I hate weddings. Absolutely despise them. There are pointless and celebrate my least favorite thing in the entire universe. Sentiment. So why, in God's name, did I go to John's? Guess it had a bit to so with the fact that he asked me to be his best man. Of course that wasn't the main reason. I believe the main reason I went was because I have...deep feelings for John. I assumed that going to his wedding would help me get over it. I hate to admit it, but I was wrong.

I remember before the wedding even started, I was helping John get ready in another room. He was having a last minute panic attack.

"Sherlock, what if I say the wrong thing?" I rolled my eyes. This was the hundredth stupid question he had asked me since we got here. It was starting to get on my nerves. He looked at me through the mirror he was fixing himself up in. I just stared back with an eyebrow raised. He shook his head. "Sorry Sherlock. I am being a bit stupid."

"When are you not John?" He laughed at that and then went back to fixing his hair We stood there in content silence until he turned to look at me.

"Sherlock, can I ask one more question?" I looked at him for a few moments before sighing and nodding. "What if she stops loving me?"

I stared at him for a few moments. I wanted to tell him that it wouldn't matter, because I would always be there for him. I remember being shocked that I even thought that. I mentally shock myself before putting a hand on his shoulder and looking him in the eye. "John Hamish Watson, she loves you more than anything. I am positive that she will never stop. You'll be fine."

He smiled at me and I had an overwhelming urge to kiss him right then and there. But I didn't. I just gave his shoulder a squeeze and then let go. I looked over and checked the time on the clock hanging on the wall. "Come on John. It's time to go."

Soon we were standing at the alter and music was playing. Mary was walking down the aisle and even I had to admit she looked beautiful. When she got to the alter, John held her hand and I could tell was staring at her with love in his eyes. I remember thinking how great it would be to be in her place. To be on the receiving end of that stare. So much so that I zoned out. I don't even remember what was said. All I could think of was how much I wanted John.

The next thing I knew, John and Mary were kissing. Then they were walking back down the aisle. I turned and followed, my armed linked with a bridesmaid named Janine, I believe.

Then came the reception. It wasn't entirely horrible. I did deduce that Mary was pregnant. Then there was the best man speech, which I was nerves about until it began to turn dangerous and I got to capture another murderer. Then there was Janine, who was actually interesting. Especially since she worked as Charles Augustus Magnussen's assistant. She would be useful later on.

Then came the part where I had to play John and Mary's wedding song. I could see how happy she made him and it made me upset. I realized, in that moment, I wouldn't be able to be in John's life that much anymore. Of course we would still see each other. We are best friends. But I want to be more than that. Now John has an entire family to look after.

Now I'm here. Standing outside the reception, listening to the music and everyone's laughter. I want nothing more than to stop thinking. So I know what I have to do. Everyone will be mad at me, especially John, but I have to do it. I just need to send this one text and...there. Done. He should reply soon.

I wasn't joking when I said John wouldn't need me. He won't. He has Mary and the baby. I don't matter any more. It doesn't matter that I lo...

* Ding *

Ah. It's Dan. Says I come by his new place. This is starting to look like an even better idea. I get stimulant, I can forget about John and how happy he is now. Without me.

For once, Mycroft might be right on the whole 'Caring is not an advantage' thing. Sentiment is useless. I don't know why I bothered. It was inevitable, always meant to happen since that first meeting in Bart's.

He was always meant to choose her.

Over me.