Yugioh

DUEL – a RENT parody

Disclaimer: Although I wish I owned the cast of Yugioh, sadly I do not. I've often asked myself, "If not the whole cast, then at least Malik. Yum." But alas. I also cannot be credited for RENT. Jonathan Larson (February 4, 1960 – January 25, 1996) created the plot, the characters, and the music. His sudden, unexpected death on the day before his dream came true is the stuff of tragedy.

Rating: R for language and adult content

Genre: Angst/Romance/Humor/Parody

Pairings: The pairings for this parody are as follow: Malik/Marik, Bakura/Ryou, Seto/Yami, and Anzu/Pegasus (whom you never see).

Summary: Anzu is Jou and Malik's former roommate. With the help of her wealthy brother-in-law, Anzu has bought the building in which Jou and Malik live, and the lot next door that is inhabited by a group of homeless people. Anzu wants to build a high-tech, cyber-dueling arena on the property. Toward this end, she plans to clear the homeless from the lot and evict all the tenants from the building, including Jou and Malik. Jou's former lover, Seto, schedules a duel protest of Anzu's scheme for midnight on Christmas Eve. Anzu offers a deal to Jou and Malik: if they can convince Seto to stop his duel, they can stay in the building rent-free.

The Cast and Notes

Roger Davis ... Malik Ishtar

Mark Cohen ... Katsuya Jounichi (Jou)

Tom Collins ... Yami Bakura

Benjamin Coffin III ... Anzu Mazaki

Joanne Jefferson ... Yami

Angel Schunard ... Ryou Bakura

Mimi Marquez ... Yami Marik

Maureen Johnson ... Seto Kaiba

Allison Grey-Coffin ... Pegasus (never seen)

Mark's mom ... Grandpa Mutou

Mr. Jefferson ... Shadi

Mrs. Jefferson ... Mana

Gordon ... Yugi Mutou

Steve ... Mokuba Kaiba

Paul ... Katsuya Shizuka

Alexi Darling ... Mai Kujaku

Roger's mom ... Isis Ishtar

Mr. Grey ... Hiroto Honda

Note: Un-named characters (such as cops and carolers) will be named only if they mention their own name in dialogue, but they are not listed above.

Also note: The gender of characters does not change because of their role (although Ryou is a drag queen...). The cast listed above is mostly for my benefit.

Also, also note: There is one character death in this play, but it was not my intention. So, please, no flames. Thank you.

ACT I

(The audience enters in the theatre to discover a stage bare of curtains. At stage left looms a metal sculpture intended to represent: (a) a totem pole/Christmas tree that stands in an abandoned lot, (b) a wood burning stove with a snaky chimney that is at the center of MALIK and JOU'S loft apartment, and (c) in ACT II, a church steeple. On stage the five musician band performs under a wooden platform surrounded by railing. The wooden platform has a staircase on the upstage side. Downstage left is a black, waist-high rail fence.

MALIK ISHTAR, carrying an electric guitar, enters upstage left and crosses to a guitar amp sitting on a chair at center stage. He casually plugs his guitar into the amp and adjusts the level, then crosses downstage and sits on the table.

After a few chords, the COMPANY, led by KATSUYA JOU, enters from all directions and fills the stage. JOU sets up a small tripod and a 16mm movie camera downstage center, and aimed upstage. He addresses the audience.)

Intro

JOU

We begin on Christmas Eve with me, Jou, and my roommate, Malik. We live in an industrial loft on the corner of 11th street and Avenue B, the top floor of what was once a card-publishing factory. Old rock 'n' roll posters hand on the walls. They have Malik's picture advertising gigs at CBGB's and the Pyramid Club. We have an illegal wood-burning stove; its exhaust pipe crawls up to a skylight. All of our electrical appliances are plugged into one, thick extension cord, which snakes its way out a window. Outside, a small tent city has sprung up in the lot next to our building. Inside, we are freezing because we have no heat.

(He turns the camera to MALIK)

JOU

Smile!

TUNE UP #1

JOU

December 24th, nine pm,

Eastern Standard Time.

From here on in

I shoot without a script.

See if anything comes of it,

Instead of my old shit.

First shot – Malik

Tuning the Fender Guitar

He hasn't played in a year.

MALIK

This won't tune.

JOU

So we hear.

He's just coming back

From half a year of withdrawal.

MALIK

Are you talking to me?

JOU

Not at all.

Are you ready? Hold that focus –

Steady.

Tell the folks at home what you're

Doing Malik…

MALIK

I'm writing one great song –

JOU

The phone rings.

MALIK

Saved!

JOU

We screen.

Zoom in on the answering machine!

(An actor places a telephone on a chair and we see GRANDPA MUTOU in a special light.)