When I was a little girl, my grandmother used to tell me stories. My favourite among them was obviously the popular legend known by all inhabitants of Deling city. The story of the brave Galbadian knight.
Everyone knew that tale, everyone knew of that hero. My hero.
He was a role model of sorts, every child wanted to meet him, every child wanted to be saved be him, every child wanted to be him. Although he was only a fictional character, he was still as much a legend among my generation as any historical leader or saint. The strong and wise Galbadian Knight who carried no weakness and no uncertainty.
He was the reason I would hold my head up high through all troubles that came in my path. There was strength deep inside me I never knew existed, and somehow, at some point in my life that legendary hero and his tale helped me achieve that strength to its full potential.
A story of a man, who may or may never have existed, was the reason for most people's success in some way I believe.
So why, tell me, why did everyone give up on that tale? Why did everyone make new heroes, abandon the legend, dispose of the fairytale like some sort of broken toy chucked away when the child loses amusement in it?
But the biggest question running around in my head was, why did they stop seeing the Galbadian knight as a hero but start seeing their parents as them? More specifically their father's.
My dad was no hero, if anything, he was the villain cackling in the secret layer, creating plan after plan to dispose of the hero and spread panic and chaos into all living souls of the planet.
Just like he had done with mine.
August 11th 1997, the first day for the rest of my life. That day was today.
Sure it wasn't exactly a great start to this new life of mine by travelling there in an old beat down Fiat Ritmo. If you aren't too familiar with cars, then let me just say, it was simply a hunk of junk which was, I'm sure, long overdue for a new paint job. Still, my options for travel were limited and I was honestly lucky to have a cousin decent enough to do this for me. I may not be travelling in style, but I was travelling, and that was good enough start for me.
I leaned back in my seat so I would be in a good enough angle to reach into my jeans front pocket and grab my box of Marlboro lights. Using two fingers I pulled the aforementioned packet out of its denim prison before placing it in view in front of my face. However, luck was not on my side today as I opened the box to find it empty.
"Need a cigarette Princess?" The occupant of the passenger seat asked, using the cursed nickname I was christened with as a small child, turning in his seat to face me, smirking slightly in my direction. I rolled my eyes before tossing the empty packet out of my open window and then stretching my hand out to him in hopes he would be kind enough today to lend me one.
"Yes please." I replied sweetly tilting my head to the side, hoping that adorableness would work in my favour with him just like it had all those years ago whilst I was still running round in diapers. But like I said, lady luck had ill will for me today it seemed, as he laughed whole heartedly, easily seeing through my plan. He turned around and waved a hand slightly to dismiss the offer completely and causing my lips to turn in a slight frown.
"Then get a job." He exclaimed placing a cigarette of his own between his lips and lighting it before taking that first drag which caused an uncontrollable twitch in my eyebrow. My cousin sighed, and threw me one of his own cigarettes over his head, landing neatly in my lap before frowning at his life long friend.
"Don't mind Zone, You know what he's like." He tried to reason after switching the gears into 3rd and indicating for the left lane ready to leave the motorway. I nodded my head, simply happy with being able to calm my craving down for maybe another hour or so as I moved back into the angle I was in earlier to reach for my lighter also in my jeans pocket. That line spoken was heard numerous times before as my cousin felt he had to defend his friend and stop any potential arguments breaking out which happened often between me and the dark haired Galbadian.
"Watts, we nearly in Balamb? I'm kinda feeling a bit queasy after all that travelling" Zone complained grabbing his stomach to further emphasise his point after stubbing his cigarette in the car's built in ashtray. Watts simply smirked nodding his head in front of him.
Zone and I both turned our attention towards the destination slowly creeping up into the horizon in front of us.
I won't say what lay before my eyes was breath taking, that would be a lie to be honest. When you grow up in a town like Deling, it's hard to find another that could really compare, only Esthar was an exception, or so I had heard.
Heard from an 'Estharian' himself or so he had claimed. But he did claim many things and they had all been lies.
"I love you"
His voice was ringing in my ears causing a shoot of pain through my head. I quickly stubbed my cigarette in the ashtray before massaging my right temple to soothe the pain away.
I love you, my ass.
I sighed resting my forehead against the glass off the window beside me staring out as the trees went past. I tried my absolute hardest to get the life I once knew out of my head, ready to begin my new one.
"Disappointed Princess?" Watts asked not taking his eyes off the road and going down into second as he pulled into the aforementioned harbour town. I turned to look at him in the rear view mirror and shook my head.
"No, just a little tired really." I replied, yawning to empathise the spoken lie. Luck had finally found me as it seemed the car's two other occupants had bought the bad acting and nodded their heads as if in understanding.
"It's been a long journey, I'm not too surprised." Watts continued, stopping at a red light and impatiently tapping his fingers along the steering wheel.
"Well if you got that damn radio fixed, maybe the journey would have seemed shorter." Zone complained whilst shoving his lighter into the car stereo as if it would magically start playing whatever heap of crap the guy listened to. I snorted at the fought of how dumb the guy really was.
"Oh, so sorry sir." Watts hissed, mocking the passenger next to him. "Hey, what with the money that you think I can somehow put my hands on, why don't I just go buy a freakin jaguar or something?"
"You know…" I spoke up trying to stop any serious argument the two lifelong friends would most likely end up sharing. "It's against the law to drive such a distant without at least an hour of rest, especially you; due to the male PMS you seem to suffer after such a long time without sleep."
Ok, that sure helped the 'no arguments' thing I was aiming for but to be honest I don't feel guilty and couldn't care less if I just offended him in any way. Thanks to him and his dear friend my headache has seemed to worsen drastically and I was desperate for a glass of water to quench the thirst I had building up the entire trip.
And in truth, I was a little tired as well.
Watts however only laughed as he pulled up to a set of middle class apartment buildings.
"Well, I guess I escaped any criminal convictions this time around." He stated whilst switching the gear to neutral and pulling on the handbrake "and good thing I did, or you wouldn't have had a good start to this new life you've been dreaming of." He smirked switching off the engine and turning in his seat to face me.
"Watts…" I sighed, keeping my sight away from my relative's eyes and instead focused on my hands in my lap.
Ok, so maybe I feel a little guilty.
"…Thanks for doing this for me."
"I'm just glad I could help" He immediately replied making his way out of the car following Zone who had sprinted to the front of the apartment complex as soon as we had arrived. I sighed once again, taking off my seatbelt and climbing out of the vehicle making sure I had both my lighter and MP3 in my pockets.
I looked around to see if my phone was anywhere in sight before quickly smacking my forehead remembering I had left it back at home.
No wait, that's not home anymore, this place is.
"Hey Princess, hurry up!" Zone shouted after grabbing the keys out of Watts' hands and running into the building. Watts shook his head and chuckled heartily for a moment before making his way back to the car.
"Go on up, I'll bring our bags." Watts stated whilst walking past me towards the scrap heap he called a vehicle.
Too tired to argue I shook my head in agreement and walked into the building looking to see if zone was anywhere in sight.
Well, this was definitely a change of environment to what I was used to.
The cracks in the plaster wall were a drastic change from the finely kept scarlet walls of the general's mansion from where I had lived the past 17 years. The floors wore hundreds of black marks from where shoes had scraped against them leaving skids. Half of the railings to the stairs had obviously been broken off most likely from fights breaking out between neighbours. Graffiti adorned the walls in all directions with words such as "Dorci '94" and "TNL" which made absolutely no sense to me what so ever.
"Princess hurry up!" my companion's voice shouted in the complex from above. I looked above from where the voice was coming from and saw the dark haired man leaning over the railing of the third floor and giving an excited smile. He definitely reminded me of a child on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa to arrive. I immediately laughed at that thought remembering that Zone still does act like that on Christmas Eve.
I patiently walked up the stairs towards the apartment which would serve as mine, Zone's and Watts' new home. Well it would serve as mine until I could make it on my own that is, but since the two males were forcing me to return to school, that wouldn't be for a while.
A sigh escaped my mouth as I noticed Zone had already impatiently entered the apartment, most likely deciding that I was taking much too long for his liking. He was always like that though, ever since we were kids he had always called me slow and left me behind. I wasn't affected much by it though, I had gotten used to being left behind my whole life and couldn't hold it against people. That is of course besides my father.
I took my first step into my new apartment and was slightly impressed by my surroundings. It was definitely a contrast to what I had seen from the building's foyer and after maybe a few paint jobs and the ever so delicate woman's touch it would be acceptable enough for me to even call 'home'.
Before I had even time to take another look around the place, Zone had as some point made it back to my side and was dragging me along the apartment's corridor giving me what he must have obviously thought was an 'insightful tour'
"Here's the bathroom and the kitchen is here, and this will be my room and this is your one." Zone stated somehow delivering the whole sentence with one breath. I smiled awkwardly and rushed into the room that he had already declared mine.
I closed the door rather forcefully; glad to be away from my cousin's friend at last. I breathed out a sigh of relief noticing the beautifully carved window in front of me. I was shocked to be honest; I was expecting some crack house place with what money my cousin paid but this room just showed how very wrong I was.
And it would be my bedro-
Well actually, I thought with a sigh, I can't really call this a bedroom when it doesn't even have a bed.
"Oh Princess, how do you like your room?" Watts called with a grin from the doorway. I turned around to find him there leaning against the frame with my luggage by his feet.
"Lovely, I especially like the furnishings" I grinned with a sarcastic tone to my voice whilst looking around at the empty room before catching the cigarette Watts threw my way and lighting it with enough skill to seem I had been a smoker for years. My cousin simply rolled his eyes at my comment and was about to leave the room. "Watts hold up!" I stated jumping up onto the window sill and swinging my legs. Watts turned around and raised an eyebrow at my childish behaviour.
"Do you know when I'll be starting school?" I asked but immediately wished I hadn't.
It was quite rare to be honest to see my cousin with a true genuine smile on his face. It was probably due to always having to worry about the mischief Zone and I would get up to, and so when Watts was happy and someone had ruined it, I wouldn't be too impressed.
And today, I was that person that caused Watts' grin to wipe away from his features.
My cousin took a gulp and cast his eyes downwards as if he really didn't want to say when. To say I was confused was an understatement.
"September 8th"
And then it hit me, why he felt so uncomfortable.
I looked out of bedroom window to glance down at the streets, a sort of silent way, I guess, to explain that the conversation was now over. After hearing my cousin's footsteps get softer as he moved further away I then felt the fresh scent of salty tears and the feel of one travelling down my pale cheek. I stubbed out the cigarette on the window sill and lent back against the wall closing my eyes to try and stop the memory.
But like every other time, I was unsuccessful.
The 8th of September 1988. I remember that date well. That was the day I died.
Sure I've had many disagree with that fact. I walk, breath, sleep, and talk so obviously I must be among the living. You could say that's true, Physically, I am alive.
This is where I explain however why I call myself deceased.
If you do not feel, are you alive?
When your everything, your happiness and all that you hold dear was taken, no scratch that, was snatched away from you on that dreaded day in autumn that you couldn't even remember how to breath, could you still have the spirit to stand up on a podium and announce to the world that you are alive?
The images still haunt my memory. The flashing beacons, the sharp intakes of breath, the fast heartbeat, and the downcast eyes from the man who spoke the words which are forever imprinted in my memory.
"There was nothing we could do"
That line, so rehearsed, so void of sense yet so earth shattering.
I held nothing against the man however. There really isn't many ways to explain the events which had occurred.
That a day which had started out like any other would have been my last day alive. That a vehicle which I had ridden in many times before had eventually been the death of my mother, and in some sense, my father as well.
So yes, I felt sorry for that doctor more than anyone else. It must have been hard after all to explain to an 8 year old girl that her world wasn't the fairytale she had come to believe, but was in fact a nightmare.
I was about to jump off the window sill but not before feeling a pair of eyes on me. I shivered looking around the room to find it was still very much empty.
Oh well, must just be my imagination.