Hi! This is my fanfic, about a video being made, showing the shady side of
Final Fantasy IX. None of these characters are mine or anything, they all
belong to Squaresoft, blah blah. So I'm just gonna launch into this now,
and start part 1. ^_^
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Kuja & Beatrix present... "Life Behind the Fantasy!"
[Camera turns on, and we see a close up of an eye. After about a full minute of just staring at an eyeball, the camera pans out. Kuja, wearing something similar to his in-game costume, strikes a pose, flicking back his hair for effect.]
Kuja: Hello, loyal Final Fantasy IX fans! I realise that this...'update'...might seem a little irregular. But to those Kuja fans out there, you'll know that irregularity suits me just fine.
[He's jogged out of the way slightly by Beatrix, who's now wearing a loose, tatty jumper and jeans. She smiles at the camera.]
Beatrix: And it shows.
Kuja: *scowls* As I was saying, this will probably seem a little out of the blue. But I-
Beatrix: But WE decided to make this video for all of you Final Fantasy fanatics! Because we love you all, and wanted to offer thanks for your tireless support! *kisses at the camera*
Kuja: *lowers his voice* Actually, we needed the money, and we figured we could knock some video off, and sell it to crazed FFIX loons who'll buy anything with the logo on it.
Beatrix: Eheh, yeah...see, I wasn't always that good with a sword. I had to undergo a lot of training, and I, uh, broke a lot of stuff in the process. Including the actual instructor. After they deducted all the damages from my pay, I still ended up owing the company money.
Kuja: And I found out my pay was severely reduced after a promising technician who had the potential to earn the company thousands of dollars quit after I hit on him...several times. And I needed that money for my next shopping spree. (And they still don't know I, uh, 'borrowed' this camera from the back-up equipment cupboard...)
Beatrix: ...Know what? We probably shouldn't have advertised all that.
Kuja: ...Good point. We can edit it out later.
Beatrix: Right. So, FFIX fans, we welcome you to -
Kuja: "Life Behind the Fantasy!"
Beatrix: I thought we agreed I'D say that.
Kuja: *grinning* Camera's rolling, B. Keep going. And you're first to be behind the camera!
Beatrix: *glare* ...Fine.
[Beatrix moves behind the camera. Kuja starts backing down the corridor, talking to the camera.]
Kuja: Now, whom shall we 'reveal' first? I guess we'll just open the first door, which iiiiiiiiiiiis...
[Kuja stops, and the camera across to a door. Kuja slips in front of the camera.]
Kuja: Here we are. Vivi Ornitier! Shall we go in? I think we shall! Keh heh!
[Kuja pushes the door open, and immediately the corridor is filled with trashy, ultra-super-happy sounding music. The camera peers round the door, and we see Vivi bouncing up and down on the mini-couch, singing along loudly to the music. Beatrix steps back, and we see the room is filled with large teddy bears, sweet boxes, and empty sugar packets.]
Kuja: Vivi struck you as the 'quiet type', huh? The nice, shy, modest, sweetheart that would never be any trouble to anyone?
Beatrix: Pfft. We had him on a string of depressants for the whole game. That kid can't sit still for two damn seconds, the little sugar-consuming hypo-monster...
Kuja: Mmm, yes. Unfortunately, we found out two weeks into shooting that he was allergic to the cheap pills we'd been giving him. That's why you never saw his face - it was so red and swollen and bleeding and oozing and-
Beatrix: KUJA!!!! EW!
Kuja: Heh. Anyway, they couldn't show that thing to you ickle kiddies now, could they? And this serious reaction he had? Taken to hospital for two months. Life-support and everything.
Beatrix: Gods, yeah. Most of the filming had to be postponed. It cost Squaresoft a bundle.
Kuja: Which is another reason why I'm short on cash. Squaresoft needed someone to blame, and it was my idea for the depressants in the first place. Aha. So my pay got cut before I'd even been introduced in the game.
Beatrix: *snicker*
[At this point, during a twirl, Vivi notices the camera.]
Vivi: Oooooo! Cameracameracamera! Me wanna see!
Kuja: Uh oh, he's spotted us! Quick!
[Kuja throws in a bag of sugar for distraction purposes, and slams the door just as Vivi hurtles across the room. There's a small thud as Vivi collides with the door, and then odd noises as Vivi tries to eat his way out.]
Beatrix: Okay, my turn!
[Kuja moves out of sight of the camera, and the Beatrix jumps into his place.]
Beatrix: Okay! Working our way down the corridor of dressing rooms, we introduce you tooooo...
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gasp Who's gonna be next to be caught on camera? You'll have to wait for the next chapter! (coming pretty soon, I think.)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kuja & Beatrix present... "Life Behind the Fantasy!"
[Camera turns on, and we see a close up of an eye. After about a full minute of just staring at an eyeball, the camera pans out. Kuja, wearing something similar to his in-game costume, strikes a pose, flicking back his hair for effect.]
Kuja: Hello, loyal Final Fantasy IX fans! I realise that this...'update'...might seem a little irregular. But to those Kuja fans out there, you'll know that irregularity suits me just fine.
[He's jogged out of the way slightly by Beatrix, who's now wearing a loose, tatty jumper and jeans. She smiles at the camera.]
Beatrix: And it shows.
Kuja: *scowls* As I was saying, this will probably seem a little out of the blue. But I-
Beatrix: But WE decided to make this video for all of you Final Fantasy fanatics! Because we love you all, and wanted to offer thanks for your tireless support! *kisses at the camera*
Kuja: *lowers his voice* Actually, we needed the money, and we figured we could knock some video off, and sell it to crazed FFIX loons who'll buy anything with the logo on it.
Beatrix: Eheh, yeah...see, I wasn't always that good with a sword. I had to undergo a lot of training, and I, uh, broke a lot of stuff in the process. Including the actual instructor. After they deducted all the damages from my pay, I still ended up owing the company money.
Kuja: And I found out my pay was severely reduced after a promising technician who had the potential to earn the company thousands of dollars quit after I hit on him...several times. And I needed that money for my next shopping spree. (And they still don't know I, uh, 'borrowed' this camera from the back-up equipment cupboard...)
Beatrix: ...Know what? We probably shouldn't have advertised all that.
Kuja: ...Good point. We can edit it out later.
Beatrix: Right. So, FFIX fans, we welcome you to -
Kuja: "Life Behind the Fantasy!"
Beatrix: I thought we agreed I'D say that.
Kuja: *grinning* Camera's rolling, B. Keep going. And you're first to be behind the camera!
Beatrix: *glare* ...Fine.
[Beatrix moves behind the camera. Kuja starts backing down the corridor, talking to the camera.]
Kuja: Now, whom shall we 'reveal' first? I guess we'll just open the first door, which iiiiiiiiiiiis...
[Kuja stops, and the camera across to a door. Kuja slips in front of the camera.]
Kuja: Here we are. Vivi Ornitier! Shall we go in? I think we shall! Keh heh!
[Kuja pushes the door open, and immediately the corridor is filled with trashy, ultra-super-happy sounding music. The camera peers round the door, and we see Vivi bouncing up and down on the mini-couch, singing along loudly to the music. Beatrix steps back, and we see the room is filled with large teddy bears, sweet boxes, and empty sugar packets.]
Kuja: Vivi struck you as the 'quiet type', huh? The nice, shy, modest, sweetheart that would never be any trouble to anyone?
Beatrix: Pfft. We had him on a string of depressants for the whole game. That kid can't sit still for two damn seconds, the little sugar-consuming hypo-monster...
Kuja: Mmm, yes. Unfortunately, we found out two weeks into shooting that he was allergic to the cheap pills we'd been giving him. That's why you never saw his face - it was so red and swollen and bleeding and oozing and-
Beatrix: KUJA!!!! EW!
Kuja: Heh. Anyway, they couldn't show that thing to you ickle kiddies now, could they? And this serious reaction he had? Taken to hospital for two months. Life-support and everything.
Beatrix: Gods, yeah. Most of the filming had to be postponed. It cost Squaresoft a bundle.
Kuja: Which is another reason why I'm short on cash. Squaresoft needed someone to blame, and it was my idea for the depressants in the first place. Aha. So my pay got cut before I'd even been introduced in the game.
Beatrix: *snicker*
[At this point, during a twirl, Vivi notices the camera.]
Vivi: Oooooo! Cameracameracamera! Me wanna see!
Kuja: Uh oh, he's spotted us! Quick!
[Kuja throws in a bag of sugar for distraction purposes, and slams the door just as Vivi hurtles across the room. There's a small thud as Vivi collides with the door, and then odd noises as Vivi tries to eat his way out.]
Beatrix: Okay, my turn!
[Kuja moves out of sight of the camera, and the Beatrix jumps into his place.]
Beatrix: Okay! Working our way down the corridor of dressing rooms, we introduce you tooooo...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
gasp Who's gonna be next to be caught on camera? You'll have to wait for the next chapter! (coming pretty soon, I think.)