I felt his eyes on me. They weren't harsh and sceptical, nor were they wondering what type of freak I was. This was the stare I was used to. But with Jacob, things were always different. He looked at me and treated me like I was always the same person, no matter how damaged or altered by him. I choked on his name, it hurt to think about it. I prayed that it would get better. So far, my prayers had been unanswered. But, then again, my happily ever after had been and gone. Why should I expect anything more after I had already been given far too much.
Could it be possible that Jacob could heal me? I contemplated this as I stared out the windshield of my truck as he stared the side of my face...lovingly. I sighed. "Jacob, what are you staring at?" I asked, annoyed and self-conscious, still looking ahead. We were stopped just at the cliffs on First beach. I had toyed with the idea of cliff-diving like the Quileute boys, Jacob was in, but without the opposing party, the effort seemed pointless. From the corner of my eye, I could see him smile. "Oh, nothing. Just the sunset makes your skin glow." He observed. I turned to him, maybe this was it. Maybe I was getting a second chance at, if not a happily ever after than at least an ever-after. I didn't look into his eyes at first. I thought it over in my head. This had to be it. If I could look at him the same way he was looking at me, I might just be able to do this. I could feel his stare again. I closed my eyes, clenching my teeth and willed myself to raise my eyes to his. But when I looked at Jake, all I could see was Jake. Not the entire universe, not my entire life—although he did contribute to a great part nowadays—and definitely not my soul mate.
I gulped down the lump in my throat and closed my eyes again. Behind my lids I saw a pair of big, round, heartbroken, golden eyes. I let out a little whimper and curled in on myself. "Bella," Jacob wound his arms around my shoulders. I flinched, he let them fall. "Bella, please. Stop it. You aren't helping yourself. How long are you going to do this?" He asked. I glared at him through the tears. "I'm not doing this to myself, Jake. He did this to me!" I screamed, half relieved and half guilty for letting the words escape my mouth. His eyes widened in response. "I know he did," Jake continued, his voice getting sharper. I felt the empty, ragged place in my heart gape open as the thoughts of him flowed through my brain like salt in raw wounds. I tried breathing slowly, letting my lungs relax. "But he's gone. And if he was still here, he'd do it again, Bella. Look at what I'm offering, for once?" I turned my head to him again, anguished. His giant hand came behind my head and pulled it forward without me wanting it to. I realised what he was doing about a split-second before his lips met mine. Tears spilled down my cheeks as he forced my mouth open. His warm breath brushed my lips and flowed into my mouth. "Jake," I said against his lips. "Jake, please. Don't," I begged, hiccupping with tears.
I was sobbing, Jake's hand still behind my neck, his lips still moving against mine without any intention of stopping. I batted my fists against his chest, but he leaned forward, crushing me to the driver side door. He wrapped his other arm around my waist, holding it so tight it hurt. I yelped but he didn't stop. Instead he worked harder, more roughly. I pulled at his hair, scratched at him, but I could have been brushing a feather across some lumber. "Jake!" I screamed, aiming my knee into his groin. He gasped, his face going pink. I took the advantage, slapping him across the face and throwing myself out the door. I fell onto the gravel, scraping my palms and tearing my jeans. I ran up the hill to get away. I ducked behind a fir tree the size of a crane when I heard the engine start up. Through the shrubbery I could see dust clouds rise up off the gravel road from the tires of my truck. I cringed, but my truck was going the other way, leaving me behind, just as it was getting dark. I sat there for a while, collecting myself. The tears wouldn't stop, so I stood up and blindly tried to find my way back to the road. As I reached the clear ground, I tripped over a tree root.
"Ugh," I groaned, getting to my feet and dusting my clothes off again, giving up after I discovered there were more stains. I looked out across the cliffs. The golden colour of sunset over the Pacific was magnificent. I squinted my eyes against the glare that beat off the waves. Taking a deep breath, I squared my shoulders out to the water, thinking morbidly of what would happen if I jumped from such a height. "Bella!" His voice screamed in my head. Without a second thought, I ran, leaping off the rock that hung precariously above the sea below. Something hit me mid-air. I gasped as the breath was knocked out of me, I didn't have enough time to suck in that precious breath before hitting the icy water. I gasped, only inhaling salty ocean. It was cold, cold as cold could be. It was arctic this water. My head broke the surface of the heaving waves surprisingly quick. I tried to take another breath but my lungs were full—of water. So, instead, I drifted. I was vaguely aware of being jabbed and slammed by rocks—freezingly cold rocks. One hit me in the back, I fell onto sand. I must be out of the water. I didn't think I had it in me to swim to shore. I thought for certain that I was going to die. That was why I jumped off the stinking cliff in the first place. I was so cold, though. I felt like the cold might kill me, now that the stupid water didn't do it's job. There was pressure on my chest, on my mouth. Something was odd. I heaved up another flood of salt water, grating painfully up my throat and nose. I moaned, this hurt. But my eyes didn't open. I kept them closed—not out of will, it was because I didn't know how to open them, how to wake up from this abstract blackness. I wasn't sure I wanted to...until...