Author's Notes: This is my response/rendition to that trolling anti fanfic on AO3. I love you antis 😙

Rey wasn't sure when it started... or even how it started. All she knew was that one day a man came into the coffee shop that caught her attention. One might think the reason for that attention was that he was unusual handsome, but no. That was not the case. It was the look on his face when he came in that had done it.

He looked terribly sad. Defeated. Not just the first time or the second time that he came in, but every single time. He was such a sad man and she slowly became worried that someone that looked that sad all the time might be the sort that was going to end his life. There were little signs she had noticed. He always paid extra. Didn't care about the cost. Sometimes even gave his coffee without thinking about it if he noticed someone had forgotten their wallet or purse. It wasn't exactly out of kindness, but it was more like nothing mattered to him. She made the choice to sit down next to him during her break.

Jessika made little comments about him That he was creepy... and 'good riddance' if someone like him jumped off a bridge. It wasn't that she was trying to be mean. She was just legitimately scared of the man and Rey supposed it was understandable. He was very big and very intimidating.

The expression that crossed his face was one of confusion. He tried to mind his own business and ignore her.

"Hi... I'm Rey..." She tried to introduce herself and he lifted his gaze a little. Still filled with what seemed like an unending sadness. "You come in here a lot."

"Does that bother you?"

"What? No, no... that isn't what I meant."

"Because I can go if I-"

"No! It isn't like that at all. I just wanted to..." How could she word that? 'Sorry you just look really sad all the time and I'm worried you're going to jump off a bridge?' "to talk to you."

"Why?"

"Why?" Rey echoed and noticed Jessika behind the counter shaking her head. She clearly did not approve.

"I mean... why would someone as pretty as you want to talk to a guy with a face like mine?"

Oh. It was like that. She should have expected someone that always looked as upset as he did to be that negative. Poor guy. What sort of a life did he live that gave him an attitude like that?

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your face." She took note of the subtle change in his expression. He was surprised, but somehow... grateful for her words. "So... what do you do for a living? You... obviously know what I do..."

"If I told you that..." He lowered his hand and lightly tapped his fingers on the table in front of him. "I'd have to kill you."

"Oh. So you're a secrete agent?" She tilted her head to the side and even though he kept his head down she could make out the faint upward curve of his lips. He had smiled. She decided to stay the course. "The Secrete Agent and The Barista. Sounds like a spy novel in the making."

"Novel life... sounds appropriate I suppose." He lifted his head a little. "I'm... Kylo Ren."

It was the beginning of their relationship much to Jessika's chargin. Every time he came in when she was on break she would sit with him and they would talk. Their conversations were always interesting. He had been very reserved at first, but eventual he had opened up.

"Where are you from, Rey?"

"I was born in England, but... my after my mum died my father came home to America because we have family here." She hadn't really known her mother. She died when she was very young. It was a disappointment. An empty void in her life, but she tried not to think about it. "What about your family?"

"My family... I don't have any left."

"I"m sorry." No wonder he came in as he did. He didn't have anyone left. Someone without family like that must be very lonely.

"It's better this way." He answered and her eyes widened in surprise. She wondered what he meant by that. If she missed a mother she didn't really know how could he not miss his family? "Are you busy Sunday?"

He threw her again. It was something he did often. Say something that she wasn't expecting, but she knew him enough to know what he was asking.

"You're asking me out?"

"If you want..." His tone came out nervous and uneasy. She had no doubt he expected her to just turn him down and never talk to him again. Somebody had shattered his confidence.

"I'm free." Right. She said it. She just accepted his offer. She was going on a date with this guy. When had it taken this sort of a turn? One might think she would immediately regret her choice, but for some explainable reason she didn't regret it.

She opted out of telling anyone about it of course. She knew that her co-workers did not approve of her spending time with him.

The date went off without a hitch. He dressed nicely, took her out to a very nice place she wondered how he could afford. Whatever that job he couldn't tell her was... apparently it paid very well. He amazed her. She had never spent time with him outside the coffee shop but he was a perfect gentlemen.

At the end of the night he walked her to her home and kissed her. Warm and pleasant. He tasted something like the expensive red wine that he had spent the night drinking.

Work the next day took a turn for the worst. Jessika found out about the date and called Poe. It really wasn't their business what she did or who she spent her time with. She couldn't understand why they were so worried. There was no way that Kylo Ren could ever hurt a fly.

"Rey... I didn't want to do this, because I didn't want you to get hurt, but Poe and Finn have something important to tell you." Jessika began and Rey let out a low sigh pressing her hand over her eyes.

"Please, listen to what we have to say." Finn requested. "Poe and I served with this guy in the military."

"You what? Why didn't you just tell me that sooner?"

"Because we didn't want you to get hurt." Poe spoke up.

"Why do you keep saying that?" Rey asked as she came to the conclusion that something was really very wrong.

"We served with him overseas. His name isn't Kylo Ren. It's Ben Solo. He's... uhhh... he's your cousin." Finn stated.

"What? No. Leia doesn't have a son."

"Not that she speaks of. Not after the things that he did. He's a murderer. A child murderer. He's the reason Han is dead." Poe's words seemed impossible and if they weren't her friends she'd have called them liars.

Except they all had the same expressions on their faces. This wasn't a joke. They were dead serious.

"No..."

"You were never meant to know you had a cousin, Rey." Poe was a guilty party in hiding this from her for a very long time. He knew he should have told her.

Finn stepped forward and handed her something under the counter. It took her several long moments to realized that it was a small pistol that he was giving her.

"What are you doing? Are you guys insane? A gun?" Rey tried to shove it back into Finn's hands, but he shook his head.

"Please, Rey. For our peace of mind... please keep it with you." Finn pleaded with her, because he did not want to see her life end at the hands of a maniac.

She did not want to take it, but to get them to back off she stuffed it into her bag even though she was weary of the trouble she would wind up in if the cops ever needed to check her car or her bag.

The door opened and the group glanced over to see the one and only Kylo Ren entering the place... or... was that even really his name? They told her it wasn't. What should she think about him now. The best thing to do was to approach him. Before her friends could think, act or move she quickly broke from them and walked up to him.

"We need to talk." Her words didn't startle him as much as the sight of Finn and Poe behind the counter. It made her dread this conversation. "Outside."

"Alright." This tone was one one that she was familiar with. It sounded odd coming from him. Like he was angry.

The two of them went outside and she led him around back to where the employees parked. Nobody would bother them here.

"You know why they were here?" She began and heard the shuffle of his boots as he shifted from one foot to the other.

"Yes."

"Your name isn't Kylo Ren?"

"No."

"Is everything they told me true? That you're a murderer." Rey took a step back from him. "You weren't joking... when you said you would have to kill me if you told me what you did for a living..."

"No. I wasn't... but I'm not... I wouldn't kill you..." He tried to take a step forward.

"You've killed children?" She asked and he paled visibly in response To that she too another step back away from him.

"Rey, that was-"

"Your father? You killed my uncle?"

"I-... what?!"

"You're Ben Solo... my aunt Leia's son..." She saw the recognition in his eyes and he opened his mouth as if to speak and closed it again. Several times, trying to find an explanation, but coming up with none. "Stay away from me."

"Rey, please..." He tried to take another step forward and suddenly she was afraid of him. He was much bigger than her. She grabbed for the gun that Finn had insisted she take and held it between them.

"Don't."

"Rey..." His eyes focused on the gun and he shook his head a little, taking another step forward despite it. "Give that to me before somebody gets hurt... please?"

"I told you to leave me alone... just walk the other way... pretend we never met..." If that was at all possible Rey wanted to forget that she had ever met him.

"I can't..."

A moment passed between them and the next thing she knew he was reaching for the gun and she was taking a step back... there was a loud bang that immediately had her ears buzzing, a scent of gunpowder and something else... something coppery.

He took a slow step back and pressed his hands into his side, but despite his attempts to stem it the blood seeped from between his fingers. She shot him. She had shot him. The offending pistol slipped from her hands. An accident. It had been an accident, but it didn't matter now.

For just a moment she thought that maybe he was going to pass out from the pain and the steady stream of blood that seeped from his side, but he hadn't yet. Instead he stood there grimacing and trying to regain some sense long enough to string a sentence together.

He might be a murderer, but she wasn't.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to. I... I can take you to the hospital."

"I can't go to the hospital..." His breathing increased and he took an unsteady step back. "I need to go home..."

Despite all the pain it must have caused him he picked up the pistol from the ground and then he simply turned and walked away. She was stunned. He was really going to just walk away and do what? Go home? He was going to die.

She knew that she was not going to be able to live with herself if she was responsible for his death. He was quick for a man who had just been shot as he was already in his car. Her only option was to open up the passenger side door and get in with him.

"Get out." He said immediately, but then he noticed that her stupid friends ran out the door having recognized a gunshot and he knew that they would keep him here until the police arrived and he had things that he needed to hide. He gunned it and tore out of the parking lot.

His hands slipped a little on the steering wheel from the blood covering them as he turned down a back alley to get out of their line of sight. He was having a hard time seeing straight.

Rey took a breath and held on for her life all while hoping that he was not going to pass out behind the wheel. They were both dead then. She regretted ever taking that gun. She should have just forced it back into their hands, but she hadn't.

"You need to go to the hospital."

"Shut up." He snapped. It was the first time he had ever used the tone with her, but he was likely in a lot of pain and he was trying to focus on driving at the same time. She also wouldn't blame him if he was angry that she shot him.

After maybe ten minutes of driving he pulled up to the front of a highrise and quickly reached across her and opened the glove compartment to pull out a bundle of napkins.

He shoved his coat aside then and lifted his shirt from his pants and quickly pressed the napkins over the wound. The next thing he grabbed was a roll of duct tape that he bit off at the end and taped over the napkins to keep them there. He tucked his shirt back into his pants and adjusted his clothing then flipped the mirror down to take in his appearance.

He looked awful. There was no denying it. All he could do now was grab a few more napkins and try and wipe up the remaining blood on the steering wheel and his car door. Once he was satisfied that everything was clean he quickly exited the car and made his way inside.

Not knowing what else to do Rey followed him and he made no motion to stop her. Not when he passed the guard. Not when he got into the elevator and not when he opened up the door to his apartment.

Instead he went straight into the bathroom and grabbed a towel, held it under the water and wetted it down. From there he retrieved a knife and cut a thin hole in that towel and then he pulled the gun from his belt where he had stuffed it.

At first she thought he might kill her, but he only set it on the sink and went about shrugging his coat off and and his shirt. He pulled out a small box with surgical tools in it and Rey realized that he had done this before.

After that he grabbed another towel to bite down in before he dug into the wound with one of the tools, dug out the bullet and the pieces of clothing it had taken in with it with extreme effort. More blood gushed from the wound and he warily glanced up at his refection in the mirror.

"You need to go to the hospital... please... I can take you..."

"No." He ground out.

Next came the hard part he dreaded. He picked up the gun and removed the bullets, used the knife to open them up and from there he slowly poured the little bit of gun powder into the wound. He snatched a small lighter from his coat pocket as he sat down on the floor next to it. Taking several breaths he placed the wet towel over his side and made sure the hole was over the wound before he lit the lighter and brought it up to his side.

The powder ignited with a bright flare and his whole body tensed up for a long moment before he went completely slack.

"Hey... hey." She tried to get a response, but there was nothing. She carefully made her way over to him and pressed her fingers to his throat to try and find if he had a pulse or if she really had killed him.

Alive. He was alive.

The sudden buzz made her jump and then she realized it was her phone going off. She quickly answered it with a shaky voice.

"Rey? Are you alright? What happened?"

"Jessika... I shot him..." Rey answered uneasily.

"You shot him and stole his car?" Her voice came off confused, skeptical.

"No... I was going to take him to the hospital... I'm fine... don't worry about me..." And then Rey did something she never thought she would. "I'm at home now. He's gone." She lied to her friends. "I need to go. I need time to think."

She hung up after that. Another thing she normally never would have done to her friends. But at least it was true when she said that she needed time. She took that time. She waited and she waited and waited some more. Until finally he stirred. He was alive. Awake now.

There was a silence that passed between them and she wondered what exactly was going through his mind. It was clear he was still in a lot of pain, but why wouldn't he be? He was just shot and he practically set himself on fire.

It seemed that he didn't want to speak with her for the time being or maybe just that he couldn't form words because all he did was slowly stand up, leaning most of his weight on the sink and then on the door frame as he moved out of the bathroom.

"What can I do...?" She broke the silence and he closed his eyes a moment, inhaled deeply and let out a breath.

"Go back in time to before you shot me and not do that." Leaning against the wall and using that to keep him upright he moved along it and moved into the kitchen, turning on the sink and leaning down to drink straight from the faucet. No time to grab a glass. He needed water immediately.

"They told me you've murdered people. Children." She tried to defend her actions and he finished his long drink long enough to jerk open a cabinet and grab a few bottles.

"And you thought I was going to murder you. I get it." He responded bitterly as he opened one of the bottles and took a few pills from it.

"Is it true? Is all of it true?"

"It depends on who's point you view it from. You do a lot of things overseas... a lot of things you regret... but things you had to do." He was tired, exhausted, but trying to stay awake. "Finn and I... were sent into a village. The locals were hostile and fired on us. Even the children. We did what we had to do. Finn couldn't take having the death of children on his conscious. I don't blame him... I only wish I could have been as brave as he was to disobey General Snoke's orders..."

"That's why they say you murdered children?" Rey knew that was a complicated situation. On one hadn't he never should have pulled the trigger... on the other he would have died and let his men die. That was not a choice she could have made. "And Han?"

"Han Solo... was revenge... he left us... left my mother... made her life so hard... left me... when I saw him smuggling supplies on the field... I couldn't pass up my chance... I thought that it would make me feel better. Snoke said it would, but it didn't and I have to live with it. Snoke was wrong about a lot of things."

"Did you know... about us?"

"I didn't... how could I have? They sent me right into the military because I was the troubled child... and Luke never mentioned anything about you. I guess he thought he was protecting you from me." It was all too much. Nearly impossible to comprehend. And then he had to make everything more complicated. "That doesn't change how I feel about you."

"What?" She wondered if those pills had kicked in and he was on some sort of a high. She had shot him and they found out they were cousins and he was saying that didn't change how he felt about her?

"It isn't so strange in other countries is it? You're from England. Why is the idea strange to you?"

"It's not-... you're... I shot you... and you're trying to..." She had no idea what to do or what to say. If she didn't know any better the realization that they were actual related almost made him sound a little obsessive.

"I don't want you to be like everyone else... I don't want you to look at me like a monster... and I don't want you to leave."

"The things you've done-"

"I don't... do them anymore. I've been trying to fix things. I made some mistakes..." Without another word he shifted and then waved a hand toward the door. "Just got then... we'll pretend we never met..."

"Were you... going to kill yourself?" She needed to know the answer to that, because she could not forget how sad he had looked. How lifeless he had looked.

His silence was his answer. Yes. He was going to kill himself.

"Go home." He repeated.

"Let me take care of you." She told herself it was only for her piece of mind that he didn't die because of her, but really it wasn't easy to forget the bond that they had developed over their time together. "It... doesn't matter what people think. Nobody has to know."

He glanced towards her as she stepped closer to allow him to lean on her so that she could at the very least get him to the couch where he could sit down. He was very reluctant after everything, but why wouldn't he be? This relationship had become very unstable very quickly.

She returned to the bathroom where his medical supplies were and gathered some bandages and from there proceeded to bandage the wound up. She found a blanket in one of the closets and draped that over him as well before sitting down next to him and keeping a close eye on him.

"Thank you..." He said very quietly.

"For shooting you?" She couldn't wrap her mind around him thanking her when she was the one that put him in this situation.

"For staying."

In that moment she decided that she did not regret spending her time with him. She did not regret that meeting. He had done some very terrible things in times of war. Made some very big mistakes, but he was struggling to atone for them. He regretted them. She understood her friends worries. Understood their prospective, but there was always more than one prospective. More than one opinion. Two sides to every story.

She wasn't going to leave. She would stay with him, because no matter what anyone thought or said... there was something special between them. Fate had drawn them together for some reason or another and they would stay together. Always.