Only a Dream

The sky shone with lightning and every once in a while its loud roaring could be heard as it cut through the night's silence. Elizabeth looked up and around a dark room; she was sitting down with her arms around her legs and felt herself shaking with cold. As she saw the lightning through the window she shook with fear, yet it was a fear she could not understand. She did not remember ever being in such a room and so she stood up hesitantly and walked out through a door; she found herself in a hallway, which confirmed her thoughts of her being in a strange house.

Her breathing was ragged and her heart beat wildly. Why am I here? What is this place? She thought as she dragged her feet along the creaking wooden floor. The last thing she remembered was hearing someone whisper her name in the dark and suddenly she had looked up to a room that was not her own.

"Hello?" she asked with a fearful voice, "Is there anybody in here?"

After some eternal seconds of silence she continued to walk with her arms around her, trying to shield her from the cold feel that surrounded her. She stood in front of a large dark door and without thinking she simply grabbed the handle with her shaky pale hand and turned it. As the door opened and she walked in, the room glowed with an intense white light which blinded her view. The light started subduing and Elizabeth's brown eyes were able to see again; she gasped audibly as she looked at a large landscape which was beautifully covered in autumn leaves, she could see how the fading sun played with the shadows of each surface, of each leaf and of each tree. She started walking through a line of trees and turned at the sound of her name being called.

"Miss Elizabeth," the deep voice said.

As she saw Mr. Darcy standing in front of her she felt safe in the haven of his company, how could she not? He loved her with everything he was and so did she…to her he was what had changed her life in so many ways, he was a part of her and she would not have had it any other way. She was about to say something but before she could think the words, she could already hear her own voice saying:

"Mr. Darcy, to what may I concede this honour?"

"Miss Elizabeth, I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer," he looked at Elizabeth's expressionless eyes and hesitated for a brief second, "These past months have been a torment and I have come here to ask you to end my agony," Why is he telling me this? Had he not confessed already and I given him my answer? Why is he repeating those words when he already knows that I love him…why am I being so cold to him? Why is it that I cannot utter the words I want but my mouth moves of its own accord?

Elizabeth felt heartily confused for she could see Mr. Darcy but it certainly was not her who was talking to him. A feeling of frustration and anguish coursed through her as she saw how his eyes were filled with sadness and fear, she wanted to reach out for him and take that sad expression from him. She tried to move but her body would not respond and the fear she had been feeling throughout the whole encounter intensified. As she tried to get a grip she heard her voice once more cutting through the silence.

'I do not think I understand what you are saying, Mr. Darcy,"

"I love you," he said in that helpless and breathless voice he had used once, "Please do me the honour of accepting my hand," his eyes were glowing with such intensity and passion that Elizabeth felt her breath leave her. Her heart sped up as she heard his confession again and she wanted to respond and say that she loved him too, to see that anguished expression disappear from his handsome face.She felt her lips moving once more and shivered as she heard her voice as cold as ever.

"Why, Mr. Darcy," she said with a bitter tone, "I can not begin to tell you how amazed I am by your confession,"

"Miss Elizabeth, I…"

"By all means Mr. Darcy do explain to me how it is possible that you have come to this?" Elizabeth continued, her voice not wavering and her eyes not showing any type of favourable reaction towards Mr. Darcy's feelings. "After all I am barely tolerable and I do have a very propriety-lacking family, so forgive me if I find myself confused by your feelings at this time," she concluded her sentence with a small mirthless laugh. Mr. Darcy's heart was being torn apart and Elizabeth could do nothing to stop it, to stop herself. She could not stop those harmful and spiteful words from leaving her lips.

She felt her own heart break as she saw his expression fully change to one of complete rejection and hopelessness, she wanted it to stop, wanted to tell him what she really felt, she wanted him to be with her and never let her go. I do not want him to go! I love him and I need him with me…why am I driving him away when I just knew what it was like to really be near him? Why am I saying such hurtful words to him? Oh Lord, please stop for I do not think my heart or his can bear it any longer.

"I was wrong about you Miss," he replied shakily, " I was entirely wrong about you and I now can see what a fool I have been," he looked at her and risked a sad smile, "I am here to ask you to forgive this misunderstanding and allow me to show you all the love that I can give you…I am here to let go of my prideful self and stand here before you," he walked closer to Elizabeth and whispered in a deep voice, "and offer you my heart." "I want nothing of yours, sir," she snapped at him with anger flaring in her eyes. She took a determined step towards him as she saw his eyes shine with sadness, "You have disregarded everything I am…everything my family is," she finally stood in front of him and looked right at his blue eyes. "How can you even for a moment think that I might have you? After what you have said and done," Elizabeth was horrified by her own words, she felt like crying, she wanted to be able to stop it….she felt her own heart break just like Darcy's was.

They were so close, just like that rainy day at the temple and Elizabeth wished she could make it all better by kissing him and erasing those words from her lips with his.

"You were not able to appreciate what was in front of you," she said and he was left open mouthed and with glazing eyes and all words dying on his lips, "It is also too late, Mr. Darcy," she added with the spiteful yet mocking voice which made her insides cringe and added to the constricting feeling around her heart.

"Too late?" he asked softly with a broken voice and hurting eyes.

"Indeed," she answered with a bantering smile, "There is someone else now, someone who has proved to be much better than you,"

"You do not mean to say…" he paused in mid-sentence for he feared her answer

"I believe I do mean to say that Mr. Darcy," she laughed bitterly,

"If you are referring to Mr. Wickham,"

"You chose him?" he asked, "You chose that scoundrel over me?"

"You are not to refer to him in such a horrible manner," she snapped.

"He deserves no less," his eyes filled with rage and he simply looked at her with anger, "and if you can not see what he really is like then you have been tricked and fooled by his lies!"

Wickham? I would never ever prefer Wickham to him! My God Wickham will never be half the man Fitzwilliam is and if I ever thought it was the other way around I was certainly nonsensical. Lord, let me speak to him, let me touch him…let me be! I want him to stay here with me…if he were to walk away…I would…I…

"The only liar and fool here is you," she whispered at him, "You deserve nothing at all…you do not deserve me at all!" Mr. Darcy stood there; kiss-close to Elizabeth and with his heart broken, his breathing ragged and his eyes glazing with unshed tears. There he stood looking at Elizabeth's eyes and feeling the resignation in his heart…feeling his last hopes leaving him and so as he stared at her and her flaring eyes, he finally said:

"I can see that my feelings are not reciprocated," he looked at her lips for a moment and continued, "I am sorry for taking up so much of your time," he sighed deeply and turned his back towards her and started walking away with a painful slowness. Stop! Please stop…come backI did not mean any of it…I was wrong I was so wrong to misjudge you. I am letting him go, how can he come back after such spiteful and hurtful words have been said to him? I love you! I love with everything I have and I…I will die if you are not here with me to bring the pieces of my heart back together…I need you…

Elizabeth was on her knees with tears pouring down her face and not being able to call Mr. Darcy back to her, she would choke, she would sob but her voice would die on her lips and would be drowned by the falling tears. She looked at his retreating back and took a deep ragged breath before she blinked back her tears and thought: I will not lose him; I will not give him up.

"Fitzwilliam!" she yelled after him.

"Ah!" she gasped and she woke up breathless and with a sweaty forehead, she was staring at the dark canopy of her bed and saw the large curtains that surrounded the bed move slightly and she moved around the bed. She released a shaky breath and slowly turned her head towards her right and gasped softly as she saw Darcy's face in front of her, his eyes closed and his lashes shaking ever so slightly as he dreamt. Elizabeth took in each of her husband's handsome features and as she remembered her dream she felt her heart miss a beat as the memory of his eyes and his sadness crossed her mind.

She sighed and got up from the bed, through the curtains and stood in front of a large window and stared at the full moon; she remembered every word she uttered in her dream. It was more of a nightmare….No dream should be so dreadful, she thought as she hugged herself once more. Elizabeth turned her head towards her husband's figure which could be seen through the white curtains, saw him move around the bed and heard the bed covers ruffle. She smiled sadly as she thought of all the pain he went through as he tried to make her his, he had been so good to her and had given her so much. The frustration you felt must have been awful and I can only begin to imagine how you felt that day at the temple. I always feared that I did not deserve you for you were simply too good and too generous to me…I stopped thinking that but now I am not sure.

"You deserve better," she whispered to the darkness and turned back to look out the window.

Darcy turned on the bed and when he felt his side empty he opened his eyes slowly and found that Elizabeth was missing. He stifled a yawn and got up from the bed; he looked through the curtains and saw her standing by the window, he smiled to himself and went to her…

'Elizabeth," he whispered softly as he drew closer to her but she did not hear him. He walked behind her and gently put his arms around her waist and whispered once more in her ear.

"Lizzy," she did not answer but she let out a ragged breath, Darcy felt worried by Elizabeth's silence, "Is something the matter, Lizzy?" She turned her head towards him and smiled sadly at him which only worried him even more.

"I am fine, I am sorry if I woke you up," she whispered.

"Hmm, I just missed you, there beside me," he stated as he softly kissed her neck, "why are you not sleeping?"

"I…I could not," she stuttered.

"Nightmare?" he added.

Elizabeth only nodded and she felt his head rest on her shoulder, his breathing blew her hair and every once in a while he would caress it or her face in what appeared to be a comforting manner. He noticed that Elizabeth would not initiate a conversation so he did it.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked with a soothing voice.

"I just…I dreamt that you confessed again…" Elizabeth told the dream to Darcy and he listened patiently as she paused, took a breath and continued her monologue with that shaky voice which made his arms tighten around her. He was surprised by her words and how truly vulnerable she looked. As she finished telling him what happened before she woke up, a small tear coursed down her cheek; she was about to reach out and wipe it away but Darcy turned her around and gently caressed her face until the tear was gone.

Darcy held her face in his hands and searched Elizabeth's sad eyes with his. He kissed her forehead softly and looked at her again trying to convey all the love and happiness that she brought to him through his gaze. She avoided his gaze and ended up looking down at his chest; she did not want him to see her like this…so broken.

"Love, it was only a dream," he whispered against her forehead when he gave up on searching her gaze.

"I know," she shivered, "But now I can only imagine how you felt after you first confessed, the frustration, the sadness…I could almost feel how your heart broke as I said those words in my dream,"

"You had a reason for rejecting me that day at the temple," he hugged her close to his chest, "After that day I saw that you were entirely different to all my other female acquaintances," he took a breath and continued, "You did not accommodate to who and what I was, you did not fawn over my income, rank and other unimportant factors," he took her face in his hands and tilted her face upwards so that she met his gaze.

"You saw me as if I was your equal," he whispered, "You showed me that I was not better than you in any way and also you opened my eyes so that I could see what a prideful man I had been," he leaned close to her, "Can you not see it, Lizzy? I owe you so much." When Elizabeth heard his last words she looked up at him and shook her head slowly. She gave him a sad little smile and with a sad, broken voice she whispered to him:

"It is I who owes you so much," she turned around and walked back towards the window, "I do not deserve you, Fitzwilliam."

"How can you say such a thing?" he asked extremely puzzled, "You deserve this and so much more…" he touched her hand but she flinched away from him.

"I do not, I have made you go through so much pain, " she sobbed softly, "through so much trouble, and you deserve better than me."

"I believe we both have gone through enough, he said seriously, "I do not regret what I felt during that entire year…not one sensation at all."

"How can you say that?" she asked turning around once more, "Anyone else would have made it easier."

"And so it would not have been worth it," he said with a smile, "the pain was worth it…it was worth it because when I finally held you in my arms I new that never in my life had I felt so complete, so relieved…so alive."

"Fitzwilliam…" she gasped in a choked voice.

"Do not," he walked to her and hugged her tight against his broad chest, "If you are to say anything Elizabeth…say that you love me."

"But I…" she said hesitantly.

"Do you not love me anymore?" he whispered in a voice that made Elizabeth think of a little child, who was hesitant and fearful.

"I do," she hugged him tight as if her life depended on it, "I love you with all my heart, Fitzwilliam."

"I love you too," he said as he placed a kiss on her head, "Is that not enough for both of us?"

"Is it enough for you?" she asked quietly.

"Love, to have you here beside me, to know that you are mine and you love me," he sighed happily, "that is like heaven for me, it is more than I could ask for."

"I feel the same," she looked up shyly at him, "I am sorry for all this fuss."

"Do not apologize," he took her hand and gently brought her to bed, "Come back to bed with me."

They walked back to bed hand in hand and laid down together facing each other. Darcy pulled Elizabeth close to him and caressed her face softly; as she looked back at him he leaned closer to her and kissed her tenderly. He tilted his face to the side and intensified the kiss slightly; he intended to convey all his love and passion for his wife through this one kiss. When they broke apart, Elizabeth looked at Darcy and smiled sweetly; she took his hand and kissed it. She closed her eyes with her hand still clutching his and whispered:

"This feels like a dream," she smiled slightly.

"Does it?" he asked as he stared at her sleepy face.

"It does…" she sighed, " I do not want to wake up from it."