The three moments he almost told her

The three moments he almost told her how he felt.

Almost

I.

They're sitting alone in the hallway out of bounds and after curfew, but neither of them really minds. Her head's on his shoulder and he's staring down at her hand, resisting the urge to take it in his own.

"Sev?" she whispers, and he looks down at her.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever been kissed?" He stumbles over his words for a moment, his cheeks flush with color. "Oh. Me either."

He clears his throat, avoiding her gaze.

"Do you think it's strange?"

"What?"

"Kissing somebody."

"Oh."

"I bet it is. Don't you?"

"I suppose."

"Do you want to try it?"

The puce shade spreads from his cheeks to his neck and ears as he turns towards her. "Kissing?"

"Yes."

"I…I don't know how to."

She grins, and he relaxes slightly.

"It's easy, silly. Take your mouth and do this – no, not that, like you're sucking on a lemon. Yes, there you go. Okay, now close your eyes."

Severus does as she says.

"Like this?" he asks through puckered lips, his words muffled and blended.

Closing her eyes, Lily leans forward and presses her lips to his, lingering for a moment before pulling away. "Perfect."

She grins at him and he grins back, the happiest he'd ever been.

II.

"You've been spending time with Potter."

Lily jumps. "Sev, you scared me." She's sitting beneath the oak tree, a book lying open in her lap.

"You're changing the subject."

"What does it matter to you that I'm spending time with Potter?"

Severus' jaw drops slightly as he stares at her in disbelief. "What does it matter? You said…you said he was an arrogant toerag. I thought… Just because he's a big Quidditch star…that ridiculous thing he does with his hair…"

"You're acting like it's just Potter and I. We're not the only ones. There's Remus and Sirius and Peter, and Frank Longbottom and Alice…"

"What do you do?"

"What do you do with Mulciber and Avery?" Severus stays resolutely silent, his fists clenched. "I'm sorry," she snaps, "I forgot that secrets are only alright when they're yours."

She stands up off of the grass, closing her book.

"Lily…."

He reaches out for her but she dodges his grasp as she hurries away.

"Lily - Lily, come back! He fancies you! James Potter fancies you!"

She freezes, turning back to face him.

"What if I fancy James Potter, too?"

She leaves him standing immobile on the grounds.

III.

He sees them in the hallway and can't help but watch the way he holds her hand so gently, and the way that she laughs at his jokes. She lays her head on his shoulder and Severus feels his own shoulder tingle, remembering with irony that the couple is standing in the precise spot where she'd kissed him six years previous. He flexes his hand and considers calling out her name before changing his mind and turning around, away from her and him and all of the things he wish he'd said.