Age to age, I feel the call
Memory of future dreams
You and I, lighting the sky
Keeping the fire bright,
from another time and place
I know your name
I know your face
Your touch and grace
All of time cannot erase
What our hearts remember, stays
Forever on a song we play
- Two Steps from Hell - Star Sky
God… He can't help it. He's so nervous. Of course, he's proud to get this kind of promotion after all these years, serving as captain of his beloved Enterprise, but now it just feels like he's betraying her, somehow.
Who am I kidding…?
He hasn't captained a ship for some time now. The Admiralty has been preparing him for this moment ever since he decided to step down from the chair of the Silver Lady. He'd been expecting the treatment, if he was going to be honest with himself. What he didn't expect was for Spock to leave his XO position, as well. Though, truth be told, he had gotten a glimpse of Spock's decision, through his words with him, before he came clean with it to the Admiralty.
"I was once told that my destiny is to be by your side. I see no logical reason why that should stop now."
Yes, well… Here we are, I guess.
And guess he does, because, even now, his First Officer of 40 years continues to surprise him, as his footsteps are heard down the hall outside of the Jonathan Archer Arena, where he himself has been standing outside its closed doors for the past 30 minutes. The ceremony wouldn't be for another half hour, but he had come earlier in order to try and come to terms with it.
"Admiral.", Spock addresses him curtly.
Jim has to chuckle. "Not yet, Spock."
His attire is formal, as always before a ceremony, but this time, he seems neater - if that is even possible - than usual.
"I thought you would be here on time for the event.", Jim states, curiosity lacing his voice
"I believed so as well, but seeing as I am, officially, still your First Officer till the proceedings take place, I decided to join you.", Spock responds to the unspoken question.
Jim figures that, perhaps, this is the opportunity he's been waiting for. He hadn't had the guts to ask Spock before. Hell, he doesn't have them now. But he is fully, 100% aware that he has to do this, if not for the sake of his question answered, then for his sanity.
"Hey, Spock?"
"Captain?", Spock queries
Kirk can feel his heart warming up at this often-used, yet so beloved form of address. He knows that it's just a title when other people say it, but when Spock speaks it, he feels like it's safe with the alien, like he can do no wrong in his best friend's eyes. With that in mind, he finds the assurance and strength he needs for this next part of the conversation.
"I'm going to be an admiral in…", Jim checks his wristwatch, "…less than 30 minutes. There is something I've been meaning to ask you, but I just never got to. I guess I was too preoccupied with my own worries and duties to ever do so."
The only hint Jim has, to Spock's alertness and concern, is the slight widening of his eyes and the even slighter relaxing of his posture. And that is only, because he learned how to read his XO's micro-expressions through years and years of working together on a 24/7 basis.
"Why?", Jim finally says
Spock looks perplexed. "Why, Jim?"
"Yeah.", Kirk replies. "Why did you stay? After everything. Why did you stay on board?"
"I... am not certain I understand?", Spock enquires with misapprehension.
"You could easily have chosen another career. God knows you're astonishingly brilliant and yet...", Jim verbalizes his thoughts as he looks down at his feet, shuffling them with, what looks suspiciously like, embarrassment.
"...Yet, I stayed on the Enterprise, serving under you?", Spock perceives, sympathy swimming in his brown eyes
"Well... yes", comes the response, now from a completely red-faced captain
"Jim... Is there a specific reason behind your concern?"
God, I am so busted... "IfeltIwasstandinginyourway", Jim blurts out quickly
The Commander is, understandably and obviously, gobsmacked.
"I..." - a loud and exasperated sigh - "I felt... I was standing in your way. At times."
"My friend...", his partner of oh-so-many-years starts, and the Enterprise's captain raises his head so fast, he sure got whiplash.
"It is, indeed, troubling that you believe so. Moreover, by the fact that you are one of the main reasons I stayed on board."
" 'One of the main reasons', huh?", Kirk teases, a grin plastered on his face
"Of course.", Spock states seriously, a frown of confusion forming on his forehead
"Oh.", Kirk sobers up. "Then, again... why?"
"It was more my... friendship with you that kept pulling me back to the Enterprise. It constantly felt - and feels - like a call I could never ignore.", the first officer explains
"Like...what, that you needed to be here? At my side?", Jim hypothesizes, sounding surprised.
"Yes... exactly. "
Jim stares at Spock's face for a moment, and, then, reaches for the inside pocket of his formal, grey uniform, seemingly searching for something. After a second, he pulls out a small object.
A Starfleet delta shield.
"Take it.", Kirk says as he gives Spock the insignia.
"Yours.", the recipient mentions, sounding sure. Kirk hadn't worn his own, since it is going to be replaced by the Admiralty shield.
Instead of confirming this, Jim merely shakes his head.
"My father's. I took it with me for today's ceremony. To think that he would have been here, hopefully, proud of me."
The two men stare soulfully at one another, as if trying to figure out what decisions and adventures in their lives have led to this moment in time. When did the transition from colleagues to best friends occur? Were they truly that oblivious to the change, or did something happen along the way that two aliens to each other, who were seeing one another 24/7, became so close, it felt only natural? The half-Vulcan and the Human found themselves not caring, either way. They are just glad it happened.
Spock looks down at his gift. "Jim, I could not possibly-", he says as he tries to let it down on Jim's palm.
"-You can...", Kirk closes Spock's hand with the badge inside, "...and you will."
"It is your father's, a family heirloom..."
"Exactly. And now I'm giving it to you."
Spock doesn't look convinced, still.
James sighs. "Think of it as a gesture of my trust and friendship towards you. How does that make you feel?"
Hesitance...
"Come on, Spock, is it really so much to ask my brother to accept my gift to him?", Jim blurts out in frustration, quickly
The XO looks at the other man with a strange look, as the captain realizes what he just brought to the surface.
"Look, what I mean is... you're my family more than my biological brother. And...", Jim becomes quite shy at this point, "I wanted to be able to do something for you. So.", he nods at the insignia on Spock's palm.
"I thank you for your gift. But it is unnecessary."
Jim frowns. "Why?"
Spock looks at his Captain with fondness. "I served on the Enterprise with a person that would, eventually, define my life. I could only watch in amazement as he grew to become both a great Captain..." - here, he nods at Jim, giving him a poignant look - "...and my brother from another mother. Jim, your gift is unnecessary, but highly appreciated, because you have already given me your most valuable possessions. Your soul and your trust. And that is what I hold onto."
Jim blinks rapidly, mouth slightly ajar, feeling his heart racing in his uniform-clad chest. The befallen pause that came between them was long in the waiting.
"O- okay? Look, I'm sorry if I've ever been needy, or whatnot, but I couldn't do it. Remember your almost-captaincy of the Intrepid?", he asks frantically
Oh, yeah. Spock remembered all too well. So, he nods.
"I had arranged everything for you - and as Starfleet had asked me to. Nyota would be on board and you would be Captain. And the only thing I kept thinking about was 'how am I going to be able to go on?'. Because, let's face it, whether I liked it or not, I was dependent on you, I am dependent on you. For my sanity, for advice, for anything." - here, Jim makes a face of mock-dissproval for himself - "Alright, well, not for anything, I can take care of myself-"
"-Debatable.", Spock retorts
Jim lifts his head to give an incredulous look at Spock, who appears to have a little grin on his face.
"Debatable?! Seriously? ", Kirk scoffs
"Indeed. I believe I do not need to remind you of the Teenaxi incident. Or the fact that you managed to anger the Tellarite ambassador, while for the diplomatic conference on Navoria II."
"He had it coming. No one insults my crew, never mind calling my first officer an abomination, and gets away with it."
"Anyway...", Jim gives a grin "That's just it. You're my best friend and I didn't want to lose you and that's that."
Jim looks at his watch - a gift he has been treasuring from Spock Prime - and checks. It's time...
"This assembly calls Admiral James T. Kirk."
Jim stares at Spock. "Shall we?"
Spock looks back. "By all means. After you.", and he stands to the side for Kirk to pass through.
The end of an era marked the beginning of legends...