Love is friendship set on fire. – Jeremy Taylor
Where There's a Will There's a Way
Remus Lupin stood at the door of Nymphadora Tonks' flat and knocked.
"Wotcher, Remus." Her greeting was not as cheerful as usual and her skin was unnaturally pale, but she still seemed to be holding up under the circumstances. Her hair was a mousy brown color that he had only seen her wear a few times when she was particularly exhausted.
"Good morning, Nymphadora." His use of her name was rewarded with a scowl that he ignored. "How are you?"
"Fine." Her tone suggested that she had answered that question enough in the last few days to be getting on with. "I'm ready to go." She closed the door and set the wards before following him down the steps. They walked into a side alley.
"Do you reckon I should go pink for Harry?"
"If you're not too tired, I think some normality would reassure him."
She chuckled before adopting the focused, scrunched-up expression she had when morphing. "I never thought I'd hear my pink hair referred to as 'normality.'"
"I've always thought it suited you well." He realized he may have said too much, but she was obviously pleased by the compliment.
"Are you ready to Apparate?"
"Yeah, but it's really embarrassing to have to Side-Along like a bloody kid," she grumbled.
"You're recovering from a serious injury. Humor me." He tentatively wrapped his arm around hers, twining their fingers together, and felt the pulling sensations of Apparition. When they reached their meeting spot near King's Cross Station, he held on to her longer then was strictly necessary for her to be steady on her feet. There was a moment when she looked up at him and he almost thought… But he quickly pushed those notions away and released. He couldn't give into those un-friend-like ideas that had been growing in his mind for the past months.
Soon they were joined by Moody and the Weasleys, they all entered together to wait for Harry and the others. He seemed surprised to see them all when he disembarked. "Ron, Ginny!" cried Molly. "Oh, and Harry dear-how are you?"
"Fine," he said as his jaw clenched slightly. Harry answered in the same way that Tonks had in the hallway earlier and the same way he had replied to similar queries over the last few days. Which meant he wasn't fine at all.
"Hello, Harry."
"Hi, I didn't expect…what are you all doing here?"
"Well, we thought we might have a little chat with your aunt and uncle before letting them take you home," Remus replied with a slight smile and as much levity as he could muster.
When the rather motley group approached the Dursleys, they became flustered. Harry's uncle became rather red in the face while his wife looked at Tonks as if she would start foaming at the mouth at any moment. Remus, who felt slightly offended on her behalf, simply joined Moody and Arthur in admonishing Harry's relatives to treat him better than they had in the past. Finally, they all bade him farewell and watched him walk away with his angrily huffing family.
"I don't like it. Last summer Potter practically went spare waiting for news. And what with Black…He could do something reckless and get himself killed. Fine position we'd be in then."
"We have no choice, Alastor. Harry's blood protection needs to be renewed every year. I'm sure Dumbledore would have thought of a better solution if there were one."
"You're probably right. Well, we best not linger; we're easy targets." His eye began scanning the area quickly, and Remus sighed inwardly at the old Auror's paranoia. He then waved off the Weasleys and turned back to Remus and Tonks. Lowering his voice, he asked, "You two are going to clean out Headquarters and look for a will, correct?"
"Yes." The others had offered to do it because Remus and Tonks were the ones closest to Sirius, but they had volunteered because they undoubtedly knew the house the best of anyone.
He nodded curtly. "Just remember constant vigilance!" With a stiff wave that resembled a salute, he stalked off.
"Are you ready to go?"
"Absolutely. We wouldn't want to linger and be easy targets, now would we?" She rolled her eyes for emphasis, and Remus chuckled with her. He was amazed that he could still find something amusing despite the grief of the past week. And he was relieved to find that Tonks was returning to her old self.
"Shall we?" She nodded and smiled up at him as he tentatively rested his fingers on her arm to guide her to the Apparition point.
--
When they reached Grimmauld Place, Tonks stumbled slightly, but Remus clasped her arm more tightly to prevent her from falling. She had to admit that she was still tired from her injuries, but she didn't want anyone, least of all Remus, to perceive weakness in the way she carried herself. Not that her stumbling was a rare occurrence.
He looked down at her with some concern tingeing his expression. "You don't have to come in if you don't want to. It will be difficult and you're still recovering."
Within her, exasperation battled appreciation of the almost, dare she hope, tender way he was regarding her. "No, Remus. I'm fine." As another dubious frown crossed his face, she continued, "All right. I'm not fine, but I agreed to do this. I'm a professional and I keep my promises." She was somewhat surprised by her own vehemence.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you weren't up to the task. I just…I want you to be well." It seemed to Tonks that he meant to say something completely different but thought better of it. She let the thought go, though.
He moved forward and undid the wards that locked the door to Number Twelve. When he opened it, he gestured for her to go inside. She had begun to imagine that little gestures like that came from more than simple politeness, but she immediately focused on the situation at hand and assumed her battle stance.
None of the Order knew whether the house was safe or whether it had already passed into Bellatrix's hands. She was prepared for some sort of ambush or booby trap. However, as she advanced, nothing more sinister than the house's old relics tried to attack her or Remus. They silently agreed to scan the manor quickly for any unsavory activity before conducting a more thorough search. Upon finding nothing, they split up.
An hour later they met in the library. "Well, I think I removed all the sensitive documents from my rooms, but I had no luck finding a will." She shoved a sheaf of parchments into his hands. "Do you know if he even had one?"
He gave her a box of odd papers and devices. "I think I cleared away everything incriminating, also. And I'm almost sure he had one. He was wearing a rather worrying smirk when he mentioned it to me once, but then he said he was leaving everything to Harry. He was utterly sincere." Tonks noticed the far away and somewhat pained look in his eyes and felt a corresponding surge of emotion.
She missed her cousin dreadfully. She had only really known him for the past year aside from a few odd visits in her childhood that she barely remembered. But they had grown so close. She and Sirius and Remus had formed a unit of sorts. Grimmauld Place was not a location that would appeal to most twenty-two-year-olds, but over the months she had found herself drawn there with increasing frequency. She had come to anticipate those shared evenings of talk and laughter with great relish.
But they were gone now. True, Sirius had had his moods and they sometimes bickered like any family members but she loved him. She looked over at Remus, who seemed to be reliving the same memories. He looked up and met her gaze. For just a moment a crackle of raw emotion passed between them. They saw each other's deep sadness, nostalgia, and hope…
A strange thought struck her. It wasn't completely unfamiliar, but it was like a top that got lost in the back of her wardrobe. She would find it and look at it occasionally, but she had never actually tried it on. She realized that they could help each other. They understood each other, perhaps better than anyone.
At first she had come to Grimmauld to join the Order, to fight the unacknowledged darkness that was rising. She meant to do her duty as any self-respecting Auror would. But then she met Sirius again, and warm, sun-drenched childhood memories returned to her. She hadn't really known him then, but he was the only family besides her parents who didn't look at her with scorn, the freak offspring of a blood traitor and a Mudblood. And there was Remus. If she were really honest with herself, she would admit that, after the first few months, it was his presence that brought her to that grim old place night after night.
Tonks had never been a strong believer in fate or fixed destinies. Really, she couldn't be, being who and what she was, having change as an elemental part of her nature. But she couldn't deny that she had felt a spark of something when she had first met him and shaken his hand. A spark of familiarity almost, of knowing deep within her that she would connect with him. Even after a year of close friendship with him she couldn't properly describe the feeling; she just knew it was there.
She dragged herself back to the present as Remus was telling her that they should probably pack up and leave, lest someone unpleasant should arrive.
"Don't you think we should look a little more for the will?"
He sighed. "I'd have no idea where to begin. We've searched through the whole house and Sirius' few personal effects. Hestia, Sturgis and Dedalus are supposed to come by tomorrow to run through the house again; we can ask them."
Tonks couldn't think of a protest to that, so she simply shrugged. But she glanced around the room and something caught her eye. "Wait, Remus." She pulled on his sleeve as he was leaving. He turned and raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Did you check the desk?" She pointed to the object in question.
"Er…I didn't think of that." He grinned sheepishly and began waving his wand over the drawers. They searched through them, growing discouraged. But the last drawer yielded a small sheaf of parchments and two envelopes addressed to Moony and N. Tonks.
They glanced at the will, which seemed to be in order and just as Remus had said, before turning to their letters. "I wonder what these are for."
"There's only one way to find out," he said gamely, obviously expecting some final Marauder prank. They opened their envelopes simultaneously and began reading to themselves.
Dear Cousin,
If you are reading this, then I have sadly perished. I hope I at least went down in the glory of battle. But there are a few things I'd like to say to you without the threat of a good hexing.
First of all, Nymphadora.
Nymphadora.
Nymphadora.
She chuckled in spite of herself upon reading those lines. Her cousin had such cheek.
Now that I have that out of my system, I'd like to add that I regret that I didn't get to spend more time with you when you were growing up. I always loved your mum like a sister. I remember when you were born. I was so excited that there was another Black sheep (pun intended) in the family. I couldn't wait to meet you.
You were a fun kid, and I feel lucky that I got to meet you again as an adult. I'll miss you and I'll keep looking out for you. Maybe I'll even see if I can blast that troll-leg umbrella stand. Anyway, I have a favor to ask. Could you please tell your mum the story of my innocence? I always wished that she would know that I didn't turn out like the rest of them.
Well, forgive my bout of sentimentality; I was preparing for the worst. Now I get to the real point of this letter.
I have one last wish, which you are bound to fulfill as my good friend and blood relative. I want you to go on a date with my old mate Moony.
Her mouth dropped open. Sirius had sometimes given her and Remus sly grins or offered teasing remarks when he had found them in a room alone together, innocently sipping tea or talking. But she had always thought he was simply stirring up trouble in his boredom. Did he really think that they should be together?
As you're reading this, I'm sure you're gaping like a fish, (she promptly clamped her lips shut at that) but don't play dumb. You fancy him and have done for months (maybe years at this point, for all I know). And you know it, too. I've seen how you blush when he helps you up from the floor or beam when he simply enters a room.
And if you think the feeling is not mutual, you're daft. You are an Auror after all, trained to be observant. You must have noticed how he looks at you when he thinks that no one's paying attention. Or how eager he is when you two have an Order assignment together. He fancies you; he maybe even started before you did. There's even another label I would venture for what he feels for you.
And if he tries any of that I'm-unworthy-and-should-never-get-close-to-anyone crap, wallop him for me.
With that, I bid you farewell and good luck on your adventure into the land of love.
Cheers,
Sirius Orion Black
She couldn't quite believe her eyes. She reread the scrawling cursive twice more. But the words did not change. She chanced a glance at Remus, whose brow was furrowed. It wasn't as if the thought of exploring a more-than-friends relationship with him had never occurred to her, but she couldn't imagine initiating the change now. They were so set in their comfortable friendship, and one of the last things she wanted to do was risk that.
But, still, she couldn't deny that Sirius' words had struck a chord. There had been times over the past months when she had fleetingly thought that that they might…But he always pulled away. She had to admit that she had pulled away once or twice herself, afraid that she was at the edge of a precipice and in great danger of falling head first. She didn't know whether soft cushions or jagged rocks would meet her at the bottom. However, Sirius had given her the perfect opportunity if she could gather enough courage.
Remus once again interrupted her musing. "Have you finished your letter?" She didn't know if it was just the swirl of her thoughts that made her imagine the tinge of anxiety in his smile or if he really was nervous about something.
"Yeah. What does yours say?"
"Oh…nothing interesting." The flush that ran up his neck belied his words.
"I'll read you mine if you read me yours."
He took a deep breath, preparing himself. "Well, all right." He definitely looked apprehensive now, but this boded well for her. Maybe he was finally ready to make a leap.
She offered to go first and heard his breathing quicken as she reached the end. She didn't dare look up for fear of his reaction, but he saved her by beginning his immediately.
"Dear Moony,
If you are reading this, then I have sadly perished. I hope I at least went down in the glory of battle. But there are a few things I'd like to say to you without the threat of a good hexing.
How original," he commented dryly.
Continuing, he read, "There are many final tidbits of wisdom I could leave you with, but I'll spare your blushes." She had to chuckle at that as Remus heaved an exasperated sigh that barely disguised how much he missed his old friend's jokes.
"First, I just want to say that I'm sorry I didn't trust you. I should have known that you of all people would never betray us. Also, although that traitor scum broke our trust, we were still brothers. We all loved you (even Wormtail in his own way, I'm sure), and it never mattered to us that you had a furry little problem. And it doesn't matter to her either." Tonks heart leapt; she knew to whom he was referring. She tried to gauge what Remus was thinking, but he was staring determinedly at the paper in his hand.
He cleared his throat. "Which brings me to the real point of this. My final wish is that you ask Tonks for a date.
Now before you start with the too old-too poor-too dangerous bollocks, think for a moment. Has she ever given you any reason to believe that she dislikes you? The answer is no, no matter how you try and twist things to match your own insecurities.
I'm sure you're thinking that it would be presumptuous to believe that she would ever feel more for you than friendship. But you're bloody wrong! You don't have to settle, Moony! You fancy her and she fancies you, so do something about it.
And don't you dare try to tell me that it's a silly infatuation or simple attraction! I remember in January when Tonks had to go away for a few days on the trail of the escaped Death Eaters. I thought you would wear a hole in the bloody floor, and every time someone entered the Merlin-forsaken heap you would jump to check if it was her. And don't pretend you weren't touched when she left you hot cocoa and (horribly burnt) toast outside your door after every fool moon.
In parting, accept the good thing that life has given you for once, Remus, and don't over think it. And, if my words have not knocked some sense into you, I'm sure my little cousin would be happy to do the honors.
Cheers,
Sirius Orion Black"
They looked at each other hesitantly. Everything they had felt over the past year was suddenly laid bare before them, and they had to face the consequences.
"Well, it seems Padfoot cannot help but meddle in our personal lives, even from the great beyond."
She chuckled wryly. "Er, I guess not." A silence stretched between them. It was uncomfortable, but not in a necessarily unpleasant way. Instead, the air was tingly with anticipation of some momentous shift.
"But I suppose…since they were his last wishes and all…Well, would you care to go to dinner with me?" Tonks' heart fluttered at the hope in his expression.
"Yeah. Sure." Her voice came out very small, but he apparently still heard her because a beaming smile broke across his features.
By unspoken consent, they chose not to discuss the specific content of the letters. They both knew the truth of Sirius' observations, and they were finally able to admit it, at least to themselves.
They gathered their findings and traveled to Dumbledore's office to give their report. "Good afternoon, Remus, Miss Tonks." Dumbledore looked pleased as Remus handed him the will and the other things that they had cleaned out. "Very good. We'll have to double check, but our headquarters do appear to be secure. Thank you both. Oh, and Remus, can you meet me here on Friday at ten o'clock?"
"Of course, Headmaster." Tonks saw that Remus had gone noticeably paler, but she couldn't imagine why.
"Excellent." His blue eyes twinkled from behind their spectacles. They both said their good byes and were soon near Hogsmeade.
"So, what night is good for you?"
She cast around in her mind for that week's schedule. "I have Thursday night off."
"That works for me. I'll pick you up at your flat around seven?" She nodded. "Are you feeling all right to Apparate by yourself?"
She rolled her eyes but tried to contain her irritation because she found no condescension in his eyes. "I'm fine, Remus, but thank you. I'll see you Thursday, if not before." She was about to Apparate when he took her hand and leant to lightly kiss her cheek. They smiled at each other. Much of his hesitation and self-doubt had seemed to melt away as soon as he realized that she really was looking forward to their date.
"Good bye, Nymphadora."
"Bye, Remus. And don't call me that!" When she unlocked the door to her flat, she immediately collapsed on her sofa. She really was tired. But she sighed happily and sank into pleasant dreams of new possibilities.
--
A/N: Some of the dialogue is from chapter 38 of OOTP. I hope you enjoyed that. It's the beginning of a fic, which will span HBP and DH, that I have been planning for several months now. It will be AU in several important respects, but I'm trying to stick as closely as possible to canon in most cases. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated.
For my first review bribe, I offer a Remus to kiss your cheek.