu property. The followed the path Xun had taken not too long ago.

---

Deep in a snowy mountain, two Wu soldiers were thrown before Lu Bu himself. Both were terrified but only one cowered.

"Imperial Scouts." one of Lu Bu's soldiers announced.

"It's Lu Bu!" the shaking soldier gasped.

"Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Hun army." Lu Bu said slowly, smirking.

The soldiers behind Lu Bu snickered.

"Th-The Emperor will stop you!" the second soldier spoke up.
"Stop me? He invited me! By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game. Go! Tell your Emperor to send his strongest armies. I'm ready." Lu Bu taunted.

The two Wu scouts scrambled, trying to get as far away as possible and no one chased them.

Lu Bu looked thoughtful before turning to an archer next to him.

"How many men does it take to deliver a message?" Lu Bu asked darkly.

The archer took aim. "One."

---

Xun peeked through some trees into a large meadow where the army was meeting. She stepped back, looking at Tai.

"Okay. Okay, how about this:" Xun coughed and tried to make her voice sound deep: "Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and... strong!"

Xun tried to pull out her sword but fumbled and it dropped to the ground. Tai snorted loudly in amusement and was hit by Xun's projectile shoe which she hopped over to pull back on.

"I'm working on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army." Xun sat on a rock.

"DID I HEAR SOMEONE ASK FOR A MIRACLE?! Lemme hear ya say, 'Aaah!'" Tong said dramatically, hidden by smoke and fire so only his enourmously misproportionate shadow could be seen.

"Aughhh!" Xun screamed in fright, falling back.

"That's close enough!" Tong laughed.

"A-A-A gh-ghost!" Xun's eyes were wide.

"Get ready, Xun, your seventeen halation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade!" Tong kicked Quan who was making shadow puppets. "C'mon, if you're gonna stay, you're gonna work with me." Tong muttered to Quan before turning back to Xun. "So heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death."

"Wh-who are you?" Xun asked timidly.

"Who am I? WHO am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Ling Tong!" Tong stepped out from behind the rock.

Xun stared at Tong for a minute.

"I'm pretty hot, huh?" Tong posed.

Tai stomped Tong into the grass and walked off with a flick of his tail.

"My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?" Xun inquired.

"Hey! Dragon! Dragon, not lizard! I don't do that tongue-thing." Tong crossed his arms with a glare.

"You're... um ..." Xun trailed off.

"Intimidating? Awe-inspiring?" Tong offered.

"Tiny." "Of course! I am travel-sized, for your convenience. If I was my REAL size, your cow here would die of fright." Tong thumbed over at Tai who tried to bite him. "DOWN, Bessy! My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor."

Xun's cheeks flushed and she slapped Tong.

"Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis-" Tong rattled off.

"Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before." Xun apologized.

"Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more. You clear on that?" Tong stopped talking long enough for Xun to nod. "Alright. Okey-dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Quan, get the bags!" Tong jumped on Tai's saddle. "Let's move it heifer!"

They marched into the camp. Xun tied off Tai with the other horses and glanced nervously into the camp from behind a large wooden pole which seemed kinda out of place.

"Okay, this is it! Time to show them your man-walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut!" Tong commanded.

Xun did as told. She looked more like a drunk then a soldier and she received many odd glances. Tong continued giving her orders, telling her to 'work' the new walk. They passed by many men, some of which were cutting their toenails and picking their noses. Xun scrunched her nose in disgust.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Tong grinned.

"They're disgusting." Xun whispered.

"No, they're men. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention!" Tong chided.

"Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!" a recruit was showing off a dragon tattoo on his arm.

One of the other recruits looked thoughtful. This man had a whole collection of tattoos that covered his entire torso. On a whim it seemed, he punched the bragging man who was sent flying backwards.

"I hope you can get your money back!" another recruit with a pony-tail laughed.

"I don't think I can do this..." Xun whimpered.

"It's all attitude! Be tough, like this guy here!" Tong motioned to soldier with the tattooed torso.

"What are you looking at?" the soldier sneered.

"Punch him. It's how men say hello." Tong said quickly.

Xun punched him on the arm and he wasn't suspecting it. He stumbled back into another man with long hair.

"Gan Ning, did you make a new friend?" the long hair man asked, brushing himself off with a raised eyebrow in Xun's direction.

"I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy!" Ning growled.

"Ning, relax." the long haired man said in a cool voice.

Ning took a deep breath, still glaring at Xun.

"You ain't worth my time, pretty boy." Ning turned.

"Pretty boy!? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!" Tong shouted back.
"Rrraaaaghhh!" Ning charged at Xun.

Xun ducked just in time and Ning punched the man with a pony-tail who had been standing behind Xun.

"Oops, sorry Sun Ce." Ning said quickly before turning back to Xun.

Ce kicked Ning who tripped on Xun who was on her hands and knees and bowled the long-haired man over. Ce dove into the dog pile and Xun scrambled away. She slipped into a tent.

"Hey! There he goes!" Ce pointed.

The trio chased Xun through the tent and broke through the far side. Ning stopped just before he crashed into the food line. Ce stopped a handspan behind him.

"Stop Zhou Yu!" Ce called.

Yu had a carton over his head from the brawl in the tent and he knocked over Ce and started the line of dominos that was the food line. It went all the way to the cook and the pot of rise was spilt. As the men groaned and turned to see who started it, Xun was the only one standing.

"Hey, guys..." Xun put her hands up calmingly as they all advanced on her.

Across the camp, Li Ru entered the strategy tent. The General was debriefing his son on the plans for future battles.

"The Huns have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Chow Pass and stop Lu Bu before he destroys this village." The General explained.

"Excellent strategy, sir! I do love surprises!" Li Ru chimed.

"You will stay and train the new recruits. When Li Ru believes you're ready, you will join us... Captain."The General smiled.

"Captain?" Li Ru inquired. "Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?"

"Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques...and impressive military lineage...I believe Lu Meng will do an excellent job." The General stroked his beard.

"Oh I will! I won't let you down, Father! This is... I mean... Yes sir." Meng corrected himself.

"Very good, then. We'll toast China's victory at the Imperial City. I'll expect a full report in three weeks."
"And believe me, I won't leave anything out." Li Ru smirked secretly at Lu Meng.

"Captain Lu Meng: Leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time." The General said.

They stepped outside to see a large brawl between all of the recruits. The General sweatdropped and Lu Meng's mouth was slightly agape.

"Most impressive." Li Ru smirked sarcastically.

Good luck, Captain! Yah!" the General rode his horse off with his escort.

"Good luck ... Father." Lu Meng trailed off.

"Day one." Li Ru chortled.

"Soldiers!" Meng called them to attention.

Everyone seperated to reveal a cowering Xun in the middle. "HE started it!" They all pointed.

Lu Meng strode up Xun with a disdainful look. "I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp."

"Sorry..." Xun coughed to deepen his voice. "I mean, sorry you had to say that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges... just gotta KILL something. Fix things... a cook outdoors..."

"What's your name?" Lu Meng asked.

"Uh...um...uh..." Xun sifted through his memories.

"Your commanding officer just asked you a question!" Li Ru poked Xun's chest with the back of his quill.

"I've got a name... and it's a boy's name, too!" Xun lied.

"Ning! How 'bout Ning?" Tong recommended.

"HIS name is Ning." Xun hissed.

"I didn't ask for HIS name, I asked for yours!" Meng shouted.

"Uh ... Ah Chu!" Tong said.

"Ah Chu!" Xun repeated.

"AH CHU?!" Meng asked for confirmation.

"Gesuintit! Hee hee ... I kill myself." Tong laughed.

"Tong..." Xun glared.

"TONG?" Meng was losing his patience.

"No." Xun corrected.

"Then WHAT is it?!" Meng could feel a migraine starting up.

"Yi! Yi was my best friend growing up." Tong suggested seriously for once.

"It's Yi."

"Yi?" Meng repeated.

"'Course, Yi did get beheaded--"

"Yes. My name is Yi." Xun tried to hide her alarm at Tong's comment.

"Let me see your conscription notice." Lu Meng said and Xun handed it over. "Lu Yu? THE Lu Yu?

"I didn't know Lu Yu had a son." Li Ru commented.

"Er, he ... doesn't talk about me much." Xun tried to spit but failed epically.

"I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic!" Li Ru rolled his eyes.

The other soldiers laughed and Xun's cheeks flushed slightly in embarrassment.

"Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Yi, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins." Meng roared.

The soldiers grumbled angrily and glared hatefully at Xun.

"You know, we have to work on your people skills." Tong tried to lighten the mood.

---

Tong picked up Quan and twisted his wings then held him on his palm. Quan rang like an alarm clock and Xun jolted awake.

"All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!" Tong shouted in Xun's face.

Xun pulled the blanket up over her head. Tong tutted and pulled it off.

"Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready. Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!" Tong held out a bowl of porridge with eggs for eyes and a strip of bacon for a smiling mouth.

Quan had settled into the porridge with a sigh and Tong tossed him out.

"Hey, get out of there! You're gonna make her sick!" Tong scolded.

"Am I late?" Xun asked.

"No time to talk." Tong stuffed porridge into her mouth till it was full. "Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt."

"But I don't want to kick the other kids' butts." Xun's voice was muffled through her full mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." tong scolded. "Now let's see your war face."

Xun's mouth was full of food, and she looked blankly at him. It wasn't scary.

"Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, girl!" Tong cheered.

"Rrrrraaaaarrrgggghhhhh!" Xun tried to appear frightening.

"That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!" Tong said proudly.

Tai outside neighed frantically.

"What do you mean, the troops just left?!" Tong shouted.

"They WHAT?" Xun spat most of the porridge out without trying.

She scrambled to pull on her shoes as she ran from the tent.

"Wait, you forgot your sword!" Tong handed it to Xun, sniffing like a mother sending her first child off to school "My little baby, off to protect China."

---

"Order! People, order!" Li Ru shouted.

"I'd like a pan-fried noodle!" Ce joked.

"That's not funny." Li Ru flared.

"Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Yi, Are ya hungry?" Ce asked.

"Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich." Ning spat on the ground.

"Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me!" Meng shouted.

Meng pulled off his shirt. Xun couldn't help staring in awe.

"Ooh, tough guy." Ning rolled his eyes.

Lu Meng pulled took up a bow and arrow. He aimed first at Ning, then at the top of the pole and let the arrow fly. It stuck in the wood.

"Ning. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow." Meng ordered.

"I'll get that arrow, show-off, and I'll do it with my shirt on." Ning approached the pole to climb it.

"One moment, you seem to be missing something." Meng held up two large weights. "This one represents disipline. And this represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow."

Meng tied one weight to each of Ning's arms. He tried to climb the pole but failed. Everyone tried, but none got higher then 10 ft off the ground. Xun did particularly bad, but thankfully not the worst. Meng ran his hand over his head and ponytail. He hoped his patience would last.

"We've got a long way to go." Meng sighed. "Let's get down to business to defeat the Huns."

Meng tossed out staffs to everyone. Ning caught Xun and tripped her up before dropping the staff next to her. Meng looked furious.

"Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons. You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet before we're through, Mister, I'll make a man out of you." Meng stared at Xun in particular.

They worked for days. The drills were difficult. Xun was bruised and sore before lunch. They worked on archery, balance, defense and how to properly use canons in the next few days. During which time Xun may or may not have misfired a cannon that lit Li Ru's tent on fire. By the end of the week, all of the recruits were hurting pretty bad.

"I'm never gonna catch my breath." Ning gasped.

"Say good-bye to those who knew me." Ce groaned.

"Why was I such a fool in school for cutting gym." Yu berated himself.

"This guy's got 'em scared to death" Tong was appalled.

"I hope he doesn't see right through me." Xun fretted.

"Now I really wish that I knew how to swim." Ce glanced nervously at the rapids in the river.

"You're unsuited for the rage of war. So pack up, go home, you're through. How could I make a man out of you?" Meng pushed Xun aside as the army marched by after she had failed yet another task.

She walked back to camp after dark with the others, rubbing her throbbing shoulders. On the way, she saw the pillar with the arrow still imbedded and the weights at the base. An idea came to her. She tied a weight to each of her wrists. Swinging them around the pole, they twisted together on the far side and she could lean back, walking vertically up the pole. As she climbed, the warriors chant played repetitivly in her head:

'We are men!
We must be swift as a coursing river
We are men!
With all the force of a great typhoon
We are men!
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!'

When she reached the top, the sun was rising. It had been such a long night but she pulled herself up onto the top, then looked down on the early risers who were staring up at her in awe. Dislodging the arrow, she tossed it down to land at Lu Meng's feet just as he left his own tent. The recruits cheered.

---

Lu Bu's hawk soared over the mountain tops and dropped to its owner a small black haired doll. It was worn and frail but he squeezed it mercilessly anyway before tossing it to one of his soldiers.

"What do you see?" Lu Bu growled the question.

"Black pine... from the high mountains." One offered after looking at the dolls button eyes.

"White horse hair... from an Imperial stallion." Another plucked off a white hair.

"Sulfur ... from cannons." a third sniffed the doll.

"This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Imperial Army is waiting." Lu Bu glanced at the mountain.

"We can avoid them easily." the second soldiar assured.

"No. The quickest way to the emperor is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her." Lu Bu smirked.

---

The full moon shone overheard, giving the calm river a luminescent glow. Tai muched away at some marsh grass as Tong paced back and forth on the riverbed.

"Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?!" Tong tried to be a voice of reason.

"Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one." Xun countered, untying her now short hair.

"So a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell." Tong ranted.

Xun ignored Tong and jumped into the water. She resurfaced and ran her hands through her short hair with a contented sigh.

"Okay, alright, that's enough now. C'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff." Tong urged.

"Tong, if you're so worried, go stand watch." Xun rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. 'Stand watch, Tong, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits'." Tong mimicked Xun's feminine voice. "Stupid hygeine."

Three men go running by before Tong could react. Quan jumped up and down frantically, chirping loudly.

"We're doomed! There're a couple of things I KNOW they're bound to notice!" Tong panicked, running after them.

Xun heard her comrades before she saw them. She ducked down into the water till only her eyes were above. She ducked behind a rock timidly as wave from the boys' cannonballs rushed by.

"Hey, Yi!" Ce greeted.

"Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were HERE. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye." Xun tried to slip away.

"Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Zhou Yu." Yu took Xun's hand and shook it.

Xun stepped back to try and continue her escape but bumped into Ning. "And I'm Gan Ning."

"Hello, Ning." Xun averted her eyes.

"And I am Sun Ce, King of the Rock! And there's nothing you girls can do about it." Ce taunted form his throne standing upon the rock.

"Oh yeah? Well, I think Yi and I can take you!" Ning elbowed Xun in emphasis.

"I really don't want to take him anywhere." Xun mumbled, swimming away.

Ning followed her.

"But, Yi! We have to fight!" Ning nagged.

"No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and... swim around." Xun offered weakly.

Ning grabbed Xun's arm to prevent her from fleeing "C'mon! Don't' be such a... OW! Something bit me!"

Tong surfaced as Ning rubbed his calf.

"What a nasty flavor!" Tong gagged.

"SNAKE!!!" Ning yells, swimming away.

As the trio panicked, Xun whistled for Tai. He trotted up and Xun covered herself with the saddle blanket and slipped away into the concealing darkness.

"Some King of the Rock." Yu sighed and Ce pushed him off the rock into the 'snake-infested' water.

"Boy, that was close." Xun gasped now that they were away.

She pulled the blanket tighter around her.

"No, that was VILE. You owe me big, woman!" Tong practically drowned himself in mouthwash.

"I never want to see a naked man again." Xun confirmed and Tai nodded his agreement.

The rest of the recruits flashed by. Tai stepped in front of Xun to shield her eyes.

"Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts." Tong gagged.

After changing back into clothes, Xun went on a stroll when she heard an argument in Li Ru's tent. The trio crept closer to hear what was being said:

"You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the Huns!" Li Ru spat.

"They completed their training." Meng said cooly.

"Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle." Li Ru.

"Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get Xun into this war! This guy's messing with my plans!" Tong ranted to Quan.

Quan chirped in response.

"We're not finished!" Meng growled angrily, putting a hand on Li Ru's clipboard.

"Be careful, Captain." Li Ru carefully removed Meng hand as though it were a snake. "The general may be your father, but I am the Emperor's Council. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed."

Lu Meng stormed out of the tent. Xun tried to act casual when he passed.

"Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch!" Xun laughed nervously but Meng hardly spared her a glance.

"Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!" Meng glanced back at her for a moment before walking away.

"I saw that." Tong grinned watching Meng who seemed a little less angry now.

"What?" Xun asked innocently.

"You like him, don't you?"

"M-me? N-n-no! I-" Xun stammered.

"Yeah, right, sure. GO TO YOUR TENT!" Tong ordered.

Xun glanced over at Meng one last time just before he disappeared behind some tents. She smiled secretly to herself and walked back to her tent. Tong watched to make sure she left.

"I think it's time we took this war into our own hands!" Tong said to Quan.

They reached Li Ru's tent just as he strode out. He was wearing a yellow towel with slippers carrying a little yellow rubber duck and whistling to himself as he made his way to go take a bath in the river. Tong and Quan entered. Quan began writing out a letter using his feet and jumping repeatingly in and out of the ink well. He finished and chirped to Tong.

"Okay, lemme see what you've got." Tong read aloud: "From General Lee. 'Dear Son, we're waiting for the Huns at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot, 'and since we're out of popourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some?' HELLO! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please! You know what I'm talking about?!"

Quan nodded and begins again with more vigor. Tong read as Quan typed.

"That's better, much better! Let's go!!" Tong took the letter and ran outside and over to where Tai was drinking.

"Tai. We need a ride." Tong jumped onto Tai's back.

Tai looked up from drinking and squirted a stream of water that knocked Tong off. Quan chirped in amusement before following. Back at the river, Li Ru held one sopping wet slipper as he sloshed up to path. He was soaked from head to toe and a lily pad clung to arm and he shook it off angrily. Someone threw his rubber duck and it hit his head.

"Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers!And I do not squeal like a girl!" Li Ru turned and a panda ate his remaining slipper and he gave a high-pitched shreik that could 5-year-old girls to shame:

"EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!"
"Urgent news from the general!" Tong said gruffly, making his straw puppet hand Li Ru the letter Quan had written.

Quan himself was holding up the puppet's helmet and Li Ru stared at them.

"What's the matter, you've never seen a black and white before?"

"Who are you?" Li Ru inquired.

"Excuse me?! I think the question should be, who are you?! We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so... carry on!" Tong had to speak hurridly because the panda started walking again.

It walked up a tree by the time Li Ru had read the letter.

"Capitan!" Li Ru ran to Lu Meng's tent, "Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!"

"Pack your bags, Quan, we're moving out!" Tong said triumphantly from hiding with a high-five for the awesome cricket.

---

The next day began the long march to the battlefront. The recruits were marching in full armour and it wasn't long till they felt weary. They hadn't even received a break after training! They still had bruises and cuts from sparring matches not 2 days ago. Tai pulled the wagon filled with explosives for battle. The men chanted to take their mind off the long hike:

"For a long time we've been marching off to battle.
In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle.
Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore."

Ce cut in with a happier thought :"Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!"

"Wha?" Xun was puzzled.

"That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for!" Ce repeated. "I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars."

"My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars!" Ning grinned.

I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like, it only matters what she thinks like." Yu put in his opionion.

'Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer!
And I bet the ladies love a man in armor!
You can guess what we have missed the most
Since we went off to war!
What do we want?
A girl worth fighting for!

My girl will think I have no flaws
That I'm a major find" The men chorused.

Xun was cornered by Ce and Ning who waited for her to put in her comment.

"How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who... always speaks her mind?" Xun offered.

"Nah!" Ning gave her a friendly shove.

"My manly ways and turn of phrase will be sure to thrill her!" Ce posed.

"He thinks he's such a lady-killer!" Yu whispered just as Ce tripped on a rock.

"I've a girl back home who's unlike any other." Li Ru smirked.

"Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother." Ning whispered to Xun.

They laughed even as the nerd glared back at them.

"But when we come home, in victory
They'll line up at the door!

What do we want?
A girl worth fighting for!
Wish that I had
A girl worth fighting for!
A girl worth fighting--"

The song stopped as they rounded a bend. The army stared in horror at charred remains of a small village. It was silent at first. Some smoke rose form still burning buildings.

"Search for survivors!" Lu Meng ordered.

Xun was silent as she searched. She found a small black-haired doll with button eyes. She glanaced over a Meng who wore an anguished expression.

"I don't understand... my father should've been here." Meng triailed off.

"Captain!" Li Ru shrieked.

Meng directed his horse to the hysterical man. Ahead of them, there was evidence of a large battle. Wu's banner lay bent and broken on the ground and the imperial army was strewn about the ground in fate's cruel abstract art. Yu came forward holding a helmet to Meng who had jumped down from his horse.

"The... general." Yu said sadly.

Meng took the helmet and walked a short distance away before he drove his sword deep into the snowy ground. He put his father's helmet upon it and kneeled before it, saying a prayer. Xun walked over, hoping to comfort Meng somehow.

"I'm sorry." Xun said quietly after Meng stood.

Meng put a hand on Xun's shoulder for a minute but said nothing to her before walking away. He mounted his horse, trying to appear brave for his dishearted men.

"The Huns are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Imperial City through the Tung Show pass. We're the only hope for the Emperor now. Move out!" Meng yelled.

Xun turned back to the makeshift grave. She placed the doll sitting against the sword and kneeled, saying a quick prayer of her own. Standing, she turned back to her comrades and followed them. The army marched slowly through the pass. There were no chants this time. Each man was too absorbed in his own thoughts to talk to anyone else. Without warning one of the canons fired from Tai's cart. Tong and Quan peered out of the hole as Xun looked accusingly at them. Tong pointed at Quan who jumped up and down in annoyance.

"What happened? You just gave away out position! Now we're-" Meng was cut off by an arrow piercing his shoulder just under his shoulder guard. He fell from his horse and a whole shower of annorws followed the first. "Get out of range!"

The army scrambled to get out of the way. Xun tried to help Tai pull the cart out of the way but it caught alight from a fire arrow shot with deadly accuracy.

Lu Meng turned his horse to give his panicking men orders. "Save the cannons!" Meng ordered.

The soldiers lined themselves up, passing the canon's to safety. The fire was spreading but the soldiers ran: there was nothing more they could do. Xun was trying to unhook Tai's saddle but it wasn't coming undone. She took up her sword and cut Tai away from the wagon. Tai stooped slightly to help Xun get on as they raced to get away. The blackpowder left inside the cart exploded. Xun was thrown from Tai's back and both Quan and Tai lend before her in the snow.

"Oh, sure, save the horse!" Tong glared.

Xun snatched up Quan and Tong from the snow and ran to the other soldiers. She took a canon and aimed it.

"Fire!" Meng shouted. Multiple canons were shot at the archers. "Fire!" Then there was silence.

Had they killed the archers? Was that really it? Meng expected the worst.

"Hold the last cannon." he ordered Ce.

The silence was pierced by a horses whinny. Lu Bu looked down at them from upon a ridge. Behind him, a massive army appeared, easily outnumbering the recruits by at least 500 to 1. Meng pulled out his sword and the men followed. Xun unsheathed her own sword with a hesitant glance at Meng. Lu Bu lifted his halberd and he charged.

"Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor!" Meng declared loudly. "Ce, aim the cannon at Lu Bu."

Xun's thoughtful gaze went from Ce + Meng to her sword. All of the snow that had fallen... She saw a mountain peak covered in snow as a reflection on her father's sword. She looked up, seeing that it was next to the majority of Lu Bu's army. An idea formed and she fumbled to return her sword to it's sheath. Jumping over a rock, she grabbed the last cannon from Ce.

"Let me borrow this!" Xun called over her shoulder as she ran toward the opposing army.

"Yi! Yi, come back!" Meng shouted.

Xun ran over the snowy plain. Lu Bu had his sword raised as Xun dove down into the snow. The cannon was held up by the snow as Xun clumsily struck the steel + flint together but could get no sparks. Meng was charging out toward Xun but Lu Bu was almost upon her.

"Okay, you might want to light that right about now! Quickly, quickly!" Tong urged.

Lu Bu's hawk swooped down on Xun. She put her hands up to protect her face from the talons and the ignition stones fell. She scrambled to retrieve them but they were buried somewhere in the blinding snow. Lu Bu had his halberd back, ready to strike her.

"C'mon, we gotta help!" Ning yelled as he, Yu, and Ce ran out toward Xun.

As a last ditch effort, Xun snatched up Tong and sqeezed him. He spat out a spark which lit the cannon and Xun quickly aimed it at Lu Bu- then up at the mountain. It fired from her arms and up into the sky. It flew high and arched toward the overhang, just barely missing Lu Bu's head as it went.

"You missed! How could you miss?! He was three feet in front of you!" Tong shouted from his perch on the rocket which exploded on the snowy cliff.

At first there was no response other than the initial explosion. Then Then the loose snow crumbled in on itself and almost the whole mountain peak avalanched onto Lu Bu's army. Lu Bu roared in fury and glared down at Xun's satisfied smirk. Xun's smugness departed for terror as Lu bu raised his halberd. Xun tried to scrambled away but Lu Bu's attack struck her and she fell into the snow before jumping to her feet and running away from the incoming snow. Meng had paused to watch the sheer force of the snow bury their enemies and Xun had to tug on his arm to get his to run.

Ning, Yu, and Ce were chrging wholeheartedly- until they saw Lu Bu's entire army being buried. They turned tail and ran for cover back with the other recruits.

Tai, who had been restrained by one of the other soldiers, broke free and ran to Xun's side. Lu Bu disappeared into the avalanche with a loud, bellowing cry not 10 feet behind Meng and Xun. Xun swung herself up onto Tai's back and reached out for Meng. They grasped hands just before the snow hit them but were torn apart. It took all Xun had to hold onto Tai and not be thrown off as he plowed through the snow trying to stay upright.

Tong was sledding down the avalanche on an abandoned shield.

"Xun!! Xun!! Xun?" Tong pulled on a shoulder guard sticking out of the snow but unearthed one of Lu Bu's men. He shoved the head back in the snow. "Nope. Xun!" Next Tong spotted a vaguely familiar set of antenae. He snatched Quan out of the snow and onto his makeshirt sleigh. "Man, you are one lucky bug." Quan was dazed but his opinion was not quite the same.

Xun glanced about her and spotted Meng's unconsious form slipping toward the cliff.

"Meng!" Xun exclaimed.

Tai changed direction, running with the snow toward the injured general. Xun pulled him up onto the saddle and Tai once again tried to fight his way against the snow to safety but they were rapidly approaching the cliff. From thier safe position behind some rocks, Ce was holding Yu up on his shoulders.

"Do you see them?" Ce asked.

"Yes!" Yu aimed his arrow and let fly.

A long rope was tied to the rope.

"Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safety!" Ning grinned from below but the rope slipped from his hand before he could get a good grip.

...

Tong slid up to Tai who had no time to bite him for once.

"Xun! I found the lucky cricket!" Tong held up Quan.

"We need help!" Xun shouted back.

She spoted the failed rescue attempt of Ning's rope and arrow. She hurridly tied it around Tai.

"You, buddy, can sit by me!" Tong placed his new found 'lucky' friend next to him on Tai- then they noticed the incoming cliff. "Aaaugh!!! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming!"

Xun took the arrow and shot it up as they slipped over the cliff and into the darkness.

"I let them slip through my fingers..." Ning cursed himself.

The arrow shot back by Xun landed in his hands. He held tight and was yanked toward the cliff. All of the remaining soldiers dove at Ning, trying to hold him from falling over the cliff as well. They dogpiled him and finally stopped him from sliding. Working together, they slowly pulled pulled the others back towards the top of the cliff.

"I knew we could do it! You the man!" Tong clapped Xun on the shoulder before correcting himself. "Well, sort of."

Tai scrambled up some loose stone but climbed away from the cliff before Xun and Meng collapsed off his back into the snow. Meng held his head.

"Step back, guys. Give them some air!" Yu advised.

"Yi, you are the craziest man I ever met." Meng wheezed through heavy breathing.

Xun sat looking down at the ground in shame.

"And for that... I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust." Meng smiled.

"Let's hear it for Yi!" Ning shouted.

"You're King of the Mountain!" Ce added.

The others cheered loudly. Meng stood and held out a hand to help Xun stand up. She took it and began to stand but stopped with pained gasp and fell to her knees clutching her side.

"Yi! What's wrong?" Meng asked conceredly.

He gently pulled her hand away to reveal blood dripping from a break in her armour.

"He's wounded! Get help!"

Xun's vision became fuzzy. Her eyelids began to flutter closed. Te last thing she heard was Meng's worried voice: "Yi, hold on. Hold on..."

---

The doctor emerged from the tent some hours later. Meng paused in his pacing as the doctor spoke quietly with him. His eyes-widened in shock. He threw open the tent flap and entered. Xun opened one weary eye then both. She sat up quickly but the blanket slipped down, revealing her bandaged chest- which was obviously not that of a guy's. Xun realized her mistake and pulled the blanket up to her chin.

"I-I can explain!" Xun stammered.

"So it's true!" Li Ru accused as he too entered.

"Meng!" Xun called out as he turned and walked out.

Li Ru yanked Xun out of the tent by her arm much to the other soldiers alarm. He ripped out Xun's bun so her golden brown her fell around her face.

"I knew there was something wrong with you!" Li Ru's voice was shrill as he raved: "A woman! Treacherous snake!"

Li Ru threw Xun into the snow. She turned to Meng, to reason.

"My name is Xun. I did it to save my father!"

"High treason!" Li Ru shrieked.

"I didn't mean for it to go this far" Xun cringed at Li Ru's words.

"Ultimate dishonor!" Li Ru spat.

"It was the only way! Please, believe me!" Xun pleaded.

"Captain?" Li Ru turned to Meng, obviously expecting some sort of punishment.

Meng walked to Tai and took Xun's father's blade from it's sheath. Tai tried to run to Xun's aid but was held back by multiple soldiers. Ce, Ning and Yu also dashed to Xun's aide but stopped at Li Ru's extended arm.

"You know the law." Li Ru smirked.

Meng walked slowly to Xun. She lowered her head in submission, forfeiting her life as was inevitable. She was surprised when Meng dropped the sword before her.

"A life for a life my debt is repaid." Meng said quietly before turning to his men. "Move out!"

"But you can't just-!" Li Ru began to whine.

"I said, 'Move out.'" Meng growled.

The remainder of the Wu army trudged slowly away, leaving Xun, Quan, Tai and Tong alone in the snow. Night fell and they set up 'camp' which was actually just Quan's attempt to make a fire. Xun shivered uncontrollably and Tai draped his saddle blanket over her trembling shoulders. She pulled it tight around her with an appreciative smile in his direction. He sat behind her and she rested back against his strong side.

"I was so so so close! To impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, in entourage... man. All my fine work..." Tong said sadly to himself as he searched out a broken arrow with which to roast a small bit of food over Quan's smaller fire.

"I should never have left home." Xun mumbled.

"Hey C'mon. You wanted to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up shaming him, disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends. Y'know, you just gotta ... just gotta learn to let these things go." Tong realized how bad his consolation speech must have sounded.

"Maybe I didn't go for my father... Maybe what I really wanted was to... prove that I could do things right. So that when I looked in the mirror," Xun looked at her reflection on her helmet. "I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing."

Xun cast the helmet aside. Tong watched her with sad eyes but retrieved the headgear.

"Hey, that's just cause this needs a little spit, that's all." Tong spat on the helmet and rubbed it till it shone. "Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, lookit you, you look so pretty!"

Xun glanced at Tong and the helmet then down at the ground. Tong's forced grin faltered.

"The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself... At least you had good intentions." Tong pointed out as he sat back.

Quan jumped onto the helmet and looked at himself. He began to cry loudly with many chirps and squeaks.

"What do you mean, you're not lucky?! You lied to me?!" Tong shook Quan who nodded.

Tong then glared at Tai accusingly "And what are you, a sheep?"

Tai snorted angrily.

"I'll have to face my father sooner or later... Let's go home." Xun sighed.

"Yeah, this ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise." Tong gave Xun a friendly hug which she returned.

The shadow of Lu Bu's hawk flew overheard, and around a bend. It screeched loudly as it glided over the snow. Lu Bu's hand shot out of the snow and the rest of his followed. Looking at the wreckage around him that used to be his army, he let out a deafening roar which startled Xun and she crept closer to watch from the safety of a concealing rock.

Of his enormous army, only 5 other soldiers emerged from the icy grave and came to his side. Lu Bu led them toward the Imperial City which was now easily in view. Xun sprinted back to Tai, plucking her sword from the snow and jumping onto his back. He turned to follow the enemy, needing no cue from her. "Uh, home is that way." Tong pointed in the opposite direction.

"I have to do something." Xun reasoned.

"Did you see those guys?! They popped out of the snow! LIKE DAISIES!" Tong exclaimed.

"Are we in this together, or not?" Xun asked.

"Fine. Let's go kick some butt!" Tong shouted as he and Quan jumped up onto Tai's saddle along with Quan.

---

In the Imperial City, festivities were under way for the remainder of the recruit army. Children ran down the street whooping as they swung their sparklers around like swords. Large dragon and tiger kites flew high in the sky. The parade leader shouted aloud the couse for celebration's reason:

"Make way for the heroes of China!"

Meng and the other rode on horses, dressed in showy ritual armour. None of them could raise their eyes to meet those of the celebrating peasents. The procession made it's way slowly through the large city. Suddenly, someone pulled up their horse beside Meng's own horse.

"Lord Lu Meng!" Xun called urgently.

"Xun?" Meng was surprised to see her, so was the rest of the 'army'.

"Lu bu is alive! He's in the city!" Xun cried.

"You don't belong here, Xun. Go home." Meng turned away.

Xun pulled her horse in front of Meng's forcing him to look at her.

"Meng, I saw them in the mountains! You have to believe me!" Xun pleaded.

"Why should I?" Meng gave her a hard glare.

"Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Yi. Why is Xun any different?"

Meng gazed at her face for a time, then maneuvered his horse around hers.

Xun turned to Ce, Ning, and Yu. "Keep your eyes open. I know they're here."

Xun rode off towards the crowd gathering for the honouring ceremony. She slid swiftly from Tai's back.

"Now where are you going?!" Tong said exasperatedly.

"To find someone who will believe me!" Xun yelled back as she ran into the crowd.

She pleaded with many people but nobody would even hear her through. Ahead, the heroes and the dancing Dragon puppet were climbing the stairs to where the emperor was waitng for them with a kind smile.

"My children!" The emperor began, "Heaven smiles down upon the Wu! We will all sleep safely tonight, thanks to our brave warriors!"

Xun made her way back to Tong, Tai, and Quan."No one will listen!"

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?" Tong joked dryly.

"Tong..." Xun sighed.

"Hey, you're a girl again, remember?" Tong pointed out.

Meng stepped up to the emperor and knelt, holding out Lu Bu's halberd. "Your Majesty, I present to you the halberd of Lu Bu."

"I know what this means to you, Captain Lu." the Emporer rested his hand on Meng's shoulder, speaking privately to him, "Your father would have been very proud."

A hawk sreeched. The emperor and Meng both ducked as a hawk swooped down and carried off the blade. It flew high into the sky and dropped it toward the gargoyles on the roof. Or at least, they looked like gargoyles until one of them stood up and caught the halberd. Yeah, gargoyles don't do that. Lu Bu stood, letting the crowd cry out in terror in his presence.

The puppet dragon was cut open and the remainder of Lu Bu's army ran forward. Meng was rushed and fought all her couldbut her couldn't take three at once. He was knocked aside and one of the guards dragged the emperor into the palace.

"No!" Meng shouts, leaping to his feet.

He and the recruits ran to the great heavy door but they were closed and reinforced which would have been good in about an other situiation.

"Quick! We can ram the door down with one of the statues!" Yu said.

They all worked together to carry one of the tiger statues. Repeatedly, they rammed it into the large door but it was doing nothing.

Xun had run up the steps but paused. "They'll never reach the Emperor in time."

She looked carefully at the palace structure before taking the last stairs two at a time and whistling.

"Hey guys! I've got an idea!"

Ce, Ning and Yu looked at each other. They dropped the statue and ran after Xun, leaving Meng to hold up their combined share of the statue.

As crazy as the idea seemed, Xun's insane plan had worked before. Removing their armour, the three speedily changed into dancers garb. Yu looked the most convincingly like a girl but the other two required quite a bit of makeup. They didn't have time to shave off Ce's goatee so they left it. Walked up to the large pillars that supported the upper level, they all wrapped their silk scarfs around the pillars and held on each side much like Xun had done back at camp.

Xun felt a tap on her shoulder and saw Meng beside her. He untied his cape and followed their lead.

---

The Emporer was brought out on a high balcony before the cowering people. Lu Bu swung down from the roof to land just inches from the Emporer.

"Boo." Lu Bu sneered to the Emporer then his soldiers left to guard the door, "Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn... Bow to me!"

---

Xun peered around the corner. Lu Bu's men all stood guarding the door. Xun turned back to the others.

"Okay, any questions?" Xun whispered.
"Yeah, does this dress make me look fat?" Ning joked.

Ce led the way, strutting toward the guards. The other three followed, giggling, pretending as best as they could to be girls. Xun tried not to feel offended at all the high-pitched squeaking.

"Who's there?!" One of the guards raised his sword.

"Concubines." another grunted.

"Ugly concubines." the first guard commented, lowering his sword.

The four of them fanned themselves, looking at the guards with rapidly flickering eyelashed. Xun hid behind Ce and suppressed the urge to smack her forehead. Meng took care of that for her, shaking his head with a sigh. The hawk spotted him and was about to squak when it became engulfed in flames. As the flames cleared, a hairless chicken was left and the hawk clucked pathetically.

"Nice! We're having chicken for dinner tonight!" Tong grinned.

Suddenly an apple fell from where it had been tucked in the chest portion of Ning's dress. He turned to hide his now lopsided chest and one of Lu Bu's men stooped to hand the apple back to Ning. Ning struck the man's neck, knocking him out intantly and taking his sword. Yu took out two others and Ce had the largest and Xun disarmed the archer.

"Meng! Go!" Xun called.

Meng didn't wait for a second shout. He was around the corner and through the door, racing to the emporer's side. Above, Lu Bu was losing his patience with the emperor and had his halberd to the old man's neck as all of Wu watching in horrer.

"I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!" Lu Bu snarled.

"No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it." the Emperor said with a calm voice.

"Then you will kneel... in pieces!" Lu Bu roared, raising his halberd.

Meng dove into the way, bringing up his own halberd to counter the attack. Lu Bu was startled by the sudden attack and Meng managed to deflect the attack to the side and land a solid kick in Lu Bu's gut. Lu Bu fell back but when Meng swung, Lu Bu grabbed his wrist and twisted the harlberd out of his grip. He flung Meng over the balcony but he grabbed a pillar and swung back, using the momentum to kick Lu Bu.

Meng and Lu Bu rolled across the ground, punching, kicking, trying to get the upper hand. Xun and the other arrived now at the balcony.

"Ce, get the Emperor!" Xun looked for an exit.

"Sorry, 'bout this." Ce said, picked up the Emperor under one arm.

Xun's master plan was to use the scarfs again, sliding down a lantern rope to the safety of the crowd. She explained to Yu in seconds and he helped her help the others. Soon the Emperor was safely down on the ground, even if he was a bit rattled.

"No!" Lu Bu growled.

Xun glanced back and saw Meng take a hit to the head and get kicked back into the wall. Lu Bu turned on Xun and the rope.

"Come on!" Ning yelled.

Xun saw Lu Bu approaching and Meng was unconcious. She reached down, heaving the heavy halberd she belived to be Lu Bu's and cut the rope. It fell usesly to the ground the people below cheered. Xun backed away and Lu Bu who jumped on Meng, lefting him up by his shirt front and shaking him violently.

"You! You took away my victory!" Lu Bu bellowed.

Lu Bu blinked in confusion as something soft hit the side of his head. He looked down and saw a small shoe.

"No! I did." Xun said defiantly, pulling back her hair.

"The soldier from the mountain!" Lu Bu snarled, tossing Meng aside.

Xun ran back down the stairs into the palace. She closed the door behind her and clumisly shoved the lock into the place. It was obvious by Lu Bu's banging that the door would not hold up long. Xun ran down the corridor with onlly one shoe on. Tong was riding the featherless hawk like an emu beside her and Quan rode on the hawks head.

"So what's the plan?" Tong asked.

"Um..." Xun mumbled.

"YOU DON'T HAVE A FREAKING PLAN?" Tong shouted.

"I'm improvising!" Xun stopped at a window. She had spotted the firework tower and a smile came to her face. Tong saw her expression and rolled his eyes.

"You and fire, girl." Tong sighed, jumping onto a kite out the window. "C'mon, Quan!"

Xun turned but Lu Bu was upon her. She dodged behind a pole that Lu Bu cut down easily. She darted around other objects and shimmied up another pole. When Lu Bu cut this one, it fell through the wall and Xun was now suspended over the ground far below. She scrambled up to a standing position. Jumping, she caught hold of a rafter and pulled herself out of Lu Bu's reach. She crawled up onto the rood, checking the aim of the fire tower from where she was at.

Tong had swooped in on the tower from the kite and landed on the sill. "Citizens. I need firepower!"

"Who are you?" one of the men asked.

Tong struck a menacing pose with the kite wings behind him and hissed: "Your worst nightmare."

Both men jumped out of the tower in fear. Xun giggled but was cut off as the ground below her was blown open from below. She landed unsteadily but dropped into a fighting position as Lu Bu leapt through the new hole. She could hear Ning and Ce yelling from below along with many of the peasents. Lu Bu spun his heavy halerd nimbly through his fingers as though it were light as a toothpick. Xun felt about her pockets. She had to have something!

She came up with a fan.

"Guess you're out of ideas." Lu Bu sneerd and took a stab at Xun.

Xun let the halberd pierce through the paper of the fan but closed the wood sides around the halberd and twisted. Lu Bu lost his grip and Xun held the spear as she remember Meng did, hoping she didn't look as inexperienced with the halberd as she really was.

"Not quite. Ready, Tong?" Xun called to her dragon friend.

"I am ready, baby!" Tong whooted, a firecracker easily three times his size was tied to his back. He blew on a match to light it and handed it to Quan. "Light me!"

Xun kicked Lu Bu's chest then dropped to sweep his feet out from under him. He fell and she drove his own halberd into the sleeve of his armour. Quan lit the fuse and readjusted his pilor goggles as he clung to the rocket. It shot foreward, straight at Xun and Lu Bu. Xun dove to the side but it crashed into Lu Bu, carrying him through the air.

Quan and Tong were hanging onto the halberd and Xun scooped them both up.

"Get off the roof, get off the roof!" Xun said quickly, running.

The firework with it's heavy load hit the firetower and the entire tower lit up. Fireworks shot in all directions and Xun jumped, catching a lantern and sliding down just as the roof below her was lit alight in flames. She fell, crashing into Meng who was running down the steps. Tong and Quan had fallen from her shoulder, landing not too far away along with Lu Bu's projectile halberd.

"Ahahahahahaha!" Tong laughed, picking up Quan and putting out Quan's flaming antenna. "You are a lucky bug!"

Li Ru came stumbled out of the palace in a rage.

"That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess!" Li Ru screamed.

The others stood between Li Ru and Xun.

"Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting!"

"She's a hero!" Meng argued.

"She's a woman. She'll never be worth anything!" Li Ru sneered.
Meng's temper snapped. "Listen, you pompous-!"

"That is enough!" the Emperor shouted.

The Emperor approached slowly. He folded his hands regally under his robe.

"Your Majesty, I can explain-" Meng began but the Emperor silenced him with a wave of his hand.

Ce, Ning and Yu stepped aside, revealing Xun. Her fingers nervously fiddled with loose string from a tear on her sleeve as the Emperor approached, then bowed low.

"I've heard a great deal about you, Lu Xun. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace!"

Xun cringed at the Emperor's harsh words.

"...And you have saved us all."

Xun looked up, surprised. The Emperor bowed, and Meng was quick to follow. Li Ru did so grudgingly but soon everyone in the city was bowing down. Xun looked about with a bewildered expression.

"Our little baby is all grown up and saving China!" Tong sniffed from where he and Quan were watching form Tai's saddle at the bottom of the stairs, "Do you have a tissue?"

"Li Ru!" the Emporer called.

"Yes, Your Excellency?" Li Ru asked.

"See that this woman is made a member of my council." the Emperor commanded.

"What?!" Li Ru's jaw dropped till he came up with a good excuse: "There are no council positions open, your Majesty!"

"Is that so... You can have his job." the Emperor offered Xun, thumbing over at Li Ru.

Li Rueyes went wide then he fainted. Xun looked back to the Emperor.

"With all due respect, your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough." Xun said politely.

"Then take this, so your family will know what you have done for me." the Emperor hung his pendant around Xun's neck. "And this, so the world will know what you have done for China." The Emperor handed Xun Lu Bu's halberd.

Xun took the gifts, then reached out to hug the Emperor. At first he was surprised but then he patted her back.

"Is she allowed to do that?" Ning asked.

Meng, Yu and Ce all shrugged.

Xun walked over to the others to hug them in farewell. They wished her well and she approached Meng who was rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Um... you... You fought well." Meng complimented.

Xun's smile dampened slightly and she mumbled, "Oh. Thank you."

As Xun rode away, the people of Wu cheered but her shoulder's were slackened, as if a large weight were there.

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all." the Emperor said quietly to Meng.

"...Sir?..." Meng was puzzled.

"You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty!" the Emperor clapped Meng on the back and put on his hat before walking away.

---

Xun approached her father timidly. He sat under the cherry tree with his cane at his side. He turned to Xun as she approached.

"Xun!" Lu Yu gasped.

Xun dropped to her knees before him, holding out Lu Bu's halberd and the pendant, "Father! I've brought you the halberd of Lu Bu, and the Crest of the Emperor! They're gifts to honor the Lu Family." Xun said to fill the empty silence.

Lu Yu took the gifts, and put them aside. He pulled Xun up into a tight hug.

"The greatest gift in honor is having you for a daughter." Lu Yu said.

"I've missed you too, Father." Xun was relieved that he was not angry with her.

Granny Lu and Lu Mei watched the reunion from a distance.

"Huh. She brings home a stick. If you ask me she should've brought home a man!" Granny Lu huffed.

"Excuse me, does Lu Xun live here?" Lu Meng asked shyly.

Both ladies' jaws dropped and pointed. Lu Meng nodded apreciativly.

"Thank you." Lu Meng looked a little more relaxed.

"Woo! Sign me up for the next war!" Granny Lu crowed.

"Honorable Lu Yu, I--" Meng began uncertainly till Xun peeked around her father's shoulder. "Xun! Uhhhh... you forgot your helmet. Well, actually it's your father's helmet, isn't it, I mean..."

Xun giggled as Meng's cheeks burned red in embarrassment. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Would you like to stay forever?!" Granny Lu called over.

"Dinner would be great." Meng smiled.

Tong was at the family shrine, enjoying himself and taunting the others: "Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job!"

"Oh, all right... You can be a guardian again." the Great Ancestor sighed in defeat.

"AAAAAHHH-HAAAAAAAA!!! Whoohoohoohoohoooo!" Tong shouts in triumph.

Quan rung the Gong and all of the ancestors come out.

"Hit it!" Tong yelled.

Quan began to play some pots like a drumset with a pair of too-large sunglasses and the ancestor all begin to dance. Someone had confetti.

"You know, she gets it from my side of the family!" one of the ancestor's bragged.

Tong danced his way outside where Xun was waiting for him.

"Thanks, Tong." Xun kissed him on the forehead.

Suddenly Taishi Ci went careening by. He was still being followed by a mob of chickens and they all cluttered into the family shrine.

"TONG!!!" The Great Ancestor yelled.

Credits

...pfft, yeah right. It's not like anyone would read the credits anyway.