Okay, this takes place in season 4. Rory's at Yale and it's set right before and then jumps to right after the episode where Jess comes back for his car. Scene starts the morning after Jess slips into the diner to sleep upstairs.

xXx

Jess groaned as he turned over onto his side, staring in bewilderment at the alarm clock flashing before him. It was five a.m. and talk radio was blaring, threatening to bore him to death before he even woke up. It took him a few moments after smashing the clock onto the floor to realize exactly where he was and exactly what he was doing here.

Of course, Luke had intended on sleeping here, so of course he still had the alarm set. He wasn't keen on being up so early, but he couldn't exactly go back to sleep either. Luke would be downstairs and he would want to try to slip out before the diner's doors opened. The less people who knew he was here, the better.

He shuffled to the bathroom where he used his finger to glob toothpaste across his teeth. After going to the bathroom and fidgeting with his hair for a few minutes, he slipped his book and keys back into his jacket pockets and then slipped into the familiar leather sleeves. He gazed out at an unsuspecting Star's Hollow, realizing, he wasn't quite ready to face all of the commotion, but knowing that he equally wasn't so ready to part with it forever, much as he wished he could.

Jess bounded down the stairs and flipped his collar up, hoping Luke was still in the kitchen. While he spotted no sign of Luke anywhere, he was rather shocked to see Lane weaving through tables, dispensing ketchup bottles and napkins as she dashed.

"Hey," he grumbled when she nearly jumped out of the window at his presence.

"Uh...hey, uh Jess," she replied, offering him a nervous smile, then quickly wiping it away as if remembering he didn't deserve of smile from her. Of course not, he thought. She would be the type of girl to inherently be mad at him for leaving. He couldn't quite blame her for that.

"Sorry," he shrugged. "I'm just...getting my car. Uh, you work here now?"

Lane nodded, opting to finish this conversation from behind the counter. "Yeah, um, Luke hired this kid for a while, but no one really liked him, and so, well, here I am."

"Got ya," he nodded, turning towards the door. He wanted to leave, but he knew there was nowhere open for hours...Gypsy wouldn't be at the shop until at least nine. "So, um, CBGB's?" he questioned, turning to Lane. "Congrats."

"What?" Lane asked, astonished. "Oh, right. The band. Well, we...we didn't actually get to play...we were supposed to, but we got cut. Um...did uh, Rory tell you about that?" she mused. "Because I didn't realize that you guys were in touch...I mean, not that it matters, I just didn't realize."

Jess shook his head. "Nope." He took a seat at the counter, figuring he might as well be in Lane's presence when Luke got here. It could spare him some aggravation. "I went back to New York for a month," he replied when he realized Lane must have been digging through her mind for any other possible solutions to his knowledge of her gig. "I know a bartender at CBGB's and while I didn't recognize the band name, he mentioned they were from some town with a weird name in Connecticut. He couldn't remember the name, just something about stars and said when he mentioned a Korean girl drummer, I thought of you. Asked if your name was Lane, and he looked at me like I was a psychic or something."

"Yeah, it was...well, would have been amazing. Anyway, just to be considered was such an honor, you know? And even though we didn't play, we signed the wall."

"Ah," Jess nodded. "The wall."

"Yeah," Lane nodded. "So I guess that's a little something."

"Pretty big something," Jess concluded.

Lane released a nervous sigh and began tapping anxiously on the counter.

"Look I get it," Jess offered after another minute or two of silence. "It's fine really. I didn't expect you to like, hug me or anything."

"That'd be a stretch," Lane agreed, but couldn't help but smile. "She's just doing really well and..."

"I get it," Jess nodded.

"I'm just afraid that..."

"I know," Jess agreed.

"She's just...I mean, it took her so long to..."

"To get over me?" Jess asked. He smiled at Lane. "I get it."

"Oh, no," Lane slipped. "I don't think she's over you. But it took her so long to start acting normally again. I mean, she couldn't even look at a Salinger book without...wow, I shouldn't be telling you any of this."

Jess fidgeted.

"I mean..."

"Lane, it's fine," Jess insisted. "I mean, it's not fine. What I did was not fine, but I didn't expect to come back and find Rory playing the Scarlet O'Hara to my Rhett Butler. I get it."

Lane nodded. "Okay." She returned to dispensing napkins, looking quite determined as she assembled them, until she finally let them all drop into a wide pile on the floor. "Why'd you do it?" she asked. "I mean, Rory never asked you for anything. Not a thing. If you weren't graduating, she would have helped you. If you couldn't go to prom, she would have understood. If you were in trouble she..."

"She couldn't have helped me," Jess insisted, shaking his head.

"You don't know that!" Lane remarked. "You can't just leave her and treat her like that and disappear and then just show up and expect..."

"Lane, calm down," Jess grumbled. "Look, I can't change anything I did and to tell you the truth, I can't say I would if I had the chance, because..."

"How can you say that? How can you honestly look at me and say that when Rory..."

"Rory wouldn't understand!" Jess barked, sighing as the words escaped his lips. "Look, Lane, you and I both know that Rory lucked out. She has this amazing mom and okay, so her dad's not so involved, but when he does come by, she's happy to see him, not angry or anything, right?"

"So what?"

"So, you should know better than anyone what it's like to live with a parent who doesn't understand you...what it's like to have to take care of yourself and not understand why anything you do isn't enough for them, you get me?"

"Yeah, I get you," Lane reluctantly agreed.

"So, when my dad came here, you can sure as hell bet I was pissed. I was fuming. But then...then he just took off and I would have never seen him again and I just...I needed to know. I don't even know what I wanted from him, but I needed something. I needed to see him. I needed to understand him. I needed his side, his story. I just needed to take the chance to find out if maybe he might have wanted something from me too."

Lane picked up the napkins quietly and sat down two stools from Jess. "Like maybe he wanted to get to know you?"

Jess shrugged. "It's stupid. And it was stupid. And I knew in the back of my mind that everyone was right. But maybe, if he saw me. If he knew how far I'd come...maybe he'd be sorry for everything or something."

"And?" Lane asked.

"Well, I'm not with him in California or anything, am I?" Jess asked.

Lane rolled her eyes. "You know, you make it easy to dislike you."

Jess nodded. "I know."

"Rory never disliked you."

"And I made it so easy," he teased.

Lane nodded. "You still could have told her."

Jess shook his head. "No. I couldn't have." He paused searching for the right words before turning back to Lane. "If I would have told her, she would have understood that much. She would have understood my need to see my dad and my wanting to find him, and everything else. You're right about that much. But she would have been here waiting for me when I got back, and nice as that all sounds, I didn't know if I was coming back. Part of me didn't want to. Part of me knew I'd be back in a day if I knew she was waiting. I needed to break all ties. I needed to hurt her in order to force her to move on, because she didn't deserve to have to wait for me to decide if maybe I was going to come back some day. It wasn't her job."

Lane nodded. "I get it Jess. I mean, I do...but Rory wouldn't have exactly been locking herself inside everyday praying that that day would be the day you'd return. She would have still went to Yale and continued school and lived her life."

"Maybe," Jess nodded. "But see, when my dad left, he didn't say goodbye. Didn't leave a note or a reason or anything. It made it easier, you know...to hate him. And that hate was what helped my mom and I move on and realize he wasn't coming back. If he would have left any indication of hope...my mom would have never gotten over him and she would still be waiting for him to come back to her."

Lane shrugged. "Okay," she agreed. "So then why'd you come back?"

"My car," Jess repeated.

"Yeah, but, Luke could have brought it to you. He probably would have preferred that."

Jess shrugged. "Didn't think of it."

Lane shook her head. "Not buying it. You were probably the smartest person in our grade. You mean to tell me it never crossed your mind? That you couldn't have had someone bring it to you? Or gotten it towed? Or..."

"Okay, you made your point," Jess grumbled, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Lorelai will probably kill you if she sees you," Lane informed him.

"I'd expect nothing more of her," Jess said, sauntering towards the door.

"I'm gonna have to tell her," Lane concluded. "Everything you said... I have to. So just...just do me a favor?"

Jess couldn't have looked more terrified. "What?"

"Tell her," Lane insisted. "You owe her that much. She deserves to hear it from you."

Jess looked Lane up and down, and then twisted the golden knob, the bells above the door jangling. "I'll think about it," he remarked, disappearing out into the street.

xXx

Then enter Season 4, Episode 13, leaving off right after Jess drives away after telling Rory he loves her.

xXx

"Rory? Rory? Are you okay?" Lane asked, flipping the open sign on the diner door to closed.

"What? Uh, yeah," Rory nodded, sipping the cup of coffee Lane had filled for her. "I'm good."

Lane grabbed the coffee pot and set it down on Rory's table then joined her. "Are you sure it's cool if I stay in your room for a while? Lorelai really doesn't mind? Because I could totally see if I..."

"No, no, that's fine," Rory nodded. "Mom doesn't care and it'll probably keep her from feeling like a spinster or something."

"Okay," Lane smiled. "Good. 'Cause Luke offered me Jess's old room upstairs, but I thought that might be a tad bit weird."

Rory laughed. "Luke can't handle another prog rock kid."

"Officially offended," Lane pouted.

"Officially thirsty," Rory commented, pouring herself another cup of coffee. "You know," she began, pausing to take a sip. "I like you working here. It makes me feel at home again, because with my being at Yale, coming back here sometimes feels weird...but now that you work here, it's like I can come in at any time and always feel like I belong."

"Rory, you could move to Alaska for ten years and still be welcomed back here," Lane insisted. "Stop with the pity party. The town loves you and you're stuck with us for as long as you live."

"I guess," Rory nodded.

"So..."

"So?" Rory began.

"So Jess," Lane nodded.

"Yeah."

"Did he say anything to you?" Lane asked.

Rory shrugged. "He was doing that whole verbal resistance thing."

"Ah," Lane nodded. "And he's gone?"

Rory shrugged again. "I think so. But I don't know. I hope so."

"You do?"

"Well...yeah. Maybe. I don't know," Rory replied honestly. "I mean, I want him to do well, you know? And maybe he can do better on his own. Or maybe he can't. So maybe he should come back. I don't know, Lane. It's too much to deal with."

Lane nodded. "So he didn't say anything to you?"

"Well..." Rory started. "I ran away from him and it looked like...like he wanted to say something, but..."

"But he didn't?" Lane scoffed, shaking her head. "That jerk. I cannot believe that he couldn't even muster up the decency to..."

"Well, he did say something," Rory interrupted.

"Really? What?"

"Nothing too insightful," Rory insisted. "I mean...just a sentence."

"A sentence can be very powerful," Lane argued. "Did he do that crooked smile and tilting his head down thing that he always used to do when talking to you? 'Cause you seriously were a sucker for that maneuver."

"I am not a sucker," Rory defended. "And no...well, yes, he did that."

"But what did he say? Come on, Rory, I'm dying here!"

"Well," Rory started, looking down into her coffee cup. "He just said that...well, he said he loved me."

Lane paused, taking a moment to allow the sentence to fill the air between them. "Wow," she concluded at last. "Wow. What nerve. He said, "I love you" and then he...."

"Left," Rory finished. "Drove away. Nearly ran me over in the process."

"Well, sure, because flattening you with a statement like that wasn't nearly powerful enough," Lane choked.

"I guess," Rory said sullenly.

"Luke's gonna be a medieval knight!" Lorelai announced, pushing open the diner door with Luke trailing behind her.

"I am not," he scoffed, hanging his coat up.

"You totally promised," Lorelai pouted. "You said that if I hit on that twitchy guy and kept a straight face, you'd totally wear that knight costume that T.J..."

"Who's T.J.?" Lane asked.

"Oh, Liz's boyfriend."

"Oh," Lane nodded. "Who's Liz?"

"Luke's sister," Lorelai replied just as Rory said, "Jess's mom."

"Oh," Lane nodded. "Damn family dynamics."

Rory raised her eyebrows and swallowed a large gulp of coffee.

"Honey, you okay?" Lorelai asked, sitting down across from her.

"I'm a pancake," she insisted, peering helplessly at Lane.

"You want pancakes?" Luke asked, baffled.

"No, no," Lane insisted. "She's metaphorically a pancake."

"Oh," Luke nodded. "Well, uh, I'm gonna whip up some pancakes anyway, because I'm not good with this metaphorical stuff."

"And french toast," Lorelai added.

"Right," Luke grumbled, disappearing into the kitchen.

"Sweetie talk to mommy."

"Die," Rory groaned.

"Well now," Lorelai breathed. "What'd Ponyboy say?"

"You're not cute," Rory insisted. "Your typical literary references are not humorous or helpful."

"Chachi?"

"Die twice."

"Oh, now," Lorelai insisted, stroking Rory's hair. She turned to Lane. "Was it bad."

"She's a pancake," Lane nodded.

"A really, really thin one," Rory agreed.

"Duh. No fat chicks!" Lorelai announced.

"Not funny," Rory insisted.

"We're closed!" Lane yelled, climbing to her feet as the bells above the diner door clamored. "Sorry, but you're gonna have to...oh...uh..." Lane paused as Jess pushed his way through the door, shutting it loudly behind him.

"Where's Luke?" he asked Lane, avoiding looking at Rory or Lorelai.

"Kitchen," Lane replied dumbly, unsure what else to say.

"'Kay," Jess nodded, pushing past Lane to the back of the diner.

"Wow," Lorelai whispered once he had disappeared. "I thought he was leaving."

"Me too," Lane nodded.

"Honey, let's go," Lorelai prompted, attempting to pull Rory up.

"No," Rory insisted, shaking her head. "You two leave."

"Rory, honey, are you sure this is the best idea?" Lorelai asked, unconvinced.

Rory shook her head. "No, but I'm not leaving."

"Sweetie, it's just that you're doing really well now at Yale and now that he's here, I just wonder if it might be better if you just avoid him until he's gone and then everything can go back to normal and..."

"And what, I can just pretend that he never came back?" Rory questioned. "I can't do that. He came back and I want to know why. In fact, I have a plethora of unanswered questions that..."

"That may be better off left unanswered," Lorelai suggested.

"No," Lane shook her head. "Rory's right."

"Says the girl who suggested hanging Jess's photo above the coffee pot in order for customers to use as a dartboard," Lorelai remarked, shocked.

"I'll explain on the way home," Lane insisted, pulling Lorelai towards the door.

"Rory," Lorelai tried one last time.

"Not budging," Rory insisted.

"Damn stubborn pancakes," Lorelai grumbled as Lane pulled her outside.

Rory tapped her foot nervously as the voices in the kitchen became louder and closer to her, unsure of whether she shouldn't just follow her mother's advice and leave the situation unresolved. She wasn't sure she actually wanted to know the truth. She wasn't certain whether the truth would hurt less than his vanishing.

"I'm not fooling around with you this time," Luke bellowed. "You will finish high school, you will graduate..."

"Done," Jess mumbled.

"What do you mean done?" Luke remarked angrily. "I'm not messing around Jess. I mean it."

"I mean I got my GED," Jess sighed. "Should have done it ages ago. Piece of cake."

Luke shook his head and grabbed Jess by his jacket. "You'll go to college."

"Fine," Jess agreed, unenthusiastically, ripping himself away from Luke's grasp.

"You'll have to pay rent," Luke muttered.

"Fine," Jess mumbled.

"Which means you'll need a job."

"I have a job," Jess insisted.

"Oh, no you don't," Luke shook his head. "Lane works here now. Not you."

"Don't have a brain hemorrhage," Jess remarked. "I have a job in New Haven."

"You have a job in New Haven?" Luke remarked incredulously. "You've been home one day...how do you have a job in New Haven?"

Jess sighed. "Publishing place I was working for in Philly. The guys wanted to relocate. We found some prospects in New Haven. It was either here or Baltimore, and I'm just not the aquarium type of guy."

"Prospects? Publishing place? Philly?" Luke blabbered.

"Alliteration for five hundred Alec," Jess muttered.

Luke rolled his eyes. "So move to New Haven."

"I tried. My plans fell through."

"Why?"

"Just did."

"Jess," Luke hissed in frustration. "Why do you want to stay here anyway?"

"Look, you said it yourself, this T.J. guy is bad news..."

"He's not so bad..."

"Well, mom can't take care of herself..."

"Oh, and you can?" Luke laughed.

"Better than she ever could," Jess defended.

"I'll give you that," Luke offered.

Jess shrugged. "She'll do better if we're both around," he insisted.

"When did you become the family man?" Luke toyed.

Jess sighed, looking towards the floor. "Yes or no?"

Luke exhaled and scratched at his chin, finally giving in. "All right. But you'll need a roommate. You can't afford the place on your own."

"Fine," Jess agreed.

"I have to approve of the roommate," Luke added.

"You will," Jess nodded.

"Got someone in mind?" Luke asked, surprised.

"A likely candidate," Jess nodded.

"Who?"

"You'll see."

"Jess."

"Trust me."

"Ha, funny words coming from a..." Luke stopped quickly when he turned and saw Rory sitting quite uncomfortably at the front of the diner. "Rory," he began, turning back and forth between Jess and her. "I uh..." He stopped, unsure whether to allow Jess to speak to her or not. "Okay," he decided at last. "I'm going to go upstairs and in ten minutes, Jess, I expect you to be up there. Got it?"

"Got it," Jess muttered, looking hopefully towards Rory.

Luke shook his head as he slipped through the curtain covering the staircase and forced himself to continue upstairs and not to listen.

"Why are you..." Jess began quietly.

"No," Rory shook her head, climbing to her feet. "I really don't think you get to ask any questions."

"Can I ask one?"

"You just did," Rory insisted.

Jess crossed his arms. "Please?"

Rory rolled her eyes, walking closer towards the counter he was standing behind. "Fine. One."

"I think I'll save it," Jess nodded.

Rory sighed. "What are you doing here?"

"Great question," Jess muttered. "See, we all ponder the existential dilemma of our lives and purposes here on this planet, and well, you know..."

"Really?" Rory remarked, instantly crushed. "You're really going to do this right now? You can't even take me seriously for a second?" She shook her head, turning away. "God, I knew this was a bad idea."

"No, no, no, Rory wait," Jess insisted, reaching across the counter and grabbing her forearm. "Wait."

"Why?"

"Because, I'm sorry," Jess insisted.

"For what?" Rory asked, turning back towards him.

Jess grimaced. "How much time do you have?"

"Leaving," Rory insisted, turning back around.

"Okay, okay, okay," Jess began. Rory stood still, but didn't turn back towards him. "For...for lots of things," he started. "I mean, for this...for joking with you when I should be groveling. For...for...acting like a jerk. For not being smart enough to realize the opportunity I destroyed."

Rory turned on her heel. "You're plenty smart, Jess."

Jess shrugged. "You're only as smart as the opportunities you seize."

"What are you a philosopher now?"

Jess looked down. "I wish I would have told you. When...when I decided to go. But...but I was scared and...and I wasn't even sure I'd follow through with it. I was so convinced that I'd just take the bus to the farthest stop and just come back home...but then...I realized that it really was that easy...to just go. That maybe...maybe you'd be better off...and...and the farther I went, the harder it was to figure out what to do. And so...so I just..."

"Decided not to tell me anything?" Rory remarked, her voice edgy.

"I called," Jess insisted.

"Yeah, I know," Rory nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind her ears. "I answered."

"I know," Jess nodded.

"You didn't say a word," Rory recapped.

"Yeah," Jess shrugged. "I was afraid of what you might say."

"So why call at all?" Rory demanded.

"Well...I guess...I guess I figured that maybe you'd at least know I was still thinking about you. That maybe...maybe you'd understand why I couldn't say anything. Maybe you'd get it."

Rory sighed, sliding down onto the stool in front of her. "I know why you didn't talk Jess. I just want to hear you say it."

Jess leaned across the counter, taking Rory's hands in his. "All right," he started, forcing himself to look at her face. "Rory Gilmore...you scare the hell out of me."

Rory remained untouched. "Explain."

Jess squeezed her hand. "It's just that...that you have this...this power over me and I felt like such a failure...not graduating...that night at that party where I was...such a jerk...and even the whole prom thing. I'm...I'm not used to anyone depending on me. I didn't know how to handle it."

"You should have talked to me," Rory insisted, pulling her hands away. "I mean, you apologizing doesn't make this all better, Jess."

"I know," Jess nodded. "I um...just thought that you deserved better...that everyone in this ridiculous town was right. And my dad...he came to the diner one night and Luke tried to keep it from me which really just pissed me off. And then, then he came back and pretty much fled after three seconds of conversation and I just realize how much alike we were, you know? And I thought maybe, maybe if I could get some answers from him, then maybe I could get past it and just be better...and maybe be the kind of guy you wanted me to be..."

Rory shook her head. "I didn't want you to be anyone else," she insisted. "I liked everything about you, Jess. Even the things that drove me crazy. I just needed you to be there for me...to just suck it up and be there. I needed you to let me in, because I just constantly felt like you didn't care or...or something. And I get the whole dad thing, and it makes sense, but you really can't justify just disappearing."

Jess sighed. "I thought maybe you'd realize that it's what I did best and get over me. I thought that you moving on might be the best thing for you."

"Jess, stop it," Rory ordered. "I did everything I could to keep you here. And you wanted to leave, and you did. And...and I knew what I was getting into when I met you. I knew from that first stupid conversation where you wrote in my book and then when you bid on my basket and then when Dean got so upset...and I knew that Dean was this reliable, dependable guy, and I knew that you weren't like him, but I...I chose you anyway, Jess. How did that not say anything to you?"

"It did," Jess insisted. "It did, Rory. I was just so scared of fucking things up that I went and..."

"Fucked things up?" Rory offered.

Jess nodded. "Yeah."

"So are you staying?" Rory asked.

"For now," Jess started.

"Jess."

"Yeah, I'm staying," Jess said firmly.

"Okay," Rory nodded, getting up. "Good to know."

"Rory, wait," Jess pleaded.

"What?" she asked quietly.

"It's just...you're right," he began. "I'm not like Dean. And I'm never going to be with Dean, so any chance of that happening you have to get out of your head right now. I'm not going to be there at your beck and call and I'm not going to let my world revolve around you like he did. And you know that and you hated it half the time, but you can't hate me for not wanting to change who I am. I'm going to disappear sometimes and not want to talk and I'm not going to always know exactly what to do at any given moment, and I'll forget things, and I'll continue to hide behind my humor and shut you out."

"Thanks for the recap," Rory started, angrily.

"But isn't that why you like me?" Jess asked. "Isn't that why you picked me over him? Because as much as I may piss you off, I'm real. I'm not some fairy tale character prince like Dean. I'm real and I'm not sorry for who I am and I don't bend and always let you have your way. Because...because I challenge you and because it's so hard for me to open up, but when I do you know it's because I really care about you."

Rory paused by the door, her body trembling slightly. "Jess," she began. "We're not together."

Jess nodded. "Okay," he said meekly.

"I don't know that we'll ever be together again," she insisted, quiet but firm.

"Okay," he repeated. "But you don't know that we won't."

Rory looked up at him, wincing at the sight of his familiar blue eyes, resisting every urge to forgive him and hug him and just feel his arms around her again. She wanted to scream at him, to hit him, to kiss him, to anything him...to make him understand all of the unwanted emotions he had made her feel for the past year. She wanted him to understand the depth of what he had put her through, to know that he couldn't just waltz back into her life and expect her to welcome him back. She wanted to hate herself for missing him, for nearly choking in relief at the news that he was staying. She wanted to make herself hate him and all at once she hated him for not being able to hate him. She wanted to tell him she didn't care if he stayed or left, that she didn't care about anything involving him at all. She wanted to stop staring idiotically at him, praying he got the message.

There were too many options to choose from and none offered the satisfaction and conviction she was hoping for, so instead, she chose to turn the door handle.

"Do I still get my question?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Rory shut her eyes, refusing herself the option of turning around. She opened her mouth to say something, but all at once her words were forgotten.

"Do you...did you...you said once on the phone when I was in California...you said you thought you might have loved me. Is that true?"

Rory bit her lip. "Pick another question."

"I don't want to."

"Then, I can't help you," she replied, pulling the door taut behind her as she exited. Tears began welling in her eyes as she hit the street, but she willed her legs to keep a perfectly steady motion, in case he was watching her. He wouldn't see her hurt. He wouldn't see her cry. She wouldn't let him think he could still affect her in any way.

She cut through an alley so to keep her distance from the firelight festival, and managed to suck up her pain and blot her eyes. By the time she reached her house, she was convinced she looked almost normal, and willed herself to stay composed when she saw Lane and her mother waiting on her front porch.

"Well?" Lane asked eagerly.

"Is he staying?" Lorelai dove in.

Rory nodded. "Yeah. Looks that way."

"And you?" Lorelai prodded. "Are you okay with that?"

Rory nodded again. "No big deal," she lied, angry that her mom and best friend would never dream of believing her.