A/N: Something I came up with. Slightly AU. As I cannot get down the Maura talk. Heavy angst and not much fluff here guys & gals. Long road ahead if I garner enough interest.
Disclaimer: Don't own Jane & Maura. They below to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro, & TNT. Borrowing them for the angst, cause why not.
Flashbacks are in Italics.
"Mauraaaa. Mauraaaaa. Guess what?"
"I don't know Jane. What?" Maura smiles amusingly at her very inebriated friend.
"Nuh-uh, uh. You..." Jane lifts up her hand, pointing a shaky finger at the honey blonde. "You…" she continues, unaware of her lingering finger jabbing at Maura's left breast causing the doctor to slightly wince. "You my Maura, have to-have to guess. Itsa secret." She says, bringing her finger back struggling to make a zip of her mouth. "Cause itsa secret." She lets out a satisfied grin at her achievement.
Maura struggling to carry herself and the lanky detective up the steps to Jane's apartment, halters their steps for a brief moment as she realizes that Jane had just said 'My Maura.' Memories of happier times with them as a couple flashes through her mind, but she shakes them away quickly because she knows she won't be able to control any tears and she didn't need to crying tonight.
She finally manages to get Jane and herself up three flights of stairs without much help from the now quiet and detective. "Jane, where are your keys?" She now has her left arm curved around the detective's waist holding her up. "Mhmm...My Maur...a. Did'ya guessed? I tell you my keys but only if you guesses my secret." Jane giddily replies. "Itsa big one too. But I can't tell you. Its bout you, that's why not."
Maura raises an eyebrow now interested in this apparently big secret about her that Jane knows. Which is odd considering Maura pretty much knew all of Jane's secrets. The advantage of being the best friend and then eventually girlfriend. Getting a drunken Jane to give it up secrets shouldn't be too difficult. This was after all, how Maura managed to get Jane to spill that she secretly loved going to yoga, even as much as she fussed and whined abut it, she liked to ogle at Tetra, their yoga instructor, who could bend and twist herself in weird ways that just seemed too unnatural to Maura. Needless to say, Jane got herself acquainted with the couch for more than a couple nights and was forbidden to attend yoga until they found a new male instructor.
Not wanting to take advantage of Jane's state of inebriation to get this secret from her in this new friendship of theirs, Maura resigns that thought immediately.
"A-ha! I found it Maurr. I found the door." Jane yelps out as she finally notices that they have stopped and is now banging on her own apartment door.
Maura sighs. Clearly Jane was not going to be a big help.
She slips her hand away from the brunette's waist and stands across from her, holding in a smile, as Jane wavers and slumps forward crashing into her without any assistance holding her up. She hesitantly reaches for Jane's pocket looking for her keys hoping they are in there and this trip up three flights of stairs is not for nothing.
She thinks back to three days after the break-up. To the day when she gave Jane's key back. Regretting her decision at this very moment with a very drunk and giddy Jane Rizzoli clearly unable to help her.
"What's this?" Jane's voice curt. But Maura detects a slight hint of hurt and maybe a bit of surprise hidden behind her question.
"Your key." Maura responds. The small brass inanimate object feels cool against her thumb and index finger. Ironically, the opposite of how she feels inside. Not knowing what to feel or how Jane would react to her giving Jane's key back.
This is how it works, Maura thinks. When two people break up, possessions are returned. Sides are taken. Blame is passed around. Keys. Keys should be returned to the occupants of the home. Ex-girlfriends should not keep the keys to each other's homes. Wait, was she even considered an ex-girlfriend?
And that there lies the problem.
One party wanting to keep this relationship hidden and the other simply could not any longer.
As the seconds pass, Maura realizes that Jane has no intention of retrieving the key from her hand, she timidly places the key on the countertop.
They stare at each other. Anger flaring in the detectives eyes, jaws clenched, Jane finally looks past Maura and stares at the door. Not wanting to stand in this awkward silent, Maura makes a move to turn and leave when Jane abruptly stands. Maura braces herself for another fight, but is surprised when Jane says nothing but brushes past her and heads into the bedroom. She bites her lip and looks towards to where Jane disappeared too, wondering if their exchange was over. She hears something clatter onto the ground and less than minute later, Jane walks out holding an empty box and sets it on the coffee table, not once glancing in her direction.
"Whatever is yours…"Jane trails off, hoping that Maura gets the hint." I need to get back to the precinct. Frost's got some new information on the Kapler case."
Maura nods her understanding, though Jane cannot see as she continues to disregard her presence.
Jane reaches for her badge, gun and keys, hesitating briefly at the latter. It didn't go unnoticed.
"Jane..." Maura starts, wanting, no, hoping to get Jane to understand, but is cut off. Jane's voice, gruff and angry slices through the air, quickly "I get it Maura. We're over. Done." Jane stops and finally looks at her. Brown eyes blazing straight at her with so much fury and passion that she has to glance away for a second before settling back onto those same brown eyes she loves so much. "Returning your key. It's clear that you made up mind on how this is going to work."
Jane slowly walks towards her. "I gave you that key," Jane gestures towards the key still lying atop the countertop "when we were friends. Not as my girlfriend." At that, Jane stalks off and slams the door. The vibration felt around the whole apartment.
Maura lets the tears fall from her eyes, making no attempt to wipe them away as she clasps a hand to her mouth, not wanting to break down again in her ex-girlfriends/friend's apartment.
Maura looks down at the brass key just lying there, unmoving, mockingly glaring at her. She realizes something. Jane did not reciprocate. Jane did not return the key Maura gave her.
A loud banging against the door across from Jane's apartment causes her to shake her head at the memory.
Maura shuts her eyes for a brief moment, holding in a deep and lingering breath as this was the closest to Jane that she has been near since the break-up. She lets out a triumph grin as she feels the cool brass against her fingers.
"Mhmmm…Maur. What you doing down there?" Jane mumbles. "Feelssss gooodd," she giddily continues. Maura blushing at the fact that Jane thinks she is being inappropriate in Jane's hallway complex and not wanting the neighbors thinking the same quickly sticks the key into the lock and pulls Jane in.
Once inside, she flicks on the living room lights. She doesn't hear Jo Friday bouncing in from the bedroom. Frankie must have her, she thinks. Letting her eyes scan through the apartment, she shakes her head at the detective's living space; there are case files littered across the couch and coffee table, a clutter of empty beer bottles lingering along the floor near the couch, empty Chinese food cartons atop the coffee table-knowing that Jane would never bother to dish them onto plates if Maura wasn't there to scold her into doing so.
Maura leads Jane into the hallway and swallows shakily before pushing open Jane's bedroom door. It's the first time she has been inside this room since the break up and she feels an odd sense of relief that everything looks the same. The only difference is that Jane has gotten a new bedding set. It is a shade of dark gray with a splash of light blue and green throughout which she finds suits Jane's personality very well; dark and brooding amidst a sprinkle of bright colors every now and then.
She lightly ushers Jane inside the bedroom. "Jane would you like to change into proper sleeping attire first? As I am sure those work slacks can be very uncomfortable to move around while trying to get a peaceful night's sleep after consuming copious amount of alcohol."
"Huh? Maurr. Too many Google talking," was Jane's response. Maura understanding that that would be the most coherent response from Jane gently helps her into bed, pulling the covers off first. "Ok Jane, lie down" she states patiently. Jane grumbles a muffled response before flopping herself onto the bed.
Maura goes to the dresser and pulls out a t-shirt and sweat pants as no one can be comfortable sleeping in work slacks. She moves to take off Jane's boots and socks and continues upward to change Jane into the sweat pants she found. "Jane, I'm going to undress you."
Jane giggles uncontrollably.
Maura feels herself blushing furiously at how that came out. "I- I mean I'm going to take off your pants." She covers her hand over her face, clearly this wasn't going so well.
She finally manages to get Jane changed into more comfortable clothes without further embarrassment and pulls the comforter over the now grinning detective.
"Thanks Murrr. Come here." Jane lifts her hand up into the air flexing her fingers as if beckoning for a hug. Maura lets out a huge grin at the scene. Jane lying in bed like a child would when they need a good night hug from a parent after a bed time story. Maura hesitates momentarily but then obliges and goes into giving her a hug. She feels the warmth in the pit of her stomach again whenever she is this close to Jane.
Jane wraps her hand around Maura's neck and squeezes, her mouth at Maura's ear, her warm raspy breathing sending chills up Maura's spine. After a few seconds, Maura moves to untangle herself, but Jane squeezes a little tighter, not wanting to let her go. "Maur, member my secrets." Jane breathes into her ear. Maura suppresses in a moan, the dark haired brunette's breath tickling the sensitive spot on her ear. She manages out a nod-although she already had forgotten about Jane's big secret-if only to humor the very tipsy detective. "If you wanna knows you have to say the magic worddd…" Jane says in a sing song voice.
Maura having a long night as it was already, didn't feel up to playing a game with a tipsy detective, she just wanted to get Jane in bed and asleep so she could get home, feed Bass and enjoy the warmth of her own bed. But she wanted to make sure Jane was asleep first and-Jane was not going to sleep- it sounds like until she let out this big secret that she keeps speaking of.
So, she decides to play along if it would get Jane to fall asleep quicker. "What is this secret, Jane?" What is the magic word?"
A wide grin forms on her lips "Say pleaseee..."
Maura lets out a chuckle. Jane was polite in her drunken stupor but it was like pulling teeth to get her to have manners when she was sober. "Please." Maura teases.
She can feel Jane smile against her ear. "I love you, Maura Dorthea Isles. I'm sooo in love with you." Maura's breathe hitches; she moves to pull away again but stops. Jane either too drunk to notice or doesn't care to stop continues, "I don't like that we broked up. I wished that you were mine again…My Maura…"Jane trails off softly, closing her eyes. Her hands slipping away from around the honey blonde's neck.
Maura lifts her head and stands up straight. Eyes narrowed, jaws clenched in place, she wanted to scream. She wanted to grab Jane by the arm, shake her until she woke up, yell at her and ask her why. Why now, after all this time? What is she trying to do? What is the purpose of this confession? As she looks down at Jane's sleeping form, Maura's feels her heart tightening. She wraps her arms around her chest as if protecting her heart.
Jane is finally asleep. Dozing off and slightly snoring. She looks so peaceful at this moment. Maybe she needed to let that secret out before she could fall asleep. Now it is Maura's turn to hold onto this secret.
A peaceful night sleep, something she was looking forward to, is now vanquished. She wipes away tears that have seemingly fallen without her acknowledgment or consent. She takes another look at Jane making sure that she will not fall off the bed and sound asleep before turning away.
As she steps into Jane's living room, she realizes she does not want to go home anymore. She wants to make sure that Jane is okay and can sleep through the night. She goes into the linen closet, and pulls out a couple blankets, turns off the living room light and sets herself on the couch. As she lies down, a soft glow emits from her purse.
Her phone.
She pulls out it out and reads the incoming text:
Hey babe, did you get Jane home okay? Are you about to come home? I'll wait up. Love you.
She holds her hand to her mouth trying to hold in her sobs as her tears flow freely from her eyes.
A/N 2: Lemme know what you think. Continue?
Title is song from Brandi Carlile