"Cold"
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I was wrong. I was never who I wanted to be. I don't know who I wanted to be, though; did I? I mean, I always thought I'd be the bad boy who no one liked. The 'James Dean' wannabe whose main goal in life was to piss everyone off. It worked alright for a while, I guess. I got to be such a burden that I got shipped to Dullsville, USA when I was seventeen. Sent to the uncle I barely knew. Sent to what I'd thought would be the most horrible place that ever existed. It was, sorta…until I met you, that is.
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high
When I saw you, you were like water in the desert, or a can of soup for a homeless man. You were different. Bright, innocent, hiding behind a façade no one knew you had. They all thought the small town girl they saw was the person inside; the person you really and truly were. Only I saw who the real you was. It wasn't so different than the real me was. We were more alike than either of us realized, I think.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
God, I'd never felt more awful than when you were hurting because of me. You didn't deserve to be in pain because of a guy like me. I was nothing in your perfect little word. I was a fling to those all around us. I wasn't anyone worth remembering. A rebel, a bad boy phase you were going through. Just like all good girls had, I was yours. Nothing special, nothing not easily forgotten.
To you I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never really apologized. For anything. I felt like you were breaking through the wall I had put up over the years, and it was scaring me. It was scaring me that you had so much power over me, and I wasn't brave enough to deal with it. So, I ran. Just like they all said I would. I ran away, leaving you thinking you did something to cause it. And I never made you think otherwise. It was me, not you. God, that sounds like a cliché breakup line, but it was true. Still is. It was never your fault and I want you to know it was all me. All me, not you.
I never meant to be so cold
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
You had the key, but you didn't know it. If I was a little less of a coward, and you pushed a little harder, things could have been different. I would have broken. You would have pretended to understand, and then comforted me. We might have talked it through, but in the end it would all turn out the same. I'd leave again, for some stupid reason or another, and you'd move on to guys who deserve you a little more than I did. Note that I didn't say deserve you completely…no guy did. You were too much. Too perfect for any guy. Definitely too good for me, and too great for anyone at all. It was my fault it didn't work, though. I was cold. Harsh, unforgiving, and uncaring. But it wasn't real. I was so hurt inside, that I had to fake the indifference, and now I have what I deserve. Nothing. I have nothing. And its no ones fault but my own.
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold