Enough

She was so tired. Tired of the world and what it had thrown at her. She had fought
with all her strength, with everything she had, and it wasn't enough. She always
believed that good triumphed over evil, but that wasn't true. Good suffered because
of evil. She had suffered, her mother and father had suffered, and now…everyone in
her world was suffering. She'd brought Javier down with her and then abandoned
him. She didn't deserve to be his friend. She didn't deserve to be a cop. Those words
had stung. She given everything to her job, and it wasn't enough. It never would be.

When that moment of clarity came to her in the captain's office, she didn't hesitate to
leave her badge and walk away. It would never be enough. Deep down she knew there
would always be a part of her that believed she was giving up, surrendering. Maybe she
was surrendering, but how many times did she have to almost lose her own life in her
quest to achieve retribution for a life that was already lost.

I'm sorry mom.

…

She cried in the rain. It was easy to cry in the rain; she couldn't feel the hot tears on her
face when they mixed with the rain. She cried for the life she lost…for the life she'd lost
with Castle. She stared at the empty swing next to her and thought about the day that
had brought them there. The hurt and anger in his voice, and her attempt to reach out to
him. "We broke up." She hates herself for it now, but she knew he would follow. He had
followed her for three years. They sat in the swings and he listened as she tried her best
to explain. "...but it wasn't enough."

There it was…that refrain again. The whole of her life as it existed, past and present, it would
never be enough. It would never be enough for her…not anymore. She wanted a future…a
future with him. But how could he possibly forgive her. He had offered her his heart, and she
never even acknowledged it. His parting words, as they replayed in her head, wrenched at her
heart. "…it's over. I'm done." It couldn't be over. Don't let it be over! She found herself running
from the playground. She was running away; she was running away from her imaginary wall
and running towards a real future.

She ran to his apartment.

Worry set in when her phone call went unanswered. Was she too late? He'd given her everything and
she'd given him nothing in return. What did she have to give? Her last thought, as she knocked on
his door, brought forth tears that she could not hide.

Would she be enough?