It hurt. It hurt like all emotional pain did; like a dull blade being twisted in your heart while someone sucker-punched you in the gut and looked at you in the eyes whispering, "What's wrong?" Tony Stark knew that pain better than anyone, he knew that pain like it was an old friend, yelling bitter-greetings as it re-entered his sad, sad life. Tony should be used to the pain, after all he knew it the best but still every time it reared it's ugly head in his life, he still managed to cry. This proved to Tony that he was human, only human and it brought him back down to Earth, out of his head where he was a superhero and everyone was happy. It brought him down to Earth like Steve's heavy hand on his shoulder.
"Tony..." The blonde whispered, Tony looking over from the window to see his lover in a black tux in the moving limousine. Pain and frustration were written on every inch of the Captain's face and Tony recognized it, heart clenching even more at the sight of his lover so distressed over this situation.
"You don't have to do this if you don't want-" "I need to, Steve. He deserves it."
Steve didn't protest and let Tony slip from under his strong hands, opening the door to the limo when it had stopped and opening his umbrella above his head.
It's now or never...
He thought with a heavy heart, not being able to look at the scene but knowing what was there.
In front of him was a marble headstone, flowers placed at the base and the very people who put them there all standing around it. Pepper sneaked closer to Tony, placing a gentle hand on the small of his back to comfort him, her own eyes red with tears she had cried earlier to herself. "It's okay to feel something once and awhile, Tony..." Tony paid her words no heed, not noticing how tight he was clenching his jaw to keep himself from letting out sobs and how he thanked God for his dark sunglasses so no once could see the emotions he was feeling at that very moment. He stepped away from her and closer to the grave.
"He's in a better place.." Bruce whispered as comfort to Tony though it truly helped neither of them. Bruce Banner and Tony Stark were very scientific men and that meant there was no room for Religion in their beliefs, both could try and try to worship a man they couldn't see but neither would be truly consoled without hard proof. Tony's shaky hand met his shoulder, knowing Bruce needed the comfort just as much as he needed it. "You're right, buddy..."
And he moved on, rain creating a muddy mess of the cemetery though Tony really didn't give a fuck right now if his 500 dollar Italian shoes were messed up. He moved his umbrella a bit and noticed the silent redhead to his left, Natasha holding all her emotions inside just as a trained assassin had learned to do but Tony could feel her pain and she knew it, tugging her black veil down further.
Thor stood beside her, huge frame awkward beneath the umbrella and Tony would've laughed if it was any other occasion but the look on the blonde's face was enough to silence anyone, even a heartless bastard that Tony claimed to be. His light blue eyes were filled to the brim with salty tears and his mouth was ajar, unanswered questions on the tip of his tongue but holding them back with the huge lump in his throat. He looked like a kicked puppy to Tony and it twisted sadness's dull blade deeper into his heart.
Nick tried to stay away from the group but Tony could see him, about ten feet away, back to the Avengers and leaning against the limo. His frame shook and some could mistake it for a sneeze or a shiver but Tony knew what is was. Nick Fury, director and head of SHIELD, probably the most powerful man in the world; was crying. Tony couldn't blame him, he would not make fun of him later for it, this was one of those times he understood the director. This gaping blow in their messed up team [family] was felt by everyone.
The wind blew hard against the broken team and Tony nearly fell back but a strong, comforting hand; the same one used to pull him back when he was stuck in his head, pushed him up gently, saving him from meeting the mud. Steve. Without even looking at Steve he knew how the super soldier was feeling. The blonde tried to be "strong" for his team but nobody was looking for a role-model; they were looking for a friend. Steve was heart broken and there were parts of him that told him with was all his fault, big shoulder's used to carrying the blame. He told himself if only he was there to help fight Loki, then this would've never happened but it did happen and there is nothing that the super-soldier can do to change it so he lives with it. He gives the sobbing members of the team kind words and strong hugs, knowing they need them even if they won't admit to them. "Go on." Steve whispers to Tony, knowing he needs to hear it as he takes another step closer to the stone.
Tony's eyes move upwards again and this time, someone's meet him back; Clint. The archer did his best to look strong but everyone could see how easily he fell apart. His arms were crossed over his chest, most likely to keep his strong guy persona up but Tony knew they were also there to keep people from knowing that he was crying, arms keeping his frame from shaking. He was the only Avenger without an umbrella, his tears mixing with the rain so no one could tell the difference. His usually playful blue eyes were dull and dead, like he was the one buried 6 feet under or his mind was completely gone. Clint stood like a statue, learning that weakness was never something to be shown and that's why Tony felt bad for him because he knew it wasn't weak to cry or to feel remorse and Clint was keeping it all inside. Tony gently placed his hand on the man's arm, breaking eye contact but giving the limb a gentle squeeze so he knew he was there for him. He could've sworn the man shook more.
The rain fell harder and Tony knew it was time to finish what he had come here for. He handed off his umbrella to Steve behind him and ran his calloused fingers over the top of the headstone. "I'm sorry we have to do it like this, buddy..." He whispered, kneeling down and taking off his sunglasses, after all it was shameful not to look his old friend in the eyes. Tony's fingers fell to the engraving of the stone and he bit his lip before he spoke...
"Happy Birthday, Agent Coulson."