Disclaimer: Do I own this? Do you? Of course not, so stop bothering me about it.
A/N: Assuming all my followers aren't dead by now, I am finally uploading the sequel to "Excessive Misbehavior"! I know it's a long time coming, but it's here, so read and enjoy.
"It's about time," Voldemort said, staring out into the darkness. He had been anxious all day.
"Are the mail-order brides here?" Bobbi smiled as she walked up behind him.
He turned and smiled curiously at her, "I can't keep anything from you, can I?"
"I'm a woman, and furthermore your wife. You'll learn to get used to it."
He smiled and took her in one arm. They watched as a group of women in dark robes landed on the grass in front of the Lair. They approached the Lair with their hooded heads downward cast. There were eight of them.
"Did you order one for Wormtail?" she asked.
"What a joke!" he laughed.
"Do they know I'm your wife?" she asked seriously.
"They'll find out."
Bobbi's smile widened mischievously. "Oh, this will be fun."
"What are you going to do?" Voldemort asked as she slipped out from under his arm and back down the hall.
"You'll see," she smiled.
"Don't kill anyone yet," he called after her. He turned back to the new arrivals and greeted them with a solemn face. "Greetings, new Death Eaters." They bowed to him and then entered, pulling their hoods off. Five of them were younger, between 21 and 16. The other three were quite a bit older. They stood in the entrance next to the Dark Lord and looked around the deserted halls curiously. It was quite late at night, and none of the other Death Eaters were about. In fact, these girls would be a surprise for the men and boys when they went to breakfast tomorrow morning.
Suddenly, Bobbi came running down the hall towards the large group, a huge smile plastered on her face. "Daddy!" she squealed in her innocent-little-girl voice as she threw herself into Voldemort's arms and kissed him on the lips. The new girls eyed the two with shocked confusion. Bobbi turned and smiled at the girls, "Are these my new playmates?"
Voldemort shook his head as he always did. He patted her on the head gently. Bobbi laughed lightly and held her hand out to the new comers. In her regular, adultish voice, she said, "Hello, I'm the Dark Lord's wife."
Realization dawned on the girls, and they smiled. They each in turn shook her hand. "We'll be showing you to your rooms," Voldemort said, and they led them down the hall. "You'll be two to a room," he informed them.
"So pair up," Bobbi added.
As they walked down the halls, Voldemort whispered to Bobbi, "So how did you find out?"
"I'm an immortal Death Eater who is married to the Dark Lord. I don't exercise caution and restrictions don't apply to me."
"Wormtail let you read the letters."
Bobbi smiled guiltily, "Perhaps."
"That's why he doesn't get one."
"You're so cruel," she giggled.
He smirked, "Well, I am the Dark Lord."
The next morning, Bobbi got up early to accompany the women to breakfast, as she had promised them she would the night before. She walked at the head of the group of women, leading them through the halls and into the Dining Hall. This was about the time when most Death Eaters ate, so the room was close to full. One large table that was reserved for the Masters was completely empty. Bobbi sat the women down at that table and they began to eat.
Snape came and joined the table shortly after. "So he finally gave in," Snape said to Bobbi.
"I can be quite persuasive, especially when people get killed over it."
"Or maybe he just wants Goyle to leave you alone."
"One's for you, too," she whispered, "But pick one of legal age, okay."
Snape gave her a rare smirk, "You have a way with words, don't you?" But his face was once more stoic when he added, "But you know why I don't want to get involved again."
Bobbi nodded her head. "Women. You can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em."
"You are more feminine than you let on."
"Yes, and what I said also applies to me. It's a universal trust." Bobbi turned to the women around them, "Ladies, this is Snape, the Potions Master. He makes the potions for the infirmary. If you feel sick and don't trust those in the hospital wing, you can always trust Snape."
All of the women nodded and returned to their eating. But one of them frequently stole glances at Snape throughout the meal.
"When do we get to meet boys?" the youngest one, a sixteen-year-old, asked, giggling.
"Periodically, the Master sends the younger, more energetic Death Eaters into the woods for dueling practice. I'm sure we could get one of those scheduled soon."
"So are you, like, our mother-type figure or something?" one of the younger girls asked.
"If you want to consider me that, you can. But don't tell my husband. You know how men can be. But, yeah. If you have any questions or problems, come and talk to me. I'm also the therapist here. I have my own office and degree and everything."
"Will you help us get boys?" the youngest asked excitedly.
"Sweetie, if you came for the boys, then you've come to the right place. I know everything there is to know about boys, and there is quite an excess of single ones here. You are absolutely guaranteed a date to any formal event we have."
"Of which there aren't very many," Snape added.
"But we weren't gonna say that," Bobbi nudged him. Then she amended, "That's only because we haven't had any single ladies. I'm sure the Master will allow more now that they won't be as awkward. I mean, when everyone that is single is male, couples dancing can be quite queer, in both senses of the word."
"So you didn't have dances at all?" the youngest asked, appalled.
"Oh, no, we had them. When I was the only single female before I got married, we had some. And I had to dance with all the single guys. Which reminds me: Gregory Goyle is a pretty good dancer. He's one of the few who didn't crush my feet."
The girl giggled. "Wait, so did you have to dance with the older men, too?"
"Some of them. I danced with the Master. Of course, we're married now, so you realize that age hardly means a thing to me."
"Though it seems you only date men younger than you," Snape murmured.
Bobbi dug her elbow into him. Why was he being so talkative now? He hardly ever said a word when others were around, especially strangers. Perhaps it was that time of the month again.
"Severus, why don't you show our more adultish women around after breakfast. That way I can introduce these kids to the others kids. Savvy?" Bobbi suggested.
"Of course, Miss Bobbi," Snape obliged.
After breakfast, the girls split into two groups: the five younger girls went with Bobbi, who took them to meet her boys, while the three older women accompanied Snape on a tour of the castle.
The small group of adults walked dutifully through the halls, Snape leading and pointing out all the main rooms. "I suppose it is necessary for us to know each other's names," Snape began, "As our Dark Queen has pointed out, I am Severus Snape."
"I'm Anna Smith," the blonde introduced.
"I'm Mia Thorn," the lady with black hair said.
"I'm Tigerlily Lovegood," the third said. Her appearance matched her name. Her hair was red with black streaks like a tiger, and her eyes were as green as lily pads.
Snape looked at her speculatively, then turned and continued.
Bobbi took the five younger women over to the teenager table. Throughout breakfast, Draco had been observing the girls expectantly, undoubtedly sizing them up to determine which was most suitable to be his girlfriend. Presently, he had his eye on a tall, long-haired, bleach-blonde. Of course the fair-haired legacy had to be preserved. Father would allow nothing else.
"Girls, these are boys," Bobbi introduced, "Talk."
"My name is Robin," began the youngest, most talkative girl.
"My name is Brigit," introduced a particularly average brunette.
Brixy, a short blonde; Pixie, a jet black-haired punkette; and [Name Here], the tall, blonde, slender, oldest girl. Each of the boys introduced himself in turn.
"So, which of you is the best duelist?" Draco asked with a slight sneer.
"That would be me," replied Robin.
"Then I challenge you to a duel."
Robin giggled, "Oh, this will be fun."
Snape continued to show Tigerlily the castle. The other women had abandoned them to watch a duel with some guys they had met on the tour, but Tigerlily did not have eyes for other men. She was here for business.
There was a shield around Tigerlily that Snape couldn't explain. Something about her conveyed that she wasn't here for fun; she had a purpose, a mission, and Snape didn't know whether to feel secure around her or to feel afraid. She had a roughness that came from being too soft earlier in life. No doubt she had joined the Death Eaters to get revenge. But from whom?
"So, Miss Lovegood," Snape began.
"Call me Tiger," she corrected.
"Miss Tiger," Snape tried, but the name felt weird on his tongue. "What is your purpose for joining the Death Eaters?"
"Harry Potter," she replied with no intention of explanation.
Snape nodded his head even though her answer barely explained anything. What had Harry Potter ever done to her?
They continued for a time in silence until they came across the Dark Lord, who greeted them with, "Ah Snape. I see you have met your new apprentice."
They bowed to their Master together, and Snape replied, "Yes, Master."
"Carry on," Voldemort dismissed, passing them and continuing toward the Dining Hall.
Then Snape concluded the tour by showing Tiger the Potions Chamber, where they would be working together.
Voldemort floated down the halls with an air of gracefulness that befitted an evil sorcerer. Presently, he was searching for his wife. He wanted to let her know when the orientation meeting for the new special troop of Death Eaters would be. After all, women needed to be told in advance. At last, he spotted Wormtail, who was sure to know Bobbi's whereabouts. It was, after all, his job.
"Master, your wife is down in the dueling chamber," Wormtail told him as he approached.
"Who are dueling?" Voldemort asked as they both headed that way.
"The new girls are dueling the younger boys."
Voldemort smirked inwardly, wondering on which team Bobbi would be.
When they reached the dungeon, there was a large crowd that blocked their path. Voldemort gave Wormtail the slip and escaped to his own private room for watching duels. He did not often use this room, but he loved to watch Bobbi fight because it was always an unfair, humorously humiliating duel.
But when he slipped into the room, Bobbi was already there. She smiled at him, sitting comfortably in his chair. "How did you get in here?" he asked in surprise. He had not told her about this room.
"I have my ways," she smiled mischievously.
Voldemort smiled and shook his head. Bobbi stood and floated gracefully into his arms. He kissed her forehead. "You'll be busy with them for a while, and you'll probably ignore me the entire time," he explained.
"That sounds about right," she chuckled. Then she kissed him back. "I'll always make time for you." Turning away from him, she added, "But not right now. I have to supervise the children and make sure they don't kill each other. Plus, I like to watch my little men bonding." She smiled at him and conjured a second chair in which she sat. She patted the first chair. Obediently, he sat down beside her. Why not watch the children fight? A little entertainment couldn't hurt.
On the dueling stage, Draco and Robin prepared to fight. Rather, Draco prepared while Robin stood cross-armed and rattled off a chain of insults. The words left her smirking mouth so gracefully that it seemed as if she had practiced these exact lines many times before and had perfected the art of cruel words. She hardly knew this boy, yet she seemed to know exactly which buttons to press to make his confidence shatter. She appeared to be enjoying her one-sided conversation.
Finally, in a desperate attempt to silence her, Draco shot an unannounced curse at her. But she blocked it without even a slight hesitation in her unending monologue.
"Cheating, Mr. Draco, will get you nowhere," she mocked, then continued without a pause in her line of insults.
At last, the duel began, and Robin shut her mouth, only allowing curses and spells to pass through her lips. The duel didn't last long. After about 8 spells in total, Draco was out cold.
"You're such a failure, Draco!" Blaise snickered, "Isn't this the second time you've been beaten by a girl?" Draco was too loopy to respond.
"New player?" Robin asked, picking at her nails boredly.
"It seems we have another Bobbi on our hands," Voldemort grinned at his wife.
Bobbi snorted disdainfully, "I could overtake her in 10 seconds flat."
"You've never been that fast before."
"Not while I've been here. I like to toy with my friends, make them feel like I didn't beat them so easily. You should have seen me 50 years ago. I was a beast. I could take out entire armies by myself in less than a day. I was the Master of Sorcery."
"You want to have a duel later just for fun?" he asked with a disbelieving smirk.
"I'll go easy on you," she smiled.
"No. Go hard on me. I want to see your A-game."
"No, trust me, you don't."
"You put too much faith in yourself."
"I could say the same for you."
"Here. Midnight. Alone. I want to see your best," he demanded.
"Fine. But it's your funeral."
Voldemort's smile dropped, "You won't kill me again, will you? I'm starting to run out of Horcruxes."
Bobbi laughed. "I didn't mean it like that. I would never kill you. I love you too much."
His smile returned, "Yeah, you better."
"Or what?" Her smile broadened.
"Or else." His grin widened as well.
Back on the dueling floor, Brixy was approaching Robin. "Robin, why don't you let some of us duel the boys? You'll have plenty of time to utterly humiliate them later."
Robin smiled, "Okay. I can do that." She skipped gaily off the platform, surrendering her spot to the blonde.
Brixy turned to the group of boys and waved at them invitingly. "Who wants to duel me?" There was an aura of innocence around her, just as there was around all of the younger girls, including Bobbi. But were they, like Bobbi, only faking? Robin was for sure. She had shown her true colors during the duel – she was tough and cruel. Or maybe she was just playful. Either way, she was not as innocent as she appeared.
Blaise smiled back at Brixy. "I'll duel you," he volunteered, stepping onto the floor. He was two heads taller than this short little girl. They were very much opposites in appearance: Brixy was fair-skinned and light-haired while Blaise was dark-skinned and black-haired. His eyes were brown and hers were blue. She was the most unintimidating girl he had ever seen. But Blaise had learned that looks could be deceiving, so he would not judge her by them. And he was right not to do so.
The battle between the two lasted for as long as the others waiting in line would let it. Eventually, they had to call it a draw because neither could out-do the other. At the end, they shook hands and retired together to the sidelines.
Crabbe and Brigit were the next to duel, ending with Crabbe getting the snot beat out of him. While it was not as humiliating as Draco's defeat, it was still a subject of mockery on Crabbe's part. From then on, Crabbe would harbor a crush for Brigit.
In the end, Phil was the only boy to defeat a girl. He defeated Pixie. [Name Here], of course, beat Mel. Mel was still unskilled in the art of sorcery.
The large group of youths left together to wander the halls and create mischief while Bobbi and Voldemort were otherwise occupied. As the couple were kissing in their secret room without doors, Wormtail popped in unexpectedly.
"Wormtail!" Voldemort yelled at him.
"Sorry, my lord," he whimpered and left.
Bobbi giggled, "It's like he knows the most awkward time to pop in on us."
"He doesn't even know about this room," Voldemort complained in agitated astonishment.
"You're not very good at secret keeping," Bobbi laughed, "You're worse than I am, and I'm a girl."
"Do you dare call yourself superior to the Dark Lord?" Voldemort accused in an almighty voice, puffing up his chest like a blowfish.
"Do you dare question the authority of the Dark Goddess?" Bobbi challenged with a mischievous smile, sliding her hand down his chest, which immediately deflated.
"Cheater," Voldemort chuckled.
"Cheating is more fun," Bobbi smiled.
At midnight, the couple met back in the deserted dueling chambers.
"Did you bring your A-game?" Bobbi asked.
Voldemort nodded smugly. "When's the last time you fed on blood?" he questioned her.
Bobbi laughed, "So you remembered. It's been a week and a half. You might have a chance of beating me this time."
Voldemort frowned. "Last time we fought, I was drunk. I wasn't at my best."
Bobbi smirked. "Okay, hon. Whatever you say."
Voldemort made a face at her. "Let's get started. Ladies first," he offered.
They bowed to each other and the duel began. On the first curse form Voldemort, Bobbi crumpled to the floor theatrically and groaned melodramatically, "Oh, I'm dead, I'm dead! You killed me! Aah!"
Voldemort chuckled and waved his wand at her, "Get up, you drama queen. You're not getting out of this so easily."
And for the next hour, the two fought neck-and-neck, taking blow after blow and always getting up. They were equally stubborn and would not give each other any slack. But eventually, they got tired, and finally after a careless mistake, Bobbi took the fall. Voldemort shot an extremely powerful spell at her, which hit her square in the chest, knocking her down where she cracked her head hard against the floor.
"Ow," she groaned weakly.
Voldemort cackled at her, amused. "Stop being so dramatic." He cackled more.
"No," she moaned, "I'm serious." She pulled her hand out from behind her head and it was drenched in blood.
At this revelation, Tom's laughing stopped short. "Oh, man," he gawked, "Wow. Did I really do that?"
"No, Tom. It was the floor that cracked my head open," she replied sarcastically.
"Are you okay?" he asked, ignoring the comment, "That's a lot of blood. Do you want to see a nurse?"
"Maybe I do," she mumbled, pressing her palm to her cut and wincing from the pain of it. "Dang! I ain't s'posta be able to feel pain."
At her words, Tom gaped at her in horror. "Oh no! You're reverting!"
Bobbi smiled faintly, then groaned and grimaced. "I might need to see Snape. He'll know what to do."
"Right," Tom nodded, gathering his bleeding wife in his arms. Quickly, he sped her to Snape's potions office, which doubled as his study and bedroom. It had multiple rooms branching off of the main room.
Bobbi rapped on the door loudly. After a momentary pause, Snape's peeved voice demanded, "What is it?"
"Your Masters demand your attention," Voldemort answered with his voice of superiority.
Immediately the door opened. If it had just been Bobbi, Snape would have made a sarcastic or rude quip about the ordeal, which was their usual, mutual way of greeting each other. But when Voldemort was present, all unnecessary comments had to be omitted. Snape made a sweeping motion with his arm, "Come in." He bowed slightly. He'd always found this demeaning (as was its purpose), so Bobbi never made him do it to her, but of course it was required with the Dark Lord's presence. Crazy old man thought he was something.
Getting right to the point, Voldemort said, "We were dueling and she fell and cracked her head open. There's a lot of blood."
"When he says 'dueling' he means 'having sex'," she mumbled past the throbbing of her skull.
"It mustn't be too bad if she's retained her personality," Snape assured, setting straight to work on cleaning the wound.
"Sorry to disappoint," she replied, "Ow!"
"Hush," Snape shushed simply, and she was quiet. The room held its breath as Snape worked. After he had the wound bandaged, he handed Bobbi a green flask and commanded her to drink.
After she had drained it, she asked, "What's the diagnosis, doctor? How many days do I have to live?"
He turned to Voldemort as if she hadn't said a word, "It's a shallow cut. Nothing broken. She should be fine. For some reason, however, I can't seem to get my wand to seal it. Luckily, I had this archaic bandage. It should quit hurting in a few minutes when the potion takes effect. Other than that, it's fine," then he turned to Bobbi, "You won't die."
"But why does it hurt?" Bobbi winced, "I usually don't feel pain, especially not from such a small damage as this."
"When was the last time you drank?"
"A couple weeks ago, but that shouldn't matter in an instance such as this. If it had been over a month, then perhaps." She winced and lightly touched her cut.
"If the pain persists, come see me in the morning. For now, rest would be best for you."
Bobbi stood carefully and, taking her husband's hand, left the room. "Thanks, Snape."
The next afternoon, Bobbi paid another visit to Snape. "Severus, I think I know what's wrong with me."
A/N: Okay, kittens. This was the first chapter. If you want to know what happened to Bobbi, tune in to the next chapter. Hint: leech.