TITLE: Torn Part 1
AUTHOR: Neamh1
FEEDBACK: Yes, please!
ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: Please ask.
SUMMARY: Buffy finally gives in to Angelus but in the harsh light of day she realises what she has done and runs away. Angelus and the scooby gang reluctantly join forces to find Buffy and reunions are always hard when you've been missing for four years...

CONTENT/WARNINGS: sex, violence, profanity.
RATING: NC-17 Absolutely adults only. Graphic sex and excessively graphic violence, please do not read if you are under age.

DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon, etc, are the owners. I simply write non-profit work.
NOTE: I would like a beta if any one would like to volunteer, i have a few other fics that need sprucing up before they can be posted.

Part 1

She woke with a scream that evening, the same scream that woke her every evening since her night with him. Angelus had been tormenting her for months, time and time again she had failed to do her sacred duty and stake him like she should. She could no easier kill him than she could turn back time; she never got a break from the hell that was her life. She had pulled further and further away from her friends and family trying to spare them the grief that was slowly eating her up inside. She had tried to deal and move on, tried to let them support her and help her through it but she gave up along time ago. There was nothing anyone could do for her now, she remembered being out one night patrolling, that's all she seemed to do anymore. After killing a number of fledglings she felt the familiar tingle in the pit of her stomach signalling that he was near. He was always near…that was the problem, he haunted her days, nights and dreams. That night she hadn't been fighting to her normal standards, she was too tired to make the effort, when another group had come along and noticed her limping they had made their move. Despite warnings from Angelus that no one harm his slayer they couldn't resist, not even noticing his presence in the shadows. She fought them as best she could, then something happened…she stopped fighting. This was her way out, to be free of everything and finally move on. Angelus watched from the shadows as she failed to block a punch from the last remaining vampire, she didn't even put up a fight when the vampire lowered himself to her limp body on the floor and leaned in for the final bite. He must have thought the Devil himself was watching him that night for the good fortune he had come across. Instead of feeling the sharp pain of the bite in her neck she felt the soft fall of dust over her face as the vampire exploded. Looking up she saw Angelus above her looking as though he was going to kill her right there. He pulled her up harshly from the floor leaning down closely as he yelled at her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you could have been killed by the imbecile if I hadn't been around? Is that what you were doing?" His words were harsh, his game face showing as he fought to control his anger.

She hit her arms against his chest, not nearly half as hard as she could hit him. "Why couldn't you just let him kill me, I didn't ask you to save me! You should have let me die! I don't want to live, I can't do this anymore! I can't live; I can't carry on playing these games."

She shouted at him, Angelus realised that she was truly breaking down, he had thought her to be stronger than this, she hadn't once in the months that he'd been around showed any sign of weakness to him. It scared him that he hadn't noticed how hard she was taking it and how fast she had actually been falling. He pulled her hard against his chest stroking her hair to soothe her. "I can't let you die Buff, as much as I might hate it you're my mate, I'm the only one who should kill you and that's not going to happen any time soon." He whispered to her.

Lifting her small form into his arms he carried her back to the mansion effortlessly, entering by the main front doors he saw the various minions that were hanging around the place. "Leave now, and don't come back until tomorrow night." He barked at them. They knew better than to argue with Angelus when he was in this type of mood so they quickly made their way out of the mansion to find other shelter for when sunrise approached.

Spike and Drusilla were still out hunting but he knew they would not disturb him if his door was locked. Carrying Buffy into his room he locked the door behind himself and placed her down on his bed. She was shaking from head to toe and he noticed that her clothes were torn from the fight. She made no objections as he stripped her clothes and then left for a minute to run some bath water. Returning to her he carried her into the bathroom and climbed inside the large tub with her cradled in his lap. She hadn't a clue as to what was happening, she just let him clean her down and wash her hair. He got out with her and wrapped her in a fluffy towel, she vaguely remembered wondering where he got towels from and who cleaned them but it wasn't important enough to dwell on.

Angelus had taken her back to the bed and dried her off before placing her under the sheets and throwing her towel to the floor. He quickly dried himself and joined her. Pulling out a brush from the bedside cabinet he worked the tangles from her hair and brushed it until it was hanging silkily down her back completely dry. Again she didn't protest when he gently pulled her down to lay in his arms, he rolled over on top of her and stared at her wondering whether she was going to let him continue. He lowered his lips to hers and tasted her; it had been too long since he'd done this and he vowed not to let her get away from him ever again. He had decided when he first came back that he was going to make Buffy his queen, but before he could do that he needed to break her down a little and shape her to his will. He also wanted her to age a little more before he made her his permanent mate for all eternity. He imagined what she would be like when she reached twenty five and had fully grown into herself. The thought made him harder and he pressed himself against her gaining a small moan to escape her lips. Angelus spent the rest of the night in that bed, she supposed it could have been called making love if he were ever capable of that emotion without his soul. The thought of the soul brought tears to her eyes instantly, she missed Angel so much…her heart cried out for him every second of every day.

She quickly thought back to the events that took place early that morning as she woke in Angelus' bed and looked down at him sleeping, his arm and leg thrown possessively over her small body. The second she moved his grip had tightened around her but she had managed to pry herself from his still sleeping form and out of the bed. She had never felt more disgusted with herself, she had made a mockery of everything that had been her and Angel by giving herself willingly to Angelus. She hated herself for her weakness and stupidity, there was no forgiving what she had done that night and so she ran again. Grabbing her clothes and quietly putting them on she unlocked the door and crept down the stairs. In the living room of the mansion the fire blazed, Spike and Drusilla had decided to stay downstairs after they came back from hunting that night and heard the slayer and Angelus going for it. Spike stirred as she descended the stairs and he stood up from the couch asking her where she was going. Angelus woke when he heard Spike and Buffy talking faintly, after realising that she was not in his bed he jumped out and headed for the stairs unashamed of his nudity. Buffy reached the bottom of the stairs as Angelus reached the top, it took one look from her to know that she was bolting and he quickly instructed Spike to stop her as she rushed for the door. Angelus wasn't far behind but both vampires were stopped as she swung open the double doors letting the light flood in. Angelus could do nothing as he stood there and looked into her eyes one last time before she disappeared.

That was the last time she had seen him and due to her present circumstances would likely be the last time she would ever see him again. She had ran home that day and grabbed a bag full of clothes and all of her savings then caught the first bus out of town. Arriving in LA she attempted to blend in with the folks on the street, she new that Angelus would be looking for her soon and she needed to loose herself, little had she known that her prayers were about to be answered.

The sound of the door unlocking roused her from her thoughts, "It's time." Layla said as she held out her hand for Buffy.

Sunnydale…
Angelus paced the floor in the living room of the mansion waiting for sundown, he had been like this since he and Spike had received the summons from the council of elders. Since the master had been killed by Buffy and Angel had killed Darla that left Angelus as elder of the order and Spike as his favoured childe at his right hand. It had been nearly four years since Buffy had ran away and he was still no closer to finding her. He had felt her that night, he knew where she had caught a ride to and he followed as soon as the sun had set. Not long after he had arrived in LA he felt pain shoot through him from their link, he knew that it wasn't death that was claiming Buffy but another. Their bond as mates was being severed magically and it was tearing him apart, he and his minions searched the city for any news on her but nothing turned out. He returned to the mansion feeling empty inside and went to seek out the only help left that he could think of at the time.

Sunnydale 1998

"Just so that we're clear, you're not welcome hear." Giles said as he stood staring at the monster that had woken him.

"Listen to me old man, I'm not here to kill, I'm here for your help. It's Buffy, I know you know she's missing, her mother most likely already noticed that some of her things were gone. She went to LA but something happened that I can't explain and she needs me." Angelus attempted to explain.

"What she needs is not you, what she needs are her friends and family." Giles stated.

"Buffy tried to get herself killed the other night, she nearly let a fledgling take her. When I dusted him she broke down on me and said she wanted to die Giles, that's how good of a job her family and friends have been doing for her. I took her home with me and took care of her, I thought…I don't know what I thought but in the morning she walked out and left town. I tried to stop her but I couldn't follow her into the day light. I tracked her to LA as soon as the sun went down but about an hour after I got there I felt pain rip through my insides."

"Well it's about bloody time you got some after everything you put her through the last few months." Giles interrupted him.

"Do you want to hear this or not?" replied Angelus tersely, well aware that it was getting near to dawn. "Someone has broken our mated bond by magic, the bond is not easily broken and someone has to be incredibly strong to perform that kind of spell. I can't feel her presence anymore so I can't track her or even know if she's alright. I'm asking for a truce so that we can put our heads together and save her. I promise not to hurt anyone and keep the others under control and once we find her I'll leave town and you'll never have to see me again."

"And Buffy? What will she be doing when we find her?" Giles asked wondering if Angelus really thought that he would let her be taken away by a demon.

"That's her choice, if she decides that she wants to remain in Sunnydale I won't fight it I'll just leave. But if she decides to come with me then you're to put up no fight." Angelus stated the terms waiting to see if Giles would accept them or not. He knew that he would be able to persuade Buffy to leave with him without much effort and if not then it wasn't in the nature of demons to keep their word anyway.

"I can't loose her; if she decides to leave will you stop me from seeing her?" Giles asked, wanting to know exactly what he was about to get himself into.

"Not if she wants to see you. Everything I do is because of her in some way Giles, she means more to me than you will ever know, I'd do anything for her except leave her."

"And what if she asks you to leave." Giles asked confidently.

"She won't…but if she does then… I'll try. Whether you want to believe it or not Giles she needs me as much as I need her. Now are you in or not, cause frankly I need to get home before I fry." Angelus said.

Giles made his choice then, he nodded to Angelus and told him to come back the next night with any information he might have. If this was going to work then Giles would have to invite Angelus into his home; meaning that he wanted to make sure he was protected and that none of the other children were around when he showed.

The next night went as well as expected, Angelus' information wasn't of much help but it seemed to point them in the right direction so it was a start. They sat reading through various old texts night after night containing information on dark magic's and prophesies. Angelus would meet at Giles' house with him twice a week when possible to research the information that he had gathered. Most of the time Angelus spent in LA searching for Buffy and following leads which never panned out. It had been five months when Angelus turned up at Giles door one night, his clothes tattered and his face bloody. He didn't give Giles details of why he was in such a state just said that he had gotten too close to something and was stopped. Giles was sharing information with him of his recent findings when the door opened and Xander and Willow entered his house.

They both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Angelus standing behind Giles, thinking that he was about to attack him they grabbed the nearest weapons and attempted to save Giles. Angelus batted them away without any effort and sat at the table whilst Giles calmed them and explained. From that point onwards Willow and Xander began helping with the research that Angelus provided them with. They had all spent months following leads that ended with nothing and after nearly four years of searching for her all of them except Angelus had given up hope.

The fact that it would be Buffy's twenty first birthday on the day of the meeting was not lost on Angelus and he held some hope that maybe someone there could give him some information. As the last rays of the sun disappeared over the horizon he headed out of the door with Spike and Drusilla following closely behind him. They climbed in his car and he drove them as fast as he could to LA. From there they would meet at a secure location and be transported to the sacred temple which would hold the meeting. As they stood waiting by the dinner they had been instructed to, Angelus resumed his pacing waiting for their Guide. Spike knew better than to try and calm him down when he was in this type of mood and so he stood back holding Dru in his arms. More than once he was tempted to go off and feed but resisted telling himself that they would no doubt be offered refreshments at the council meeting. Their Guide arrived exactly when they were told he would and led them a few blocks away to where a van was parked. Angelus and the others were told to get in the back, the lack of windows meaning that they were not allowed to know where they were going. The guide started up the engine and drove them towards their destination. They had been driving for over two hours when they started to slow down and came to a halt, Angelus hadn't been able to follow where they had been driving but about half an hour ago the road had become bumpy and his senses picked up the small of a lot of grass and trees so he assumed they were definitely out of LA. The doors to the van opened for them and they found themselves in a wooded area near a cliff face, the vampire closed the doors and told them to follow him as he walked straight through the cliff face and disappeared from view. "Magic." Angelus muttered to himself as he, Spike and Dru followed, ever since the damn gypsies he despised people who used profuse amounts of magic.

On the other side they found themselves in a tunnel lit by lanterns that were attached to the wall of the cave on either side of them. They continued to follow the guide and as they got further inside they approached a large set of double doors, a small speak hole opened and after whispering a password they were let inside and the doors closed behind them. Inside they found several passage ways and were led down one and were shown to their chambers for the night. They were informed that the meeting would be held the next day at sundown and after would be a celebration. For that night they were free to feast on the various humans that were in the dinning room, it was already midnight and they were all hungry so they headed in the direction of the dinning room to eat. Angelus hadn't been surprised to find that there were many vampires in there feasting, most had decided to keep to their own order until after the meeting tomorrow. It was a smart idea, no one knew why they were there or who had actually called them all together but they would find out soon enough.

TBC...