Paradise

Title: Paradise

Author: Blind Destruction

Pairing: Slight Reno/Rude

Rating: Mature

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, or the setting. Reno, Rude, Tseng, Rufus and Elena are all trademarks of Square Enix.

Author's Note: I wrote this originally intending for a bi-polar Reno, with a concerned Rude. However, seeing as I am one to stick to my skeletons, the idea warped slightly, and went from being a chaptered story, into a oneshot. But, yeah! I'll leave whatever opinions you have, to you, and, enjoy?

It was a crisp night, the air cold, the wind biting, and every breath he took was chilled with that same frozen apathy. The same lack of emotion that he had in his position, in his movements, in the way the cigarette was held between his fingers. A hazy blue cloud matched hazy blue eyes as they perceived the icy landscape before them, seeing, but not really seeing, feeling but not really feeling. Long, slim legs held him up; one bent up to further support his weight- which at the moment was not much. His tall, lanky frame was covered up only by a loose fitting suit, and sloppy clothing. He melded in with this landscape- fit in perfectly with the concrete and those apathetic statues symbolizing lives that were never really lived, people who went on without souls. What was that to him? He didn't care. He was a hired gun. Being soulless was his job, being heartless- a way of life. If he cared then what he was about to do would have been crushing. If he was human anymore, then doing what he did would have broken him a long time ago. But he hadn't shattered… did that mean he was still human…?

A small, sleek, black car made its way into the expansive parking lot, headlights flickering over him as it passed. He watched idly as it made its way slowly into an available space, near the main entrance of the building, and continued to watch as the door opened and the driver slipped out. Eye contact was made, heavy, black sunglasses to bright mako blue, and the cigarette fell to the ground, extinguished beneath black soled shoes, and they were off.

The two made their way from their respective positions to the glass doorway, pausing before it to shoot each other another glance.

"What took you so long? I was bored." Melodious voice light and taunting, blue eyes glimmering with reckless mischief and anticipation.

"Sorry." The voice that answered was the opposite; monotone and impersonal. But the conversation was short-lived as the taller of the two pushed the glass doors open and they took their first steps inside. Their actions as cold as the city, as cold as the sleek guns that appeared out of their harmless business suits. One took on the expression of apathy- locating the target and shooting; watching as legs, arms, and hearts exploded in the hailstorm of bullets. The other was maniacal, his laughter rising up out of a crooked smile, guns firing left and right. Bystanders? Targets? The difference between them was non-existent. And then it was quiet. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. Except for the soft crying of a woman near the back, arms and legs bloodied, hers or others- it didn't matter. The smile silenced her, a final bullet ending her tears and picking at the last shards of sanity.

Blood spilled through the ground, spilled through clothes, fabric and the fresh corpses that littered that stained floor. But he was smiling; grinning his custom smirk as he looked back at his partner.

"We're done Rude, let's go." His partner- Rude- turned and left, wiping some dirt off his uniform black suit, and slipping the gun back into the holster beneath his jacket. Blue eyes lingered on the scene with an unreadable expression on his features before they too turned away, following the other man out of the building.

Outside, snow had begun to fall, and the dark night sky glittered with the falling, sparkling white ice. It sprinkled itself amongst their hair, falling onto their suits, melting into their hands. But neither of them paused. Moving forward like the apathetic business men they were, the doors of the car opening and sliding shut as they stepped inside.

The sound of the car motor starting jarred Reno back to life, and he tilted his head up from the window. His partner eased them out of the space, driving with a sophisticated urgency. He knew where to go, despite whether or not his partner told him. It had become routine to finish up their shifts and go there. Gloved hands gripped the steering wheel, eyes, hidden by dark sunglasses, focused on the road before them. He drove up to an intersection, flicking on the turn signal as he prepared to switch lanes. It was a familiar route. A familiar afterthought of a familiar mission. Hardwired into their systems, and so it was strange when he felt his redheaded companion's hand on his arm, in a gesture that meant 'Stop'.

"Not tonight, partner, I've got plans."

Rude quirked an eyebrow beneath his sunglasses, but readjusted the car and continued straight. Reno's hand withdrew itself and he went back to resting his head on the window. He exhaled softly, fingers tapping on his thigh idly. Reno's fidgeting had always annoyed him; had made him want to rip his partner's hands off and tie him to a chair in some vain attempt to get him to sit still. But they had been together a long time. Long enough for Rude to get used to the fidgeting and the swearing, and the lack of sanity his partner seemed to exude. He was used to it all now, and the change of heart didn't bother him. They drove forward in silence, broken only by the occasional laugh, muttered curse or even an exasperated sigh.

It all amounted to an uneventful ride to Reno's apartment. The trip ended with a significant slam of the passenger door, and the redhead turned on his heel and left, entering into the high-class apartment building. It was a wonder Reno hadn't been evicted from the apartment, really. But Turks got everything didn't they? They had the fear of the people of Midgar, and that was more than enough to allow someone as rambunctious as Reno to live in such a high-class area without being kicked out on his ass in the frozen streets. It was the only reason for a lot of things. The Turks got away with far too much, but they deserved it.

Rude's gaze moved back to the road in front of him, foot applying pressure to the pedal, and he and the car were soon gone. Reno wore a bright smirk as he waved good night to his partner's fading tail-lights, turning to enter into the building to escape the cold. The irony, that which was cold on the outside, was a comfortable warmth on the inside. Life would never be simple, would it? And those doors opened, and Reno was inside, mock saluting the man at the front desk, and making his way to the elevator.

Six floors up and an hour later found Reno sprawled out on his couch. The ceiling lights were off, but the room was in no way dark. Blue, white, red, yellow lights splattered themselves all over the room, all over him. The sounds and lights of the TV were just enough to mask the appearance of life in the redhead.

And all he had to do was…

"Buy the turbo-pro now! Work your abs into those firm muscles. Fool everyone into thinking that even you're a part of SOLDIER!"

…Smile wide…

"Oooh, baby. You're hot, aren't you? And, I'm just oh-so lonely. Call me and keep me company. I can't go on without some of your loving."

…Sit up straight…

"Had a bad day at the office? Couldn't find those files the boss asked for? Paper boy lost all the mail? Have no fear; we have the solution to ALL of life's problems. OKAM. Instantaneous headache relief for those busy, stressful days. The right way to make yourself feel so much better."

…And never, ever, let them see you frown.

Bright blue eyes were glazed over, unfocused. Smile, wide and beautiful. Breaths short and hitched.

"Wake up darling, wake up and see the sunrise. Wake up and go to school, go to work, go to the mall on time! Buy the Time-Clock. Junon's finest. So, wake up and get moving!"

The needle was still in his hand, his hand being the only thing to have moved, settling itself onto the floor. His chest shuddered, heaving up and down while strangled sounds forced their way out of his throat.

"'Back to, Midgar: Shatter and Rumble.' 'I'm gonna do it babe, I'm going to blow up those terrorists. It's the only way.' 'But Charlie, oh Charlie! Don't do it! You're gonna get killed!' 'It's what I've gotta do babe. Ya can't say no to the boss.' 'But-but…the baby! I'm pregnant Charlie! What about the baby!?' 'It's my job…bye Maria. Take care of the little guy.'"

That sound finally escaped him, chest heaving with the effort, and a bitter laugh spewed forth, filling his apartment with the cold sound. Cold, apathetic laughter that drowned out the sounds, drowned out the thoughts, drowned out the very essence of life. That was him though, wasn't it? All he had to do was smile and laugh and he was himself; He was Reno. Maybe that really was who he was. Any changes to that single analysis of character would cause the inevitable downfall of that character. If Charlie had stayed. If Charlie had quit his job and worked as a delivery boy, and had children with Maria. Raised his children and lived with Maria. If he had more compassion, more faith, more strength,then maybe everything would have been different. But the show wouldn't get its ratings then, would it? The character would have shattered. Everything that everyone had known him to be- relied on him to be would have been ended and there would be no show. No life without that simple, basic understanding of a character; of a person.

He would never pull a Charlie. Never grow some balls and get out of the business. Because then he'd be a broken toy, and no one wanted a broken toy. You returned them at Christmas- returned them because you wanted something bigger, shinier, and easier to understand. And that's why the laughter resounded. That's why it echoed across the apartment, and slowly ebbed away at his last bit of sanity, his last bit of sobriety.

And the needle was up again. Up at his arm, in his body, in his veins, a part of him. Such a familiar part of him. That was it though, wasn't it? His flaw. He was a coward. A coward who hid behind a bottle, or a pill, or a needle, or some big, bad words. A coward who hid behind uniforms, and job titles, and guns, and weapons, and people. Had they realized it yet? What a coward he was? Maybe if they had realized it, they would have called him on it already. After all, no one wanted a broken toy…

"Reno."

There was that voice. Dammit. That voice that he always heard. In the back of his head, somewhere, it was just always there. Why? Why couldn't he get rid of it? Rude…

"Reno?"

He heard the footsteps loudly, clearly, and he panicked. He couldn't find out. He couldn't know. Blue eyes grew wider, body fighting with mind, arms struggling to pick themselves back up. The footsteps were getting closer, closer, closer. His arm finally became functional, and his thin body moved upwards, swiping all of his tools off the table onto the ground. His hand returned, groping for a bottle of something innocent. Alcohol. Alcohol was okay, right? He drank alcohol all the time, didn't he? There wasn't anything strange about that was there?

"Sup Rude?" The bottle was in hand, poised on the back of the couch, for posterity? His body was angled off so he was twisted slightly, talking to his comrade. Trademark grin was shot off at his friend. His friend. Friend, friend, friend. He had no friends. This was his partner. Partner in-crime, partner in-work, and partner. Only his partner.

"We have another assignment."

Sunglasses tilted downward, eyes still hidden, but stoic expression still there. Reno was drunk, already? Hadn't taken him long. Then again it never had.

"Oi, oi, oi! What's with Rufus? I'm off duty. I'm not working."

His words were slurred over, and barely comprehensive. He had meant to say it all, he really had. Maybe it had come out properly. Maybe it had come out properly. Maybe it had come out-

"Come on, Reno."

Another step closer, another step, another. Rude would see. He would see and he would know. He would know and they would hate him. They would take him back to the store, or throw him out. They would replace him.

"Reno?"

And he was there, looking down at his partner exuding all the apathy he had always seemed to radiate.

He didn't have a response? He didn't yell at him, or interrogate him? Why? Wasn't it wrong? Didn't it clarify everything about him?

"Reno."

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. He really wasn't saying anything. Wasn't doing anything. Did this mean he wasn't broken? Regardless of everything, he was okay? Did that mean this was normal? Rude didn't hate him, didn't hate him, didn't hate him.

"Reno!"

"Do you want some, Rude?"

A hand on his thigh, another on his chest, and that warm body pressed up against him. How had he managed to get up? How had he managed to move so fast?

"I can give you some. I can give you all you want if it'll make you happy."

Chalky white tilted up to meet smooth brown. The air hot was and sticky between them, lips reaching up to meet, as his hand trailed upwards, making its way closer, body flat on his, desperate. He tried to pull away, pull away from the kiss and pull away from the touch and pull away from his partner. And he tried Reaching his hand up to push back, push back and away and save his partner the dignity he had.

He was gasping, panting and still struggling to breathe. Lips cold against him, cold and unresponsive but still so filled with life. He understood didn't he? He didn't hate him. He wouldn't throw him out. He wouldn't. His hand moved up further, reaching their goal. Playing softly, languidly on the other man, on his partner, his friend. But the hand was at his chest, pushing, pushing him off of him, wanting him to go away. But he wouldn't. He couldn't. Rude would hate him. Rude would hate him if he didn't do this, if he didn't keep him going, if he didn't make him forget.

Rude shoved his partner back, hoping for him to regain himself, desperate to get that hand off. Reno stumbled backwards, and fell. Tripped, fell over the table landing in the small space between the couch and the table, landing on the carpet, landing on the drugs. A needle poked into his side, small plastic bag half full of small, green blue orbs tilted over, rolling over the floor, rolling to Reno and stopping, rolling past him and stopping at Rude.

Reno scampered up, eye wide, pupils dilated to nothing, once blue eyes now the same mixture of green and blue as the small, rolling orbs. He ignored the needle, picking up the bag, trying to pick them back up, trying to put them back in, trying to, but failing. Failing, and Rude was succeeding. Having stooped down and picked one up, squeezing it experimentally between his thumb and index finger.

This was familiar. He had seen this before. Seen it with Reno before, and he had changed the subject and he had assumed that it was nothing. He had seen this before with one of the men they had to kill, hiding out in a whore house. The same dilated eyes, the same fevered sweat, the same, the same, the same. Dammit. Why hadn't he noticed before? He dropped the ball to the floor, moving downwards to Reno, trying to help him up.

"Reno."

"No, no, no, no, no. This isn't supposed to, fuck, not what's supposed to happen. Rude!"

The eyes looked up at Rude, giving him a first hand look at the change, at the change produced by the tainted mako. He groaned inwardly, wincing outwardly. The wince hidden behind thick sunglasses, the groan hidden by pure lack of emotion. How heartless was he? That he couldn't even care about his partner. About his partner's fall.

"Rude, Rude, Rude, oh fuck, Rude!"

Hands left their scampering, moving instead to their partner, to the shoulders of the man who had saved him, to the body of the man who knew him, knew him better than anybody.

"Rude, Rude, help me. Help me. I want more, I need more."

And the hands left him, the body bending, searching looking for it, looking for it desperately. He needed it. He needed it more than anything. He needed it more than anyone. How would they accept him otherwise? This was the only way to be happy. This was the only way to be himself. This was the only way. His hands managed to grasp on, hold on, to the small ball. He grasped it tightly, taking the needle out of his arm, and sticking it into the orb with a practiced ease. Rude watched with a morbid curiosity, just how long had he been doing this?

The liquid left the orb, deflating it to nothing, giving its life into the needle which now swam with the same combined, yet separated green and blue mako. Reno's small body shook with anticipation, shook with need, this was it.

Before he could respond it was inside again, filling him again, finishing him and restoring him so completely Rude couldn't tell where Reno ended and the drug began. The line was blurred and erased and there was nothing he could do. Dammit. There was something he could do, there had to be. Anything would be better than standing there, watching the act, the almost ritualistic dance.

Rude reached out for the needle, hesitating just above Reno's hand. Small tremors shocked their way through his frail form, hand barely able to hold the needle, let alone squeeze the intoxicating substance into his body. Rude continued in his motion, easing the needle out of Reno's hand, resting it on the floor beside him.

He was surprised by the pair of arms that wrapped themselves tightly around his neck, pulling him closer weakly. Rude held him up, fitting one arm around him to support him as he pulled his partner up from the floor. And in that moment, that moment as he picked his partner, no, his friend up to prop him back up on the couch, in that moment where Reno was pressed up against him, chest to chest, heartbeat to heartbeat, he realized just how frail Reno really was.

It fluttered, faintly, faintly and quickly and Rude didn't notice it for a moment, but when he did he wasn't sure what to do. Calm, collected Rude had no idea what to do for his struggling partner.

"Reno." He called softly, trying to attract Reno's attention back to him, to keep him focused. Reno responded by rolling his eyes, not being able to focus, not wanting to focus?

"Reno. Reno." Rude repeated, hands raised awkwardly over Reno, not quite sure what to do. He normally knew, knew enough to fix things. Why didn't he know now?

Reno's body arched up ungracefully, a small spasm going through his shaking body, a trembling laugh spilling out of his lips. "Haha, don't worry, Rude. Don't worry, Rude, I'm happy." And those eyes slipped shut, closing in pain, not pleasure as his leg shot out, kneeing Rude in the side. But that wasn't important, he didn't even cringe at the blow, looking at Reno instead. Reno who had stopped moving and shaking. Reno who lay limply against the couch, limply against Rude's arms.

"Reno!"

Silence from his partner. A silence that was louder than everything around him, even the still flickering lights and sounds of the television.

"Come visit the beautiful city of Midgar. Home of the world's finest food, entertainment and nightlife. Live your life, come to Midgar."

It wasn't foreign and it wasn't strange. He had seen this before, witnessed it before, he'd been the cause of this before. The far too familiar feeling, the inescapable aura of death that hung heavy in the room, heavy in the apartment, heavy in his heart because this [iwas[/i Reno, and there was nothing of him left anymore.

And Rude still wasn't sure what to do. What could he do? His mind wondered, questioned the situation, the circumstance, itself. The gravity of the situation still not having set in, but his body understood. He didn't even realize that he was on top of Reno, shaking his shoulders, calling his name,

"Reno! Reno!"

begging him to wake up, begging him to look at him and laugh like he had always laughed, and smile at him, like he had always smiled, and tell him he was fine, and it was a cruel joke, a test, anything. His big, calloused hands were at Reno's shoulders, shaking him desperately, needing those eyes to open, needing to see that smile.

Maybe it hadn't only been Reno searching for it, maybe he could understand the lengths he had obviously gone to in order to keep it there. That laughter, that happiness, as fake as it was, it had always kept them both alive. But, Reno had found it hadn't he? Solace in his escape. There was no reason for him to smile anymore, no reason to be happy, no reason to survive. But, where did that leave Rude?

He left the apartment. An hour later, several hours later, only a moment later, but what did it matter? The silence was too much, the silence only death could bring. He couldn't look at him anymore, couldn't look at the body that was no longer what it had been. There was nothing for him to do there anymore, he couldn't even feel it anymore. Reacting instinctively to the loss, not allowing it to set in, needing to move and not wanting to leave. But he gave in, eventually. He always ended up giving in. The door opened easily, had he expected it not to? and he stepped out of the apartment, not turning back, never turning back. The only thing to send him off the heartless sounds of the people in the television.

"'I'll never leave you, babe...' and he couldn't help but stop, hand clutching tighter around the doorknob, shoulders stiffening. Dammit, Reno.

But, in case something happens, we should buy Sessler life insurance. You'll be protected in case anything happens to me….. Don't worry, and be happy."

And he eased his way out of the apartment, sliding the door shut behind him and moving forward.

A week later and it was still raining. The clouds blotted out the sun, pouring infinite sadness over the city. But that wasn't anything new, Midgar had always been a dark place, if it wasn't the plate, it was the weather, and if it wasn't the weather, then it was everything else. There was no remedy for a dead city, nothing to revive it and bring it into some glorious climax. The same way there was no remedy for the lifestream, no remedy for a dead body. Nothing to save the soul of the corpse in front of him. But, what could he do? As apathetic as always, standing before a hollow black box, hollow, hollow, hollow. And, inside it was the body, as empty as the box, and it was just so empty, empty, empty. And, dammit, he shouldn't be upset, there was nothing he could do. And, dammit, he should be upset, because there was nothing he could do.

The only sound was Elena's crying, weeping with a failing self-restraint into her black cloth, dressed entirely in black. Black, black, black. They were all in black, and there was no one else there, and she was crying. Reno would've hated it. Reno would have wanted them to joke around, and laugh. With or without the drugs, Reno was still Reno, but he should've noticed it sooner, should've done something sooner.

And for the millionth time his eyes darted to the door, emotion still hidden behind his sunglasses. Dark as always, void of expression, void of feeling or expression. His gaze went past Rufus and Tseng, standing coolly beside each other, faces unreadable. Rufus as clean and orderly as always, white suit replaced by one of black, as remarkable as the one that was his uniform. Tseng just as clean, but seeming a bit harassed. No doubt frustrated at the loss of another Turk. No doubt frustrated at the way he had gone.

But, Reno wasn't gone, was he? Rude kept his gaze leveled onto the door, waiting. Waiting, waiting, for what? Reno to waltz in as he always had? Reno to come in smiling, alcohol in hand, a suggestive shirt on, winking at Rufus as he came, sticking his tongue out at Tseng, cheering up Elena and waving to Rude. That's what he did, that's what he would do.

Elena's crying jerked him back to reality, looking away from the door and back at the coffin, back at Reno. Reno without a smile, or a wave, Reno in black, black, black, and Reno who wasn't there anymore.

Before he knew it he had left, exited the funeral home and sat outside and waited for it to be over. Didn't want to see the hired preacher pray, didn't want to see him being buried, because then that would be it, and there would be nothing left to question.

Tseng had offered him time off, had told him he understood and that he could take all the time he needed to recover. But, Rude had declined, asking instead for a special assignment. Less than a month, and all traces of 'Heaven' were gone. Reno's dealer, as uninvolved as he may have been, had been killed in less than a week, all his partners, and suppliers, all had been killed, and after that everyone else involved. Tseng had never really commented on the project Rude had, essentially, assigned himself, but he never disapproved. Elena was put up to become Rude's new partner, once he was finished his solitary one-man raid.

It was a self-destruct mechanism. To take revenge upon the whole world for the loss of one person. He still hesitated to think 'loved one'. Reno had tossed the word around frequently, often enough for it to lose meaning, but it never seemed to. They had been friends. Good friends. That, at least, was worth defending, even if he didn't believe in love.

But, it was gone. The thing that had killed Reno was gone. And yet, he wasn't really satisfied. Filled with a feeling he couldn't place, and that bothered him. It bothered him because he was Rude, and he knew everything, but since then he just didn't know anything. Reno had died searching for acceptance. Reno had died looking for a way to be loved, and to stay loved. Even though he had thrown that word around, maybe it was only because he didn't believe in it either.

Years ended up passing, replacements came and went and he barely noticed. Barely noticed the new body next to him, shooting with him, hunting with him. They never knew what to say, or how to act, because they didn't understand. They didn't understand because they weren't Reno, and he didn't understand because there were no answers. There was nothing to know.

"The drug, 'heaven', has been taken off the streets. Heaven was composed of alerted mako and enhanced feelings of elation, ecstasy, loss of common sense and focus. It was created by researchers in a mako lab in Sector Four, the scientists of which have since been arrested. Heaven is slowly making its way off the streets, and out of the hands of our youth. Now, onto our next story, about the excellent weather conditions down in Costa Del Sol…"