I am a cat. You are a cat. We are all cats! Except for the powerful ones with can openers. They are humans. We bow down to them. Unless they hurt your master-human. She/he is the one that owns your house. You bow down to the master-human at all times, except if the master-human gives you up or takes you to the V-E-T. Then you make them have hell. The way you make them have hell is by hiding, scratching everything, peeing on things, barfing up your food, or simply biting/scratching them. Then they have to fix their pretty little hands with thumbs or get something on their skin to stop the bleeding, or have to clean up if you complete the first few tasks.

Now to deal with the Master-human's offspring. They are the ones you are always nice to, even if you hate them. The master-human will hurt you or leave you outside or in the basement if you hurt the offspring. This is because it takes 9 months for the offspring to be created and then you can't play with the offspring till they are 5 years older, in the humans' years, or they will start crying. To play with them, you simply follow the pretty light, eat the treats, do the tricks, and cuddle. That is it. And you will be petted! You also have a better chance of not being left behind if/when the master-human, its mate, and their offspring move to a new house.

When outside, you DO NOT leave the yard or area claimed by the master-human. If you do, they will get a collar that shocks you if you go past this cord and let me tell you, it is not pleasant. Don't be too loud or they will put a different collar that still shocks you, but only when you meow or bark, for dogs. I have never had that type on but French Fries says it hurts.

By the way, my name is Hamburger and I'm a 3 hundred year old male cat. I also look a lot like my master, Alfred, except I don't have glasses or a bomber jacket from WWII, that time period was Scary. With a capital 'S' even. My friend, French Fry, is a golden retriever who's older. 350 years old. He was given to our master-human, Alfred, when the British master-human, that my boyfriend Shakespeare belongs to, became Alfred's owner.

I was found and Arthur, Alfred's boyfriend and Shakespeare's owner, thought I was a cute kitten so that's how I was given to Alfred. Being found with my twin Maple, who's owner is Matthew, Alfred's twin, on the side of a newly built barn. Our mother dead but actually belonged to Alfred and Matthew's mother, Native America, we never learned her human name, and in the barn, in the very back of it. Hidden under hay and she would be found later but she told us to go and be found by a blonde man with heavy eyebrows over green eyes and having a funny way of talking. Like he sounded funny.

So, now that you know about me, why don't we go onto m life from very beginning to now. As I type and work on Alfred's paperwork with French Fry because Alfred is lazy and stayed up playing video games again. The papers are also due in an hour…

Go on and read about me and my history as I finish up, have French Fry wake Alfred, and all that. I will have a commentary with the person actually writing this all later on afterwards. Bye-bye!

0~0

~The Kirkland Burger Shop~

Alli: Hey everyone! So this will be Americat's story, or Hamburger! I tried to do the best as I could. And yeah, a cat would have horrible grammer.

Hamburger: Why is this called 'The Kirkland Burger Shop' exactly?

Alli: Hello, Allison Kirkland and your hamburger. Duh.

Hamburger: Then shouldn't it be 'Hamburger' instead of 'Burger'?

Alli:…. * ~The Kirkland Hamburger Shop~

Alli: There.

Hamburger:….oh well.

French Fry: Hello!

Alli: Hi French Fry!

Hamburger: Hi Fry

French Fry: 'Hamburger Shop'? I've been to one! I couldn't go in, but I got a few burgers and a large order of fries after Al came out!

Hamburger: His name is Alfred!

French Fry: Well I call him Al. I have known him longer than you!

Alli: Ehehehehehe… Let's let them duke it out while I say a few more things.

Alli: First off, this will be on both my dA account and my ff account. So you can read it on either site. Secondly, for those on dA, my ff account is 'XxAllisonKirkland96xX' so that is why I said that I'm Allison Kirkland. Just my user name for something else.

Also, this will be my first time trying a story with animals as the main characters and I will be trying to upload a new chapter every week on Friday night. If not, go ahead and throw toast, pancakes, hamburgers, or tomatoes at me. (the toast is a Rocky Horror ref., btw)

This will be more comical than historical (hopefully) so please throw one of the four things listed above at me if it gets to serious and historical. But not if I make a note that it was supposed to be like that in The Kirkland Hamburger Shop.

I realize that hamburgers and French fries weren't around when Alfred would have named them, but, it's cute and this is also going to be fluffy. I might also focus on Alfred and Arthur half the time if I feel like it.

There will be Mpreg, both cat and human alike, so don't bother reading the next chapter or anywhere past here if you just don't like Mpreg in total.

*looks at page thing* wow, I filled 2 pages by droning on and on about this stuff. Let's look at the score of Hamburger and French Fry's battle *turns around to see they aren't even fighting and staring at me*

Hamburger: Wait, Shakespeare will get pregnant? Yahoo! *runs off to tell the Scottish Fold*

French Fry: *cocks head to the side* there won't be storms, will there? And please don't tell me Artie has a dog too…

Alli: *hugs French Fries' neck* Nonononono! You're the only dog (besides Germany and Ireland's pet and dogs) that will be in here and belonging to a nation that has actually used the English Language since being a child!

French Fry: Yay! *licks Alli's cheek* and could you do a special just for me later?

Alli: Sure French Fry!

French Fry: Yay! *runs off to tell Hamburger*

Alli: *wipes forehead* Kay, I'll be going now. Read, review, fav and comment people! Bye-bye!