They will live for just long enough to know – really know – that they are going to die.
"I don't want to die," Cassian says. His voice is tight. Strained. He can barely choke the words out. The bright light burns on the horizon, but he is so, so cold.
Jyn shifts a little closer, until she is no longer next to him but on him, part of him, her fingers tangled in his and her arm pressed against his chest and her leg between his legs, and then his arm his wrapped around her, pulling her even closer, his fingers tangling in her hair, his breath on the back of her neck. She is panting. She is crying. She is shaking. She is scared.
This isn't what he wants for her. He doesn't want to die, he wishes he could save her. He has always been trying to save her. Always, since the start.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, into her hair. She has never liked it when he apologizes, never wanted him to feel sorry for her. He doesn't feel sorry for her. He just wants...
He just wants.
"Cassian," she says, and her voice is steady even though there are tears in her eyes. She rests her hand on his cheek. Her skin is warm against his, how is he so cold? The light's so bright. The humidity of this world clings to him. He can't stop shivering. "Cassian, look at me."
He looks at her. He looks at only her. She doesn't look scared anymore.
Her eyes, deep pools of liquid green, her nostrils flaring with every breath she takes. Every breath. They don't have that many breaths left. Could he count them?
His eyes slip closed. He is already dying, and he knows it, the light won't hurt any more than he is already hurting.
But he doesn't want to leave her. He won't leave her.
He bows his head, resting it on Jyn's shoulder. "Cassian..." Jyn murmurs. His eyes flutter open.
She could save him. If she had bacta. If she had time. They don't have any time, and he is dying. They are dying.
"Cassian, I don't want you to die."
"It doesn't matter, Jyn." His voice is rough and ragged. So is his breathing.
This isn't what he wants. It has never mattered what he wanted, he always knew that. He always knew that he was signing up to give his life for the Rebellion, that the choice was taken out of his hands. He has seen so many people die. It's just his turn. It's his turn, but he is scared. He doesn't want to die.
And Jyn... he would save her if he could, but there isn't enough time. Even if he told her to run. Even if he pushed her away. He is too selfish to push her away. He doesn't want to die, but even more, he doesn't want to die alone.
This can't be her choice, but he is the one that keeps trying to protest it.
Rebel Command has never cared what she wanted, either. Fucking Rebel Command, throwing away their lives like it means nothing.
"It doesn't mean nothing," Jyn says. Quiet but forceful. "We won."
Cassian shivers. Did he say that out loud? He did, he realizes, he is so far gone that he is babbling, dazed, he can't tell what's real and what isn't. Maybe it's all real. Maybe that's just what dying is, the moment when there's no pushing back memories anymore, no more walling off nightmares. It's all real.
"How can this be what winning feels like?" he whispers.
He licks too-dry lips, his whole body shaking with the cold that only he can feel. But Jyn is warm. Jyn is warm, and alive. Still alive. How many more minutes, seconds, breaths? How much more time?
This isn't what they wanted.
But if they could get what they wanted...
He struggles to shift his body enough that he can reach her lips with his own, pressing down forcefully, needing the heat. He still can't stop shaking. Jyn pulls him even closer, her arms a warm and heavy weight wrapped around him. She doesn't break away, not even to breathe. They hold their breath and hold each other.
This is what they wanted. Always, since the start.
The light behind them is bright like a halo.
It burns.