1. Wanderlust

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger." — Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

At the end of his journey, he found nothing, exactly what awaited him in Konoha. Nothing. The moment Itachi died, everything fell apart, piece by piece, and then all at once. Sasuke retreated from his village. He'd left everyone behind. Again. In some ways, he'd died along with Itachi. Never mind the last moments the two shared; never mind the years they spent apart. They'd had something, and fate, destiny, the gods, the world, ruined them. Sasuke left on the journey to lighten the burden on his heart, but the bitterness grew to encompass him. He knew the bite of loneliness, the kind of loneliness accompanying a lack of purpose. Without the drive for revenge or the threat of war, Sasuke folded in on himself. He didn't know where to turn. He didn't know how to begin anew. He'd hit a proverbial wall. He'd reached the end of his journey, and yet the emptiness remained. He hadn't found a way to revive his brother, and he'd forsaken everyone for the mere possibility.

Overhead, a crack of lightning lit up the evening sky, connecting several of the ominous clouds in a blinding light. He didn't have an umbrella, not that he cared enough to carry one, so when the clouds eventually burst and the rain began pour down, he took refuge under a large grouping of trees. When the water droplets penetrated the canopy and cascaded off the leaves, the rain dropped onto his black cloak and onto his equally dark hair. He smelled of the forest surrounding him, of pine and spice. He tried to remember what his brother smelled like, but he couldn't. Without the photographs stored in his apartment, he would have lost the faces of his parents, like the way he lost their mannerisms and the sound of their voices. Eventually, Itachi would fade, just as the others had faded. No matter how hard Sasuke fought, no matter how much he refused to let Itachi go, he'd eventually be forced to relinquish his hold. Everything would disappear, and that would mark the beginning of a new life, supposedly a better life.

The rain picked up and thunder rolled across the little valley, the type of thunder that resonated in his chest and ignited something deep within his bones. The storm reminded him of the messy state of his life, the mess he'd escaped and the mess he hadn't. Nothing awaited him in Konoha, and yet obligations awaited him. He counted the obligations as nothing, and each person a separate no one. Naruto. Sakura. Love. Avoidance, his mind screamed; he knew nothing but avoidance. He'd loved once, and he'd lost. He didn't want to lose again. He couldn't take losing again. His heart had been ripped out, torn to shreds, and shoved back into his ribcage, expected to beat again and again. Damaged, oh how he felt like damaged goods. Who could want him? Who would want him? Sakura. Sakura, his mind screamed. If only he wanted her.

The storm took hours to end, but he moved from his safe haven and braved the elements. The rain soaked him to the bone. His black cloak clung to his body, accenting the fact that he had only one arm. He'd yet to allow Tsunade to repair the damage, the reminder of his battle. Some part of him wanted to remain with a single arm; some part of him wanted the excuse to lapse into the life of a civilian, to take up the path of peace his brother had so desired. He wanted to take the abandoned path, the path his love had not been able to travel, and he wanted to master the role of peacemaker. And yet, he had no idea what being a peacemaker meant, what the role entailed. Sasuke only knew the thirst for blood. He'd grown used to fighting. He only knew fighting.

At one point, he'd considered becoming Hokage, but the position really belonged to Naruto. An Uchiha didn't belong there, not really, and Sasuke had lost the drive so quickly that he recognized his own shortcomings. He'd lost his way. He'd been thrust into the unknown and he'd been floundering ever since. No, he didn't deserve to wear the hat of a Hokage. He'd been destined for other things, things he had yet to discover. Or maybe he hadn't been destined for anything at all. Maybe he'd fulfilled all his duties and had the rest of his life to live with the itch of wanderlust. The thought left him unsettled. He did want more for himself. He wanted so much more than the nothing prescribed for him. And yet he wanted nothing at all. He was lost. He was confused. Maybe that confusion led the way, for he ended up at the gates of Konoha, looking like a stranger, a foreigner hoping for entry into the blossoming village, the recovering village.

"Sasuke?"

He heard her before he saw her, and he didn't know what to do when he did see her. She stumbled forward and pressed herself against him, and he wrapped his single arm around her. She held onto him as if he would disappear again, going on another five-year journey. But he had no such intentions. The wanderlust had retreated, for the time being. He hoped to find some sort of direction within the village, the direction he couldn't find outside of the village. He wanted to salvage the remains of himself and satiate the confusion. He had nothing and no one. His cup empty, he hoped to fill it with something, with someone, and yet no one would ever compare.

"Please stay," Sakura whispered. "Stay with me."

"Sakura," he breathed, taking in the scent of flowers that clung to her hair and her body. She was still some inches shorter than him, so he buried a kiss in her locks, and then the hug came to a close. He'd rejected her, without the words. He had no room in his heart for her, not when his heart still hoped and prayed for impossibilities.

"Come with me. There's someone who wants to see you," she said. She turned to lead the way, and he followed.

He assumed she led the way to the Hokage tower, and she did. He prepared to see Tsunade, but he saw Naruto, in all his blond glory. The man sat behind his desk, a desk littered with papers, books, and scrolls, and he looked like he belonged. He looked like he deserved the seat, and he did. The two men locked eyes, and Naruto jumped over his desk and darted at Sasuke. Naruto threw his arms around Sasuke, squeezing the man until Sasuke thought his ribs would break, and Sasuke lightly patted the blond on the back. Naruto wore the biggest grin imaginable, while Sasuke felt the subtle quirk of his own lips. He wore the ghost of a smile, the best he could manage then.

"Dobe," Sasuke said, addressing his friend. Yes, Naruto had earned the right to be called a friend, hadn't he? One person belonged in his empty cup, the cup associated with his heart.

"I'm the Hokage now, teme. You'd better show me more respect than that!" Naruto stomped one sandal-clad foot, much like a child, and Sasuke couldn't help but chuckle. Both of the room's inhabitants gasped and gawked at him, but his laughter, soon after, faded into silence. "Are you here to stay?"

The request he'd dodged before had resurfaced, in the form of a question, but he found himself nodding. Yes, he meant to stay, at least for some time, and he felt they both deserved to know the truth. He meant to restore his family compound, at the very least, and he meant to clean out his apartment. Without a doubt, both had remained untouched. He trusted both Naruto and Sakura that much.

"You'll have to be put on probation. You're still a missing nin. You left the village twice. You killed the former council members. You fraternized with the enemy." Naruto even winced when he read off my charges, but I remained neutral. Sakura had her fists clenched at her side, as if she meant to force Naruto to accept me, to pardon me. "You're lucky to be here right now. But I argued for you!" Naruto slammed a fist onto his desk and his stacks of papers swayed.

"I didn't ask you to go out on a limb for me," Sasuke said, a deep frown on his face. He licked his lips and then shifted on his feet. He didn't know what else to say to the blond. He was grateful, but also irritated. Defending the Uchiha could have cost Naruto the position of Hokage.

"You'd do it for us," Sakura emphasized. Sasuke stopped to consider her words, and then he slowly nodded, hesitant at first. "Shinobi stick together." Even he winced when he heard the words, but he forced himself to nod. He'd been a terrible kid, abandoning his village for revenge, and at seventeen, he'd abandoned everyone again. But Naruto and Sakura stood before him, forgiving him all over again. Even at twenty-two years old, he felt humbled, even if only for that moment.

"What about my apartment and the compound?" He hated to ask, but he had to know—he had to be sure.

"We've taken care of your apartment and the compound is still in your name," Sakura spoke up, smiling. Naruto have a thumbs up, and Sasuke couldn't help but smirk. He'd been right to assume his former teammates had his back. He'd been right to trust them with that much.

"What do I need to do for this probation?" Sasuke once again shifted on his feet, but he looked Naruto in the eyes. Naruto went behind his desk and began flipping through pages. When he found the one he wanted, he sat down and began reading.

"Newcomers—you would be a newcomer—are placed on a one-year probation. If you're accepted as a shinobi, you're not allowed to complete anything above a D-rank mission, and you can't leave the village unless accompanied by a shinobi of the Leaf, a shinobi of chunin rank or higher. You want to be a shinobi, right, Sasuke?" Naruto looked at Sasuke as if both of them knew the answer, but Sasuke hesitated, taking moments too long. "You're thinking about quitting?" Naruto stared at him in shock.

Sasuke knew he should have taken the route of peacemaker, the route of a civilian, but he opened his mouth to say otherwise. That was when Sakura spoke. "Can he change his mind later? Can he live as a civilian for now?" She had a look of determination behind her eyes, and both Sasuke and Naruto noticed. Naruto frowned, but he nodded.

"I'd like to be a civilian."

A/N: Let me know what you think in a review, please! This is going to be a slow-burn story that develops into SasuNaru, with hints of past ItaSasu. If you don't like that, I'm sorry! I don't want to give away too much or I'd explain more. Trust me! Excuse any mistakes! :)