DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I'm just playing with them.
TEAM: MMPR; Post Forever Red.
SETTING: Sometime between 2014 and 2018 with flashbacks for periods up to then.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is a companion piece to FOREVER BLUSH, my take on why Jason was late to the FOREVER RED mission. I'm hoping I'm good enough a writer so that you don't have to read that piece to understand this one, but if you need to, it's on this board. A special thanks to THE GIRL IN THE RED JACKET for pointing out some things about Jay's speech patterns to me. Also an apology to Dagmar Buse for stealing the name Jay Oliver for Tommy's first born son. It just fit best for this story, and there's a reason he's not named after Billy, as described later in this chapter.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Jay Oliver smiled at his departing godfather and namesake and said, "Thank you for the present, Uncle Jason." Jason Scott had come over to his house that night, the night before his thirteenth birthday to give him his birthday gift early- just like he did ever year for as long as Jay could remember. Jay loved his godfather as if he were a blood relative, and loved to spend as much time with the man as possible. The older man was not only one of the finest martial artists he'd ever met, and his own father's best friend, but he just seemed to ooze a calm strength that Jay found himself basking in on many occasions. Most importantly, he was the father of his best friend in the world, Trini Anne.
"You're welcome, Jay," Jason tousled the boy's hair. "Anytime." He gave Jay a sad smile, "I hope you like it."
"I'm sure I will, Uncle Jason." It was true; Jason always seemed to know just what gift would please the young man the most. It was never anything extravagant, or expensive, just something that would make him happy. Jay wished that he could take away the sad look he saw in his uncle's eyes far too often.
"I'd better get home. I have to take Trini's to her grandmother's. She's staying with her tonight, but she's planning on being here for your party tomorrow," Jason smiled.
"Uncle Jason?" Jay asked.
The tall dark haired man turned and smiled at him, "Yes?"
"Couldn't you please come tomorrow? Just this once?" For some reason Jason had never made it to one of Jay's birthday parties. He would always drop off his gift the night before, claiming that he had something important that had to be done and could only be done on this day. When he was younger Jay had a secret fantasy that his uncle was a superhero and had to go off and recharge his powers on this day every year. Now that he was almost a teenager, he didn't quite get caught up in those kinds of fantasies anymore. Now he just assumed his godfather had something else he had to do. Something important enough to keep him away from family. He'd asked Trini about it once, but all she could tell him was that she always spent that day with her grandmother, and had no idea what this mysterious something was. He'd asked his father, and he wouldn't discuss it, saying it was a grownup matter and hoped he never would understand. Which was something that confused Jay, because normally his father would talk to him about anything. After seeing the haunted look in his father's eyes, Jay had not asked again.
But being a boy on the cusp of his teenage years, he couldn't help but wonder. He was a year older now, and maybe a year wiser. He'd discovered in the past, that sometimes his mom would discuss things with him, his father wouldn't. Checking the clock, he realized that his dad wouldn't be home from the dojo for another two hours, so made his way toward his mom's sewing room.
Kim sat in the room Jay, and Tommy liked to call her sewing room, looking out the window at the bright California afternoon. When Jason had arrived, they'd talked for a while and then she'd withdrawn to here, to keep her son from seeing her upset. She'd tried to convince Jase to come to Jay's party tomorrow- it would mean so much to her son, and he was already starting to ask questions- questions to which the answers were becoming more difficult to hide. Besides, it was time he did something other than putter around that cavern he called a house on the anniversary of Billy's death. It wasn't good for him. She understood his reluctance, and never wanted him to forget, God knows she wouldn't- but it was time he lived again. She knew that Jase didn't blame her, but sometimes, especially the closer they got Jay's birthday, she blamed herself. She knew it wasn't her fault, but all the emotions that had been tied up in her labor and what she'd been told right afterward just wouldn't let go of her.
Although the Olivers and their circle of friends had made it a point to look at the beauty and joy of tomorrow, for her and Jason that joy would always be tinged by sadness. Kim did her best to hide it from her son, and Tommy adamantly refused to discuss it, but sometimes it was hard for her, hence, her retreating to the sewing room to hide her tears. It wasn't fair to Jay, but she had no desire for him to feel any guilt for what had happened on the day he was born. It wasn't his fault. It was just one of those unfortunate coincidents of timing. Although thinking of her son, she really couldn't think of it as unfortunate- she and he might have died if things had been different, still it left her with a hole in her heart she didn't ever think she would fill.
A soft knock came at the door. "Mom?" her son called.
"Yes, honey?" she wiped her eyes, hid the picture she was looking at in her apron and looked.
"Uncle Jason just left." Then seeing his mother's red eyes, "Mom, are you crying?" Jay had always been a perceptive child, and as he grew older he seemed to have inherited Kim's open heart.
Kim smiled weakly at him, "It's nothing. It's just the pollen."
"Mom," Jay said. "Please don't."
"Don't' what honey?" she asked.
Jay seemed to consider his words carefully. Kim could tell he was trying to come to some kind of decision. Finally he seemed to reach a conclusion, drew his shoulders back and said carefully, "I was going to say don't cry." He looked down for a moment then looking back up, he said, "but I was thinking, please don't lie to me."
"Jay!" Kim protested. "What a thing to say!" She stood, and slipped the tissue into her pocket.
"Mom?" Jay's voice suddenly seemed small again. "Why does my birthday make you cry?" Jay Oliver had never felt an unwanted child, quite the contrary, he was much loved and cared for- not only by his parents, but by the rather tight group of friends they shared- but he also had always felt that his birth had cost his family a great deal. He didn't know what it had cost them, but he knew there was a loss there. It was one of the reasons he spent so much time and energy trying not to disappoint his parents- to make them never regret giving up whatever it was. "Why are you and Uncle Jason always so sad on my birthday." Last year, he'd even seen his godfather crying as he left the house. That had shaken Jay to the core. Uncle Jase's strength had always been one of the fundamental foundations of his life, and to see him brought to tears by something had unnerved him greatly.
Kim silently cursed herself. This was exactly what she'd feared would happen. She never liked the idea of keeping the story away from Jay, but Tommy had insisted on not talking about it, and she could never bring herself to burden her son with the story. Now she wondered if that was such a good idea. Screwing up her courage, she looked at her son. If Tommy and Jase wouldn't explain things to her son, then it was up to her. Smiling gently she said, "I want to tell you a story, Jay. But first why don't you go fix us some tea and then join me in here."
Her son seemed to sense that she needed time to gather her thoughts, and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."
After he left the room, Kim went over to the closet and took out some old worn photos. These were photos dating all the way back to when she was in elementary school- back to when it was a group of five friends who became very close after a year of tragedy struck each of their lives. Later, Tommy and then others would join them, but she seldom needed to be reminded that at first there were only five in the beginning, and now there were only four.
A few minutes later, Jay joined her with two cups of hot tea- a taste she'd picked up from Kat- and a box of sugar cookies. She smiled at him, patted the window seat beside her and said, "Come here. I want to tell you about Trini's dad."
Jay gave her a strange look, "You mean uncle Jase?"
Kim shook her head, "No I mean her other dad."
"Huh?" Jay asked.
Kim smiled, "You're almost thirteen now. I think you're old enough to know about these things." She smiled at him and said, "Usually this is the kind of talk your father would have with you, but there are some things that are too painful for him."
Her son asked, "And they aren't for you?"
She smiled weakly at her son, "No. Actually in some ways they're more painful. But they go back to time when your dad and Uncle Jason were fighting."
"Dad and Uncle Jason fought?" Jay asked. "I can't believe that. I mean they're so close."
Kim smiled, "Your dad and Jase have been close for a long time. But that hasn't always been the case. Twice in their lives they've fought. She didn't tell her son that the first of those occasions, Tommy had done his level best to kill Jason and only Billy's quick thinking had saved both teenagers. You know your Uncle Jason and I have been friends for a very long time, longer than I've even known your dad."
Jay smiled. He'd been told about how his mom had had four friends she'd grown up with. How they'd always been close, and still were. He nodded, "Yeah, you and Uncle Jase, and Aunt Trini, and Uncle Zack all went to school together."
Kim smiled at her son, and couldn't help but notice the affection in his voice when he named off her closest friends. Although none of them really were blood related, their children all called and thought of the adults as aunts and uncles. "We had another friend too," Kim forced the tears that wanted to well up in her eyes back.
Jay nodded, "Billy, the one who died, the one nobody talks about."
Kim nodded at him in surprise. She hadn't realized that her friends had shut Billy's memory out of their lives. Maybe that was why Jase was always so morose on Jay's birthday. If nobody would talk about Billy, maybe he felt he had to do something to keep the former Blue Ranger's memory alive. Billy deserved better than that, so did Jason. "Yeah, Billy." Coming to a decision she smiled, "You're right. Nobody ever talks about Billy, and I think that's wrong. It's not fair to his memory, it's not fair to Trini, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to Jase."
"What does he have to do with my birthday?" Jay asked, "And why is it not fair to Uncle Jase?"
"Everything, Jay. If it weren't for Billy, there's a very good chance that neither you or me would be here having this conversation."
"I don't understand," Jay said.
Kim sighed. This was more difficult than she thought it would be. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Billy Cranston was probably the smartest man to ever live."
"Cranston? That's part of Trini's last name."
Kim smiled, "I know honey. There's a reason for that. Anyway, Billy and Jase had always been close. Considering how little they had in common, it was really surprising how close they were: Jason was always the athlete of us, but he had a strong big-brother streak in him. Billy on the other hand seemed to attract bullies. The first time they met, three bullies were beating up Billy, and Jason stopped it. From that moment on, the two were great friends, and over the next few months, we all got to know him." She shook her head, "But what I need to tell you is about a later time, and it deals with some grown up issues. Some issues that our society is only now coming to grips with."
"What kind of issues?" Jay asked.
Kim smiled. How do you tell a kid who's only recently had THE talk from his father about these kinds of things? Taking a deep breath she said, "Issues about people who are different."
"You mean like racial differences?" Jay asked.
Kim shook her head, "No, honey. You know Mr. Gardner, your science teacher?" She purposefully named Jay's favorite teacher. He nodded his head, "You know how he has a picture on his desk of him and his domestic partner?"
Jay nodded his head, and it was clear that her son was thinking about what she was saying. Taking a moment to let him collect his thoughts, she waited until he finally said. "Are you saying that Uncle Jason and Billy were boyfriends? Like Mr. Gardner and his partner?"
Kim nodded, "Yes, that's what I'm saying. To be honest with you I don't know when it happened or how it happened, your Uncle Jase has never talked about it to anybody."
Jay looked up at her confused in a way only a twelve year old- soon to be thirteen could be. "Why not? I mean you and dad have always talked about the first time you met."
"I know honey, but for Jason it's harder. You see, back then, same sex couples weren't as accepted as they are today," Kim told him.
"Okay, but I mean you and dad are Uncle Jase's closest friends. You guys loved him, you wouldn't have a problem with him and Billy would you?" Jay couldn't understand how anyone could have a problem with two people in love.
"There was more to it than that, honey," Kim tried to tell him.
"How can there be more to it than that? I mean, he was STILL Uncle Jason wasn't he?"
Kim smiled at how clear her son saw things. It was difficult to express how different things were just a few short years ago. "I know, but you see honey, when we found out about it, it was after your Dad and Jason had stopped talking to each other over something else that had happened."
"What?" Jay demanded. She could tell her son wanted a justification for his father and his favorite uncle fighting. "What could make them fight?"
Again Kim took a moment to gather her thoughts. How could she tell him about Billy's accident, without giving away that they'd been Rangers in the past. She expected one day to tell her son who his parents had been, when he was older, and when they knew he could understand the importance of keeping it a secret. Now, however, was not the time. "You see, your father and Jason and Billy had all worked together on a very important project. They had become very close, almost like brothers. Then Jason left the project for a while and came back. He came back though after Billy had moved from a position of being more active to one of support. I think that Jase had been upset about that, but kept it to himself. He thought Billy deserved better than to be put in the background. Anyway, Jason came back, and everything was fine for a while until your Uncle Jason got sick and had to quit. While he was recovering, Billy got hurt, and pretty badly too." She kept it to herself that he'd fallen fifty feet from a 'Zord when he collapsed from exhaustion. She still had her issues over that accident herself. She knew Tommy still blamed himself too for it. In the past they'd all taken care of most of their own maintenance themselves, but for some reason during the Zeo era, it all fell to Billy.
"Your father had always blamed himself for Billy getting hurt, because he hadn't noticed how much Billy had been overworking himself. Billy was like that, he would work himself until he dropped if he thought it was important enough. Well, when Jason found out that Billy had gotten hurt, he came to visit. He heard what had happened and he blamed your father. They fought, and Jason took Billy with him back to LA." She smiled at her son, briefly debating how much to tell him. Finally deciding on as much of the truth as she could, she continued. "During the argument, your father said some pretty harsh words about Billy. He didn't mean them, he was angry- angry at himself for letting his friend get hurt and angry at your Uncle Jason for pointing it out. Anyway he accused Jason of always protecting Billy- which he did. He also always protected all of his friends, but for some reason, he always took extra care of watching out for Billy. Tommy told Jason that if he really wanted to protect Billy why didn't he just marry him." Kim smiled, "Which he ended up doing- or at least coming as close to doing as the law would let them at that time."
"And that's why they stopped talking, because Uncle Jason and Billy became partners?"
Kim smiled, "No honey, they stopped talking because of Billy getting hurt." She put her hand on her son's shoulder, "You have to understand something, Billy wasn't weak. He was just very giving, and he gave so much of himself to his friends, your father included, that he let himself get hurt. Your father was angry at himself, and he was angry at Jason, and you know how bull headed they both can be."
Jay nodded. Before he could say anything though, another voice interrupted them, "Well, we were even worse back then." Turning to the door Kim saw her husband standing there smiling. He winked at her and said, "You know it's funny, but I came home early today to tell Jay this story. I think it's time we put it to rest."
Kim stood, fighting back the tears in her eyes and went over to her husband and hugged him. She'd been hoping to hear those words for over a dozen years now. "I'm glad."
Tommy kissed her gently on the head and entered the room where his son was sitting listening intently. "But what's this got to do with my birthday?" Jay asked.
Tommy sat down cross-legged on the floor next to his son and said, "Your mother was about to get to that." He took a deep breath, and Kim could see him trying to collect his thoughts. "You see, neither your mom nor I heard from Jason or Billy for a couple of years after that. As a matter of the fact it took an emergency to get both of us in the same place again." Kim shuddered at the reminder of the Serpentera mission, when Tommy had once again donned the Zeo Powers and fought against the Machine Empire's last minions.
"What happened?" Jay asked. "Did you two fight again?"
Tommy smiled, "No. We just didn't talk. In the end, it took Billy and your Mom got us together at Trini's and Zack's." He smiled, "She was expecting you then, so she was very demanding when it came to getting her way, and I felt it wise to give her anything she wanted."
He dodged the blow coming from his petit wife as she said, "I was not!"
"Oh yes you were. You were hot, you were demanding and you were complaining of being fat." Tommy teased Kimberly.
"Will you two stop teasing each other and finish your story?" Jay demanded with a playful smile.
Tommy smiled, "Anyway, in the end, we ended up at Zack's and Trini's, thinking it was to meet Jason's new wife." Tommy shook his head, "Billy had only told your mom that Jason wanted us to meet someone, and that he was going to ask us to be godparents. We thought he'd gotten married."
Jay shook his head and wondered, "Who did he want you to meet?"
"Trini Anne," Kimberly said. "It was then that we found out that Jason and Billy had formed a family. They'd gone to Europe to have a special procedure done that would produce a baby that was both of theirs, and Trini Anne was the result."
Jay looked closely at his dad. Kim watched her husband sweat under her son's questioning gaze, "I bet you were surprised at that."
Tommy chuckled, "I was so surprised that I made a royal Jackass out of myself.
"Dad!" Jay complained. "Over Trini?" Kim could tell that Jay was outraged at the idea of anybody not liking Trini Anne. The two were as close as she and Jason had ever been. Kimberly would never tell anyone this, but she had a secret desire in her heart that the two would eventually marry.
Tommy nodded to his son sheepishly, "I'll admit, Jay. I was wrong. I was still too caught up in my own prejudices at the time to realize just how much Jason and Billy loved each other. I really didn't get my act together until it was too late. Much too late."
"What do you mean?" Jay asked.
"What neither of them told us at the time was that Billy was dying," Tommy told their son. She could still see the pain in her husband's eyes. The pain over the things he'd said about his friend, things that he could never ask forgiveness for now, because Billy was gone.
"Dying?" Jay asked.
Tommy nodded, "He'd gotten exposed to some radiation back when we worked on that project your mom was telling you about. Jason said that the only reason they'd called about that meeting was that Billy wanted your Uncle Jason and I to make up and be friends again, before he died."
"He didn't want to make up with you?" Jay asked.
Tommy shook his head, "You see, there's something about Billy you have to understand. Even thought I blamed myself for Billy's accident, and Jase blamed me, Billy never did. He just accepted as one of those things and went on. As far as he was concerned, we had nothing to make up for." He smiled again and said, "Anyway, I made such a jackass of myself that it was several weeks before we tried to get together again. It never happened, though."
Kim picked up the story, "It was on a Saturday. You were due any day, and Jase and Billy were going to come over with Trini Anne. Your father had to go the race track- he was still racing NASCAR back then, and I was at home alone when there was a monster attack." She smiled at the litany of disasters that struck over the next few hours to keep the tears she knew was coming at bay. "About the time the power went out, I went into labor with you. Second's later one of the monsters exploded about a block over and the concussion knocked me down. I hit my head on the coffee table and passed out."
Reaching into her pocket, Kim took out the tissue she' put there and wiped her eyes. She sighed and continued, "I came too, and Billy was there. He coaxed me through the delivery and when it was over he put you in my arms and stayed with me until your Uncle Adam and your Dad arrived." She ignored the stern look that Tommy was giving her, and plunged on, "You'll notice your dad is glaring at me. He doesn't like me to say that."
"Why not?" Jay asked.
"Because Billy had died in the hospital that morning when the monster attack occurred- two hours before you were born." She stared defiantly at her husband. "You can call me crazy, you can tell me I was hallucinating, but even Adam confirms that SOMEONE delivered Jay, and I say it was Billy."
Jay looked at his mom incredulously. "You mean, that Uncle Jase's husband died on my birthday, two hours before he delivered me? I was delivered by a ghost." Kim nodded her head, feeling the tears well up in her eyes, unable to verbally reply. The boy turned to his father, "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell Trini?"
"Trini Anne knows," Tommy told him.
Jay couldn't believe that. They didn't keep secrets from each other, she would have told him! She was his best friend! "Why didn't she tell me?" he demanded.
Kim looked over at her husband, "Tell him, Tommy." She smiled to take the sting out of her voice.
Tommy looked at his son, "Because I asked her not to."
"But why?" Jay asked, the emotion and betrayal in his voice apparent.
"Because I didn't want you to feel sad on your birthday." Tommy told him.
Jay looked at his mother and then his father. "I've got just one question to ask then."
"What is it son?" Tommy asked.
"If Billy was the one who delivered me, even after dying, why wasn't I named for him. That seems like something grownups do."
Kim was surprised at her son's insightful question. She took a deep breath and told him the truth, "Because Jason asked us not to."
He looked confused and hurt, "But why?"
Tommy put a hand on his son's shoulder. Kim could see both their tear-bright eyes, so alike, "Not because he doesn't love you, Jase. Because he wanted to be able to love you more, and he was afraid that if we named you after Billy that he would always be reminded of his loss. He didn't want you, a person very special to him, to remind him of losing Billy." Tommy knelt and pulled his son in to his arms, "Do you understand that?"
"I guess so," Jay said. Kim could see him fighting back sobs.
After a few moments, her son pulled back from his father and nodded. Wiping his eyes on the back of his hands, he said, "I think I want to go to my room now." Turning to his mom, "Would you call me for supper?"
Kim understood her son needed time to be alone. The telling had been hard on her, and she suspected that it was hard on him too. "Sure thing, Saaba," she used Tommy's pet name for their son.
Turning to watch their son leave the room, Tommy put his arm around his wife. "What made you decide to tell him?"
"He asked why his Uncle Jason and I were always sad on his birthday." Kim told him. Then remembering her earlier insight, "Do Jase or the others ever talk about Billy to you?"
Tommy shook his head, "No. I think they think it might be too painful or embarrassing for me."
Kim nodded, and stood up to leave. "Where are you going?" Tommy asked.
She pulled her sweater from the closet, "Angel Grove Cemetery. I think I need to say hi to an old friend."
TEAM: MMPR; Post Forever Red.
SETTING: Sometime between 2014 and 2018 with flashbacks for periods up to then.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is a companion piece to FOREVER BLUSH, my take on why Jason was late to the FOREVER RED mission. I'm hoping I'm good enough a writer so that you don't have to read that piece to understand this one, but if you need to, it's on this board. A special thanks to THE GIRL IN THE RED JACKET for pointing out some things about Jay's speech patterns to me. Also an apology to Dagmar Buse for stealing the name Jay Oliver for Tommy's first born son. It just fit best for this story, and there's a reason he's not named after Billy, as described later in this chapter.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Jay Oliver smiled at his departing godfather and namesake and said, "Thank you for the present, Uncle Jason." Jason Scott had come over to his house that night, the night before his thirteenth birthday to give him his birthday gift early- just like he did ever year for as long as Jay could remember. Jay loved his godfather as if he were a blood relative, and loved to spend as much time with the man as possible. The older man was not only one of the finest martial artists he'd ever met, and his own father's best friend, but he just seemed to ooze a calm strength that Jay found himself basking in on many occasions. Most importantly, he was the father of his best friend in the world, Trini Anne.
"You're welcome, Jay," Jason tousled the boy's hair. "Anytime." He gave Jay a sad smile, "I hope you like it."
"I'm sure I will, Uncle Jason." It was true; Jason always seemed to know just what gift would please the young man the most. It was never anything extravagant, or expensive, just something that would make him happy. Jay wished that he could take away the sad look he saw in his uncle's eyes far too often.
"I'd better get home. I have to take Trini's to her grandmother's. She's staying with her tonight, but she's planning on being here for your party tomorrow," Jason smiled.
"Uncle Jason?" Jay asked.
The tall dark haired man turned and smiled at him, "Yes?"
"Couldn't you please come tomorrow? Just this once?" For some reason Jason had never made it to one of Jay's birthday parties. He would always drop off his gift the night before, claiming that he had something important that had to be done and could only be done on this day. When he was younger Jay had a secret fantasy that his uncle was a superhero and had to go off and recharge his powers on this day every year. Now that he was almost a teenager, he didn't quite get caught up in those kinds of fantasies anymore. Now he just assumed his godfather had something else he had to do. Something important enough to keep him away from family. He'd asked Trini about it once, but all she could tell him was that she always spent that day with her grandmother, and had no idea what this mysterious something was. He'd asked his father, and he wouldn't discuss it, saying it was a grownup matter and hoped he never would understand. Which was something that confused Jay, because normally his father would talk to him about anything. After seeing the haunted look in his father's eyes, Jay had not asked again.
But being a boy on the cusp of his teenage years, he couldn't help but wonder. He was a year older now, and maybe a year wiser. He'd discovered in the past, that sometimes his mom would discuss things with him, his father wouldn't. Checking the clock, he realized that his dad wouldn't be home from the dojo for another two hours, so made his way toward his mom's sewing room.
Kim sat in the room Jay, and Tommy liked to call her sewing room, looking out the window at the bright California afternoon. When Jason had arrived, they'd talked for a while and then she'd withdrawn to here, to keep her son from seeing her upset. She'd tried to convince Jase to come to Jay's party tomorrow- it would mean so much to her son, and he was already starting to ask questions- questions to which the answers were becoming more difficult to hide. Besides, it was time he did something other than putter around that cavern he called a house on the anniversary of Billy's death. It wasn't good for him. She understood his reluctance, and never wanted him to forget, God knows she wouldn't- but it was time he lived again. She knew that Jase didn't blame her, but sometimes, especially the closer they got Jay's birthday, she blamed herself. She knew it wasn't her fault, but all the emotions that had been tied up in her labor and what she'd been told right afterward just wouldn't let go of her.
Although the Olivers and their circle of friends had made it a point to look at the beauty and joy of tomorrow, for her and Jason that joy would always be tinged by sadness. Kim did her best to hide it from her son, and Tommy adamantly refused to discuss it, but sometimes it was hard for her, hence, her retreating to the sewing room to hide her tears. It wasn't fair to Jay, but she had no desire for him to feel any guilt for what had happened on the day he was born. It wasn't his fault. It was just one of those unfortunate coincidents of timing. Although thinking of her son, she really couldn't think of it as unfortunate- she and he might have died if things had been different, still it left her with a hole in her heart she didn't ever think she would fill.
A soft knock came at the door. "Mom?" her son called.
"Yes, honey?" she wiped her eyes, hid the picture she was looking at in her apron and looked.
"Uncle Jason just left." Then seeing his mother's red eyes, "Mom, are you crying?" Jay had always been a perceptive child, and as he grew older he seemed to have inherited Kim's open heart.
Kim smiled weakly at him, "It's nothing. It's just the pollen."
"Mom," Jay said. "Please don't."
"Don't' what honey?" she asked.
Jay seemed to consider his words carefully. Kim could tell he was trying to come to some kind of decision. Finally he seemed to reach a conclusion, drew his shoulders back and said carefully, "I was going to say don't cry." He looked down for a moment then looking back up, he said, "but I was thinking, please don't lie to me."
"Jay!" Kim protested. "What a thing to say!" She stood, and slipped the tissue into her pocket.
"Mom?" Jay's voice suddenly seemed small again. "Why does my birthday make you cry?" Jay Oliver had never felt an unwanted child, quite the contrary, he was much loved and cared for- not only by his parents, but by the rather tight group of friends they shared- but he also had always felt that his birth had cost his family a great deal. He didn't know what it had cost them, but he knew there was a loss there. It was one of the reasons he spent so much time and energy trying not to disappoint his parents- to make them never regret giving up whatever it was. "Why are you and Uncle Jason always so sad on my birthday." Last year, he'd even seen his godfather crying as he left the house. That had shaken Jay to the core. Uncle Jase's strength had always been one of the fundamental foundations of his life, and to see him brought to tears by something had unnerved him greatly.
Kim silently cursed herself. This was exactly what she'd feared would happen. She never liked the idea of keeping the story away from Jay, but Tommy had insisted on not talking about it, and she could never bring herself to burden her son with the story. Now she wondered if that was such a good idea. Screwing up her courage, she looked at her son. If Tommy and Jase wouldn't explain things to her son, then it was up to her. Smiling gently she said, "I want to tell you a story, Jay. But first why don't you go fix us some tea and then join me in here."
Her son seemed to sense that she needed time to gather her thoughts, and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."
After he left the room, Kim went over to the closet and took out some old worn photos. These were photos dating all the way back to when she was in elementary school- back to when it was a group of five friends who became very close after a year of tragedy struck each of their lives. Later, Tommy and then others would join them, but she seldom needed to be reminded that at first there were only five in the beginning, and now there were only four.
A few minutes later, Jay joined her with two cups of hot tea- a taste she'd picked up from Kat- and a box of sugar cookies. She smiled at him, patted the window seat beside her and said, "Come here. I want to tell you about Trini's dad."
Jay gave her a strange look, "You mean uncle Jase?"
Kim shook her head, "No I mean her other dad."
"Huh?" Jay asked.
Kim smiled, "You're almost thirteen now. I think you're old enough to know about these things." She smiled at him and said, "Usually this is the kind of talk your father would have with you, but there are some things that are too painful for him."
Her son asked, "And they aren't for you?"
She smiled weakly at her son, "No. Actually in some ways they're more painful. But they go back to time when your dad and Uncle Jason were fighting."
"Dad and Uncle Jason fought?" Jay asked. "I can't believe that. I mean they're so close."
Kim smiled, "Your dad and Jase have been close for a long time. But that hasn't always been the case. Twice in their lives they've fought. She didn't tell her son that the first of those occasions, Tommy had done his level best to kill Jason and only Billy's quick thinking had saved both teenagers. You know your Uncle Jason and I have been friends for a very long time, longer than I've even known your dad."
Jay smiled. He'd been told about how his mom had had four friends she'd grown up with. How they'd always been close, and still were. He nodded, "Yeah, you and Uncle Jase, and Aunt Trini, and Uncle Zack all went to school together."
Kim smiled at her son, and couldn't help but notice the affection in his voice when he named off her closest friends. Although none of them really were blood related, their children all called and thought of the adults as aunts and uncles. "We had another friend too," Kim forced the tears that wanted to well up in her eyes back.
Jay nodded, "Billy, the one who died, the one nobody talks about."
Kim nodded at him in surprise. She hadn't realized that her friends had shut Billy's memory out of their lives. Maybe that was why Jase was always so morose on Jay's birthday. If nobody would talk about Billy, maybe he felt he had to do something to keep the former Blue Ranger's memory alive. Billy deserved better than that, so did Jason. "Yeah, Billy." Coming to a decision she smiled, "You're right. Nobody ever talks about Billy, and I think that's wrong. It's not fair to his memory, it's not fair to Trini, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to Jase."
"What does he have to do with my birthday?" Jay asked, "And why is it not fair to Uncle Jase?"
"Everything, Jay. If it weren't for Billy, there's a very good chance that neither you or me would be here having this conversation."
"I don't understand," Jay said.
Kim sighed. This was more difficult than she thought it would be. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Billy Cranston was probably the smartest man to ever live."
"Cranston? That's part of Trini's last name."
Kim smiled, "I know honey. There's a reason for that. Anyway, Billy and Jase had always been close. Considering how little they had in common, it was really surprising how close they were: Jason was always the athlete of us, but he had a strong big-brother streak in him. Billy on the other hand seemed to attract bullies. The first time they met, three bullies were beating up Billy, and Jason stopped it. From that moment on, the two were great friends, and over the next few months, we all got to know him." She shook her head, "But what I need to tell you is about a later time, and it deals with some grown up issues. Some issues that our society is only now coming to grips with."
"What kind of issues?" Jay asked.
Kim smiled. How do you tell a kid who's only recently had THE talk from his father about these kinds of things? Taking a deep breath she said, "Issues about people who are different."
"You mean like racial differences?" Jay asked.
Kim shook her head, "No, honey. You know Mr. Gardner, your science teacher?" She purposefully named Jay's favorite teacher. He nodded his head, "You know how he has a picture on his desk of him and his domestic partner?"
Jay nodded his head, and it was clear that her son was thinking about what she was saying. Taking a moment to let him collect his thoughts, she waited until he finally said. "Are you saying that Uncle Jason and Billy were boyfriends? Like Mr. Gardner and his partner?"
Kim nodded, "Yes, that's what I'm saying. To be honest with you I don't know when it happened or how it happened, your Uncle Jase has never talked about it to anybody."
Jay looked up at her confused in a way only a twelve year old- soon to be thirteen could be. "Why not? I mean you and dad have always talked about the first time you met."
"I know honey, but for Jason it's harder. You see, back then, same sex couples weren't as accepted as they are today," Kim told him.
"Okay, but I mean you and dad are Uncle Jase's closest friends. You guys loved him, you wouldn't have a problem with him and Billy would you?" Jay couldn't understand how anyone could have a problem with two people in love.
"There was more to it than that, honey," Kim tried to tell him.
"How can there be more to it than that? I mean, he was STILL Uncle Jason wasn't he?"
Kim smiled at how clear her son saw things. It was difficult to express how different things were just a few short years ago. "I know, but you see honey, when we found out about it, it was after your Dad and Jason had stopped talking to each other over something else that had happened."
"What?" Jay demanded. She could tell her son wanted a justification for his father and his favorite uncle fighting. "What could make them fight?"
Again Kim took a moment to gather her thoughts. How could she tell him about Billy's accident, without giving away that they'd been Rangers in the past. She expected one day to tell her son who his parents had been, when he was older, and when they knew he could understand the importance of keeping it a secret. Now, however, was not the time. "You see, your father and Jason and Billy had all worked together on a very important project. They had become very close, almost like brothers. Then Jason left the project for a while and came back. He came back though after Billy had moved from a position of being more active to one of support. I think that Jase had been upset about that, but kept it to himself. He thought Billy deserved better than to be put in the background. Anyway, Jason came back, and everything was fine for a while until your Uncle Jason got sick and had to quit. While he was recovering, Billy got hurt, and pretty badly too." She kept it to herself that he'd fallen fifty feet from a 'Zord when he collapsed from exhaustion. She still had her issues over that accident herself. She knew Tommy still blamed himself too for it. In the past they'd all taken care of most of their own maintenance themselves, but for some reason during the Zeo era, it all fell to Billy.
"Your father had always blamed himself for Billy getting hurt, because he hadn't noticed how much Billy had been overworking himself. Billy was like that, he would work himself until he dropped if he thought it was important enough. Well, when Jason found out that Billy had gotten hurt, he came to visit. He heard what had happened and he blamed your father. They fought, and Jason took Billy with him back to LA." She smiled at her son, briefly debating how much to tell him. Finally deciding on as much of the truth as she could, she continued. "During the argument, your father said some pretty harsh words about Billy. He didn't mean them, he was angry- angry at himself for letting his friend get hurt and angry at your Uncle Jason for pointing it out. Anyway he accused Jason of always protecting Billy- which he did. He also always protected all of his friends, but for some reason, he always took extra care of watching out for Billy. Tommy told Jason that if he really wanted to protect Billy why didn't he just marry him." Kim smiled, "Which he ended up doing- or at least coming as close to doing as the law would let them at that time."
"And that's why they stopped talking, because Uncle Jason and Billy became partners?"
Kim smiled, "No honey, they stopped talking because of Billy getting hurt." She put her hand on her son's shoulder, "You have to understand something, Billy wasn't weak. He was just very giving, and he gave so much of himself to his friends, your father included, that he let himself get hurt. Your father was angry at himself, and he was angry at Jason, and you know how bull headed they both can be."
Jay nodded. Before he could say anything though, another voice interrupted them, "Well, we were even worse back then." Turning to the door Kim saw her husband standing there smiling. He winked at her and said, "You know it's funny, but I came home early today to tell Jay this story. I think it's time we put it to rest."
Kim stood, fighting back the tears in her eyes and went over to her husband and hugged him. She'd been hoping to hear those words for over a dozen years now. "I'm glad."
Tommy kissed her gently on the head and entered the room where his son was sitting listening intently. "But what's this got to do with my birthday?" Jay asked.
Tommy sat down cross-legged on the floor next to his son and said, "Your mother was about to get to that." He took a deep breath, and Kim could see him trying to collect his thoughts. "You see, neither your mom nor I heard from Jason or Billy for a couple of years after that. As a matter of the fact it took an emergency to get both of us in the same place again." Kim shuddered at the reminder of the Serpentera mission, when Tommy had once again donned the Zeo Powers and fought against the Machine Empire's last minions.
"What happened?" Jay asked. "Did you two fight again?"
Tommy smiled, "No. We just didn't talk. In the end, it took Billy and your Mom got us together at Trini's and Zack's." He smiled, "She was expecting you then, so she was very demanding when it came to getting her way, and I felt it wise to give her anything she wanted."
He dodged the blow coming from his petit wife as she said, "I was not!"
"Oh yes you were. You were hot, you were demanding and you were complaining of being fat." Tommy teased Kimberly.
"Will you two stop teasing each other and finish your story?" Jay demanded with a playful smile.
Tommy smiled, "Anyway, in the end, we ended up at Zack's and Trini's, thinking it was to meet Jason's new wife." Tommy shook his head, "Billy had only told your mom that Jason wanted us to meet someone, and that he was going to ask us to be godparents. We thought he'd gotten married."
Jay shook his head and wondered, "Who did he want you to meet?"
"Trini Anne," Kimberly said. "It was then that we found out that Jason and Billy had formed a family. They'd gone to Europe to have a special procedure done that would produce a baby that was both of theirs, and Trini Anne was the result."
Jay looked closely at his dad. Kim watched her husband sweat under her son's questioning gaze, "I bet you were surprised at that."
Tommy chuckled, "I was so surprised that I made a royal Jackass out of myself.
"Dad!" Jay complained. "Over Trini?" Kim could tell that Jay was outraged at the idea of anybody not liking Trini Anne. The two were as close as she and Jason had ever been. Kimberly would never tell anyone this, but she had a secret desire in her heart that the two would eventually marry.
Tommy nodded to his son sheepishly, "I'll admit, Jay. I was wrong. I was still too caught up in my own prejudices at the time to realize just how much Jason and Billy loved each other. I really didn't get my act together until it was too late. Much too late."
"What do you mean?" Jay asked.
"What neither of them told us at the time was that Billy was dying," Tommy told their son. She could still see the pain in her husband's eyes. The pain over the things he'd said about his friend, things that he could never ask forgiveness for now, because Billy was gone.
"Dying?" Jay asked.
Tommy nodded, "He'd gotten exposed to some radiation back when we worked on that project your mom was telling you about. Jason said that the only reason they'd called about that meeting was that Billy wanted your Uncle Jason and I to make up and be friends again, before he died."
"He didn't want to make up with you?" Jay asked.
Tommy shook his head, "You see, there's something about Billy you have to understand. Even thought I blamed myself for Billy's accident, and Jase blamed me, Billy never did. He just accepted as one of those things and went on. As far as he was concerned, we had nothing to make up for." He smiled again and said, "Anyway, I made such a jackass of myself that it was several weeks before we tried to get together again. It never happened, though."
Kim picked up the story, "It was on a Saturday. You were due any day, and Jase and Billy were going to come over with Trini Anne. Your father had to go the race track- he was still racing NASCAR back then, and I was at home alone when there was a monster attack." She smiled at the litany of disasters that struck over the next few hours to keep the tears she knew was coming at bay. "About the time the power went out, I went into labor with you. Second's later one of the monsters exploded about a block over and the concussion knocked me down. I hit my head on the coffee table and passed out."
Reaching into her pocket, Kim took out the tissue she' put there and wiped her eyes. She sighed and continued, "I came too, and Billy was there. He coaxed me through the delivery and when it was over he put you in my arms and stayed with me until your Uncle Adam and your Dad arrived." She ignored the stern look that Tommy was giving her, and plunged on, "You'll notice your dad is glaring at me. He doesn't like me to say that."
"Why not?" Jay asked.
"Because Billy had died in the hospital that morning when the monster attack occurred- two hours before you were born." She stared defiantly at her husband. "You can call me crazy, you can tell me I was hallucinating, but even Adam confirms that SOMEONE delivered Jay, and I say it was Billy."
Jay looked at his mom incredulously. "You mean, that Uncle Jase's husband died on my birthday, two hours before he delivered me? I was delivered by a ghost." Kim nodded her head, feeling the tears well up in her eyes, unable to verbally reply. The boy turned to his father, "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell Trini?"
"Trini Anne knows," Tommy told him.
Jay couldn't believe that. They didn't keep secrets from each other, she would have told him! She was his best friend! "Why didn't she tell me?" he demanded.
Kim looked over at her husband, "Tell him, Tommy." She smiled to take the sting out of her voice.
Tommy looked at his son, "Because I asked her not to."
"But why?" Jay asked, the emotion and betrayal in his voice apparent.
"Because I didn't want you to feel sad on your birthday." Tommy told him.
Jay looked at his mother and then his father. "I've got just one question to ask then."
"What is it son?" Tommy asked.
"If Billy was the one who delivered me, even after dying, why wasn't I named for him. That seems like something grownups do."
Kim was surprised at her son's insightful question. She took a deep breath and told him the truth, "Because Jason asked us not to."
He looked confused and hurt, "But why?"
Tommy put a hand on his son's shoulder. Kim could see both their tear-bright eyes, so alike, "Not because he doesn't love you, Jase. Because he wanted to be able to love you more, and he was afraid that if we named you after Billy that he would always be reminded of his loss. He didn't want you, a person very special to him, to remind him of losing Billy." Tommy knelt and pulled his son in to his arms, "Do you understand that?"
"I guess so," Jay said. Kim could see him fighting back sobs.
After a few moments, her son pulled back from his father and nodded. Wiping his eyes on the back of his hands, he said, "I think I want to go to my room now." Turning to his mom, "Would you call me for supper?"
Kim understood her son needed time to be alone. The telling had been hard on her, and she suspected that it was hard on him too. "Sure thing, Saaba," she used Tommy's pet name for their son.
Turning to watch their son leave the room, Tommy put his arm around his wife. "What made you decide to tell him?"
"He asked why his Uncle Jason and I were always sad on his birthday." Kim told him. Then remembering her earlier insight, "Do Jase or the others ever talk about Billy to you?"
Tommy shook his head, "No. I think they think it might be too painful or embarrassing for me."
Kim nodded, and stood up to leave. "Where are you going?" Tommy asked.
She pulled her sweater from the closet, "Angel Grove Cemetery. I think I need to say hi to an old friend."