It had been a sad day. To be honest… their whole journey had really been sad. Not feelings sad, since their journey had been filled with friendships and laughter. Sad as in… pathetic, she decided. It had been pathetic to traverse all over a continent to play their part in the never-ending cycle of death, to mindlessly feed a false hope. Now, as the age of a monstrosity came to a crashing end, what did they have to show for it? Everything, since a whole world had now been forever robbed of the only true fear they had, and yet nothing. Nothing but broken hearts and shattered remains.
In one long, sad day they'd had multiple things ripped unceremoniously out from underneath them, and the girl cowering in one corner of her room could only take so much. By now, she'd nearly reached her limit for a year, let alone a day. She had watched her friend regain and lose a father, another friend lose her love, the whole world lose their rock for the past thousand years, and she had felt the crushing pain of losing someone herself.
In the beginning, she told herself that it was merely respect, a fondness for the one that granted the lot of them so much wisdom and experience. By the time it was too late, she knew she was merely fooling herself. There was respect, there was a fond feeling, but there was even more then that… there had been trust, emotions, and a sort of forbidden tang that brought the whole thing to a close. She knew she wasn't supposed to love him, but that made it all the more majestic when they locked eyes, or when they briefly made contact. Of course, the thought of him returning her feelings, while giving her heart a jumpstart, was impossible for her to even imagine. It would never happen. She was a foolish girl, inexperienced and idiotic. There was no way.
As the tell-tale sounds of celebration rang up from the streets below them, she heard a quiet sobbing coming from the room next to her. So much was now gone… and no one would know the whole truth. No one would remember the brave young man who refused to accept the truths. No one would speak of the beautiful creatures that had been responsible for their lives. What pained her most, however, was the legend that she knew no one would ever mention again. She wished she could leave this spot and go to comfort her best friend, her family, but… she couldn't bring herself to move.
She tried to forget everything, to keep her thoughts away from memories that would break her heart. Of course, things didn't work her way. They never had.
-.-.-.-
"Oh, no… we're here…" Rikku whispered, staring up into the darkened sky. Almost instantly, a lightning bolt struck the ground not far off, making her shriek in terror as thunder echoed above her. Thankfully, it hit one of the lightning towers and not her.
"How are we supposed to cross that?" Tidus asked disbelievingly. Lulu gestured to the lightning towers scattered across the plain.
"See the lightning-rod towers? The lightning is drawn to them… hopefully." Wakka grinned happily, like he had no other wish than to cross the deadly Thunder Plains, and jerked his head towards one of the towers.
"We head north, not too near and not too far from the towers, ya?" Rikku really didn't care; she didn't want to be here in the first place. Screw the towers, she wanted to go home! No longer listening, she clapped her hands over her ears and looked wistfully at the place where they had come from.
"I think I forgot something in Guadosalam!" she invented wildly. Auron snorted as he walked past her confidently, his eye narrowed slightly against the pouring rain.
"Nice knowing you," he half-lied. He wasn't in the best mood after listening to Seymour nearly blow his secret in front of everyone. That, and Rikku was beginning to get extremely irritating. As another bolt of lightning struck, she shrieked again and pressed closer to the group, searching warily for another bolt.
"Okay, okay! I'll go!" she cried. As the group pressed on, occasionally dodging a bolt or two of lightning and stopping to heal under the towers, Rikku became more and more disoriented. Tripping over nothing and getting hit by various fiends because she jumped in their way by accident after starting from a lightning-strike, the others noticed that she was a total wreck. While they walked, she did a sort of shuffle, knees locked in a bent position with her head hunched down. Finally, growing extremely tired of her shenanigans, Auron opened his mouth to say something before-
BOOM! Two bolts of lightning struck the same tower at once. Tidus and Yuna respectively gasped in horror at the thought that it could've been them instead of the tower. Wakka laughed loudly as he stared up at the tower with a stupid grin on his face. "Whoa! That was a close one, eh?" he chuckled. Frown plastered on face, Lulu moved past Wakka while giving him the sternest look she'd given for years.
"Stop kidding around," she snapped. He hung his head in disgrace.
"Yes, ma'am…" he said quickly. This amused Rikku greatly, but with fear constricting her vocal chords all she could muster was a faint and somewhat creepy imitation of laughter. Picking himself up again, Wakka raised an eyebrow and stared at Rikku. "Hmm? What's wrong?" he asked. Rikku merely continued her odd laugh and stared in fear at their environment.
"Eh heh heh…" Tidus imitated, "You're giving me the creeps!" he complained. With another lightning strike and a booming roll of thunder, Rikku cried out once more, covered her ears, and fell to the ground almost lifelessly.
Now Auron began to mentally panic. He would not be able to live with himself if he knew that the great Sir Auron had been awful to a young girl just a short while before she collapsed and died. Fighting a mental battle with himself, the instant he decided to make sure she was still breathing was the same instant that Rikku launched herself onto all fours, pressed close to the ground, and clamored with alarming speed towards Tidus's leg and latched herself onto him.
"I wanna go home! I hate lightning! I hate thunder!" Her head whirring around wildly, she caught sight of an inn in the distance and pointed, still clinging to Tidus's leg. "Let's go rest over there! Please?"
"This storm never stops. Better to cross quickly," Auron said bluntly. Rikku looked up at him with the most pathetic look she could muster, though the effect was lessened by the fact that she was still attached to the young guardian's leg.
"I know, but…" she tried to say. Tidus yelped in pain as her nails dug into his leg; another strike of lightning hit a lightning tower not far off. "Just for a little while?" He chuckled, trying to pry Rikku's fingers from him.
"Well, what now?" Heaving a sigh, Auron began to walk towards the Travel Agency not far off. She cheered, letting go of her friend's leg and charged ahead full-speed for the building. Laughing a little, Wakka scratched the back of his neck as they walked.
"She must really hate thunder, eh?" he said. Lulu shrugged, smiling a little at the young girl bouncing and waiting for them to catch up underneath a lightning tower.
"Come on, come on, let's go!" she said excitedly. Auron stopped nearby her, raising an eyebrow and frowning from behind his collar.
"We're not staying. We stop to heal, and then continue." Leaving the girl with her mouth gaping open, he stalked past and walked up the path to the agency.
"You've got to be kidding me!" she cried as the others continued to walk past her. Finally, after her odd shuffling brought her to the agency's door, she stared as the rest of the group, even Tidus, began to walk towards the plains again. Her heart pounded in her chest at the thought of continuing their perilous trek, shivering madly as she clung to a metal sort of thing coming off of the Agency's roof. "Pretty please? Just for a few minutes?" she begged. As they kept walking, she tried again, telling herself that they merely hadn't heard her. "I'm scared of lightning! Let's rest, please? Pretty please? I'm too young to die!" By now, it didn't look like they were coming back.
Now she began to get irritated. Didn't they care about her? Did they just want her to collapse of fear or exhaustion? Fury building up inside of her, she shouted after them "You're mean… cruel! Your moms would be ashamed of you!" Finally, sighing, they turned around and stared at her while she cried "Are you having fun doing this to me?"
"Fine. We rest," Auron snapped. Moving past her, he yanked open the door and sighed as the others walked calmly inside. "She's worse than the storm," he muttered to himself. Rikku jumped happily once inside, glad to be away from the dangers of death, but not before giving Auron a furious glare. The more she traveled with him, the more she made him out to be a big 'meanie', as she put it. From most of his reactions, he didn't care about her or anyone else. He seemed merely obsessed with playing delivery boy as he handed poor Yuna to her demise.
Well, she wasn't going to let him get to her! Standing confidently, planting her hands on hips, Rikku raised her head triumphantly to the roof and made a vow, with the dreaded lightning as her witness, that she would find a way to save her cousin! However, in the midst of this epiphany, another bolt of lightning sent her, once more, to her knees. She'd save Yuna, that is, if she made it out of here alive.
-.-.-.-
Laughing through her tears, Rikku fiddled absent-mindedly with the end of the miniature braids in her hair, letting her fingers graze the feathers sadly. They'd all been so foolishly blind back then. They had all been blind to the innermost workings of Yevon, but Rikku had been the most wrong about Auron. She knew that now, of course, but… if she had known it then, a lot of awful conversations and arguments could have been avoided.
And yet, despite his almost constant self-inflicted separation from the group, he still had always maintained a steady composure in the face of battles or tough situations. There had been many of those, of course, since a pilgrimage didn't come without minor setbacks or snags, but during every single one their oldest member had kept a cool head. He had been calm and collected during their battles with Seymour, whenever there was a crisis on hand, any time he was needed, really. Still, there were a few times when he amazed all of them with a sudden display of emotion. One minute he'd be riled, or upset, or even angry, but then the next he'd be the same old guardian again. It was part of hanging around a grumpy un-sent, she supposed.
-.-.-.-
Rikku watched with tears in her eyes as her home was destroyed right in front of her. Even if it was for the sake of their people, it still saddened her to know that most of her earthly possessions were now amidst burning flames or shattered into microscopic bits. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Auron looking at her ponderously, but when she raised her head he was turned away. Perhaps she was imagining it.
"Hey, look. Don't get so down," Wakka said, trying to be comforting. For a moment, Rikku almost appreciated it before her face fell in anger. "Boom! Like happy festival fireworks, ya?"
"You can cram your happy festival, you big meanie!" she snapped. Tears threatening to pour down her face, she mustered up what dignity she had left and stalked from the room. Once outside, she sniffled briefly and moved down a few hallways, having become familiar with the ship after they'd found it in the ocean. Pressing a few buttons, a mechanical door slid open as she laid eyes on her secret spot.
She had found it some time after Sin had attacked the ship they'd found it on, exploring the aircraft with a curious nature. Cid had commanded that they describe practically every aspect of the airship to him, but as she found the spot she had decided that it was her right to keep it. The room was almost like a closet, small enough to go unnoticed yet large enough to hold a teenager, a lamp, and a few pillows. She had left a few things inside, like a photo of her family taken just a few short months ago. Clutching the photograph to her chest, she sat down on one of the pillows and let the tears flow down her cheeks.
Some time later, she emerged from the room wiping tears from her eyes and trying to regain her composure. Completely drawn into her own world, Rikku was only brought back to Spira when she felt herself collide with something large and solid. Feeling something grasp her arm and keep her from falling, Rikku looked up to see Auron standing directly in front of her. "Oh," she said quietly, her lip trembling from holding back more tears. "'Scuse me," she muttered, attempting to slide around him and continue back to the cockpit. However, as she tried to step away she found that he had not let her go. Slowly turning to face him, Rikku looked over the rim of his sunglasses and past his collar to peer into his eye. There was something inside it that made him look… different. It seemed to hold a sort of pain, or even a great sadness… Auron never showed emotions like that.
"I am… sorry," he whispered, staring right back at her tear-strained eyes with great force. Before Rikku could respond, he dropped her arm and turned around, walking away slowly. She stood and watched him go, pondering the amazing enigma that was a legendary guardian. Perhaps she'd been wrong about him back in the Thunder Plains; maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all. Smiling briefly, though enough to make the room a bit brighter, she followed her original plan and headed back to the bridge.
"Feeling better?" Lulu asked as she walked into the room. Rikku nodded, briefly glancing at the shadow that was Auron's composed figure. All traces of emotion she had seen previously were now wiped from his face, replaced with a stern and cold look directed every so often in the Al Bhed leader's direction. No, she decided, Auron wasn't bad at all. Even if he still was a big grump.
-.-.-.-
Tears were spilling all the more down her face as Rikku ran out of happy memories. She had even sorted through some of the less meaningful ones: stolen glances that were reciprocated, the occasional moment alone, all things that she still cherished since they were all she had left. However, the one moment that she did not want to relive was now pulsing relentlessly through her mind, a drum soundlessly beating against her brain and forcing the image in front of her eyes.
Letting out a cry of fear, Rikku squeezed her eyes shut in attempts to stop the image from flooding through her mind. Of course, there it was: that sad look he had given her over the top of his sunglasses as he moved past. She had stared on helplessly as his gaze, she hoped, lingered on her for maybe a second longer then it was supposed to. Even now, as she tried to hold onto that gaze for as long as possible she watched both gaze and man fade away into nothing but a memory.
The sharp pains in her chest were unbearable, so many unsaid things mounting on top of her until she felt as though she weighed a thousand pounds. Finally, Rikku gave in to the pressure of a broken heart, allowing the shattered remains of memories and dreams to wave shiningly as it mocked everything she had depended on for such a long time.
-.-.-.-
Yuna danced as she had never danced before, a beautiful yet eerie light cast upon her from the shadows of flickering spirits seeking for their eternal rest. The others were captivated, watching her send all that remained of a fallen dynasty with a silent resolve. Even Rikku, normally unable to stay in one place for too long, stood and stared with a sort of peace filling her heart. Tidus looked, she noticed as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, as though his heart was breaking. She understood. It was tough for him, especially since he had confessed that he would be gone soon. She imagined that he was taking in as much as he could, and hoping to engrave their faces onto his mind forever.
Rikku smiled a little, watching her cousin with a heavy heart. This was, she knew, the last time they would all be together like this. However, she decided to look past his soon-to-be disappearance and imagined what it would be like if it wouldn't happen. Maybe he and Yuna would go back to Besaid, and start a whole new life together. Lulu and Wakka would go back with them, of course, maybe even get together after a while. Kimahri would return to his mountain and his fallen kind, though she didn't know what to do herself. But Auron… where would he go?
All of a sudden, Yuna stopped her dance and gasped, staring past Rikku with a horrified expression. Turning about-face, Rikku herself gasped a little to see the legendary guardian shimmer slightly as his own pyreflies began to float lazily away from his body.
"Don't stop," he said quickly. Rikku stared at him with a hurt expression, knowing that it would be too much. She already knew that one of her friends was leaving, so why did they have to be cruel and take him too? Despite how she had acted, she knew that there was something funny about Auron from the moment they had met, and his reaction outside of the Farplane was enough to confirm her sentiments. But… an unsent?
"But I…" Yuna said quietly, staring at her guardian uncertainly.
"It's all right." He stepped forward, moving past all of them with grace and ease. Petrified, Rikku watched silently as he smiled up at Kimahri and gave him a friendly thump on the chest before moving onward again. His gaze flew over Lulu quickly, before he turned to look at the youngest girl. She stared back, a tear beginning to stretch through the bottom of her heart upwards. His gaze lingered for a moment longer then she thought it should have, or so she wished, before he strode fluidly past her. Pausing by Tidus, he seemed to choose his words carefully before opening his mouth to speak: "It's been… long enough."
He walked again, now moving by Yuna with a blank expression. Rikku had to fight so unbelievably hard to keep from running straight to him, the rip in her heart growing larger with every step he took. Holding out his sword, Auron turned to look at his companions with the saddest look Rikku had ever seen him give, his body frozen. His eye seemed to move over the lot of them one last time, before coming to rest upon Rikku. This startled her, heartbeat racing wildly as tears threatened to spill from her eyes.
"This is your world now." With that, his form slowly faded away as the pyreflies stretched up to the endless heavens. The tears began to slowly dribble down her face as his piercing gaze faded from view. As the others silently gave their respects and stared at the place where his all-too real figure once stood, Rikku noticed a small object lying almost perfectly placed on the ground. With trembling steps, she half-crawled her way to where he had been standing and fell to her knees to retrieve the object. Her fingers grazing it gently, she picked up the only thing Auron had left behind and clutched it to her chest with a small cry.
All he had left for her to remember him by was a series of glances, fond memories, a broken heart, and his sunglasses.
-.-.-.-
"Memories are nice, but that's all they are." Rikku mouthed the long-used saying from her home, playing lightly with the legend's sunglasses. As she recalled what had been happening for the longest time, she realized that the phrase was wrong. Memories weren't always nice… sometimes they hurt.
As Rikku stood and wiped her tears, glancing quickly out the small window, she made herself a promise. Some time soon, she would stop by the Farplane. Her pop wouldn't approve, since she knew how the Al Bhed felt about such nonsense, but she would go anyway. Even if it was just a memory, it would be nice to see him once more. Putting aside her harbored grief, she decided to go and speak with her cousin to help ebb her sorrows.
Casting one last glance at the sunglasses perched on her bed, she went to the door and pulled it open. She had to be strong… if not for her teammates, then for his memory. "His memory…" she whispered. She seemed to be relying on the wonderful and awful things a lot. With a final tear running effortlessly down her face, she shut the door and left all thoughts of her broken heart behind her, vowing to start a new life in 'her world'. She would go on… but she would never forget.
"Memories are nice, but that's all they are."
…What if they're all you've got left?