So I'm up to four or five rewatches of that scene with Sharon and Ricky, and it remains every bit as wonderful as it is terrible. *all of the feels*

But seriously. They might have tried to keep their voices down in the beginning, but by the point where Ricky was scrambling over the couch frantically sputtering 'Mom! Wait wait wait wait wait!', I'm pretty sure their super-private-and-discrete-middle-of-the-living-room-conversation was loud enough to be overheard.

And then you know I can't resist a little mothership drama...

Layers

Rusty learned two things that morning.

The first, was that he somehow had the ability to still feel sorry for someone even if he detested them. Because when he couldn't stall any longer and had to leave his room (despite a very strong urge to hide there until Ricky went back to Palo Alto), he shuffled into the living room expecting to be pelted with more stupid comments, only to find himself unexpectedly sympathetic at the sight of his nemesis sitting on the couch, shoulders hunched and elbows on his knees, staring into space. When Ricky heard Rusty's footsteps he jumped and turned his face away and okay, Rusty knew what that look meant all too well.

He mumbled 'good morning' while carefully avoiding eye contact and made a beeline for the kitchen, where he proceeded to pour himself the longest cup of coffee in history.

And he felt sorry for Ricky.

Not too sorry, but…

Well no, actually. He felt pretty damn sorry for the guy. On account of the fact that he looked absolutely miserable – and Rusty envied Ricky for a very long list of things, but that morning wasn't one of them.

Which brought him to the second thing.

The second thing Rusty learned was that he never, ever wanted Sharon mad at him, ever.

He'd kind of known that before, too, of course.

The wisdom of not crossing Sharon had started dawning on him some time around his second week with her, when she'd summarily deposited his backpack in his arms and informed him that he was done camping in her living room and sent him to his room. A few days later she'd told him that he could go stand in a corner and reflect on his bad behavior. And then there had been the silent treatment thing... So yes, Rusty had formed an idea pretty early on that he should stay on Sharon's good side. As time had passed, he'd realized that it was in his best interest to not have her mad at him, anyway... and then somehow that had turned into not wanting her unhappy with him just for the sake of not wanting her unhappy, period...

But this.

At no point, when Rusty had imagined Sharon being displeased with him (and he'd imagined it often enough, because it wasn't like he didn't give her reasons) had he ever envisioned her actually getting angry, not the way he'd heard her get angry with Ricky that morning.

He hadn't been eavesdropping or anything. But the noise from the shower had woken him up, and then he'd heard Sharon saying good morning to Ricky, and – the walls and doors weren't that thick in their condo, okay? Sound traveled! He'd done his best to tune the two of them out – especially after he'd overheard Ricky say something about 'adoption' and 'that kid' and he'd known that he wouldn't want to hear more – but snippets of words had kept drifting over. The conversation had grown louder, and seemed to move into the hallway, and what was he supposed to do at that point, plug his ears with his fingers?

Retrospectively, he almost wished that he had.

When he'd pointed out to Sharon that things weren't going well with Ricky, he'd never imagined that she'd actually go and have a fight with him.

An actual fight.

With her son.

Rusty hadn't known that Sharon even did the fight thing.

Okay, it wasn't like he hadn't fought with her before – but it was usually just that, him fighting with her, and with the exception of a couple of louder exasperated snaps, she usually didn't reciprocate in kind. Even at his worst, all he'd ever gotten from her had been sharp looks and terse sentences, and that lecture tone of hers in which she articulated every word really slowly in a very low voice. As for her other kids, literally all he'd seen up to that point had been the smiles and the 'I love yous' and the way her eyes lit up when they showed up on the laptop screen.

Until about an hour before, when he'd heard Sharon having a very definite, very unhappy, unmistakable fight with Ricky.

Apparently Sharon did in fact do the fight thing.

And it was scary.

He hadn't heard what she'd said, mostly. But he'd heard her tone, the way her voice climbed up and then dropped suddenly, the inflections behind her words. That scary way in which she'd snapped out Ricky's full name (that was actually a thing?) and the angry 'you listen to me!' and – that tone. Rusty had never heard her use that tone before, it was worse than angry, so much worse...and then had come the rushed echo of her heels on the floor right before the door had clicked shut.

Ricky hadn't even gotten another word out.

And Rusty had decided that his new life goal was never to give Sharon cause to use that tone on him. Like, ever.

Part of him still couldn't believe that she'd actually had that fight with Ricky. Like, there was a small voice at the back of his head wondering if maybe he'd just dreamed it all, because it had been like eight a.m. and he'd been kinda half-asleep.

He couldn't believe that Sharon had gotten so angry at her son, that she'd had a fight with Ricky – a real fight, Rusty knew, not just some annoyed argument like he'd had with her a hundred times before – and all of it over him.

It was awful.

When Ricky had shown up and been so decidedly against the whole adoption thing, Rusty had briefly worried that that might make Sharon change her mind. Well, that was pretty obviously not gonna happen – but this was almost worse! Part of Rusty just wanted to bang his head against a brick wall at this point; no matter what, he seemed to always be causing Sharon trouble of some sort. If it wasn't his own stupid behavior, then it was Emma hounding her over the guardianship thing, and if it wasn't that, then there was someone trying to kill him, threatening her – and then there was his mom, and then Sharon had to get a divorce over his adoption, and now, now she was fighting with Ricky, her son, because of him, and Rusty just didn't see how he could fix that.

He'd already told her that they could back down on the whole adoption idea, but Sharon was Determined. And when Sharon was Determined, she could be a little scary. Only up until now he'd always thought of it as funny-scary, like, you'd roll your eyes and go 'oh-kay, Sharon', because you could see it in her face that she'd keep at it until she got her way …

(that was how he'd taken SAT prep classes last year even though kids like him didn't go to college, and taken extra driving lessons even though he didn't need to, and why he locked the door when he was home alone even though that was ridiculous)

... except now he realized that no, there was a whole other layer beyond her patient determination, and that layer should've had a big 'Do Not Enter' sign posted because it was not. good. news. He'd seem a glimpse of it, once or twice, when Jack was around – but that was Jack and Jack was an asshole and he'd obviously earned it, whereas clearly the people that Sharon actually loved would never earn the same, right?

Surprise.

Sharon's determination went that far.

And in all honesty, Rusty wasn't all that sure that he deserved all the effort, but obviously Sharon thought that he did, and in light of recent events he was never disagreeing with her again.

God. He was glad he'd realized that in time, because now he could make sure to never do anything that would cause her to talk to him the way she'd talked to Ricky. Not that he'd never heard Sharon be upset with him before, or disappointed in him – obviously he had, but it had always been a gentle sort of disappointed, the 'I was expecting better, but I understand' kind... which was awful enough on its own, yes, but it wasn't angry-disappointed, Rusty hadn't even considered that angry-disappointed was an option until he'd heard Sharon that morning. Now, he knew that that was pretty much the worst thing in the world. There was still a hollow in his stomach, and he felt tired and sad and sorry, and it hadn't even been him on the receiving end of it!

If whatever Sharon had said in that terrible, terrible tone of voice had actually been directed at him, Rusty thought that he might have never felt good about himself ever again.

No wonder Ricky looked so miserable.

But the worst worst thing was, Rusty could've bet anything that Sharon felt a hundred times worse right now.

Like, if she'd yelled at Ricky and gotten so upset that she'd actually walked out on him, chances were that she'd spent the entire car ride to work running over the whole thing again and again in her head, and that must've only made her feel more unhappy, and now she was probably feeling guilty and sad and a lot of other things that Rusty couldn't even begin to decipher without getting a headache.

He'd picked up his phone and dialed her before fully thinking it through, and it wasn't until he heard her voice that he realized he had no idea what he wanted to tell her.

'I'm really sorry that you wanting to adopt me is making you fight with your son and this isn't what I want at all please don't be upset'. Great conversation opener.

"Uh…hi."

Also, she was probably busy and didn't have time for this. Wasn't there like a sniper or something?

"Rusty. Is everything okay?"

Of course she'd ask that. Like, when did he ever call Sharon when he didn't need something or want to ask something or there was some sort of scheduling issue?

Rusty glanced around the living room. Ricky had picked up some stuff and gone to take a shower, still quiet and wearing an unhappy frown. Rusty had paced the living room and felt like pulling his hair out in frustration. They hadn't said a word to each other after 'morning', and neither of them had eaten anything.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, no, everything's…great."

Another brief silence.

He cleared his throat.

"Uh…how are you?"

This call had been the worst idea ever.

"Did you catch your sniper?"

Sharon hummed absently, "Yes, but things became a little more…complicated. We'll have to see what happens."

"Oh."

He could tell that she was busy. But also there was something in her voice. Like when she was unhappy – and so he didn't want to hang up yet.

He also had no idea what else to say.

"I probably am going to make it home for dinner today, however," she said quietly. "Did you need anything, Rusty?"

"Uh…no?" Damn it. He was an idiot. "Ah, listen, Sharon…"

An idiot.

He could hear her voice lowering a notch as she asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" he hurried to reassure her. Okay that wasn't totally true, but… "Uhm…"

His shoulders slumped in a long sigh, and he glanced down the hall toward the bathroom. The shower was still running, so Ricky probably couldn't hear anything.

"Okay… I uh, I kinda heard you and Ricky fighting this morning," he admitted. "I wasn't listening, I swear! But like, I still heard some raised voices and stuff, so uh…"

There was a brief silence, then Sharon sighed, "Don't worry about that." A beat, then – "Has Ricky said anything to you?" And she sounded so sad as she asked that, that Rusty visibly cringed.

"No! No, we're fine, Sharon, I just… I wanted to see if you were… I don't know, mad. I don't want you to have problems with your son because of me," he added unhappily.

"I don't have problems with Ricky because of you," Sharon told him, her voice firm even though she'd lowered it to almost a whisper. "And I'm not mad. Rusty…" She sighed again. "Ricky and I had a fight this morning, yes. I don't appreciate his attitude in this matter, and I told him as much. But that's between him and me, and you're not in any way responsible for any of it. Alright?"

"Okay but Sharon, if Ricky doesn't want –"

"No," she stopped him. "Rusty, I know this might be a little difficult for you to believe right now, given the last day or so, but Ricky will shift his attitude," she promised. "He's been evaluating things from the wrong angle. He's not that much older than you, you know – and remember, sometimes it's hard to get things right on the first pass. But he will." She paused, and Rusty wondered if she was trying to convince him, or herself. "He will, honey." she repeated softly, as though reading his mind.

Rusty thought that she was being way too optimistic, but he wasn't about to tell her that. Really all he wanted was for her to not be unhappy over this. "Okay…"

Her voice took on a solemn tone as she added: "Rusty. Ricky is one of the kindest, warmest people I know. And once he understands that he's been operating under the wrong assumptions, he's going to show you that, too. Trust me."

Obviously Sharon was letting her love for Ricky color her assumptions. But okay, what could Rusty do, tell her that she was wrong and her son hated his guts and would likely continue to do so forever?

Wow were family holidays going to be awkward...

"I just don't want you to have more trouble over me, Sharon," he said honestly. "And like, be upset or anything. And look, don't be angry with Ricky, okay," he pleaded (and then did a mental double take because, what?) "Like – he doesn't have a problem with you," he tried, "he's probably just, I don't know, trying to… look after you or whatever, right? I get that. I mean, I guess if it was me in his position, I'd probably act the same, right, and like – it's fine. Don't be mad at him…"

There was a silence on the other end long enough to make him wonder if he'd just made things worse. Damn it. He wasn't trying to tell her what to do or anything. He just wanted her to not be upset with Ricky, because that was probably just making her unhappy, and he did not want to be the cause of more of that…

"Sharon…?"

He could hear her sigh, and her voice sounded a little thicker when she spoke again. "And that," she said softly, "is precisely how I know that this will all get resolved."

What? Rusty didn't understand.

"Honey, I have to go," said Sharon. "We'll talk more when I get home. And Rusty – please don't worry. Everything's going to work out just fine."

Right. It was his turn to sigh, though he hoped she didn't hear it. "Okay…So… are you okay?" he asked again. Because he just couldn't get over how awful she'd sounded that morning, and yes, this was Sharon and she was probably fine, but…

"Yes."

Right.

The shower had turned off without him noticing, so he walked over to the balcony, just to make sure that whatever was left of their conversation would actually be private. Seriously, the condo wasn't that big, and voices carried. But the conversation was over anyway, because Sharon was busy, and so with another reassurance and a reminder to eat something other than bacon that day, she told him goodbye, and Rusty ended the call with another sigh. He stuck his phone in his back pocket and stood on the balcony for a minute, staring out at the city and the hills.

He didn't know if Sharon was right, but since he wasn't blinded by any great love for Ricky, he leaned toward the 'no' side of the answer. Sharon's son was not just gonna change his mind, Rusty was pretty sure about that. It wasn't that he wanted to be right – sure, he'd never particularly wanted siblings either but...well, Sharon had this idea in her head and... he'd have maybe kinda liked it if Ricky and Emily had been as open to it as she'd thought. Only, that wasn't how things worked in life, Rusty knew. People didn't just welcome you or love you. That was just how it was.

People – except Sharon.

He'd already gotten beyond lucky, with Sharon. That sort of thing just didn't happen – and yet somehow it had happened to him, and he knew just how...crazy that was, that he had found her, of all people. Asking for anything more would've been pushing his luck, and Rusty felt absolutely zero need to do that. He was one. hundred. percent. happy that he had Sharon, and that she somehow still wanted him despite everything; having the family that she was so proud of be on his side would've been...nice, sure... but he didn't need it. Because at the end of the day, no matter what, Sharon was still there, and in that, Rusty felt that he had more than enough.

Behind him, he could hear Ricky moving about in the living room, so with a reluctant sigh he went back inside and awkwardly asked his future big brother from hell if he like wanted some breakfast or whatever. Ricky finished rubbing a towel to his hair (oh god his hair), and cleared his throat, and said 'uhhh…' and then they just kind of stared at each other.

Yup.

Family holidays were gonna be real fun.