Dear Lover,
In a memory, I can still see the rays of happiness emitting from your eyes, the hope you brought everywhere, wordlessly reminding others that everything will be okay. In a memory, I can still hear your laughter ringing clearly through the room, lightening hearts of the troubled while your words bring new inspiration with every syllable. All of the small things I remember about you, down to the last intricate detail. Yet, no matter how much I yearn for the day to come when I can tell you, fate deceives me. I build up my courage only to lose it again. I never found the right words to tell you. It is too late now. You will never know how much I thought about you, how much you meant to me. You would have been my ray of sunshine, my hope, my faith. But now, you are a mere memory, mixed in with my fantasies and dreams. I wish I had the courage to say all the words that I needed you to know, but no amount of wishing will bring you back to me.
Every time I glance at you, you turn your face away before I have the chance to smile. Every time you attract my attention, I look away because I know that I will never be a focus for yours. Every time you catch me staring, I always wonder if it was you I caught staring at me. Every time you walk out, I always try to follow wherever you're going, even though it saddens me to see you with another. I always meant to ask you if you feel the same as I do, but now it's too late. You're sunlight is gone, taken away by the depths of darkness. I never had the chance to talk to you; never said a word, and now I regret it. I can no longer see you in the same places I used to. Everything has changed for you and me. You walked away whenever I saw you, turned away whenever I looked at you, stayed away from the places I went. I am invisible to you even though you mean the world to me. I know it will continue that way forever, as fate declares it shall.
I can't feel the warmth of your presence anymore, only the dark shadows of memories and what could have been. The last rays of light you emitted have long since disappeared behind these walls of misery. The pieces of my heart ache now that your company is no longer here to comfort me. Even though there are others in the room, I feel alone. I will always be alone until you come back to me, complete me. My mind is still reliving the moments you brought to my life. Even though it's too late to tell you, I want to say that I was blessed to have you in my life. Every night I'll look into the sky and always see your light in the stars. In my heart, there will always be a place for you, whether you will fill it or not. I've always seen my strength in your eyes. In my memory, my mind is still longing for your touch. Of course, as always, it will be unsatisfied.
I have never really believed in love at first sight—until I saw you. When you walked through the doorway for the first time on that first day at the last hour, heads turned because we sensed your angelic presence. It was then that I fell head over heels for you; little did I know you were already taken. I know the way to you when I ever need to, but you walk away before I can follow or say something to you. I caught and kept the memories of you smiling with friends in the halls, eyes sparkling with amusement. I will treasure the one time when we almost talked to each other, forced together by mutual friends. How can I ever forget the magical moment when I looked into your gentle, reassuring brown eyes and thought I saw a flash of a small smile directed toward me, and me only? I could be wrong, reading into simple actions of kindness too much, but that is what my heart yearns to believe, so I let it.
The first and only time you looked to me and smiled, I could not bring myself to smile back and walked in a different direction. There are many beautiful elleths out there that you can smile at, but you chose to smile at me. Perhaps you saw right through me and the smile was intended for another that had caught your eye. Perhaps you only happened to look my way while smiling. You are a kind, thoughtful person and you deserve better than me. Perhaps you were only trying to be friendly. I realized how rude it may have seemed to spin and walk away. I turned my face so that you would not see my tears of regretful sorrow, my first tears over an elf.
More than a decade is already over. There is no time machine to travel back to the first day I met you. No time machine to change those days when I had no courage to speak to you and become friends with you. I must live in the harsh reality of grief, moping around until the next time I have a chance to pass you when you're alone. This is rare because you are popular and have many friends and female admirers. You never really walk in the corridors without one of the two categories fawning beside you. You may not have noticed, but I have. Whenever you are alone, however, I can't help but feel awkward, being the only elleth that approaches an attractive, popular prince every time he walks by. I have no nerve to say anything, lest I would shake or stutter and embarrass myself, giving a bad first impression. Now, I don't have much of a choice. Everyone I talk to says it is either 'face it' or 'leave it'. I vowed to face it before the year ends. I have come so close before, and I shall not fail this time.
If you are reading this, it means that I have failed and you still don't know who I am. All of that will change this instant. Instead of communicating it orally to you, I shall state my identity clearly below.
Brokenhearted,
Aebrelin Anorys
(A/N: Dear Reader, This letter is based off of real events of my life. In the course of one year, the year of seventh grade, I poured my heart out into this letter with unspoken words to my crush. I knew there was a limited amount of time to befriend him and move forward, but I never did it. Thus, I finished this letter, miserably remembering my past memories. This is the edited version, to fit the life span of an elf that writes to Legolas, my favorite elf character in Lord of the Rings.)