Beautiful

by dejaceratops

"You have to understand how I feel. You need to see yourself the way I see you, and I can't tell you something like that. …So I'm gonna show you."

A/N: This fic was a pain in my ass.

John was a bit concerned when he stepped through the front door.

The entire first floor of his home was dark, and he could see no lights shining to indicate any were on upstairs. Usually when Randy got home before he did, he turned on every single light he could find, the place shining like a lighthouse on the Massachusetts coast to guide John home. Tonight was different though; not even the light on the porch was on, and John wondered fleetingly if perhaps Randy wasn't home yet. He shook the thought as soon as he had it; Randy's truck had been in the driveway when he pulled up, so he knew he had to be there.

John dropped his bags in the foyer, brow furrowed as he toed off his sneakers and looked for any sign of his lover. He began to get worried as he searched the base floor of their shared home. As he looked though, his worry turned to curiosity as he saw signs that Randy had indeed been there: the fridge was stocked, their mail sat in a pile a mile high on the dining room table, and Harley and Ford were chewing on new rawhides, meaning Randy had picked them up from his parents' house and brought them home. He reached down to pet both puppies, chuckling as they nuzzled and licked at his hands before rushing up the stairs to the second floor. There was a soft glow emanating from inside the master bedroom, and the light was streaming into the hallway from the space under the door. John turned the knob and pushed, gasping as he peered into the room.

Their bedroom was alight with candles, bathing the cream and chocolate space in a peaceful golden glow. John looked around to see Randy lighting a final candle on top of the dresser. Upon hearing the door open, Randy blew out his match and turned to John. He smiled sweetly.

"Perfect timing." He walked forward, stopping in front of John. "Welcome home."

"What the hell are you up to?" John asked as he stepped into the room, a smile lighting up his face. Randy stepped forward and pressed a gentle kiss to John's lips, shaking his head as he pulled back.

"Let me put the kids to bed, then I'll fill you in. There's coffee for you on the side table. Sit down and relax. I'll be right back." John sank down onto the bed and picked up his mug. He swallowed a giant gulp of his coffee, the heat and richness of the drink warming and soothing him. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, taking in the scents around him. He smelled his coffee and the vanilla and honey of the candles, but beneath that he could smell the mixture of his and Randy's colognes, and the combination both calmed and excited him. He let the familiarity of home soak into his aching muscles, and the tension of the day seeped out of him, leaving him boneless against the headboard.

"There's my guy." John's eyes jumped open at the sound of Randy's voice above him. He hadn't heard the younger man return from caging the puppies for the night. He shook his head to clear it, and he frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Randy sat down and leaned forward, brushing a kiss across John's forehead that made him sigh contently and smile.

"You looked so tense when you got home. You look more relaxed now, more like my John."

My John.

The words made John beam, his grin splitting his face in half. Randy shook his head and laughed at his lover, punching him in the chest. John trapped Randy's hand before he could move away, holding it against his heart as he looked at him.

"What's with all the candles, baby?" John asked, looking around the room. Randy away so he could look John in the eye, taking a deep breath.

"I wanna do something for you."

"You don't have to do anything for me," John jumped in immediately, reaching for Randy's hand and squeezing it tightly. "You love me. That's enough."

"Is it?" Randy asked quietly. John's brow furrowed.

"Rand…what's going on? Talk to me." Randy sighed and dragged a hand over his face. He looked into John's shining blue eyes, seeing the worry and concern shining there, and his heart clenched in his chest. He reached out to smooth his thumb over the frown in John's brow, hating the knowledge that he had put it there. He didn't know how to go about executing his master plan, but he knew he had to find a way. There was something he had to say to the man he loved, and his own inadequacy at dealing with all things emotional was not going to stop him.

Not tonight.

"I see the way you look at me sometimes, John." John blinked, his face showing his confusion.

"What do you mean?" he asked. Randy sighed.

"When I tell you I love you. You look at me sometimes like…like you don't believe me."

"Randy, of course I believe you. I know you wouldn't lie to me about something like that."

Randy shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I meant…you look at me sometimes like you don't understand how I could love you. It's like you think I'm better than you or…or you don't deserve me." When John looked away, unable to meet his eyes, Randy cursed.

"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck." Randy sat up, hands balled into fists as he muttered under his breath, and John watched him.

"Rand, what's this got to do with anything? I am completely lost."

Randy shook his head and sighed deeply before looking up at John again. "This is my fault."

"What's your fa-"

"You. Feeling like that. Believing that. It's my fault."

"Randy," John began, reaching up to cup Randy's cheek in his hand. "Don't say that."

Randy shook off John's hand and nodded. "It is. There should be no doubt in your mind that I love you, that you're everything I've ever wanted, and that in a million years I would never find the words to tell you how fucking perfect you are. How much I don't deserve you."

Randy's words rocked John to his core. He closed his eyes and tried to let them sink into him, but a little something in the recesses of his mind was niggling at him. It told him he was foolish to think someone like Randy, someone so beautiful, could love him, and he believed it like he always did.

"No, dammit, don't fucking do that! Open your eyes, John, look at me," Randy almost growled, eyes angry as he squeezed John's jaw until his eyes popped open. "This is why I'm doing what I'm doing. You have to understand how I feel. You need to see yourself the way I see you, and I can't tell you something like that. …So I'm gonna show you."

Randy leaned forward then, kissing John's temple. "That's what this is," he whispered as he moved to kiss John's cheek. "You've spent so long taking care of me. Showing how you love me." Randy brushed his lips across John's, the plump flesh parting as their breath mingled in the little bit of space between them. "It's time for me to take care of you, Johnny."

Randy kissed him then and kissed him thoroughly. He pressed their lips together tightly, kneading John's with his own, and when John moaned, Randy slid his tongue past John's lips and licked the inside of his mouth. John's tongue tangled with his, the two of them fighting for control of the kiss, but eventually John gave in, allowing his lover to take over. He pulled Randy close to him, kneading his shoulders and biceps as they kissed.

Randy pulled away slowly, watching as John tried to calm himself down with deep breaths of air. He studied his lover closely. John's face had flushed, and his lips were red and swollen from their kiss. He took in every bit of John with his eyes, even as his hands did the same.

"You ready?" he asked, leaning down to kiss the curve of John's jaw. He felt John's nod, and he grinned against his skin, pressing a smaller kiss to his shoulder. "Good."

"I love your eyes." He gently traced his thumb across John's eyelid, watching as John shivered at Randy's touch. "They're blue like mine, but…yours are…they shine with this light, this…it's like they're always laughing. Always grinning, just like you are." He pulled his thumb down the bridge of John's nose and traced around his mouth, the pad ghosting across John's bottom lip. "I stare at your lips when you sleep sometimes. They're the perfect shape and so full and so damn soft, Johnny, god." Randy leaned forward, replacing the caress of his thumb with that of his own lips and John groaned.

Randy trailed his lips across John's mouth to his jaw where he pressed feather-light kisses. The barely there touch tickled John, and he laughed brightly, a smile blossoming on his face.

"Well, hello there, dimples," Randy laughed. He kissed the dimple on John's left cheek, his hand stroking the other gently. "It's hard to believe you're older than me when your dimples make you look like a giddy little boy." John laughed under his breath, eyes shining brightly as he watched Randy watch him. "Then you fall asleep after only one round of sex and I remember how fucking ancient you are."

"Ass!" John laughed, punching Randy in the shoulder. Randy laughed with him, arching an eyebrow.

"We'll get to that later, I promise," he smirked, grabbing John's hand and kissing the knuckles before taking it between both of his and studying it for a long time.

"…Rand?"

"The things you do with these hands, John," Randy began, serious again. He heard John's quiet whisper of his name but choose to ignore it as he continued on. "You knock grown men flat on their asses with these hands. You pick them up and toss them around like fucking ragdolls. With these hands. There's so much strength in them…" Randy then lifted John's hand and spread the fingers out with his own, their hands pressed together fingertips to palm. "And yet…you touch me so gently, Johnny, so softly…you drive me crazy with these hands. I love having them on me." John bit his bottom lip, hands flexing, almost itching to pull Randy to him and kiss him until they both died. Randy lifted John's palm to his lips, placing a wet kiss dead in the center before sliding his lips up John's arm.

He paused when he reached the sleeve of John's t-shirt, frowning as though it had personally offended him by stopping his slow exploration of John's arm. He tugged on the sleeve hard, and John got the hint, sitting up and pulling off his shirt in that way that both baffled Randy and turned him on. As soon as the fabric left John's body, Randy was back with his kisses, planting one in the center of John's bicep before sliding his lips upwards to his shoulder and across to his collarbone. He placed another kiss there, this one wetter and sloppier than any of the others, and John gasped, his hands curling into fists in the comforter. Randy smirked against John's skin and sat up, pulling John down the bed by his hips.

"Lie down," he said, his voice low and full of authority. John had no choice but to obey him.

Randy climbed over John's body, settling between his legs as he hovered over him. John traced his hands up and down Randy's arms as he watched his lover, the younger man going back to his collarbone before sliding his mouth down to John's chest, lips settling over his pec. He covered every inch of the muscle in kisses, John groaning and biting his lip when Randy brushed over his nipple. As he finished with one, Randy slid to the other, hands tracing patterns on John's sides as he kissed across the broad expanse of chest. He brushed his thumbs across the bones of John's ribs as he placed a single kiss over John's right nipple, and the older man arched beautifully upwards, pressing more of himself into Randy.

"You're so sensitive here," Randy whispered, drawing patterns across John's ribs. The older man squirmed beneath him, half laughing and half moaning as Randy scrolled his name into John's skin with his fingertips. "Even in the ring when I touch you here, you moan for me." Randy leaned down and licked a trail down John's side. John gasped and clutched at the bed linens, curling them in his fists.

"Randy, what are you doing to me, god?" John asked breathlessly, skin tingling as Randy touched him. He kissed each of John's ribs sweetly before switching to the other side, John writhing beneath him the whole time. The movement brought their bodies closer together, John's erection pressing into the skin just above Randy's own throbbing cock, and the two men moaned quietly at the contact. John dragged his blunt nails down Randy's arms, smoothing his hands over them afterwards to soothe the sting as Randy continued to kiss his way down to his stomach.

"These abs," Randy started as he licked across them, "are fucking fantastic." He slid his tongue into John's belly button, laughing as John squirmed and wriggled beneath him. "They're as hot as mine," he continued as he kissed the smooth skin leading down to the top of John's jeans. He paused briefly, contemplating. "Well. Almost as hot as mine."

John cuffed Randy on the back of the head, both of them laughing. Randy pressed his nose into John's skin, rubbing it back and forth and making John moan. He looked up at John who raised an eyebrow, silently questioning his lover's next move. When Randy leaned down and pulled down his zipper with his teeth, eyes looking up and twinkling with mischief, John groaned deep in the back of his throat and arched his hips upwards.

"Fucking hell, Randy, why have you never done that before? Fuck, that's hot," he moaned, licking his lips as Randy unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down his legs. Randy chuckled, sliding his hands up John's legs and planting a kiss on John's hip through his boxers.

"I couldn't show you all my cards right away, could I? Gotta save some tricks for later. Keep things spicy, you know." John couldn't help but laugh, Randy grinning as he took in the sound.

"I love that, the sound of your laugh. The things it does to me, Johnny…" Randy leaned down then, nuzzling his cheek across the very noticeable bulge in John's boxers. John's laugh cut off abruptly, turning into a moan as Randy teased him. He reached for the top of John's boxers, sliding them slowly downwards. He kissed every inch of newly revealed skin, sometimes licking and sometimes biting the muscles in John's thighs even as John arched his hips upwards and hissed at his cock finally being free from its constraints.

"You should hear the way people go on about my thighs, Johnny," Randy said, voice deep and rumbling and melting John's bones. "Yours are just…insanely big. They're where all your power comes from. Your power for fighting…for thrusting…" Randy's voice trailed off teasingly and John moaned, the image of himself thrusting wildly into Randy's tight heat floating around in his head and causing his cock to throb. He bit his lip and reached down to pull his hand through Randy's hair, calling down to him.

"Randy, please. I need you now."

Randy shook his head. "Not yet, baby," he whispered against John's thigh, his breath ghosting across John's skin and causing his muscles to clench and unclench. "There's still so much more of you to explore." At that, he leaned down and took the head of John's erection into his mouth, sucking hard, and John swore he died.

"Oh fuck!" John shouted, hands fisting tightly in the comforter. He moaned loudly as Randy sucked him in.

Randy pulled back and released John's dick with an obscene pop, stroking the hard flesh as he looked up. "I love this cock. I love touching it. I love tasting it. I love having it so fucking deep inside of me I can't fucking breathe." He leaned down again, licking from base to tip before taking John into his mouth until his nose brushed John's pelvis and swallowing. John gasped and moaned and thrashed, his hands going to the back of Randy's head. He pulled at Randy's hair, the younger man moaning with each tug, and each moan sent vibrations across John's sensitive flesh.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Randy, fuck…" John's moans were deep and long as Randy worked him, hands squeezing and massaging John's balls, and each moan drove Randy crazy. He lowered one hand and squeezed himself through his pants, trying to relieve some pressure from his own throbbing flesh. He reached up to jerk John off, pulling back to look up at his lover and watching the looks of pleasure move across his face.

"Turn over for me?" Randy asked quietly, and John nodded. He let Randy sit up, groaning at the loss of Randy's hand around his dick before turning over and lying on his stomach. Randy grinned wickedly, his eyes trained on John's ass. He reached out to grab a cheek, loving the soft feel of his lover's skin in his hand. John moaned deeply, head turned so he could catch some glimpse of Randy as he massaged him. "This is just fucking unreal, John," Randy said, leaning down to kiss the small of his back as both hands kneaded handfuls of his ass. "This ass," Randy began, landing a light smack and causing John to moan, "is a fucking marvel. So fucking big. But so hot." Randy spread John's cheeks. "So tight," he whispered, lowering his face to John's ass.

"Oh god, Randy, oh my god," John moaned as Randy licked at him. His toes curled, and he fisted handfuls of the comforter, Randy's tongue sending ripples of heat straight up his spine. "Fucking yes, Randy, lick my ass, baby. Lick me so good, fuck…"

Randy moaned against John's hole, his words and the sounds he made shooting straight to his dick. He pushed his hips down into the bed, needing some sort of friction to lessen the ache in his cock even as he continued to drive John crazy.

"Randy, that's so fucking good," John moaned, pushing his hips down into Randy's face. The younger man pulled away, finger replacing his tongue as he traced circles around John's opening.

"John, look at me," he whispered. John adjusted as much as he could to look down at his lover, eyes full of lust and question. "Tonight's about you, John? How do you want this to go?"

John blinked, finding it hard to concentrate with Randy's finger pushing into him. "Want- fuck, Randy, so good. I want…w-want you inside of me, Randy, please." Randy stopped, looking down at John and seeing his expression.

"…You're serious?" he asked. At John's nod, he moaned, eyes slipping closed as he pulled down his pants. He reached into the pocket of his discarded sweats and pulled out the small bottle of lube he'd stashed there earlier that night and smeared a generous helping all over himself, moaning as he fisted himself tightly.

"Fuck, Randy, no fair. Wanna see you touch yourself," John whined, trying to take in as much of Randy as he could from his position. Randy chuckled and leaned down, kissing the back of John's neck.

"Next time, Johnny, I promise," he whispered against John's skin, causing the older man to shiver. "Are you ready or do you want me to-"

"No, Randy." John shook his head. "I can't wait. I'll be ok, but I need you right fucking now." Randy nodded, pressing a kiss between John's shoulder blades and down his spine. John arched beautifully, Randy mesmerized by the hard muscles bunching under the smooth pale skin.

"God, I love your back," Randy let out, nails dragging down to John's hips. John moaned loudly, face pressed into a pillow, and Randy bent forward to tug on his ear with his teeth, forcing John to turn his head. "No. I wanna hear you."

John nodded and shifted, raising himself onto his hands and knees. Randy couldn't help but grab a handful of John's ass, both men moaning at the action. Randy shook his head. "Not like this, Johnny. Lie down facing the bathroom." John frowned, confused, but did as Randy asked. He lay down on his left side, moaning when Randy followed him, their bodies pressed tightly together. Randy reached out, sliding his arm under John's head so it was pillowed on his bicep. With his other hand he gripped his cock, sliding it between John's ass cheeks before pushing smoothly inside.

"Randy, fuck! Fuck yes, that's so good," John moaned, hips pushing back into Randy's. He gasped and cried out as Randy thrust viciously into him. Randy grit his teeth, trying to gain some control over himself, but the tight heat of John's body tempted him, squeezing around his cock like a vise. He growled, the sound rumbling through his chest, and with a Herculean effort, he stopped, pressing his forehead to the back of John's neck and gasping for air.

John groaned, pushing his hips back into Randy's. "Please don't stop, Randy, please. I need you so fucking bad right now." Randy kissed John's shoulder, shushing him. He stroked John's leg with one hand, the other rubbing across his forehead. He peppered John's neck and shoulder with light kisses until eventually John calmed, his breathing even.

Randy reached forward and wrapped an arm around John's waist, pulling them even closer together. John rested his hand on Randy's arm, rubbing back and forth across the skin as he waited for Randy.

Finally, as he started to speak, he moved.

"The first day I saw you, I knew you were it for me," Randy whispered, pulling out slowly before pressing deeply into John again. "You knew I was third generation, that sticking with me could get you a leg up if you played your cards right, but you didn't care. You stayed with me because you wanted to be my friend. …I'd never had that before." Randy kissed John's shoulder, his thrusting steady and his pace strong. John moaned deliciously for him, fingers of one hand digging into Randy's arm as the other gripped Randy's hand tightly. Randy's cock filled him perfectly, and the friction he made inside of him made his eyes cross.

"When I got called up first, you didn't get mad at me. You were the first one to congratulate me, even though I knew you thought you'd make the big time before I did." Randy drew patterns across John's stomach with his fingertips as he worked him with his hips, biting his lip as John's body pulled him in deep and squeezed around him. John licked his lips and cried out as Randy grazed his prostate. He moaned Randy's name like a prayer, toes curling and hands balling into fists as pleasure coursed through him.

Randy squeezed his eyes shut and moaned, forcing himself to keep his pace even as he poured his heart out to John. "When I hurt my shoulder you were there. When my grandfather died, you were there. When I got suspended, you were there. You never judge me. You never scold me or look down on me." Randy grasped John's thick cock in his fist, stroking it tightly, and John unraveled.

"Oh god, Randy, yes, please stroke me faster…need to come, Randy, please? Please let me come for you, Daddy," he cried, and Randy shuddered, hips picking up the pace as John moaned and pleaded.

"You love my daughter as if she was your own," Randy growled, John's ass clenching around his dick and making him see stars. "You treat my parents with the same love and respect that you treat yours. You- oh god, John, you're so fucking tight, baby- you respect me as a man and as a professional." Randy cursed loudly, face buried in John's neck as he thrust even faster, hand flying over John's dick as the other man whimpered and cried in pleasure.

"You believe in me, Johnny. You accept me as I am without trying to change me. You give me everything I ask for, even if I don't give as much back. You're the most selfless person I know. …God, John, how could I not fucking love you, huh? You're everything I ever wanted."

"Randy! Fuck!" With that, John spilled, his eyes rolling behind his eyes lids as hot ribbons of come coated his stomach and Randy's fist. Still Randy fucked him, words tumbling from his heart and directly into John's ear.

"I want my daughter to learn from you. And I want a son with you. I want to watch you raise a little boy to be the same gorgeous, loving, respectable man that you are. I want to fight with and beside you. I want to grow old with you, to die with you. I wanna be yours forever, John." John clenched tightly around Randy even as tears spilled down his face, Randy shouting his name loudly as he released deep into his body. He bit his lip and squeezed Randy's arm, waiting for the young man to come down from his high. Randy turned John's head to him and they kissed sweetly, Randy stroking the tears from John's face with his thumb.

"…You really want a son with me?" John asked, voice cracking and eyes sparkling. Randy nodded.

"I want everything with you, Johnny. Only you. Forever." John turned away, blushing, and Randy buried his face in his neck. "I love you, John."

John waited for it, that doubtful voice in his head, but it never came. Randy beamed, kissing John's cheek and squeezing him tightly in his arms. John grinned right back.

"I love you too, Randy. …Now how about you show me some more of those tricks you've been keeping from me, huh?" Randy threw his head back and laughed as John pushed him over and climbed on top of him, their night only just beginning.