I stood there looking at his back as he left me after telling me it was never love but it was only meaningless hookups. He wanted to bring the boy who lived undone under him begging for him and screaming his name. He said all the being friends and sharing the small moments like eating ice cream together in the kitchen was just a act. He told I should not have trusted him so easy since I knew he was a slytherin. He said he wanted me in my knees sucking him off because that's where I supposed to be. He said a Malfoy would never fall as low as to love a Gryffindor like me.
As I stood in the astronomy tower thinking how could he have acted so well that I thought all the things were true, how could he not love when I gave my everything to him, how could he say it wa all for breaking me, how could he say i was only a fuck for him. As I shredded my tears the world outside cried with me that day. Outside of hogwarts the night's storm was mirroring my inner turmoil that night. All the pain I was feeling, the loath, the lose of the love I thought I had with him not once did he turn back to look at him. Not once he tried to look at my eyes, not once he came to me to sooth my pain when my sobs wrecked from inside me. He said he didn't love me, he said he loathes me for my gryffindor-ishness, my fame, for being me.
As I sank down on my knees and cried my soul out I waited for him, I know I shouldn't but I did. I thought, no not thought, I believed he will come back. But he didn't. He truly left me on my knees crying for him to come back for me. I tried to feel anger, hatred, anything but that pain for him but I only felt was that wretched agony of losing him. I sat there on my knees through that stormy night for him. I waited till dawn for my love to feel my agony and come for me. He didn't.
As the new day started without showing any signs of the storm the night before I finally got my strength to stand and realize that he wasn't joking, he really was done with me. He really did all this as a payment for the last seven years. He really didn't care. It hurt so bad I could not describe it with words. I fought voldemort and brought him to his doom and survived but this felt like I couldn't live through. I stood there as the sun came out and caressed my skin thinking what could I have done different for him to truly love me. I couldn't find what I could have changed because to me every minute we spent together was perfect. Even the nights where I would wake up from a bad nightmare and he will hold me tight to his chest. I could not bring myself to even think about changing the times we spent in kitchen laughing about nothing and everything and sharing ice cream. I don't know what could I have done for him to not leave me so broken.
I hope he knew what he had done to me. I hope he remembers me and our every moment as I leave everything behind me. I hope he remembers my eyes that shone for him, I hope he remember my smile that was only for him, I hope he remembers my kisses, my moans to my cries, my nerve wracking sobs that he gave me. I hope he remembers our every night together to that stormy night. Most importantly I have he remembers how he left me incomplete.