I have looked at her a thousand times; traced her every feature with my mind wishing every time that it could be my hand instead. This time was different though. This time she looked back at me with an expression of wanting and sorrow. I knew the sorrow was in regards to leaving what had been our home for the last few months. We had to go back, it was the only thing to be done; but deep inside I knew that both of us were hurting at the loss of what might have been, what almost was.

That one look, lasted seconds but felt like hours. In her eyes I could almost read her soul, as if she had laid it bare before me. In her soul I saw her love. The love that came from a heart always guarded, let out for the briefest of moments, only to be snatched back close in hand at the slightest hint of hurt.

My vow was to stand by her side, putting her needs first and I had told her that much a little while back. She knew that I loved her. Since then, the air between us had been charged as if we were standing too close to an electron generator. Each glance caught a smile playing at the edge of her lips. Looks would turn from glances into gazes as my mind wandered to the many possibilities before us.

I believed that we had all the time in the universe. The spirits had brought us together and left us on a deserted planet to our love to grow; it was only a matter of time. Time that I thought we would never run out of. I was wrong. The crew had come back for us. There had been no time to talk about our feelings since Tuvok had informed us that they were headed back. Only 60 hours to have everything we needed to take with us packed and ready for transport. We had focused on what needed to be done to prepare to leave, so that we didn't have to think about what it was going to do to our budding relationship.

As I stood there in the minutes before transport I wanted desperately to tell her that I would always love her, but it would do no good. I knew she would draw away from me, to make the transition back into Captain and Commander easier. I wanted to hold her, take her face into my hands and kiss her. I wanted so much to have the chance to show her my love. Before anything else though I wanted her to be happy, and her eyes told me she wasn't.

Her face was a mask of determination, to do what must be done for her crew and to hell with her feelings if they interfered; but her eyes were soft and vulnerable. The deep blue orbs nearly sparkling with the moisture of barely contained tears, screamed out in protest of the unfairness of fate. Fate led her to someone whom she could love fully and put her in a situation that would not allow her to do so. Yet, still the mask held.

I believed it was over, all hope lost for ever being able to hold her and love her openly. Voyager had come back for us and now we had to do our duty. Acting as a command team was back in the forefront as a priority, and having a personal relationship was counterproductive. I was convinced that parameters were solidly back in place (not that they had truly ever been left behind) and that things were going to be back in the pre-New Earth stage.

I was shocked when she reached out toward me. She lightly touched my forehead as her finger traced my tattoo. Her hand ran down my jaw line and then around to the back of my neck. Her nails ran through the edge of my hair as she simultaneously pulled herself closer to me, and me to her. Then she kissed me.

A soft and pure kiss that stretched beyond the limits of human understanding and caused my stomach to do backflips.

A kiss that lasted an eternity and burned itself into my memory.

A kiss full of promise or regret, or possibly both.

A kiss that was still lingering on my lips long after it was over.

A kiss that said I love you a million times louder than words ever could have.

A kiss that ended too soon.

A kiss followed by the soft whisper of "I'm sorry Chakotay."

I didn't know at first what she was apologizing about, but soon enough I realized that it was about more than an impromptu kiss. It was about everything; her feelings, my feelings, life, fate, the situation, what could have been, what would have been, and time itself. She was apologizing for all the missed moments we could have had together. She was saying she was sorry for not what she had done, but for what she couldn't do.

I thought for a moment, and as I decided how to respond to her comment, I felt the familiar tingle that precedes every transport. She turned her gaze toward me as I called her name.

"Kathryn…..I will always love you."

I don't know for certain whether or not she heard what I said. To make it easier to maintain parameters, those few moments before transport off of New Earth are never discussed. At night, when memories and regrets threaten to overwhelm me, I think about her. I think of that kiss. I think of those few moments and I remember the way she looked, her hair in that strict bun and her uniform crisp. I remember seeing the Captain for the first time in months. I also remember her eyes. Soft eyes that showed her every emotion to me, regardless of the expression on her face. I saw the Kathryn I had spent time on the planet with, for the last time, in those eyes.

Most importantly, I believe I saw her smile when I said that I loved her, smile and part her lips as if she were going to say something. On the rare nights that I find it hard to sleep, I try to imagine what it was that she was going to say. I seem to get to sleep easier on the nights I imagine her saying she loved me too. It's only the dream of a man in love, but in my dreams lie my hopes.