Hey all you Shattered Glass fans! I've got something special for you! These rules! :D (TFs ain't mine nor do I intend this for offense...you should know this by now...)

RULE #1: AUTOBOT=BAD, DECDPTICON=GOOD
Get it through your head!
I don't CARE if in your alternate universe the Autobots were good
They're not in this world!
So, alternate universe travellers, do NOT go to the Autobots
Unless you WANT to be a bad guy
Or you want to die
Or you're crazy
But lemme tell ya, those paintjobs are SO last year
Join the awesome and stylish Decepticons!

RULE #2: NO CALLING RODIMUS CAPTAIN HOOK
Even if he DOES have a SAW on his servo, it still fits
Just HOW did he get a saw on his servo, you may ask?
Blame Ratchet for that one
Sometimes I wish I had HIM as a medic
*pout* I want a saw on my hand...
Uh, anyway
I was running with the Cassetticons, who were escorting me to saftey
*double pout* I wanna fight too...
Err, back to the orginal subject
It was just TOO tempting to yell out to Rodimus, "The Autobots'll kick your sorry bumper, CAPTAIN HOOK!"
Said evil captain tried to step on me
STEP
ON ME!
THE NERVE!

RULE #3: NO CONSTANTLY POKING AN AUTOBOT
They're insane and twitchy enough as it is
Me poking them and saying, "Poke!" did not help matters
What?
Beachcomber was practicaly BEGGING me to poke him!
That's what he gets for capturing me...
Uh, anywho...
Beachcomber finally smacked me
Into a wall
Which hurt very bad
And messed up my perm
*sob*
My poor, beautiful perm!

RULE #4: WHEN INTERROGATING AUTOBOTS, NO DOING CREEPY THINGS
You will get banned from interrogating
I speak from experience
We were interrogating Goldbug
He, of course, was not being very cooperative
So in a creepy, accented voice, I declared, "Ve have vays of making jou talk!"
And since I had just happened to also be eating a corn dog at the moment, I pointed my stick at him and in my same creepy, accented voice, yelled, "Say 'ello to my leetle friend!"
Sir Soundwave then escorted me out
I still think he would have talked if I could have used my corn dog stick on him
When interrogating Ratchet, with the fake vampire teeth I had put on just for this occasion, I told him, "I vant to drink your energon!"
Rumble chased me around, trying to get me out
I paused just long enough to tell Ratchet, "I vill enjoy taking you apart, piece by piece, to see vat makes you tick, wa-ah-ah!"
That was when Megatron banned me from interrogating
He apparently thought the battlefield has taken its toll on me
I now visit Bombshell every tuesday at 4 o' clock

RULE #5: DON'T ENCOURAGE DARKWIND AND DREADWIND
In case you haven't met these two yet, they are the comedians of the Decepticons
And YES, they're jokes can SOMETIMES be funny
Dreadwind: We ARE funny? :)
Me: :( Let me finish
But most of the time, they aren't
Dreadwind and Darkwind: *in unison* Hurtful!
Me: Yeah, yeah, whatever
Anyway, sometimes, new recruits hear one of their few GOOD jokes and they want to hear more
But after seven hours of their attempts at humor, they come to one of us, begging to make them stop
One day my patience will run out and I will leave you at the mercy of those two!

RULE #6: NO ASKING MEGATRON TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR MATH
Even though I'm friends with giant alien robots-and practically LIVING with them, I STILL have to go to school
We are in the middle of a WAR, for crying out loud!
Oh well
I was having trouble with these hard math problems
And since Megzy was so good at math, I decided to ask for help
He got a little too excited and told me so many math facts, I'm surprised my head didn't explode

RULE #7: IF YOU EVER SEE DEAD END, RUN
He likes to involve people in...INTERESTING activities
He dragged me to a sing-along group
VERY. SCARY.
I'm lucky to have slipped away with my sanity
Don't even get me STARTED about his arts and crafts

RULE #8: NO GETTING TO DEMOLISHER TO BE YOUR PERSONAL NUTCRACKER
Demolisher LOVES busting up Autobots
Kind of freaks me out how much he likes it
Err, anyway
I told him that my walnuts were Decepticon cameras
He crushed their shells
I was happy, he was happy
We were all happy!
The only one who WASN'T happy was Megatron
Somehow, he didn't like his soldiers being used for entertainment purposes
...spoilsport...

RULE #9: STOP PICKING ON ENEMY
Yes, he's just a head-err, helm (blame Steeljaw)
And yes, he does kind of get annoying with his "Enemy will be avenged!"
But that does NOT give you an excuse to use his helm as a soccer ball
RUMBLE
FRENZY
Rumble and Frenzy: Sasha
Me: Shh!
Pay no attention to them
Anyway
Sir Soundwave eventually made us stop (and I was winning! D:)
Because it was "totally not cool, little dudes"
Or so says the DJ

RULE #10: DINOSAURS ARE NOT TO BE MADE AS PETS
Mainly, Goryu
The D-cons had captured him
And I may or may not have convinced Fistfight (the drone who was guarding his cell) to let him out
I also might have rode him like a horse
Goryu didn't take too kindly to that
He threw me off
And into Glit
Who fell into a wall
Sorry, Glit
Quick question: Who does the medic go to when he's hurt?
No, it's not a riddle, I seriously need to know
*hands reader a scalpel* You'll have to do
*gives reader sympathetic look* Good luck