Scene begins. Carter, Daniel, and Colonel Mitchell are seated around a dining table in General O'Neill's kitchen.
Daniel: I can't believe General Landry's making us take time off to "bond". I have work to do!
Mitchell: Yeah, after what happened last time we tried the whole "bonding" thing, I'm really not too keen to try again.
Voice: Well I think it's a perfect idea!
Vala enters with Teal'c. She claps her hands together.
Vala: So . . . what shall we do?
No one answers her.
Vala: Come on. We could play a game. Or try fishing! Or we could cozy up and watch a movie!
She squeezes in to sit on Daniel's chair nice and close to him, but he gets up and moves.
Daniel: Not going to happen.
Mitchell: How about we bake cookies.
Vala: Ooh, yes, let's!
Mitchell (mutters): I was being sarcastic . . .
Vala: So, where do we start? Sam?
Sam looks at the other two for help. Then she looks at Vala's eager face and gives in. She gets up and goes to the stove.
Carter: Well first we have to preheat the stove to 270˚.
Mitchell: 350˚.
Carter turns and looks at him.
Carter: Excuse me?
Mitchell: You can't cook the perfect cookie at 270˚.
Carter: Oh, well, would you like to take over?
Mitchell: Don't mind if I do.
Daniel puts his head in his hands.
Daniel: I don't believe this.
Mitchell: Cheer up Jackson. I'll let you lick the spoon!
Daniel frowns. Mitchell grabs bowls and spoons and places them on the counter. Vala follows him around eagerly. He starts pouring in butter and sugar, and mixing it together.
Mitchell: Let me think . . . now we need 2 eggs.
Vala opens the fridge door.
Vala: Eggs, eggs . . . the weird ovallish white things right?
Mitchell: Yep. Grab two.
Carter: Really Mitchell?
Mitchell: Hey, we're here, so we might as well do something productive. Besides, my grandma may make good macaroons, but I make a mean chocolate chip.
Carter: I used to bake, when I was younger. I'd make whole dinners for my family.
Mitchell: I pity your family.
Carter: Hey!
While they're arguing, Vala goes over to the bowl holding the two eggs. She looks at the eggs, then the bowl.
Vala: One, two!
She plops the eggs in, shells and all.
Vala: What do I do now?
Mitchell's attention is still focused on Sam.
Mitchell: Stir it.
Vala picks up the spoon and begins to stir inexpertly. Mitchell heads back over and doesn't notice anything wrong.
Mitchell: Great, now we need some vanilla and the chocolate chips. Daniel, do me a favour and get out some baking sheets will you?
Daniel sighs and grabs the trays. Mitchell mixes in the last of the ingredients, and Vala had fun spooning them out onto the cookie sheet.
Mitchell: Great. Teal'c, do you mind putting these in the oven?
Teal'c: Certainly Colonel Mitchell.
Teal'c takes the sheets and sticks them in the oven. Unbeknownst to the others, he fiddles around with the dials.
Mitchell: See, I told you I make great cookies.
Carter: You could be the next Betty Crocker.
Mitchell: Or Martha Stewart.
Vala: See, now you're all making pop cultural references again and I don't understand what you mean. I thought we agreed to stop this.
Carter: What's that smell?
Daniel: Cookies are done.
Mitchell grabs an oven mitt and takes the tray out of the oven. It's full of black lumps.
Mitchell: What the-
He takes a look at the oven temperature.
Mitchell: Who turned up the oven temperature?
Teal'c: Does it not make sense, Colonel Mitchell, to have cookies bake for only 5 minutes at 820˚ instead of 20 minutes at 350˚?
Mitchell looks helplessly at Teal'c.
Mitchell: Teal'c, it doesn't work like that . . .
He looks to Daniel and Carter for support, but they're both trying to hide their smiles. There's a knock on the door.
Enter Colonel O'Neill.
O'Neill: Knock, knock, knock.
Carter: General!
O'Neill: Carter. (Looking around). Daniel, Mitchell, Vala, Teal'c.
He looks at the tray.
O'Neill: What happened here?
Daniel: Mitchell tried to teach Vala how to cook.
O'Neill: Ah.
Pause while everyone takes in the disaster that is the cookies.
O'Neill (claps his hands): So, who wants to go for pizza?
Carter, Daniel, Mitchell: Yes.
Carter: But what are we going to do with . . .
Motions to the now empty cookie tray.
Mitchell: Ah, Vala, where did all the cookies go?
Vala: Oh, Teal'c ate them all. Apparently they taste like a delicacy on his planet. Right Teal'c?
Teal'c: Indeed.
All look at Teal'c. Then leave.
END SCENE!