Alone This Holiday
Contains swearing, family abuse, cutting, and suicide. You have been warned. This is in Brooklyn's point of view as well. One-sided BrooklynxHiiro
Once more, inspired by Perfect by Marine-Depths13.
I own nothing. Alone This Holiday belongs to the Used. Beyblade doesn't belong to me either.
Maybe light a candle
Don't say a prayer for me
Feel alone
Cuz i'm gone
I left you
Make Christmas your own
I shivered slightly as I walked past all the decorated houses, Christmas trees all decorated in front of a window. Burying my lower face in my jacket, I trembled.
Why?
Why did I never get to celebrate Christmas like everyone else? It wasn't fair. Everyone else got nice presents. I got a present, yes, granted it made me consider suicide more each and every year as I thought about it.
Normally, I'd stay out of the way, silent. Like a good, abused kid would normally do. And usually my father would ignore me, since when he came home he was either high, or drunk. But on Christmas Eve and Day, it was even worse. He'd pay attention to me, beat me to near death, but always leave that sliver of dead life in me so he could do it yearly.
I hated that man with the little shred of life I had left worth living.
You throw the thought of us away
You'll be alone this holiday
Said, it's cold in this town
And there's snow on the ground
Far from home
Not alone
I left you with nothing
And that's what you own
There were only a few things that I actually stayed alive for. My single friend and the only person that didn't hate me. Hiiro Granger. If it weren't for him, I would have ended this hellish nightmare much sooner.
He always stood up for me, knowing that I wouldn't do it myself. But he didn't mind, he told me himself that he'd always be there to protect me. But I know that it's not true. He's not always there for me.
If he was, why was that man still beating me?
You throw the thought of us away
(Throw the thought of us away)
You'll be alone this holiday
I walked into the run down, disgusting place I called a house. Not a home, this was never a home, and would never be one for me. No place could ever be home to me.
It reeked of alcohol and weed, and I scrunched my nose in disgust. Despite living here for years, I still despised the smell.
I headed towards a small room near the back of the house, ignoring everything that could have distracted me, such as the awful creak as my shoed feet tapped against the ground. I still winced occasionally though, as the sound was horrid and made me want to scream every step I took.
There was never an us, and there never would be. I'm sorry Hiiro. I have to do this. I just have to. I can't explain now, and I'll probably never get the chance to again, but I'm sorry. I honestly did love you, Hiiro. And that's why I have to do it.
Maybe light a candle
Don't say a prayer for me
Feel alone
I left you at the best time
Now make Christmas your own
I opened the cracked and broken door to my room quickly, sliding in and shutting it after me.
I paced over to the old dresser, opening the top drawer and pulling out a small pocket knife. This small object had become my best friend over the years, and it was always there for me. It always helped me through the pain as I sobbed and bled my broken heart out in the past.
It was going to be there for me until the bitter end.
You throw the thought of us away
(Throw the thought of us away)
You'll be alone this holiday
I bit my lip as the front door slammed open.
He was here. In the house. Stalking heavily towards my room. I hid the knife back in my dresser, ready for a beating.
I stood rigidly, eyes darting back and forth, as the heavy steps got louder, closer. I could feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest, and a lump formed in the back of my throat. My mouth was dry, and my stomach was trying to flip around inside of me. I twitched as my door slammed open, and the wood nearly fell from its hinges from the force of the blow.
He didn't have a beer bottle in his hand like he usually did, but I could still smell the horrid stench of alcohol from his labored breathing. He did, however, have something in his hand. It wasn't a beer bottle, I know, but I froze, terrified, as he gave me a sloppy grin and approached me, meters of rope hanging from his palm.
You'll be alone this holiday
I struggled, but dared not scream, as he started to tie me up with the rope, bounding my arms and legs painfully tight behind me.
My eyes widened with fear as I saw a glint in the dim room, and a sharp pain erupted from my stomach. Gasping, I spit blood out, shaking like a leaf as it poured from the deep wound. "...!!" I choked on blood for a second before coughing more up.
He brought the knife back, and I brought my knees up, bending them and kicking him with my bound feet. He hit the floor. The knife landed near me. I twisted painfully and grabbed it, trying to saw through the thick rope as quickly as I could.
You'll be alone this holiday
He stood back up, wobbling, as I finished my legs off. I backed away, the knife held protectively in my hand, ready to attack him should he try anything.
You'll be alone this holiday
I took my chances. I leapt through the small window, my skinny body barely making it out in time. I ran. I ran as fast as I could away from that hell, bloody knife still having a shaking, sweaty hand holding onto it for dear life.
You'll be alone this holiday
You're a failure.
The words ran through my head.
You're weak.
You're a disgrace.
You're a monster.
You're a freak.
They wouldn't stop going on and on and on...
You're an idiot.
You're worthless.
You're a waste of space.
You're pointless.
You're meaningless.
You're nothing.
MAKE THEM STOP!! Onegai...make it stop...
"You are nothing without me, my Hikari..."
I froze, falling to my knees in the snow, eyes gazing blankly in front of me.
"I am your everything..."
You'll be alone this holiday
"All you have to do to end it...is kill yourself. Then it will all stop. It will never come back again, Hikari."
"N-No..." I shivered, my voice quivering as I eyed the blade and thought about what my darker half was saying.
"Admit it, Hikari...you agree with me. End it all. When have I lied to you, Hikari?"
My head dropped, and I placed the blade against my pale, exposed skin.
"That's right...end it all..."
I winced as the blade dug into my skin and I swiped it across swiftly, trying to get used to the stinging that followed the action.
"End it all..."
You'll be alone this holiday
I finally dropped the red knife to the ground, staining the pure snow with blood. My face had grown paler, but I couldn't feel a thing. I was numb. It was a nice feeling. Why hadn't I done this before?
But there was still one regret I had. Never telling Hiiro how much I really loved him.
Hiiro, I love you.
Goodbye. You won't see me this Christmas.
"End it all...Hikari."
The last thing I heard before falling into the comforting black was the darker side of me cackling before dying with me.
You'll be alone this holiday