"Chapter 1 – Kitty Says"
I've wanted a lot of things in my life. I've wanted my parents not to get a divorce; I've wanted my brother to stop doing crazy things; I've wanted to not be bi-polar. I want my hair to be red, and I want my voice to be loud. I want to be friendly, to stand out in the crowd. Oh look, I rhymed haha!
I used to watch this movie with my mom, Armageddon I think, when I was younger; it's her favorite. Then I decided I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up. After a while I decided I wanted to be a doctor because my mommy loved the doctors on her TV shows; I've always wanted her to love me.
In middle school I wanted to be a racecar driver because my brother loved fast cars. We used to play cars all the time and it was so fun! I used to play dolls with my sister, too. I wanted to be a Barbie doll, but she said I couldn't be that because I was too short; that's why I wear high heels.
When I started going to Hollywood Arts, I wanted to be a ballerina. They were such good dancers and I wanted to be graceful like them. I also wanted my red hair to look really cute in a little bun on my head, haha! Then I wanted to be one of those dancers my daddy paid to see every other night before he left Mommy. He used to spend a lot of our money there because he said he loved those dancers. I wanted Mommy to be one of those dancers too because I wanted Daddy to love her again. Then I decided I wanted to be an actress like some of my friends. I'm pretty sure I want to be a singer; my friends say I've got a really great voice and I should put it to good use. Singing is really fun, haha!
But what I really want the most is to be happy.
I'm always happy with my mom...well I used to be. Before Mommy and Daddy got separated—because they aren't divorced yet—she was so fun! She used to take me out every day after school for ice cream. Then we would go to the mall and she would me a new book to read. She used to say reading is good for me because it helps me learn more words. She used to buy me good books and sometimes she would buy me books Jade would like.
But that was before Daddy left…
He took all our money, my ten-year old little sister Demi, and all of Mommy's fun.
Now all Mommy does is sit at home watching Days of Our Lives and eating ice cream by herself. She doesn't cook anymore like she used to and she doesn't even clean the house. Sometimes I don't even think she leaves the couch! When I get home, I clean whatever's dirty and my oldest brother Tony cooks the food. He really likes cooking, that's why he volunteered to be our cook! He learns from watching TV all the time. He's got his own TV in his room and he spends a lot of time in there since Mommy uses the TV in the den.
My other brother, Vince, he's three years younger than Tony and he's the one who goes out and works. He works two jobs and makes the money so we can keep our house. He works as a dishwasher at Mommy's favorite restaurant and at the skating rink. Sometimes we all get in for free when Bryce is in charge. He even taught me how to skate by myself last year!
My sister, Bristol, she's a year older than me and she works too but she's still in high school with me so she can only work part-time. She works at the book store Mommy used to take me to. Sometimes she even brings me home a book! She normally blacks out the barcodes with a really fat sharpie marker so she can get them out of the store. Most of the time she gets me kiddy books because those are the only ones she can grab without someone noticing; that section of the store doesn't have a lot of cameras so it's easy to grab a book. It also gets really odd after a while when the cameras keep filming Bristol snatch a book and take it to the kiddy section. After she stole three books, her manager almost fired her so now all she can get is kiddy books and coloring books.
I love the Dr. Seuss books!
Sometimes when I can, I work at The Baby Store. I love it there! There are so many cute clothes and all the mommies come in there with their babies or their pregnant bellies. Sometimes I see girls my age in there with pregnant bellies. I want a baby! I want to buy my baby cute little clothes and hold it and play with it and keep it safe. I want my baby to love me. Oh wait…I don't have a baby haha! But I really, really want one.
It's definitely hard since Daddy's gone.
We had to sell our old house because Daddy didn't want to help pay for it anymore and Mommy quit her job that paid a lot of money; she used to be a fashion designer and it made her really happy. But Daddy took her fun and she didn't want to be happy anymore. I really loved that house; my family grew up in it. Now we live a little bit outside LA and our house is barely big enough for the five of us.
But we can't always have everything we want…
It's hard without Daddy, but I've got my friends and my brothers and sister to make me happy.
I'll always be happy.
Nothing can take that away.