I read the news today, and tucked away in a little fifth-page footnote was the notion that I don't own Batman! Or Mal Evans. Or NASA. Or John Lennon. Or Doctor Who. I was elated - now there are no boundaries!

A/N: Cowritten with my wonderful reviewer omgringo! Plus I got a few great ideas from an earlier conversation with Macca40 :0) Thanks guys!

omgringo: How is Batman? Is he safe?

Doctor Lennon 007: He's recovering. There's an unexpected side effect that he's got a sudden case of teddy-bear-kleptomania, but we expect that to wear off in time.

omgringo: Ooh, I remember when I had a case of that once. It's nasty stuff. Tell him I wish him a swift recovery.

Doctor Lennon 007: I would, but he seems to have escaped again. All that's left is his abandoned shock blanket and a note saying, "I have gone to liberate the teddies! You'll never catch me now. Bwahaha -Your Batty Friend."
We've got to catch him before he ruins his reputation as crime-FIGHTER, not crime-PERPETRATOR.

omgringo: Batman, an evil teddy-napping seed has been planted in his mind! We must stop him at all costs!

Doctor Lennon 007: *Steals gigantic fruit delivery truck* Hop in!

omgringo: *Pulls on Wellington boots* Adventure!

Doctor Lennon 007: *Careens around a corner* "Did I mention that I went to the same driving school John Lennon did?" I add conversationally.

omgringo: "Bloody 'eck, is that why there's a mailbox on the windscreen?" I gulp, holding on tight to my fez.

Doctor Lennon 007: "Could be. Though it could be the result of a space-time warp of the fifth dimensional aspect of angry-physicist-induced wormholes."

omgringo: "Gazuntite!"

Doctor Lennon 007: "What? You're the one with the fez! You're supposed to understand the art of the timey-wimey!"
Spins a full 360 degrees and keeps driving as if nothing happened.

omgringo: "Hey, I'm an avid fan of Time And Relative Dimension In Space alright but when it comes to the lingo I'm as jumbled as a pack of cards! Plus, I'm a 10 girl; this fez is on loan; I'm waiting for my 3-D glasses to arrive."
*holds giant fishing net out of passenger window* "We're coming for you, Batty!"

Batman is racing down the street, pushing a metal shopping cart brimming with teddy bears of all shapes, sizes, and colours. He looks back over his shoulder, sees Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo (they're both leaning out their windows of the fruit truck now), and picks up the pace.

omgringo: *Pulls out remote with big red button* Ready?

Doctor Lennon 007: *Pulls head back in window and eyes remote suspiciously* What does that even do? On second thoughts, I don't want to know. Just press the button!

omgringo: *Slams button* Hold on to your pants! *Rocket engines appear from behind the fruit truck and start going* Maximum hyperdrive, activate!

Doctor Lennon 007: AAAAAHHHHH! *Fruit truck zooms straight past a startled Batman and flies off into the sky*

omgringo: Oh no! I think I bought the extra-strength ones...

The van's built-in radio crackles, and then a male American voice comes out: "Earth to Fruitloopy. Come in, Fruitloopy. You're approaching the atmosphere - do you copy?"

omgringo: Hello, this is Fruitloopy. We're looking for a very rich vigilante with a teddy bear fetish. Over.

The guys down at NASA exchange a bemused glance. "We must have misheard them," says one. "They're on the way to Mars, of course they're not after a rich vigilante with a teddy bear fetish!"
Another warily says, "Actually . . . ." and points to the telly, which is showing footage of Batman racing through the streets of Gotham with a bunch teddy bears that have been fitted with mechanical bat wings zooming along behind him.

omgringo: *I look over to Doctor Lennon 007* Hey, how much oxygen do we have left? *gulps*

Doctor Lennon 007: *Whips out oxygen mask from God-knows-where and puts it on* Well, I have plenty . . . what about you? I make a point of coming prepared.

omgringo: *Takes out paper bag and starts hyperventilating* I'm good.

NASA: "Come in, Fruitloopy . . ."

Doctor Lennon 007: "Yes, we're here. What do you want?"

NASA: "We've had a minor issue with our calculations . . . you're going to have to make an emergency landing. Quite possibly in the Pacific Ocean . . . that alright?"

Doctor Lennon 007: "So long as it's near the equator."

omgringo: "Bloody Nasa... how about you concentrate more next time; I haven't even got my swimming costume!"

NASA: "You were told to pack one in case of emergency landings . . . ."

DoctorLennon007: *pulls out baby blue wetsuit patterned with rubber ducks* "All set!"

omgringo: "Why am I forgetting everything today? It must be the worry for Batman!"

Meanwhile back on earth, Batman's house is slowly being filled with stuffed teddy bears. They're literally spilling out the windows of the dining room.

omgringo: "We need to get back to Earth, now, before this teddy hoarding goes too far!"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo plunge into the Pacific Ocean. As their heads pop out of the tropical waters, they see a channel swimmer treading water a couple of meters away, who looks suspiciously like Mal Evans.

Channel swimmer: "Which way to the Cliffs of Dover?"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo both point South. The swimmer nods politely and goes on his way. That's when the Batplane, flying overhead, explodes above them, teddy bears that had been formerly crammed inside raining down from the heavens as the plane itself crashes into the ocean about fifty metres away.

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo both look at each other in horror and gasp. "Batman!" They shout in unison. They swim over hastily and find...

. . . Batman reclining on an inflatable raft painted like palm trees, drinking a cocktail nonchalantly, surrounded by the few teddy bears he could salvage from the wreckage.

"Oh, hello," he says. "Fancy meeting you here!"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo exchange an incredulous arched-eyebrow. "Aren't you going to let us onto the raft?"

Batman looks thoughtful for a second. He takes the olive-on-a-toothpick out of his drink and eats it. He chews on the toothpick for a second before replying, "No."

omgringo paddles as best as she can before replying, "Well there's plenty room for the three of us. And, where did you get that cocktail?"

Batman pulls out another from seemingly nowhere, sipping with his pinkie finger extended. "Mr. Cuddles used to be a barman,"

Doctor Lennon 007 makes a mad lunge for the raft, but Batman simply turns on the propeller. "If you get on, I'd have to kick off some of the newly liberated teddy bears!"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo gape. "Your inflatable cheapo tourist raft has a propeller?" asks Doctor Lennon 007 incredulously.

A/N: REVIEW! This one may or may not be updated depending on how frequently omgringo and I PM ;0)