Hi~

I started this fic months ago but well. Then I thought that it fitted well with In spite of the distance aka Même si tout nous sépare and I decided to make it the second part of my gift to my friend and fellow author Dalantis. So here it is :)

Shinichi writes this before a big confrontation with the B.O. Over the months, he grew closer to the one who most know under the name Kaitou Kid and had come to know the boy hiding behind the persona. They have shared histories (as much as they allowed themselves too) and know each other identities (I consider the movies to be canon so Kaito discovered his in the third movie).

Hmm…guess that's enough background not to be lost. Let's get to it ;)

Hope you enjoy x)

We weren't meant to be but here we are

Kaito,

We were never meant to be friends, never meant to be that close. A whole world was separating us, and still is, but somehow, we met in the middle, never denying our hearts, never denying our differing views and still managing to get along and actually agree on most things.

We were never meant to be but somehow it worked out just fine and if I were to be completely honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't think I'll ever say it to your face though, I'd die of embarrassment but I guess I could write it since the end is so close, just in case it went bad and we were to never meet again as you and me. I don't wish for it but you never know so, I'll write it and hope you'll never have to read it.

So this is my letter to you, to you my friend, my confidant, you who are what I could have been under other circumstances, to you, Kaito.

First of all, I know I said it already but your parents really had a weird sense of humor. Even funnier that you took the mantle and was actually later known as a kaitou but that was never their plan, and you took it under circumstances they never wanted you to have to go through. I know you only wanted to bring justice and did what you think was better and I can't blame you for choosing this path. If I did, I'd be one hell of a hypocrite. I'm not any better. To hide my identity, I had to choose a path darker than I would have liked, to bring the Black Organization to the light, I was way more reckless than I should have been and I could have died hundreds of times already during the last year.

Yeah, I know, you never cease to tell me that I'm too reckless for my own good and I know you're right but I also know that you would have done the same if you were in my place. But I do appreciate your worrying for my wellbeing. If I dare say, I never thought I'd come to care that much for a criminal but you never were your typical criminal anyway so the usual rules don't really apply to you, right? After all, being loved by both the population and those who are supposed to arrest you isn't what happens to your usual criminal. They are most often than not hated and disliked.

...yes, I'm part of those who are supposed to arrest you even if we often work together - out of your heists of course. I'm not sure you'd appreciate someone else taking your spotlight - or rather, you'd like it way too much if I was to assist you. You are always trying to bring me to the 'dark side'...

And wipe that grin off your face.

That said, let's continue.

Do you remember the first time we met? No, not that time with the fireworks when I was Conan, the real first time we met. Yeah, as myself. No, it's not the first time we met after I took the antidote either, we met long before that, even before I got myself shrunken. Well, we didn't actually speak and you didn't really see me at that time so it wouldn't be surprising if you haven't realized yet. I never told you so well. It was six months before I got myself shrunken, at that heist with the Clock Tower.

Yes, it was me in that helicopter now close your mouth, flies will come in. No, it's not that I didn't want to tell you, it just never came up and I only realized recently myself. I didn't know whose heist it was at that time but I was already intrigued by you. A thief that only wants to protect a clock tower and pulls off a heist of that amplitude just to do so? Not exactly common. Yeah, I understood your code a few moments after seeing it but I didn't say anything, I wanted to respect your hard work.

...I didn't touch you, did I? I only fired that gun towards the ropes maintaining your screen and I'll have you know that I'm pretty good with a gun. Stop pouting already.

No, I'm not psychic, I just know you that well.

We've come a long way, haven't we? I didn't think we'd end up being that close...maybe it's because of our similar stories and problems. And uncanny physical similarities. We easily pass as twins...you used that fact way too much to your own advantage. I still didn't forgive you for what you did to Ran on that ship in the sky. I sure hope you feel guilty and sheepish right now. But well, if you let me hit you once or twice with my soccer ball, I might forgive you.

Stop that, it won't kill you. You know I'm against murder. But I can't promise you won't end up with something broken somewhere...

Anyway, to get back on topic, you really are one mysterious guy - or at least you used to be. We saw each other and talked so much afterward that I feel like I came to know you better. Or not. Now that I actually think about it, you're still as mysterious as ever...well, not as much as you were when we first met. Actually, maybe I do know you much better...but that's not the point. You're one hell of a distracting guy, even when you're not there.

Yeah, yeah. Let's say that it's because I like you too much if that makes you happy.

...what? I didn't say that it was wrong so stop pouting.

Hmm?

Yes, it did come in handy more than once having you disguised as me but let's face it, you only ever did it because it was beneficial to you.

So what?

I asked you to disguise as me once. And it was to get back onto that flying ship. The rest of the time, you did it on your own. Now, let me get back to the actual topic.

So, I guess I'm writing this to tell you how much your friendship matters to me? Dear, I'm cringing at my own words. Is it me or is this room getting hotter? Thank goodness I didn't decide to tell you all of this face to face. I would have died of embarrassment...it would have been a fun story to tell at my funeral. Though I guess you wouldn't really be in the mood to laugh, I mean, you would probably still say it with a laugh that would sound hollow even to your own ears but well.

Now, who is embarrassed? I'm sure you're glad this is a letter as well now. Though I guess it'd be interesting to see your face right now. You almost always have that cheerful mask on after all.

What? Surprised?

Of course, I know you're wearing one, I mean, I wear one most of the time these days so I've come to be sensitive to that kind of things as well. Don't act as if this is news to you. I know that you know that too.

I guess this is one of the numerous reasons why I'm so comfortable around you (more than I'd like to admit). You know. But you don't ask or treat me any differently and I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am to you for that. Most of our friends are nagging and wouldn't leave it alone if they actually noticed but you do because you know. You know what it is to have a secret that weighs too much, you know how it feels not to be able to share it with anyone because it could easily cost them their life, you know how it is not to be able to fully depend on anyone. I know way too well that I keep too many secrets and maybe sharing some would actually be good but I'm scared.

There. I said it, I'm scared. I'm scared and I don't want others to live with the same burden I carry each and every day.

Lying is easy when you know what to say. Most people know that. But no one talks about the hurt you feel when you do. No one talks about how it hurts to lie to your loved ones, how it feels to voluntarily create a gap between you and them when all you want is confide in them, how it hurts to see them hurting because of those very lies. You and I know those feelings all too well...I wish we never had to come to that.

But at least you still get to interact with her as yourself. Even if you're still wearing a mask ever since you discovered your father's secret, ever since it became your own. See? Knowing a secret can become a real burden. I mean, I'm happy to have Hattori, professor Agasa and Haibara to talk to about the Black Organization but even when I do, I'm still keeping secrets, still trying to protect them from the whole truth. The less they know, the better. Maybe it's silly of me but I think that they might be able to get out of this alive this way. I know I'm probably deluding myself but is it really wrong of me to want to believe it? I know you're the same so you probably won't disagree but sometimes I really wonder. Is it that wrong? Maybe. But maybe it could actually save their lives and I can't help but hold on to that little hope...so small but there. I just can't let it go that easily, not when it's probably the only thing I can actually do for them right now.

I know most will disagree and tell me I'm stupid for even thinking that but maybe it's the only thing I can do, keep my secrets to me and give them peace of mind. They still worry about me but at least they're not as worried as they'd actually be knowing what I'm really going through right now. So I'm not going to take that from them. Not if I can help it.

Wow, that turned out way darker than I intended. Can't remove the black from my life it seems, huh... I wish I could. I wish I could go back to simpler times, I wish everything could be easier but that's what it will stay. A wish.

Changing the subject, I can't even begin to tell you how I felt when I met you with a story (and a face) so strikingly similar to mine. You, the only one who can fully understand me. You, me from another time. The other face of the coin we're both on. You, Kaito, my friend, my other me.

Do you even realize how healing your existence is to me? How refreshing it is not to have to pretend for a while? How I crave our meetings be it at a heist or not? Not that I'd ever admit that out loud so fully appreciate me writing it. You're one of my most precious friends and I hope we'll always be as close as we are now.

... You know I suck at all this emotional stuff. But well, I guess I should let you know, at least through a letter.

You are one of the few people I'd trust my life with and I like to think you'd do the same.

...that was one time! And you didn't die, did you? Will you let it go at some point?

Seriously, I needed to save Haibara at that time. The Crows had discovered that she was alive and They had to believe They succeeded in killing her this time. ...no, I didn't know for sure They would make the car explode but I was thinking They would, I mean, They seem to be fond of explosives after all.

...what? You got away, didn't you? I knew you were skillful enough to or I wouldn't have asked you. You should be flattered, I tell you.

...wipe that pout off your face.

That aside, I want to thank you for saving my life. I would have fallen to my death when that man threw me out the window of that flying ship if it wasn't for you. I know I never really thanked you properly so I'm doing it here.

Thank you, Kaito.

Not only for saving my life, thank you for being such a good friend, thank you for making my life that much more bearable, thank you for listening to me when I wanted to talk and unload some of my burdens, thank you for being there for me when I needed you and even when I didn't know I did, thank you for staying when anyone else would have left, thank you for helping me even putting your life at stake while doing so, but most of all, thank you...for being you.

Okay, I think I'll stop here. Just let me add one more thing while I'm being emotional.

I love you, my friend.

Even if people may turn their back on you and condemn you for what you did, know that as long as I'm alive, I'll be there for you when you need me. Even if I don't always agree with your choices, I understand you and I'll help you as much as I can in your quest against the Crows.

Okay, enough with the emotional stuff. Let's hope you never have to read this. Let's stay alive and get back to the Black Organization. Justice always wins, right? ...you escaping every time doesn't count. We both know you'd be behind bars if I actually wanted to arrest you but well, it wouldn't be the same without your heists. And as I said before, I don't want you to die, which is a very plausible end if you get in jail with Them luring around.

...be careful. I know They want you dead so just...be careful. I will too.

Let's meet again.

Shinichi.

In our case, it'd be 'Let's meet one day' but well. x)

Sometimes, we have friendships which go beyond what we previously thought to be possible, and ours certainly does. We didn't physically meet, yet, but that's only one of the things that make our friendship that much more beautiful.

Let's make it last through the years and be careful with life. Maybe it's not as dangerous and life-threatening as Conan's or Kid's but there are still dangers around the corners. Love you.

Merry Christmas ^^