Author's note: The time setting of this fic is after the events of the second season of the anime (Meine Liebe Wieder). The idea for this story was born from the personal conclusion that despite their wealth, the Strahl candidates won't necessarily live the life they want, mostly because they are trapped in their roles. I believe this also goes for many people of today.

Wavering

/ Naoji's pov /

I am on the losing side. This is what I feel when I stand under the daylight, thinking of the distance that has been created between us. I am telling you that I do all I can but it's not enough, it won't help... I crumble inside at the thought that all my fantasies, if they remain unfulfilled, they will turn against me and devastate the little paradise I built without your consent.

I am on the losing side. I am running out of means to bring you back, the walls all around you are too high and I am still looking for a hidden route or an open door that will lead us outside the trapped requisitions of our backgrounds. I continue to fight for the sake of an untamed love which, through the eyes of those who doesn't know, looks sick and pointless. Am I lost in a lie?

I am on the losing side. Because time doesn't wait and the world can move on even if my heart empties like an injured vein... yet, I would like to be here and see if I can do something to stop it but the wind of conjunctures will encircle me and guide my body to the road that I am destined to walk. I know it will happen while you will stay and win, as the courageous warrior you are. Nothing is going to break you.

I am on the losing side. Because when all the tears pour out, it will be too late for all that I expected and wanted for us, but you won't become aware of it. For the moment, I relive the times when you still allowed yourself to gaze into my eyes and smile, talk to me, touch me and breathing in deeply as I whispered to you, aishiteiru, a word that sounded so mysterious to you, yet so familiar.

Lui...

You leave your prints upon me. Your words, your way of thinking, your silence, the trust you have showed me and the mark of your lips on my skin... I have them all here with me. You know that, don't you?

Your name and whatever your title carries hinders my path towards you. Sometimes I ask myself how we let ourselves believe in one of the most beautiful dreams and where did that power go... and I wonder if you knew beforehand that it was in vain but preferred to deny that for as much as you endured.

As for me, until I fall with my heart distilled, I will savour the taste of a dreamlike victory- the joy of being with you.