The Moon That Embraces the Sun

Chapter I:

Sun Reaching for the Moon

Title: The Moon That Embraces the Sun

Rated: M

Summary: Hayashi Yuzuki is a psychiatrist. Despite her chic and competent exterior, she is compassionate towards her patients but dismissive regarding her personal life. While she specialise in fixing the lives of other people, have trouble fixing those closest at hand, her own. She soon finds herself transferred into the universe of Bleach, 110 years before the start of the series.

Pairing: Aizen x OC x Ichigo, OC x Grimmjow

This is my first attempt on Bleach fanfiction so I hope for your encouragements, and criticisms (respectful ones) are welcome. Remind you I haven't been the most faithful fan of Bleach in terms of reading and watching every episodes/chapters so please understand if I get any information wrong or intentionally change for the story's purpose.

Also since I'm a mere student with no major in any fields, I'm not an expert in any relevant information of my character's speciality so although this story is primarily based on neuropsychiatry, all the patients' cases and unique diagnosis are fictional.

In terms of name, I will be using Japanese format as in placing their last name before their first name e.g Aizen (Surname) Sousuke (First name) instead of Sousuke Aizen. And I will address other minor characters with only their first name unless otherwise stated.

DISCLAIMER: The clients and scenes shown within this story is homage to the drama 'It's OK, It's Love'. I felt it was unethical to write about real life client cases (as per the confirmation with my psychology teacher) hence the fictional description I've obtained from the drama.

Hayashi Yuzuki, a first year residency in psychiatry at a University Hospital, silently sipped her coffee with mundane silent. Drinking the bitter drink alone in the hospital garden was an ingrained routine of hers' regardless how unsociable she may seem to others.

Beep, beep

She took out the phone from her white coat pocket, pressed the call button and put it against her ear, "Hayashi Yuzuki."

"Hayashi -san, I think you need to come in."

"Ok." With that, she stood up.

Over at the hospital, Yuzuki and her team oversee their newest patient—an abuse victim who had attempted suicide and heavy silence falls as the curtain drew open to reveal the battered image of such brutality. Few of her fellow avoided looking long, their head bow down and their lips tries to form a sound but no one is willing to break the silent and speak first.

The woman's leg was bounded in full heavy cast from fracture of bones, arms raw with minor burns, lip split and dry with blood, eyes heavily swollen, and face black and blue from fresh wounds on top of the old ones. She was without a doubt, a victim of repeated domestic violence.

An angry family member barges in, kicking the bed, yelling at the already beaten and bruised patient, "Get up, you rascal. The doctor is here."

The patient is unmoving and limp; obedient and compliant to the abuse she is given like a human doll. She was entrenched into this vicious cycle which only speaks volume about the chaotic family dynamic in her household until death seems to be the only way 'out'.

"You're not getting up?" The family member throws the blanket covering her and slaps her head.

"Hey!"

"What are you doing?!"

Several doctors intervene, holding the man back, "Look here!"

"He is putting up a show." The man gritted out, face red with anger, "He isn't even sleeping. This crazy bastard! Giving disgrace to my family," so he doesn't even consider her as a member of their family, "What guy cuts off his balls?!"

The man charges toward the patient, "HEY! WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING UP?!"

He grabs the collar of the patient, pulling her back up before throwing her savagely to the bed, "Doctor, he isn't supposed to be here! HE'S A MAN, BUT SAID THAT HE IS A WOMAN AND CUT OF HIS BALLS! HE IS A MAN BUT HE LIKES MAN, THIS BASTARD!"

Yuzuki doesn't take her eyes off the transgender patient, even for a moment with composed expression, noting she was fully awake and aware, listening without muttering a sound.

"BRING THE PSYCHIATRIST! JUST LOCK HIM UP IN THE MENTAL HOSPITAL!" The man demanded aggressively.

She takes note of the oncoming tears.

"BRING THE PSYCHIATRIST RIGHT NOW!"

Yuzuki finally speaks, "She's here, right now."

The man for the first time seems to notice her, "What?"

"Who are you talking informally right now?" She retorts, arms crossed, "After she get treated, register if you want her to be examined by a psychiatrist." With that, she walked passed him.

"HE DOESN'T NEED TREATMENT! JUST LOCK HIM UP RIGHT NOW."

Tears slips pass the patient's closed eyes silently.

"Fujiwara Hiro, 24 year old, she's a transgender that got her surgery three years ago. She came to me two years ago." Aki Sato, a fellow doctor, informed, "Her family said that she is crazy and beat her up to chase the ghost away. Then they said she was possessed by the devil, so she got beaten again. And now, the three relatives beat her up while taking turns."

As they pass the corridor, her eyes lands on the four people seemingly in heated discussion, the angry relative from before with two other men and a woman she presumes to be the victim's mother. The interns glares at them with dismay, not even attempting to hide their disgust.

"She is going to die if it keeps going like this." He sighed.

"Transform her to a room in the psychiatry room." Yuzuki said, "Tell them to give a consult order to psychiatry, make sure that she is transferred to our branch. If she stays here, she's going to be beaten up until she's dead."

"Okay, let's do that." He agrees, giving her a light 'well done' slap on her arm before going to attend to other patients.

She turns to the intern, "If we get the patient, what are we going to do?"

Of course, like any other students, they hated being asked questions and all glanced at each other. She clicks her fingers in front of one intern with glasses, Daisuke, "You."

He panics for a moment before reciting the instruction they learned from books, "We have to do history taking(1). Especially about their childhood, adolescence, and the gender roles that-"

"Are you trying to make it obvious that you're an intern?" She interrupts then turned to the intern next to him, "What about you?"

"Just let her go." The second guy, Ryo, voiced, "What did that woman do wrong? When she was getting sex reassignment surgery, she didn't have any psychological problems except for Gender Identity Disorder(2)."

Yuzuki let out a deep breath; they were testing her patience with their bumbling and biased answers formulated from a textbook.

"The doctor probably told her that. She probably got the surgery after that confirmation." Ryo clarified.

"That's right." Sho, a man of bigger build, agreed, "Being gay isn't a psychological problem but a problem that has to do with preference. All the psychological doctors in the world already concluded that and deleted it from the DSM(3)."

"Give it to me." She gestured the patient chart to be handed over, giving light hits on the two interns' head but Daisuke, "Do you think I don't know that?" she scolded, "If a person is beaten up like a dog, it's common sense to run away. But that woman kept getting beaten. Does she have a problem or not? She was lying down like a corpse without any willingness, reaction, or hope. Is there a chance that she has depression or not?"

The three bowed their head in shame, "Yes, there's a chance." They said in unison.

"Then do we have to consult her or not?!"

"We have to."

"If you guys know now, why aren't you leaving?" She scolded, hitting Daisuke before thrusting the chart to Sho with vehemence.

"Go." She ordered and sent the three interns on their way.

Yuzuki sighed, tired and exhausted; she turned with intent of getting another coffee when her phone vibrated. Checking the caller ID, she answered them with a smile, "Ah, Kuba-senpai."

"How's the work? Is it what you expected?"

"Horrible." She joked, "Every day is one drama after another even though I've been here for nearly nine months."

"Getting tired already? There's more to come, you know."

"Well, that means I'll have to see you more, isn't it?" A small smile appeared on her lip, "I'll s-"

"Fujiwara-san! Fujiwara-san!"

She heard her interns voice echoing throughout the hospital, seeing them frantically running from upstairs.

Puzzled, Yuzuki looked around, scrutinising the face of many passer bys before glancing over her shoulder. Her eyes landed on the pair of mother-daughter heading to the exit, realising she was dragging the patient out, who had her head low and face hidden by grey hoody.

"Fujiwara-san!" they continued to shout.

She and the mother's eyes met, eyes widening like a deer caught in headlight and they increased their pace.

"Fujiwara-san!" Yuzuki chased, "Fujiwara-san!"

"Excuse me." She apologised as she pushed passed the group of people, "Fujiwara-san!"

The pair quickly entered the taxi, the girl's eyes empty as the mother apologised, "I'm sorry doctor! She doesn't want to be admitted to the hospital." She closed the door and Yuzuki caught up with the taxi, hitting the car window and hoping for it to stop.

"No, it's dangerous! Mother!" She shouted, running toward the departing taxi in danger of losing them, "Fujiwara –san! Mother! They are going to kill her! You're going to kill her!"

But to no avail, the taxi left, leaving Yuzuki cursing under her breath.

Beep, beep, beep

"Oh, honey." She answered, breathless.

"Just save me." He pleaded, "It's for education. We already set up the stage and invited audiences, please don't disappoint the students. Hayashi Yuzuki! Hey!"

She sighed, thoughtful for a few moments, "Okay. I will do it because I love you. I just have to come to your school right. I understand."

Eto Yamato smiled in relief as he hung up the phone, his footsteps lighter as he greeted his students.

"Senpai!" A sprightly voice called, grabbing him by the arm familiarly, "What happened?"

"Ah, Akari," He acknowledged, "She's coming."

"That's a relief!" She grinned in excitement before pulling him along. They arrived in the school backyard and entered into the isolated shelter containing PE equipment.

She gave him a peck on his lip and he steps back, "No. I have to get ready for my next lesson."

"So we can just do it quickly and leave." She cooed, giving him a coy look before closing the gap between them and locking him into deep, desperate kiss. He returned with same passion, soon getting caught in the heat and deafened to the sound of the door opening.

A foot wearing pink heel entered, halted, before staggering out silently.

Her next patient was a man, Mura Kurou, a late 20s…with broken heart who without a doubt in the first wheel of the Kübler-Ross model(4). She gently put the cup of tea in front of him and sat across, resting one leg on top of the other and tucked the leg against her ankle.

He sat crouched, arms in fist, head down and eyes staring into far space, "I'll tell you a story about someone I know." He started, not touching his tea.

"A guy who broke up with his loving girlfriend a few days ago, just a person that I know," She nodded understandingly, "He's taking it hard and is really sad. What do you think?"

"Is this your story?" She asked gently.

"No, this isn't my story." He denied, "It's just a story of a person I know."

"What happened?" She then asked.

"He loved her so much. Says he falls for her even though they met over a year. He used to tell girls that he was single but he even showed her off to his friends. Even his mom thought she was pretty just like how his mom told him when he was young; she said that his girlfriend was perfect from head to toe. That's how much his mom liked her. He took her home every night on a taxi then he would take the last bus back home. It was hard work but he wanted to be with her at least another minute because when he was with her, his worries melted away. They were so happy like that. The story is good till here, full of happiness."

"Who is that person?" She asked.

"Uh… just someone I know."

"And then?"

"He said something started to feel strange at some point. They used to be so close but they started to feel awkward. He said he had no idea why and after a while, he found out that she was leaving far away. She said, 'let's stop this now', as she cried and he tried clinging onto her but seeing her in even more pain, he let it go. I told him, just face it, she didn't love you but he kept denying it. He kept begging like a starving beggar but what she gave him was not love but pity. I'm so sad-"

Yuzuki looked at him pointedly as he quickly caught up with sudden slip ups, "Did I just say 'I'm'? I guess I got too into the story, you understand, right?"

She nodded, "But how do you know the story so well?"

"Oh because we're really close…" He clarified.

"And…" She said softly, "Is that person you?"

He sat quietly for a long time and she waited, patiently, never leaving his form. They stayed like this before he broke the silent, "Yeah, that guy is me…it's really hard and I'm really sad. It was probably really hard for her and she probably had no one to talk to about it with. But that I didn't know anything like a fool and that I couldn't help her at all… makes me angry. But that it was all for someone else and not me… makes me really angry. But the thing that angers me the most… is the me who won't be able to forgive her in the end. I'm angry at myself. So what should I do?"

"Then how about you?" She asked, "Even if she had no one to talk to, in the end, she had you. But you, who do you have? I'm only a psychiatrist and even if we heal minds, it is up to the patient themselves to mend their own pain. We are just help. The biggest pain is the pain when you can't tell anyone. When you feel out of breath, you have to let the air out in order to live. Or else, you will die. There are not many people who can truly love. It's because they meet the wrong person. But l'm sure you will find someone who will truly love you. Don't make yourself miserable. Before she leaves, why don't you tell her your side of the story? Farewells should be made in advance. Because if it is truly the end, you cannot make farewells."

It was a late lunch break and she was enjoying her coffee with mentor, Noya Yuko, an ex-wife of Kuba-senpai, and the wife of a fellow doctor who arrived just now.

"He won't get a divorce, and he won't get counselling!" She shouted in frustration.

"Yuki, for now why don't you try urology…" Yuko advised, "The cancer, if caught early-"

Yuki sighed, "How bad must it have been for me to come in this state while cleaning the house?!"

Yuzuki put her arms around the woman in comfort.

"You!" The husband was without a doubt surprised and angry at the surprise visit, "Come here." He took her hand to pull her away for a private conversation only for her to shake his hand off.

"You don't hang onto me at home. Why are you holding onto me here?" She shouted, "You are a patient! If you don't get treated, I'm going to court! You don't think I can do it? With that, she walked away.

"Lusting after it…" He muttered, "Isn't lusting after it a disease, too?"

"If you don't love her, get a divorce." Yuko advised, "If you love her, and it doesn't work out, then start your treatment with me. You take a 12-years-younger-same-zodiac-sign woman and make this kind of mess."

"I'm not a patient!" He denied stubbornly.

"Peek-a-boo!" The woman cooed affectionately to the 'child' in her arm. She was a patient who thinks she's holding her baby when all she's holding is air, "Baby."

The patient's husband could do nothing but sigh.

"Doctor, our baby is really cute, right?"

They smile.

"Where's the baby?!" the husband shouted in chagrin before marching out of the room infuriatedly.

The wife pouted, "Why wouldn't the baby be here? It seems like he's gone blind. Right, child? Say 'hello' to doctors! You're doing so well!" she grinned, "Doctor, you have to greet the baby!"

"Hi!" They waved cheerfully, all but one intern who glanced at the surrounding doctors confusedly.

They greeted the patient good-bye and as soon as the patient was out hearing range, Yuzuki scanned the chart, adding some notes.

"She came into the emergency room yesterday?" Yuzuki asked.

"Yes." Ryo confirmed, "The husband brought her in because she was nervous that he couldn't see the baby."

"Do a history taking on the patient's husband." Yuzuki ordered.

"Yes." Ryo nodded.

"Why did you greet the baby as if it were there?" Daisuke chirped innocently only to be answered with blank 'don't-you-know' look from the fellow doctors.

"What? You're the only one who can't see the baby?" Yuzuki chuckled.

"It'll be long time until he can see the baby." Yuko added, flicking his head.

Yuzuki pointed toward Ryo then to Daisuke and wiggled her finger motioning and Ryo nodded, understanding before she walked away satisfied as Sho followed.

"What is she talking about?" Daisuke blinked naively only to be punished by the hit from the chart board.

"Think from the patient's perspective!" Ryo chided, "A doctor is someone who acknowledges if the patient says she sees the baby! If you don't have the confidence to treat a patient without bias, quit psychiatry!"

"Is it SAD (Separation Anxiety Disorder)(5)?" Ryo sighed in exasperation at his question.

"It's a brief psychotic disorder(6) that arises from severe mourning! It's common."

Daisuke nodded, getting another light hit.

Yuzuki calmly waited for the man finished wiping her table with his gloved hand as if it were a common occurrence and when satisfied there were no dusts marring the white material; he took off the gloves and awkwardly smiled at her.

"I think the clomipramine(7) I prescribed is working well." She commented, slowly extending her hand toward his and gently touched his knuckle, "Still, you wash 30 times a day…it's still a lot. Right?"

"Sti-still," He stuttered, "It's gotten a lot better."

Yuzuki forced a smile, nodding, "It does seem so, seeing as you're not moving your hand." She tapped her fingers more invasively and he quickly snatched his hand up, taking out anti-bacterial wipes and scrubbing the area where she had touched.

"Okay, so for today should we start a more tough behaviour treatment?"

"Eh?" He gasped.

Yuzuki picked up the bin and poured the content on the white table.

"Agh!" He yelled in disgust.

"I'll pick the cleanest one." Yuzuki smiled, picking up a pen she pointed toward the baby wipes, "Touch it."

"Uhm…I feel like I'm going to catch a disease." He rationalised hesitantly.

"If you catch a disease, I'll fix it for you." She justified, "Hm?"

"Why do I have to touch it?" Beaded sweat trailed down the side of his face, "I can just live like this."

"If you live like that, you're going to die cleaning. Just try it, lightly."

The man took a deep breath, stared at the tissue before he looked up, "How can I do it lightly?"

"Just lightly." She encouraged, "Lightly."

The man approached the tissue carefully as if it were a viper ready to sink its fangs into his skin before pulling it back with a sigh.

"In all my forty years, I have never touch anything dirty."

Yuzuki nodded in understanding, "Even if you've never touch it for over forty years, touching it is one second." She grabbed the tissue without a moment of hesitance before putting the wipe in front of him, "Now."

She grabbed his hand, guided it to the wipe before fisting the tissue into his hand. The man gasped in shock.

"How does it feel?"

"It's wet." He squeaked out.

"That's not dirty. It's just wet." She reasoned rationally, "You're doing well. Now, 1,2,3, count to 10. Let's do it together."

The man took a deep breath, "…4….5…"

It was 4:55 by the time she arrived in front of her boyfriend's school. She entered through the school gate and into the building when before Yuzuki had time to register; she staggered back as someone toppled into her, arms embracing her waist, "Nee-chan!"

Yuzuki grinned, "Akari!" She hugged back.

"Come, I'll take you to the assembly hall." Akari grabbed her hand and guided her through the school corridor, "So since you became a psychiatrist officially, does that mean your sex and male phobia is healed?"

Yuzuki only gave her a small smile, "The precise nature of my disease is…insecurity and relationship avoidance including fear of commitment."

"Well, I'm sure it will get better once you get married." She consoled.

"Today's topic is about good and evil – a subject that has been long debated for many years." The principle remarks to the crowds, a mixture of students, young adults and parents, "Today a visiting professional psychiatrist will be discussing this. Please welcome Hayashi Yuzuki-san."

As she stepped into the hall, she was welcomed with enthusiastic clapping, all fascinated with their perspective of psychology. She sat down with a co-host after a firm hand shake and introduction of themselves, a fellow teacher as she began to ask questions.

"How can we understand the minds of a criminal, who are not 'normal'?" Hara Nanami asked.

"Well, for one thing, what's 'normal'? We must understand it is not entirely their fault." Yuzuki explained, "It all starts from a psychological illness. It's a crime caused by disorder."

"Can you deceive a psychiatrist by faking depression?" Nanami questioned.

Yuzuki nodded, "Yes." Then added, "But only if you don't get caught by psychiatrists with degrees like me." for a little comedic effect. The crowds chuckled.

"Yuzuki-san, is the pure intention a human will, or is violence a human will?" Nanami challenged, "This heated discussion, is there a way to prove it?"

"Perhaps." Yuzuki entertained, "'I wanted to hurt someone at least once during my lifetime. Like hitting them, cursing them, or killing them.'" She raised her hand and slowly, all the audiences put their hands up in the air.

"Then for those of you with your hands raised, only if you actually did beat someone up, then please stand up."

"Oh!" Nanami gasped in surprise as many students consisting of girls and boys including several parents stood up, "Oh wow."

"Then again," Yuzuki asked, "Please remain standing if you ever murdered someone. The other people may sit down." Of course, everyone immediately sat down and claps erupted with several awed 'Ooohs'.'

"I think this is the human will." Yuzuki reasoned, "Then shall we try again, using sexual desires this time. For men out there. A woman who's passing by, a woman you don't know. You suddenly felt aroused by that woman. It's okay if you cover your face and stand up."

Almost all men stood up (against their significant half's glares) and those who didn't were under a heated gaze of their wives or girlfriends who knew and daring them to do so.

"Oh, my." Nanami giggled.

"So for that women passing by, or the next door woman, or even a woman you've never met before, please continue if you sexually assaulted them."

They all sat down.

"Of course there's none." Nanami acknowledged and another claps erupted amongst the crowds.

"Anyone can have scary thoughts about anyone." Yuzuki endorsed, "But that doesn't lead it to action. Like as it was proved in the audiences, because of our self-control that prevents us from committing such things."

People nodded.

"How about we take some questions from the audiences?" Nanami suggested and a girl stood up.

"Why do people murder?" She asked.

"Murder gives them a sense of power. Sex and power are seen as mutually exclusive. To them, murder is like sex, perhaps even more…stimulating than sex." Yuzuki revealed, "That makes them feel powerful, in control. It makes them God. Would you give that up?"

Murmurs of debate broke out amongst the crowds.

"One thing you should understand is that no two killers are the same. They each occupy their own point on the behavioural spectrum. Genetics, brain chemistry, psychology, and environment are all factors. Killers has little tell-tale signs which differentiate one killer from another: whether it's the place they dump the bodies of their victims, or the type of souvenir they take from the victim (hair, a piece of jewellery, or clothing, etc.), or how they prefer to kill their victims; or even the particular type of victims they prefer and that's how law enforcers use psychology to catch them."

"As you know, our nation is haunted by news of murders and kidnapping incidents day by day…" A woman, seemingly middle aged, carefully ventured, "And it seems serial killers are everywhere. Is there's a way of knowing? Are all murders psychopaths?"

"Definitely not, in fact it seems most serial killers are not psychopaths, and it is a definite fact that most psychopaths do not become serial killers. They could be your sons, your husbands, your daughters, your friends, your colleagues, your neighbours. Being a serial killer is essentially the definition of antisocial behaviour, but not all serial killers even have ASPD (Anti-social personality disorder)(8), although of course many do. Many psychopaths and sociopaths have charming personalities, manipulative, and they learn to mimic emotions, despite their inability to actually feel them, and will appear normal to unsuspecting people and that is why they often make successful businessmen or world leaders. Not all psychopaths are motivated to kill. But when it is easy to devalue others, and you have had a lifetime of perceived injustices and rejection, murder might seem like a natural choice."

"We understand you have a degree in criminology along psychology, so do you have any advice for those who wish to enter law enforcement as psychologists or profilers?"

"There are certain clues at a crime scene which, by their very nature, do not lend themselves to being collected or examined. How does one collect love, rage, hatred, fear? These are things that you're trained to look for. So anyone else would have just seen a man who looks like a guy next door, but you see a killer."

More clapping.

"Now the time is coming to an end," Nanami sadly revealed, "Is there's any final sayings you wish to make?"

"I will give out a final problem." Yuzuki said before ripping out two pieces of papers and holding it up for everyone to see, "In these here, they all say that everyone will die. But the attacker lies to the victim, telling the victims that one of this says you can live. If you pick that one, you can live."

"What if they say, 'you choose.'" Nanami questioned curiously.

"That can't be." Yuzuki shook her head, "Because the victims always choose. What would you choose? In conclusion, the victim survived. Whenever life is difficult, we always think that there is no way to live. Just like everyone here who doesn't know the answer. But, a psychiatrist like me will tell you that's not the answer. There is hope no matter how difficult the situation is. Whether you have a small problem, or a variety of troubles, when your heart hurts or when your heart has a cold, coming to see a psychiatrist is one of the hopes you have to survive. Thank you." She bowed.

Louder claps erupted amongst the audiences.

It was almost dark by the time she got out of the school, making sure to avoid the audiences and desperate to get back to hospital for good night sleep. She headed toward the road where the taxi driver would see her better. A surprised yelp escapes her lip when an arm shot out from the dark and wraps around her neck and pulls her back into someone's chest.

"Hey," It was Yamato, "Lecture suits you. Do you want to do it once more?"

Yuzuki smirked challengingly, "Is it boring dating me? Do you want to fight?" She shook his arm off of her shoulder.

"Should we go to coffee shop?"

"I can't." She said, "I need to go back to the hospital."

She waved her arm to catch the attention of a taxi driver when Yamato asked, "You're just going to go?"

"Of course."

He leaned in to steal a kiss but before his lip could touch hers', Yuzuki gently pushed him away; looking around to see if anyone saw it, "What are you doing on the street?"

He grinned charmingly, "You know that it's our six hundredth day anniversary together soon, right?" Yuzuki's expression darkened when she realised where this talk was going, "I reserved a hotel room…you won't be able to escape on that day. You remember the promise right?"

She smiled although it didn't reach her eyes and waved her boyfriend good bye as she got in the car.

"Are you coming home today?"

"No," Yuzuki sighed, "I think I'll need to sleep in the hospital tonight. Sakura, you sound ill, are you okay?"

The other line of the phone was quiet ominously before her roommate spoke again, "I need to tell you something…face to face…"

"I'll be coming home tomorrow. We can speak then."

"…Okay…"

She hung up, staring at the phone in confusion why her friend who was known for her hyper activeness and almost insane by medical standard sounded so upset.

The next day, she was awoken by an urgent call from her colleague in the emergency unit and Yuzuki's fear for the worse was confirmed by short debrief.

"Yuzuki-san! Yuzuki-san!"

"Where is she?" She asked as soon as she got off the elevator.

"Over there." Ryo pointed to the emergency unit.

She quickly ran to the corner of the room as the nurses were finished wiping the blood from the wounds off of Fujiwara Hiro's face.

"You're here." Sato noticed with a sigh, "Thankfully, it's only an ankle fracture, some small wounds, and abrasions from the fall. Thank goodness she fell on some boxes."

Yuzuki sighed, turning toward the mother in anger, "I told you! I said they would kill your daughter. Are you happy now?"

"Sh…" The mother sobbed, her breath hyperventilating, "She said she wouldn't do it again."

Yuko retrieved a plastic bag and made the mother breathe into a paper bag, "Breath slowly. Slowly." She then turned to Yuzuki with scowl, "Wait outside."

"Transfer her to the psychiatric ward and request a consultation from OS (Orthopaedic surgery)." Yuzuki ordered and walked out of the busy room.

Another frantic sob escaped in muffle as tears flowed down the mother's cheek as Yuko consoled her, "Don't cry. Your daughter's alive. Why are you crying? You just received a big shock. Slowly. Slowly"

"I won't get therapy." Yuzuki firmly stated, "What's the big deal about me yelling because the mother got her daughter nearly killed? How many doctors are in this hospital? Does it make sense for me to get therapy because she's hyperventilated?"

"This time, the daughter… next time, do you want to see the mother come in for psychiatric treatment?!" Yuto scolded.

Sense of guilt dawned on her as Yuto continued to reason with her, "If the patient dies, you'll be losing one of thousands of patients you see every year. The patient's parent loses everything. But you act like you're more tormented. How dare you yell right now?! Isn't that reason enough for forced therapy? Do you want to be taken out of our dissertation and have your medical license revoked? Do you want to?"

She bit her lip, throwing the paper in her hand to the wall.

"Calm yourself down before you counsel any patients!" Yuto shouted.

"Ugh!"

After she was calmer and rational, the patient was brought in and she flicked through Fujiwara Hiro's chart almost carelessly, scanning for any added notes.

"There's nothing wrong with me." Hiro said, shyly breaking the silence, "Please discharge me."

Yuzuki looked up as Hiro elaborated further, "I understand my parent. Their son suddenly had surgery because he wants to become a woman and says he loves a man. My brothers were probably shocked as well. My depression…can be treated with medication, right?"

Yuzuki shook her head, "You can't be discharged. From a doctor's perspective, you're in a lot of danger, Hiro-san. To the point of needing forced hospitalisation."

To prove why, she wheels her to a mirror so Hiro can confront her own bruised and battered reflection.

"A woman has been beaten by her own parents and siblings." Yuzuki stated, "Beaten for one sole reason: to be understood by those who can't understand her. Even though her face is bruised and her leg broken, that woman says she wants to go back to that house, that she understands those who beat her." Hiro's lip trembled, eyes glistening with tears that was threatening to fall as she continued to stare at her own reflection she avoided for many years, "If she goes back to that house this time, her head might bust open from being beaten. Not her leg, but her hip might be broken this time. But she says that it's okay, because they're her parents and siblings. She says she deserves to be beaten, so she'll endure the beatings."

Hiro breaks down into tears and the dam broke.

"Run away. This is my prescription as your doctor." Yuzuki said, "If not, you might be beaten to death and I have no choice but to force hospitalisation. My goal as a doctor is to save my patient no matter what."

Hiro nodded as tears that she held up till now fell down like endless flood, "Hiro-san, the only person you really need to understand, even more than your parents, is yourself."

There's certain sadness in Yuzuki's eyes that hints what she said stems from her personal experience.

Before visiting her senpai, she decided to have a quick visit in the coffee shop owned by Hana.

"Hey, Haru." She greeted to her another roommate, a sweet boy diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome.

"Hey, Yuzuki-chan." He smiled, hugging her.

She walked toward the counter, took out a cupcake and bit into them. The cake was nearly spit back onto the counter when someone slapped her head with something solid.

"Hana!" Yuzuki grinned, glancing at her friend with puppy eyes and gave her an affectionate kiss on the cheek, "Love you, thanks for the food."

Hana shakes her head at her friend's trouble making tendency.

"Where are you going?" She asked, putting the tray onto the counter.

"I have a date with Kuba-senpai."

Hana gave her an accusing stare, "Date my ass. Are you in trouble again?"

"Jeez." Yuzuki rolled her eyes with light sarcasm as she headed back out.

"Mum wants you to visit." She shouted.

"Okay." Yuzuki nodded.

One minute left. Yuzuki thought in relief, it took every ounce of her intelligence to ideate random things for discussion with smooth consistency for the last 59 minutes.

Kuba stared at her helplessly, trying once more, "It has to do with your mother again."

She shifted uncomfortably, clearly disturbed by the subject as he continued to try and open up her heart, "Patient or guardian…the one receiving therapy or not, if she's a mother, you always disagree and get angry."

"Yeah, I know." She acknowledged, knowing as a fellow psychiatrist denial should be avoided at best, "I have past sexual trauma and I believe mother should be motherly. But this is boring, senpai. Let's talk about my patients, okay?"

"Let's talk about…back when you're seven." Kuba suggested, "You talked about it when you receive group therapy in college. When you're mother kissed Ichirou-san…"

"He's 28 year old man and recently broken up with his girlfriend. She's leaving somewhere far and he doesn't know what to do. What do you think?"

"Let's talk about you right now."

Yuzuki's eyes landed on the clock, eyes brightening up with mischievous smile, "Time's up. Let's meet up again next week for no reason at all like this, senpai. You're doing the dinner tonight by the way." She stood up and left the office.

"Bye." Kuba smiled with a wave, watching her exiting his office. As soon as she was gone, he picked up his phone and hastily dialled the same number every time he had sessions with Yuzuki, "Yuko, let's give up! Yuzuki is impossible! She doesn't have any issues seeing patients and…hello? Hello?!"

He dropped his phone and the strains of his work enthral his whole being. The strict professionalism he exhibits lose its composure and finds himself sprawled against his chair, wondering whether time to retire has come.

Today was a special day for many men of the country. It was the football night and many of Yuzuki's friends had gathered at her sharing house to get together for the support of Japan. Yuzuki, Sakura, Ryo, Kuba, Yuko, Hana, Haru, Akari, Yamato, Daisuke and Sho were all seated at the sofa or the floor, getting ready for the first round of the game with child-like excitement you feel opening up your Christmas present day before.

As soon as Yuzuki entered, Yamato and Akari were first one to greet, pulling her into tight embrace. Sakura's smile fell and as soon as they were distracted by the game, she pulled Yuzuki into the kitchen.

Yuzuki, being observant and sharp she was, scanned her friend's face and noticed the similarities between her and her first time patients who wish to tell her their darkest secret yet fearful of the retribution that might result from exposing its ugliness to the world.

"Sakura, what's wrong?" She asked, coaxing her friend with empathy, "What was the reason you called me so urgently last night?" Yuzuki became more suspicious with thoughts that the problem may lie closer than she think when Sakura keeps glancing over her shoulder.

She had known Sakura for many years and being the same age, 26, encouraged the friendship more deeper and the bond peaked when she start working as a teacher in the same school as her boyfriend. She noticed Sakura was shaking her leg and she only does them when she was nervous or scared.

"You're going to marry Yamato-kun soon right?"

Yuzuki pondered her question for a reason why but could not think of any significant cause.

"If my illness gets better then yes." She answered after a long pause, noting Sakura curling her fingers into a tight fist.

Yuzuki narrowed her eyes, "Sakura, what's wrong? Tell me what you're hiding."

"I-I…" Sakura trailed off, lip trembling and eyes unable to meet her's, "I…saw Akari-chan and Yamato-kun together…"

"Well, they do work at the same school you know." Yuzuki said innocently.

"They were… kissing, Yuzuki…in the school backyard shelter." Sakura revealed then shook her head as if chastising herself for spilling the dirty secret, "I'm really sorry."

Blood drained from her face, looking over at the said pair with dawned realisation.

"YEAHHH!" The room burst into cheer when the team scored a goal.

Yuzuki staggered toward the living room, picked up the remote control and turned off the TV much to the inhabitants shock.

"What are you doing?" Haru asked.

"What is this? Who did that?" Yamato scanned, finally meeting Yuzuki's eyes.

"What is it?" Kuba groaned.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Hey." Yuzuki faced Akari, "Were you deep kissing Yamato?"

The whole room went silent and the temperature seems to drop ten degrees.

"Have you gone insane?" Kuba frowned ludicrously but his eyes shows he surmise her words.

Akari tittered, giving her a dubious look, "Nee-chan, what are you talking about?"

"In the shelter at the back of the school." Yuzuki clarified.

"Yuzuki…" Yamato forced a smiled, "Wh..what are you talking about?"

"Sakura said she saw you."

The whole room turned to Sakura for confirmation but she avoided looking into anyone's eyes.

"Well, you know, Yuzuki…" He stood up in discomfort, "That…that was…that…"

"This bastard really did do it." Kuba realised, standing up with a pillow before whacking him several times into submissiveness, "Stuttering like that means you did it! It's acknowledgement! Bastard!"

"What are you guys doing?!" Kuba shouted to others, "Have you no common sense? Everyone go home! You little bastard."

"Why do these things happen when I'm around?" Yuko sighed, gathering up her things in haste.

"That's what I'm saying." Kuba clicked his tongue bitterly, almost as if he were referring about their past.

Yuko looked over to Akari, "Hey, run if you don't have anything to say."

"FINE!" Akari screeched, startling everyone in the room at her outbursts, "I like Yamato-kun!"

"Hey!" Yuto quickly intervened, noticing the tension was ticking like a time bomb, "Why are you being honest now? Are you pouring gas on a house on fire?" She grabbed Akari's wrist, dragging her to the door.

"I took as much as I could." Akari screamed, "I liked Yamato-kun first, HE'S MINE!" She glared at Yamato, "SETTLE THIS! You said you liked me!"

"What are you doing?!"

"Hey!"

"TELL HER!" Akari bawled desperately, knowing the man she loved will never return nor defend her feelings, "You coward! HEY!"

"GET OUT!" Kuba yelled.

"YOU COWARD! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

There was a sound of a door shutting and the whole room is heavy with silence once more, it's a feeling of suffocation, protracted and brutal. Finding herself speechless and in shock, Yuzuki limply stammered out of the house, Sakura following.

Anger is like a gun loaded with bullet, patiently waiting for someone curious enough to find it, pick it up and aim it - a surrogate to nurture and trigger to birth that malice into the world and like storm, it is unpredictable in its nature and timings. Once unleashed, it destroys everything in its path and sucks others in like black hole.

The irony is that anger stems from something that was once good, like love or compelling desire to protect, but it's that kind of anger that is the most potent of all above the others.

Anger starts slow, never fast or hurried; it needs time to build up. Perhaps that's why it is the most feared emotion of all.

Yuzuki, to Haru, was one of the first people to understand his condition without judgement therefore a person he treasured as his dear friend. He shoots out of his seat, grabs his collar and pummels Yamato to the point others quickly steps in to pull him back with fear it may escalate into accidental killing.

Anger is infectious and soon, all the men in the living room start brawling, leaving the poor neighbour to wonder if their passion for football is a little too passionate.

The car ride was that of a silent one, tense, melancholy with occasional worried glances from Sakura. Yuzuki's stares had no focus, glazing into the space for she was still yet to come in terms with the most hurtful betrayal. Her phone vibrated and flashed a picture of unfamiliar man.

"Who's that?" Sakura decided to break the uncomfortable stillness.

"A friend."

"He's…not one of your 'men'…right?"

Yuzuki shrugged nonchalantly, "I'm the doctor who cures that but myself, I know, I know."

The whole car ride was in silence.

Familiar house came into view and Sakura stopped the car stopped in front of the door and before Yuzuki got off, Sakura's hand quickly shot out to grab her wrist, "Will you be alright?"

Yuzuki gave her a small smile in assurance, "I'll be fine. Thanks, Sakura."

"Take care."

"You too."

Yuzuki entered the house as her mum greets her warmly with a hug.

"I missed you, Yuzuki."

"Me too, mum." She smiled, returning her hug while staring down at her dad, "Good to see you, onee-chan."

"Hello, sis."

"Hey dad." Yuzuki kneels to greet her dad who stutters his greetings. He was unable to formulate paragraph longer than 'hello' or control his limbs or deliver his thoughts and despite being severely mentally handicapped, he was still her dad, no different from others, whom she loves very much, no matter what others say.

"I'm alright." She answered when his finger twitched toward her and it translated to how much he missed her, "I missed you too."

"Hello?" She heard her mother say to her phone, noticing her mother's face darken slightly. She stealthily walked toward the balcony and noticing the pointed look from Yuzuki, "It's your dad's friend, Ichirou-san."

She quickly closed the door behind her, her sister's baby still wrapped around her mother's back and almost immediately a large grin blossomed as soon as she put the phone on her ears. Her sister glanced at Yuzuki, following the line of her stares but decided to say nothing about it.

Flashback

Yuzuki was seven when she and her big sister ventured outside at rainy night to look for their mother who neglected their father for some times. They came across the nearby park and her eyes landed on a sited couple in midst of passionate kiss, oblivious to their surroundings like reckless teenagers in love.

The sibling froze in shock at the sight, Yuzuki dropping the umbrella that protected them from the dropping streams, recognising the woman in embrace with a familiar man was their mother. Her older sister, young but sill mature enough to understand the implication of their action, quickly picked up the umbrella and positioned her body so that young Yuzuki couldn't see, "Yuzu, let's go eat pocky."

Yuzuki forced a grin, "Okay."

Her sister grabbed her hand and promptly pulled her away from the scene but while her sister looked only straight forward, Yuzuki glanced back. The smile of her mother, the loving look that was preserved only for her dad given away so easily was imprinted on her childish mind and even though Yuzuki was younger and naïve to the world of adult's, that day affected her more than anyone else.

End of flashback

"-zuki, Yuzuki! Yuzu!" Yuzuki blinked out of her thoughts, staring at her sister in question, "Are you alright?"

"I'm okay." She forced out.

Yuzuki arrived at the hospital at 7AM as usual, went about with her clients as usual, and drank her coffee as usual, all while avoiding any attempt of counselling from her fellow doctors. Did they think she didn't know how to cope? Did she not attended the same medical school as them?

The day was over for the doctors and she entered the common room for quick rest when she spotted Ryo reading what it looks like…a manga? She silently approached him, tilting her head to see a man dressed in traditional Japanese garbs holding a large katana before catching his attention with a light hit on the head.

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Like?" Ryo asked.

"Sleeping? We doctors don't even have time to sleep nevertheless time to read manga."

"This is good manga." He emphasised, more interested in the manga than asking for her wellbeing. Truthfully, Yuzuki was glad he didn't bring up about Yamato unlike her many colleagues.

"It's called Bleach." He said, trying to cajole her into reading.

"Why is it called Bleach? Did someone bleach their hair or something?" Yuzuki laughed, "Or clean something with bleach?"

"Half and half." He shrugged.

"Tell me."

"It'll contain spoilers."

Yuzuki looked at him pointedly, "You know spoilers don't bother me. In fact, it would be nice to know things than to be surprised."

"Okay, so…." Ryo went on explaining about a boy who can see and communicate with ghost, how he met this shinigami and became a shinigami himself but then turns out he was half-shinigami-half-quincy-something from his father and mother, betrayal by a man named Aizen, espada, thousand years of something war etc.

"Interesting."

"Yea, I tell you he's a manga version of Hitler."

"Hm." She shrugged nonchalantly.

"Do you believe ghost?" Ryo asked, "I didn't till I read this."

"I don't believe in ghost." Yuzuki revealed, "I think ghosts are a metaphor to express the dark secrets that we all have inside of us. From pretty mistakes to grave wrongdoings, we all live with guilt in our lives. Don't we all have at least one of these stories in us?"

Ryo nodded. "Still, you can't help but think there's something other than just us."

"That I acknowledge."

"Yuzuki-san." Daisuke called falteringly, almost as if he were tasked with great burden, "Um…Yamato-san is waiting for outside."

The whole room became deadly quiet, all watching what Yuzuki will do.

"Let him wait."

"It's raining…"

"I know." Yuzuki snapped.

What am I doing? Yuzuki sighed, finding herself outside struggling to open up the umbrella which did nothing but to further worsen her angry and frustrated and she was getting soaking wet. The garden was where they met for the first time and it used to contain only happy memories but now it was a trigger of her despair.

"Yuzuki." As soon as she heard that voice, she began to walk away, regretting her decision of coming here.

"Yuzuki!" He grabbed her wrist, spanned her around into tight embrace, "I did wrong. I'm sorry."

At that moment, the moment apology left his lip; she finally breaks down into piteous sobs even as she adamantly rejects any efforts he makes to apologise. She pounds her fists into his chest; she scratches his hands in attempt to get him to stop touching her before every ounce of strength left her body.

"Please calm down and listen to me! Please!" She thrashes around in his hold, finally collapsing on the floor. Yuzuki let out a chocked sob, breathing herself calm before slowly rising up, ignoring the sensation of her clothes sticking onto her skin or strands of hair glued onto her face.

"Yuzuki, Akari had one sided love for me." He explained, "One month ago, while drinking at an outing I was on the day of dropping her off…and it was just that day. The next day I told her I love you and that was a mistake, so let's end it. Akari agreed and sometimes just pushed herself on me. And Sakura happened to see that. It wasn't agreement from both sides, but she was the one sticking onto me."

Really? Yuzuki thought sarcastically.

"I can't end it with you."

"I want to end this." With that, she turned around and to her shock, two hands grabbed her cheeks before something warm and wet were forced upon her lip.

It sent chills up in her spine, not from the feeling of leap of her heart but from disgust like bugs crawling all over her body. She slapped him as hard as she could and sent him staggering back. She swayed to the deeper part of the garden until his voice stopped her in her track.

"Not sleeping with a woman that man loves for 600 days. Do you know how hard that is? Drinking together, playing together, and you're on the bed and I'm on the floor! It's not even one or two times, but ten and hundreds!" He confessed, "I held it in. Because I loved you. Ask any men passing by on the streets. If you're the normal, who doesn't sleep with one she loves or whether I'm normal or not."

She throws the infuriating umbrella on the floor and faces him, "Ask them what?! I also know that you're the normal one. I'm the abnormal one."

"Yuzuki…" He stepped forward and she steps back twice.

"I asked you, didn't I?" She paused, "I saw my mum cheating with another man for 19 years, so I think sex as a bad and disgusting thing." She tucks the obtruding strands behind her ears, "Others like it when their hearts flutter while in love, but I hate that as much as vomiting while I'm drunk. Also, being able to kiss you was because I told myself 'it's alright, it's alright', numerous times. Kiss is okay, but sex is not. Whenever I think of sex my heart beats like crazy and I'm still scared of it. 'So, I want you to understand. Even if it's hard help me. I also want to get over this dirty feeling.' I begged you while crying didn't I?!"

Yamato bowed his head in shame and embarrassment, kneeling for forgiveness, "I'm sorry."

"I wanted to jump over it for nineteen years." She bared, "The patients who hated their mums came to love them, and understanding of their husbands who they wanted to kill. While they jumped over their illness, their face which has been dark for years suddenly became bright. What kind of feeling that was? I really wanted to know what it was, with you. Before, if I even thought about kissing or sleeping together, my heart would beat faster and I would get short of breath. I'd also get shattering headaches and took medication. That was ten years ago. I'm a doctor and these are the result of self-treatment. I think of stimulation in my head hundreds of times while thinking about love. For kisses, I think that love between a man and a woman is not a bad thing. It's a beautiful thing. In that way, I would control my mind. 'Maybe if I really meet someone I love, I could experience an unbelievable love like that.' And I thought that that person is you. Although it was one night for you whenever I kiss you now I'm going to think of Akari. Just like how I think about my mum kissing that man whenever I see her. Do you think 600 days were a waste? I waited every day for that. Today is the last day with you."

Everything was said and disclosed, all the good and bad, beautiful and ugly and nothing left ambiguous. It was truly the end. Yuzuki walked away, doing everything in her being not to look back, feeling her shoulders lighter than usual as if eased from the heavy burden she had been carrying for 600 days.

Soon, a pond comes into her view. The place where they shared their first kiss but now, she guess should just be a pond and nothing else, nothing special.

I wonder when the rain will stop. Yuzuki wondered, suddenly feeling hatred for the rain and disliking the way it felt on her skin. The sky has darkened and the water that was once clear and transparent was now inky black.

She turned, glancing at the pond nostalgically when something caught her eye. She would have dismissed them if it weren't for the fact that the object reflected upon the water was impossible at the time of the day or at the weather like this.

A full moon.

It was bigger than she ever seen before, as if…the moon was hidden under the water. She warily approached the pond, treading the dock cautiously and knelt on the nearest edge as she could without falling in.

She robbed her eyes, blinking several times to see whether the sight she was seeing wasn't a hallucination. Gingerly, she gently prodded the water with her index finger, watching the ripple vibrating throughout the pond.

Her eyes were fixated on the moon as if in some trance and leaned in further. But before she realised all her weight was dangerously balancing on the one side, it was too late and she fell in. Yuzuki desperately clawed her arms through the water, trying to reach the surface but the water envelop her, sinking further and further down all the way to the bottom. Yuzuki lies peacefully at the bottom of the waters when suddenly; glowing green particles glows between the cracks of the bottom and surround her. Fibres from the green particles attach to her and wrap around her body.

Her eyes slowly closed, all sounds are dulled as if her ears were blocked, and the ambient noise of Yuzuki's circulatory system provides an organic hum. Her lung pushed out the last drop of air through her lip in bubbles. They say hearing was the last sense to go when you die and she must have because she could only hear muffled voices.

"Taichou!"

A/N:

Did you know that a psychiatrist needs to have their own psychiatrist as well? (This information was confirmed by my psychology teacher) due to the highly psychological stress associated with the job.

Yuzuki (First name): Meaning 'Tender moon'

Hayashi (Surname): Meaning 'Forest'

(1) History taking- The medical history or case history of a patient is information gained by a physician by asking specific questions; either of the patient or of other people who know the person and can gives suitable information, with the aim of obtaining information useful in formulating a diagnosis and providing medical care to the patient.

Medical students are taught on the first day of their clinical studies that history-taking must come before any physical examination or investigations, and that in many cases a physical examination and subsequent investigation will simply confirm a diagnosis.

(2) Gender Identity Disorder (GID) or Gender dysphoria – is a condition where a person experience significant dysphoria (discontent) with the sex they were assigned at birth and/or the gender roles associated with that sex.

(3) DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) - published by the American Psychiatric Association, offers a common language and standard criteria for the classification of mental disorders.

(4) Kübler-Ross model- also known as the five stages of grief is a series of emotional stages experienced when faced with impending death or death of someone. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Kübler-Ross originally developed this model based on her observations of people suffering from terminal illness. She later expanded her theory to apply to any form of catastrophic personal loss, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or income, major rejection, the end of a relationship or divorce, drug addiction, incarceration, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, as well as many tragedies and disasters (and even minor losses).

(5) SAD (Separation Anxiety Disorder)- is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (e.g. a parent, grandparents, or siblings).

(6) Brief Psychotic Disorder- is a period of psychosis (an abnormal condition of the mind) whose duration is generally shorter, non-re-occurring, and not caused by another condition.

(7) Clomipramine- Clomipramine belongs to a group of medicines called tricyclic antidepressants. It helps ease the symptoms of a number of different conditions, such as depression, obsessions and phobias; cataplexy associated with narcolepsy

(8) ASPD (Anti-social personality disorder)- a personality disorder characterised by a pervasive pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others.