Text Written in Italics is them speaking in English, regular text is them speaking in Japanese as they are Japanese andenglish would be a second language, Also sorry for the formatting error? I transffered this over from Ao3 and it copied the unwritten HTML script.

Izuku didn't remember when the feeling first started, the squeezing and writhing in his chest that threatened to strangle his breathing, it was crushing him slowly but he couldn't remember the exact moment it had begun. He was growing up, new things to learn being a hero, finding steady work and keeping in touch with his mother and the now retired All Might. Though, with what he knew, Izuku had developed a habit of ducking out of plans and avoiding his newly appointed stepfather. Inko had long caught on to her son's rouse but didn't comment on it, things were left unsaid and tainted far too often over dinner when Izuku did stop in. He was a young man now, 21 and aspiring for greatness, Inko and Toshinori both agreed to let him be, hoping he would come out of whatever problem he was facing unharmed.

It wasn't until an offer trickled in, Izuku perking up when his father's voice greeted him on the other end of the phone line. He hadn't seen his biological father since he had been a young child, his last contact with him had been his mother's divorce around the time he'd graduated UA and Toshinori had begun to date his mother. Estranged as he was, Izuku accepted the offer, a few months in America, working with American heroes at an agency in Chicago. His father didn't have much influence, but he was a well-known accountant for a few agencies, and guaranteed a position for Izuku while he stayed with him. He wanted to rebuild what he had given up he had explained pleadingly over the phone. Izuku didn't have the heart to tell him "No" and the suffocating feeling was becoming overwhelming.

He hoped a few months away could put distance between himself and the inevitable, he wasn't ready, he didn't think he ever would be.

Izuku, however, wasn't expecting Inko to be as angry as she was, protesting the plan with a sharp

"I don't like that plan, Izuku you need to be close to home! You don't know what may happen in the future and you would regret not being here if something were to happen!" she snapped. A loud smack, told him she had slammed the rice cooker shut as she emerged from the kitchen in a huff, face red with incoming tears as she tried to wrap her head around the 'whys' for Izuku's sudden desire to travel. Toshinori was quiet, still settling into his role as step-father, nervously twisting his wedding band as he looked at Izuku carefully. He was still gaunt, and frailer than Izuku remembered, there was bruising on his arm, discoloration from lab work they were still conducting to try and slow the speed of his declining health. Inko sniffled, pulling his attention from Izuku to look at her, a tenderness in his eyes as her took her small hand into his larger one and caressed it softly.

"I think…it would be a good experience for Izuku, and a good chance to rebuild his relationship with his biological father. I can only do so much in a role I've never truly had to fill…though I was hoping I had been doing better in light of making it more official…" Toshinori spoke teasingly, Inko's cheek flushing red as she began to protest. Toshinori squeezed her hand and Izuku's chest seized along with it, more unspoken words, between two people who had fit together so jarringly it always gave Izuku a sense of whiplash how quickly his mother and Toshinori had hit it off. A few dates had led to Toshinori moving in to the family apartment, Izuku walking in on soft kisses on the couch on a Friday night, some old tv show rerun on as they talked in hushed voices.

His mother had never looked happier, not even the fragments of memory he had of her with his real father, her smile was always stilted, tired. A young, single mother whose husband supported them from overseas, but he refused to come home for holidays or birthdays, when he did come home they always fought. Izuku could remember a shouting match that had led to his father being gone by morning, and Inko sobbing on the couch long into the wee hours, Izuku hadn't slept that night and missed school that day. His mother and him spending a day together, he could see her fight back tears all day, but his father's support for them never waned. He had been a steady financial rock, until Inko had decided enough was an enough, and she took on Toshinori's last name.

"Mom, I'm not staying permanently, I just would like some time to see another place, I never studied abroad and Hisashi is letting me stay with him while I am there, it'll be like an internship…when a few months have passed I promise I'll come back…and if something happens I can book a flight straight home." Izuku explained, trying to keep the strain out of his voice, Toshinori's gaze boring into him causing the burn of tears unshed to pile at the back of throat. He couldn't look at him.

"I know, I know…It's just…" her hand squeezed Toshinori's hand tightly,

"With Toshi's health the way it is…" she tried again, her voice wavering. Toshinori cut in, kissing her forehead once he was finished

"Like I'm going to let myself keel over without seeing my son. I have words of wisdom to impart before I go chasing afterlife…I'm not going anywhere anytime soon Inko." He murmured softly, Izuku masking a wheeze with a light chuckle and a forced smile. It was agreed he'd stay for three months, and be back sooner if Toshinori's health should take a turn for the worst. He felt lighter leaving their apartment that night, the promise of a short reprise from the suffocation he felt couldn't come soon enough, though he had to stay for a wedding.

Against all odds, Bakugo and Uraraka were getting married, many had claimed to see it coming but for Izuku he was ever surprised they'd managed to stay together as long as two years with Kacchan's winning personality. He was happy, watching the girl he'd loved in high school walk down the aisle towards someone who made her strive to be better, to be stronger. If Izuku were a weaker man, he might have been jealous of his childhood friend for stealing his ex-girlfriend, but they he and Uraraka had broken things off mutually. Izuku wasn't sure what he wanted just yet, fears and doubts holding him back, and the slow suffocation of his feelings made it hard to be loving in the ways Uraraka deserved. He congratulated her at the reception along with many of their former classmates, wishing her a good marriage in the coming years.

Even Todoroki made it to the ceremony, the up and coming number 4 hero, he barely seemed to have time to even catch a drink with friends these days. Izuku cherished the memory, all of his friends from school gathered to celebrate a worthy occasion. Though, he felt withdrawn, the suffocation still crushing him from the inside out as the party wore on, Todoroki nearly startled him when he approached his hiding spot towards the back of the room. Izuku feigned his mood as anxiety towards seeing his father for the first time in years, something Todoroki partly related too as he had been distancing himself from Endeavour's influence. It was nice to talk about anything but Toshinori's health, it was a wedding, he didn't need to bring his stepfather's matter into it and sour the mood. Though he could sense the question loaded on everyone's tongues as they watched him out of the corner of their eyes, worry etched into their faces with each wracking breath Izuku took; like they were waiting for him to break. Todoroki hummed softly, his drink made a clinking nose as the ice cubes bumped back and forth.

"Make sure you tell us how America is, I hear their system for hero work is a night and day difference compared to ours, also take plenty of pictures. Maybe pick up and autograph for Iida, he hasn't said it but the Race car hero, Hot Rodd? I think it the name, he's pretty popular over there and had a quirk almost the same as Iida's family." Todoroki kept his thoughts from drifting to terrible places, Izuku silently praised him for it, though he could guess it was intentional. He nodded, laughing out a promise to see about getting the autograph for Iida, leaving a full glass of champagne on the table with no intention of drinking it; his stomach was in knots, and his chest ached.

The day came and he was well wished up and down the airport by his mother, her kisses were innumerable as she cried heavily into his UA hoodie,

"You call me as soon as you land! I don't care how late it is, you call!" she sobbed, Toshinori resting his massive hands on her round shoulders.

"Inko, Inko, he will, Izuku will call and you won't have to worry! Hisashi finalized everything with us the morning, he will be there to pick him up and we can video chat with him once he's settled. Hun, you're going to dehydrate crying like this." He chided gently, rubbing her shoulders soothingly. Inko cupped her cheeks and tried to stifle her cries,

"You have you English book right? You know the phrases too?" she asked for what felt like the millionth time to Izuku, but he knew it was only her second time asking. His English was good, writing it he struggled but speaking he could hold conversations, he knew Hisashi's address too in case something happened or Hisashi pulled a no-show.

Izuku made to reply but Toshinori beat him to the punch,

"Inko, Izuku has been speaking great English for two years now, we've watched him direct tourists for UA sports festivals and also watching him work under pressure with English speakers, he will be fine." He sighed, allowing Inko to sink into him with her sniveling. Izuku smiled warmly, giving one last hug before he needed to board his plane, he hesitated looking to Toshinori, yet made no move to embrace him. Izuku didn't miss the hurt that flashed within the blue eyes; his chest constricted and he hurried into the boarding line, eyes forward, not even sparing a glance back. He provided his ticket and was off, seated by a window and watching take off with muted excitement. His chest stayed tight, loaded air the refused to make an exit, a coiling guilt formed in his throat as he thought of the action not committed. He'd blatantly refused the man who meant everything to him, his role model, and his father.

Toshinori had filled the space Izuku sorely lacked, he hadn't had a strong figure to look up to besides All Might growing up, Hisashi had been out of the picture. For Izuku to refuse him…the man who made his mother smile like sunshine, the man who had taken a role left unfilled for both Izuku and Inko…he felt deplorable. Izuku's stomach lurched as the plane took off, though he felt part of it was due to the guilt slowly taking its course through him, it would be a long flight, with layovers in Europe. A few hours spent in a terminal hoping his luggage made it, alone with his thoughts. Especially if he was trying to conserve battery life on his phone, he didn't want to go looking for a charging port and somehow miss his flight and be stuck in another country that wasn't his destination.

His rolling stomach made it hard to nap, though the flight attendant brought him a bottle of water and crackers when the person sharing that row of seats complained Izuku looked ready to be sick. They helped push the feeling in his stomach off, and he was left with the tightness in his chest and strain in his throat, and hum in his head. He was glad that things proved uneventful for the rest of the trip, even if in Chicago they almost didn't let him have his hero costume. Providing his hero license and passport hadn't been enough for security, phoning several registration departments and finally being transferred to the Japan branch just to verify he was indeed the hero, Deku. He partly regretted allowing the metal mouth piece to stay apart of his costume so long, but he wasn't about to go changing his look just because a few security guards got antsy putting his luggage through a metal detector.

The airport terminal was huge too, Izuku felt a little overwhelmed proceeding to the designated entrances and exits, the large kanji forms written on poster board caught his attention first before the man holding it registered in his mind. He looked a little tired, and reminded Izuku of his mother when he really looked at him, he was a little pudgy and looked a little fidgety standing there with the sign. Hisashi must have given Izuku his unruly hair because the matt of black curls on his head reminded him of his high school teacher, Aizawa. He approached warily, thinking of what kind of greeting would be suitable for a man that had been absent from his entire life. Hisashi spotted him finally, eyes going wide and he smiled weakly, tucking the sign under his arm.

"…"

"…"

Neither spoke as the stood before one other, Izuku being a few inches taller, he could see freckles dotting his father's face, and the same kind of chin he supposed, trying to find where he and his father looked similar. Hisashi stood, looking Izuku up and down before settling on meeting his eyes,

"You look so much like you're mom, I'm…surprised." Izuku swallowed thickly, hearing his own language in a terminal filled with English speakers, though the words sounded thick on Hisashi's tongue.

"So I've been told. You're not in a lot of photos, so I was never able to compare." Izuku managed to keep himself from tripping over his words, speaking clean English with only a slight accent to accompany it. Hisashi looked surprised before scratching his cheek anxiously,

"Ah…are you, hungry?" he offered, the air turning thick with an awkward tension.

"Let me get my luggage first." Izuku huffed, turning back to the luggage pick up a few meters away, Hisashi frowned, pointing to the case containing Izuku's hero costume.

"Isn't that it?" he asked, Izuku didn't answer, hurrying over as he could see his bag come into view, he didn't feel like explaining everything, Hisashi worked with heroes after all, he could figure it out. Hisashi remained where he stood, watching for Izuku's return, noting the larger suitcase trailing behind the young man when he did return.

"So, uh, where did you have in mind, I've never been to Chicago, or America really." Izuku stated, following Hisashi out of the terminal, his father nodding along

"It's a little late some places are closed but I know a diner near my apartment that's open late night." Hisashi explained fumbling for his car keys as they approached an old looking, red sedan.

"That sounds ok." Izuku replied, placing his bags in the trunk and awkwardly clambering into the car, Hisashi smiled awkwardly as he turned the engine over.

"I'm sure it's easier for you to speak Japanese than English, you don't have to keep speaking English for my sake." He offered, pulling out of the parking lot, Izuku nodded stiltedly.

"Ok, that's fine." He replied, focusing on the scenery they began to pass as Hisashi took them to their destination. Izuku pulled out his phone and dialed his mother, it would be nearly noon over there, so he wasn't surprised when she picked up on the first ring.

"Izuku! Did you make it, was he there? Did you get your luggage? How is it so far? Are you feeling some Jetlag?" she fired off a round of questions Izuku answered in kind, she seemed pleased with his responses.

"Alright, you get some rest after having a proper meal and call me sometime tomorrow ok?" she asked before a pregnant pause filled the line

"…Do you want to talk to Toshinori?" she asked softly, Izuku's sucked in a breath,

"No that's ok, he's resting isn't he?" he offered, he could hear shuffling on the other line and Inko sighed

"He's up and about, he's available to talk too, Izuku, please?" Inko pleaded, his chest squeezed.

"Not right now, we're about to get food, maybe later." He sighed, closing his eyes and leaning against the headrest of the seat, Hisashi watched carefully with slight concern.

"…ok." Inko replied, wishing him lots of love and a few kisses over the phone. Izuku looked out the window, trying to keep his breathing regular in the silence of the car.

"Are you and…uh, what's his name, Toshiki? Are you two fighting?" he asked carefully, Izuku reacted quickly shaking his head vigorously.

"No! No, I-…there's a lot of stuff going on. Things are weird I guess." He managed, hugging himself loosely.

"…We can talk about it you know…I mean, I am trying to be there for you, I'm not trying to take his place Izuku. I promise, I've already made the mess, I can't take back my actions but I can try and make it up to you?" he offered, Izuku shook his head again.

"It's fine, there isn't anything to talk about, I'm just tired." He mumbled, watching skyscrapers dotted with lights pass by in the haze of traffic. Hisashi remained silent, things were going nowhere fast between himself and Izuku and he could sense and underlying issue buried in his son's tone, though he hadn't heard from or seen the young man in years.

"Also, his name is Toshinori." Izuku stated, eyes glued to the cityscape as Hisashi braked at a stoplight. The air was heavy with a tension unfamiliar to Hisashi having never been around his own son for very long, it felt strange, to actually have his son near him. To see the young man he had become, and to see the sour expression on his face. His son was 21, and clearly with a lot on his mind, too much for a young man. He was a hero, but Izuku didn't seem to be dwelling on his work, he was dwelling on an issue at home, something Hisashi wasn't allowed in on. He kept quiet as he parked the car, looking to Izuku with a stiff smile.

"This place has the best steak and eggs I've ever had, then again this is the only place I've really eaten out at, most places tend to make Japanese cuisine a little too salty around here, though if you prefer home style foods, I know a place with decent soba." Hisashi explained, waiting for Izuku's response before getting out.

"No, this is fine, this place looks pretty good and I'm curious to try some more American foods, I like hamburgers and stuff like that." Izuku murmured, exiting the car. Hisashi sighed heavily, not sure with how to proceed, he was hoping for things to be ok between him and Izuku but he figured that was a selfish thought. He had been absent for most of Izuku's life, he couldn't just step in, Izuku had a stepfather, who seemed to being a good job of making Inko happy, and helping Izuku achieve his dreams.

They were seated in a booth and Izuku glanced through the menu, brow furrowed as he flipped between breakfast foods and hamburgers, tsking quietly when he seemed to come to an impasse between pancakes and a cheeseburger with fries. Hisashi smirked

"You're here for a little while, I come to this place at least once a week, Izuku." He gestured to his gut with a chuckle, a small sense of triumph when Izuku snickered and flashed him a lopsided grin.

"Oh! My, my, Hisashi you forgot to tell me your son was coming." Izuku turned to the source of the voice, a little off put by the cheery tone, and strange accent she had to her English. A plain looking woman approached with a note pad, warm smile directed at the both of them.

"Ah…Sorry, I got so wrapped up preparing for his visit I might have forgotten to tell you." he smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. She hmphed quietly in mock anger while Izuku tried to read her name tag, it was a pretty normal name he assumed, Rebecca. Probably common in America, though when he went to say her name his light accent stumbled over the 'R' and he flushed before gesturing to the pancakes with strawberries, keeping his mouth shut. She chuckled softly and looked over to Hisashi with a tired look

"Steak and eggs I assume?" she teased, watching him grin slyly.

"You know me so well." He replied as she took his menu, Izuku leaned back and rested his eyes briefly, denying coffee when offered so he could sleep properly the rest of the evening.

"How's Inko doing?" Hisashi asked, taking a long draw of black coffee from the mug Rebecca had dropped off. Izuku hummed

"She went back to University, got a degree that allows her to stay home with Toshinori…his health is…not good right now." Izuku murmured, tracing the rim of his water glass with a calloused finger. Hisashi's eyes widened slightly, noting Izuku's expression he didn't press about Toshinori's health;

"That's great, I always felt partly guilty she left so she could raise you…It definitely wasn't my proudest moment, deciding to come here for work and leaving you two behind." He stated, staring into his mug. Izuku remained silent, contemplating his reply

"It doesn't matter now, that's in the past, she likes her new job, and it's a graphic design degree so she stays home working on projects and looking after him." Izuku explained. Hisashi nodded,

"How about you? How is being a pro-hero treating you?" he asked, watching Izuku's demeanor change completely

"It's everything I would've hoped it to be." His eyes lit up, filling with what Hisashi assumed to be pride in his work.

"I help people who need it, I keep people safe…sure somedays things get dicey but when people see me, they smile because they know they're safe." Izuku breathed, a warm, tender smile made him look younger, like a boy full of hope.

"Just like All Might, Yeah?" Hisashi asked, a soft smile as he went to take another drink of coffee when Izuku physically recoiled at the statement. His smile cracked in and instant and Hisashi felt more shut out than before. Izuku couldn't breathe, his throat was closing up quickly, and he swallowed it down and gripped the table squeezing his eyes shut, willing the feeling to go away.

"No. Nothing like him." Izuku whispered, barely under his breath, Hisashi moved to see what was wrong when their plates were set down, Izuku lurched up face red.

"Thank you." he blurted, bowing his head and taking deep breaths, hoping the rising panic in his stomach would go away. Rebecca noticed too, looking to Hisashi with concern before retreating back to her station.

"Holler if you need Me." she called, Hisashi barely heard the command. Staring at Izuku with wide eyes,

"Izuku. Are you alright?" he asked carefully, the young man in question forced a nod,

"I'm fine, you just…caught me off guard. I try not to compare myself to him." Izuku replied, reaching for his silverware. Hisashi could only nod in reply, words were failing him, and maybe having Izuku stay with him had been a bad idea. Clearly, there was something major brewing back in Japan, something Izuku wanted to be away from. A soft whimper caught his attention, Izuku hummed in delight at getting a meal that wasn't airport terminal to-go and to be honest he hadn't had a pancake quite like this back home. It seemed sweeter, with a buttery texture that paired well with the strawberry mixture drizzled on top.

Hisashi grinned, cocking his head to the side

"You seem to be enjoying those, I used to get those a lot when I was younger, and they were cheaper. But then Rebecca convinced me to try the steak and eggs one night and I have yet to go back to pancakes." He said, cutting a bite out of his steak, scooping up part of the egg whites with it. Izuku took another bite, this time with a chunk of strawberry, his stomach was still in knots but he felt himself relaxing slightly with the food being so comforting.

"Also, I have a room set up for you, it was an office but I put a bed in there and a dresser…in case you'd like to visit more if I don't screw this all up. Though you're not a little boy, so you might not want to stay with your old man that often." He spoke lightly, looking lost in thought. Izuku hummed his acknowledgement,

"If it's only visits there isn't much of a point in me looking for a permanent address, though I can tell you I'm not much of an adult either? I still wear hero themed pajamas to bed, and my house looks like a fanboy's dream come true." Izuku chided himself. Hisashi laughed breathily

"Izuku, if it makes you happy, then I don't think there's anything wrong with your apartment looking like a fanboy's dream come true. I used to collect stuff when I was a kid but my father threw that all out when I got to high school so I'd focus on my studies. It only partly worked, instead I chased after girls." He chuckled, Izuku listening as he lamented about his youth.

"Is that how you met her, mom?" he asked, playing with the edge of a pancake. Hisashi sighed and took another draw of coffee and set the mug down,

"No. I met her in college…she was actually working to save up to go to the university I was attending but things don't always work out. We hit it off rather quickly, got married really young, and she worked while I went to school to get my business and accounting degree. Then you came along, and I realized I was not ready to be a dad at all. I panicked, and did something stupid by taking a job over here in America…then it all kind of fell apart." Hisashi offered, Izuku staring him down, he could see a bit of anger in his eyes; but if Izuku had something to say he didn't say it. Izuku bit back the words on his tongue, bitter and resentful towards a man he barely knew who left his mother alone to raise him, he may have sent his support over in the form of checks; but Izuku had been a child. He didn't understand that his father was working for his sake when he was a boy, he just knew that his father wasn't in the picture, and that his mother was hurting because of it. Hearing it from the horse's mouth, Hisashi's reason for leaving, Izuku felt his spine crawl and stomach threaten to spit back what he'd eaten as a thought crossed his mind.

Maybe it would've been best for him not to be born.

Izuku felt bile rising in his throat and he swallowed it down with a drink from his water, praying the nausea that surfaced with the thought was only temporary, he hoped both were fleeting as his lungs sucked in air. Hisashi blinked in clear confusion, concern hidden in his eyes as he watched the younger man squirm in his seat, his appetite clearly gone.

"How about we get the rest to go, I'm sure you're ready for some proper rest and a shower?" he asked, Izuku nodding slowly as his stomach churned and mind raced for a probable explanation as to why the thought would even cross his mind. Izuku had read something somewhere, an after thought in the grand scheme of things, a word associated with thoughts of death or harm no one would truly act on, the call of the end. He chalked it up to that while the air was heavy with silence as they placed the rest of their meal in Styrofoam containers and Hisashi paid. Rebecca seemingly puzzled as Hisashi always finished his meal at the diner, but she made no comment when she looked back to his son, pale and grim in the booth staring at the pepper flake colored table top.

The drive to Hisashi's apartment was short, quiet, and reminded Izuku of the countless drives he'd made with his mother to see Toshinori in the hospital before his mother had gotten her stay at home job, and before Toshinori realized he couldn't do many of the things he normally could. The man who had once been the strongest Izuku had ever know, was suddenly frail, his coughing fits becoming a daily occurrence; keeping Izuku up at night when he still lived with them. Inko's soft voice filtering in between choking breaths, soothing and nurturing as she stayed up with him until Toshinori could sleep.

Izuku liked his room that Hisashi had prepared, it had a bed, desk, and dresser for his clothes while he stayed. Amusingly, the bed spread was All Might themed, a short laugh as Izuku thumbed over the comforter and looked to Hisashi.

"I'm a little old for this kind of bedding…" he breathes, setting his suitcase to the side. Hisashi coughs

"Not from what you said about your apartment back home. Though I admit the bedding is a little childish looking, we can go look at others tomorrow if you'd like, after I get off work?" he asked, leaning in the door way.

"No, it's fine…" Izuku was glad the bedding lacked any images of his stepfather, it was just the pattern of one of his old costumes,Hisashi wasn't wrong, Izuku had admitted to his fanboy tendencies, but he hadn't admitted most of his All Might memorabilia had ended up in boxes when he could feel pressure peaking in his chest just glancing at the former hero. A few things remained, treasured items or ones that held more importance to him, but many posters and pictures were stashed away in an attempt to find some peace from the tightness that was constantly threatening him, and now, he hoped being away from Toshinori and such a familiarity would bring that piece. That distance would make it easier, and his thought would stop turning to lurid and heinous.

"Alright, I'll let you get some rest, you don't start until the day after tomorrow so you'll have the place to yourself, feel free to go exploring too. There is a spare key by the door for you, goodnight." Hisashi explained with a warm smile, Izuku returned it, glad he had decided to come and stay for a while.